Timeless
by Anne Bensler
Summary: This is a future fic, set about 18 years in the future. Olivia Benson has retired and her kids are officially adults now. She is still very much involved in their lives though. She tries to teach them to face life head on, so they won't have to look back later and regret what they didn't do, like she does ...
1. Introduction

**I've been inspired after re-reading Shahryar by Mindy35 to write a future fic. After swearing I wouldn't start another story before finishing at least one of the others, here I am ... sorry about that! I'll go stand in the corner after posting this. For those of you who want every story to end up hot and M rated: no promises on this one. Also no promises on the frequency of updates here, since I clearly have two other stories to wrap up still! Oh, and in case you were wondering after the Sharyar reference: no major character death here either! Please leave a review, shoot me a PM or tweet me to let me know what you think.**

...

 **1\. Introduction**

"Sarah, leave your brother alone."

She felt like they had been transported back in time, to when the kids were still living with her and teasing each other incessantly. She'd been warned about sibling rivalry but although she knew her son and daughter loved each other to death, they could also get under each others' skin like no one else could. They were supposed to be adults now, but they were still going at it at times. And apparently, today was one of those times.

"Please, I'm getting too old for this. And so are you, by the way," she tried again. "Come on Sarah, help me get the food out on the table."

Sarah got up from her mother's comfortable sofa and smirked at her brother before following her mother into the kitchen area.

She handed her daughter the salad bowl and looked at her sternly.

"Sarah, if there is any truth to it, Noah will tell us when he's ready. Stop bugging him, okay? Humor your old mom."

Sarah sighed and rolled her eyes but then acquiesced.

"Alright. But I'm pretty sure it's that blonde that transferred in earlier this year. What's her name again, Noah?"

"Sarah!" she hissed. "Enough!"

Olivia Benson loved having her kids over for dinner on Sundays. The apartment had gotten quiet when Sarah moved out to go and live on campus. She had lived alone for decades before Noah came into her life, but she just couldn't get used to it now that her babies had left the nest. She was retired now, after a long, fulfilling but also exhausting career at the NYPD and was finally trying to find a hobby. She had time to read again at last, but every little twist in a book made her wonder if the guy would turn out to be a predator or the girl had some kind of dark secret. The job had really twisted her mind and she was trying to twist it back to some sense of normalcy.

Bickering kids were a distraction, but she couldn't say it was a very nice distraction. Noah was a sensitive young man – she couldn't believe he was 21 already – and his sister knew how to push his buttons. She'd seen a look in his eyes that confirmed to her that Noah was indeed a little preoccupied with a girl, but she also knew he wouldn't tell her while Sarah was there.

Sarah was the complete opposite of her brother in every way except her looks. She had dark hair as well, and people always told her how much both her kids looked like their mother. She never corrected them. Sarah was her second miracle baby. Her mother had been their latest victim at the time, and she hadn't survived the assault. Olivia had made sure that Sarah was taken care of and had visited her regularly after the three-year old had been taken in by Children's services. She'd been traumatized by the loss of her mother and the only one she seemed to connect with at all, was the Lieutenant who had fought to put her mother's attacker behind bars.

It was Ms. Jackson's final act before she retired, to arrange for Olivia to be allowed to take Sarah in. Noah had been five at the time and Sarah had crawled out of her shell in her new home. She'd been a little clingy at first, trying to monopolize Olivia's attention, but things had all worked out and both her children had become strong people who knew who they were and who knew what the world had to offer. They knew now that they had both been adopted but had told her on more than one occasion that they had been adopted by the best mom in the whole world. It made her happy. She was happy. She really was. Most of the time.

...

"Hey."

"Yeah?"

"You wanna talk about it?"

Sarah had already left and Noah was helping his mother load the dish washer before he'd leave as well.

"About what?"

Olivia smirked and remained silent, waiting for Noah to speak up when he was ready. They finished up in silence and after closing the dish washer, Noah leaned against the kitchen counter and looked at his mother. She stood across from him, leaning against the breakfast bar, and waited.

"Her name's Catherine."

Olivia nodded, a small smile playing on her lips.

"She's only a freshman."

"Okay."

Noah was in his third year in college already, having skipped a class early on in school. He was taking classes preparing himself for law school. He looked at her expectantly, as if she should have an opinion about Catherine being a freshman.

"Is that a problem?" she asked.

Noah shrugged and looked down at the floor.

"I guess not."

"But?"

She could see Noah starting to shut down and stepped closer to him quickly, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Do you like her?"

Noah nodded, biting his lip.

"Have you talked to her?"

More nodding.

"Asked her out?"

His eyes flicked up to hers and he was a little shocked. Olivia sighed and squeezed her son's shoulder. Time for a life lesson.

"Noah, do you want to spend the rest of this year wondering what she would have said? Do you want to see her hang out with another guy before you've had your chance? What's the worst thing that can happen?"

Noah looked at her with his big blue eyes, begging her to answer the question for him.

"Worst case? She says no thanks."

"I don't want her to say no."

"That's not something you can control, honey. But she can't say yes either, unless you ask her. Right?"

She dipped her head to maintain eye contact with her hesitant son.

"You know, they say it's better to be safe than sorry, right?"

Noah nodded again, clearly wondering where she was going with this.

"But I can tell you, I have more regrets about things I _didn't_ do, than about things I did do."

Noah straightened up a little and the look in his eyes had changed. He was curious.

"What would you have done differently if you could do it all over again, mom?"

Olivia took a step back and leaned back against the breakfast bar again. How quickly the tables had turned. She hadn't been ready to answer that particular question. Not because she couldn't answer it. No. Because she could. But she wasn't going to tell her son that. Not _that_. So she worked her way around it, teling him that she'd made some mistakes in relationships and that this was one of the reasons she never got married.

"You never loved anyone enough to want to marry them?" Noah asked, and his amazement was audible in his voice and visible in his eyes. " _Ever_?"

Olivia bit her lip. She couldn't lie to her son, but what could she tell him?

"I wasn't the easiest person to get close to," she admitted.

"Because you have a hard time trusting people," Noah said, and it wasn't a question.

"Hey. Your sister wants to become a psychologist, not you, right?" she joked, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

Noah smirked.

"But there must have been men who could see what a wonderful person you are, even if you tried to shut them out," Noah continued, and the hope was evident in his voice.

She shouldn't crush his faith in love. She had taught him to trust. The least she could do was trust him too. With the truth.

"There were."

"So what happened?"

"I scared them off."

"How?"

Olivia scoffed.

"By being my complicated self I guess?"

"And nobody loved you anyway?"

She smiled a sad smile and now it was her turn to look down.

"I didn't exactly give them a chance to. I ran like hell when they got too close. Trying to get away before they could hurt me."

"Or love you."

She swallowed hard. He was right. Her baby boy had grown up and he was so right.

"So that's what you would have done differently," Noah said, absorbing the message she was sending him about regret.

Olivia looked into her son's honest eyes again and nodded slowly. It was the truth even if she'd left a few details out.

"Yes. That's what I should have done differently."

...

 **More? Any thoughts on the Benson family so far?**


	2. Home

**2\. Home**

Olivia sighed. She'd been tossing and turning for a while now, her conversation with Noah running through her mind over and over again. She wasn't just replaying the words, but also the things that had been left unspoken. She tried not to think of _him_ too often, imagining that he was somewhere else living the happy life he so deserved. She tried not to wallow in the pain of having been abandoned. Time as well as what life had thrown at her, had changed her and had dulled the pain and the missing. But not the regret. She didn't have many regrets in life, but the one thing that would always remain a question for her was, what would have happened if she'd handled things differently after that one case that had almost broken them. After her partner's admission that he needed her next to him. What if she hadn't ran?

She wanted Noah to go out there and ask this girl out on a date. She wanted him to take risks. Maybe he'd get hurt, but at least he would have tried. He wouldn't have to wonder about what could have been. If it didn't work out, he would be able to move on.

Because moving on was the one thing she had never quite managed to do. Not with David, not with Brian, not with Ed. She laughed at herself despite her heavy heart. Ed. What a mistake that had been. A desperate move by a single mother, not quite recovering from a vicious assault - several vicious assaults - who had become afraid to be alone. She'd recovered from that, had managed to focus on herself again and on her son. And then Sarah had made her family complete. Or as complete as it would ever be. She wasn't alone and because of her children, she wasn't lonely anymore.

It had been enough. Most of the time. But sometimes, she would still wonder. What if? What if she'd gone after her partner that night, in stead of going straight to Cragen to ask for a new partner? What if she'd told him she needed him too? What if they had asked for new partners together, for a completely different reason?

She could still drive herself crazy sometimes wondering, and she wanted to spare her children the same agony. Sarah was a risk-taker, a trait she'd probably inherited from her biological parents. She gave Olivia a whole different set of worries. But Noah ... he needed encouragement as well as disappointment. If he wanted to become a lawyer, he'd have to learn to step up to the plate, and learn to take a loss as well. She didn't want her son to end up like her, regretting the things she hadn't done for fear of rejection. For fear of losing what she knew, without knowing what she'd get in return. In the end she had lost it all anyway. She had lost him. The only man who had know her - her complicated self - and had loved her anyway.

She sighed again, and contemplated getting up to drink herself to sleep. No. It had been ages since she'd had that urge. Never again. She would just lie here until it was light again, and go through her Monday routine the next day. She'd sleep tomorrow night.

...

Friday afternoon. Olivia was parked outside the Hudson University campus, her window rolled down to let in the fresh February air. Sarah had asked her if she could pick her up. She had a ton of laundry that she couldn't possibly haul with her on the subway. She loved having her daughter over for the weekend. More often than not, Sarah was too busy either working or partying, whichever was first on her agenda this time, to spend the weekend at home. She always showed up for Sunday dinner though. But this time, she was staying the whole weekend. She needed to study for a big test and had told her that mom's apartment really was the most peaceful place in the entire city. She'd sit either out on the balcony or at the window in her own room with her books and her laptop and her mother would bring her tea. Just perfect, according to Sarah.

When Olivia was younger, her mother's would have been the last place she'd go if she wanted some peace and quiet. It filled her with pride and a sense of accomplishment that she had managed to give her children a place to come home to. They had moved a few times over the years, and the three-bedroom with a spacious balcony was where they had settled six years ago, a year before she'd retired at the age of sixty. She had finally used the money her mother had left her to buy a place that the kids would be able to call home for years to come.

She looked at all the young people milling around the university buildings. They had their whole lives ahead of them. She could only hope they'd find happiness. She spotted a familiar dark mop of hair and resisted the urge to hit her car horn to let her son know she was there. But when she saw that he was walking with a blonde girl, and talking animatedly with her, she knew she should stay in the background. She hoped the girl was Catherine. Or maybe she hoped he'd already moved on to the next girl. They were too far away for her to distinguish the girl's face clearly, but she could tell that they were relaxed and laughing. She was proud of Noah. And she knew he'd tell her about the girl, or any girl, when he was ready.

"Mom!"

Sarah's loud voice startled her a little and she sat up.

"Sarah!" she shouted back, imitating Sarah's demanding tone.

Sarah rolled her eyes and asked her, a little less loudly, if she would pop the trunk. Olivia did, and Sarah loaded all her luggage in before hopping into the passenger seat.

"All set," she announced rather redundantly and Olivia grinned.

"Where to, miss?" she asked formally and Sarah made an annoyed face.

"Mooom," she whined. "Thanks for being here, alright? I appreciate it."

The younger Benson leaned over to kiss her mother on the cheek and added, "A lot."

"Thank you, and you're welcome," Olivia said with a smile.

She started the car and headed on home.

...

"Oh, I forgot to mention, Jen is coming over to study with me tonight. That's okay, right? And can she spend the night?"

Olivia couldn't help smiling. She loved Sarah's bubbly personality. Once she'd gotten used to their little household, and her new big brother, Sarah had really blossomed. From what she knew about Sarah's biological mother, she'd been a risk-taker too. A party girl who wasn't shy about experimenting with drugs and who loved getting attention from guys. A lot of guys. It was how she'd gotten Sarah. She had tried to straighten out her life after finding out she was pregnant, but her past had caught up with her in the end.

Olivia had told Sarah about her mother when she was old enough. Sarah had been anxious to go out and explore the world, and thought that she was old enough to take care of herself when she was only fifteen. The words the teen had hurled at her, still hurt a bit. _I don't want to end up alone like you. I wanna have a fun life!_

She had put the remarks aside at the time, focusing on what her daughter needed to hear. She had explained to Sarah that guys at parties didn't always have good intentions, and that she was too young to go to parties with college students. Their discussion had become quite heated because according to Sarah, all her friends were going and she would be the only one sitting at home with her boring brother, who _was_ old enough but didn't want to go, and so on. But once Olivia had gotten Sarah's attention, and had talked to her as an adult, she'd started to listen. No, she didn't want to end up like her first mom. No, she wasn't going to do drugs. Realizing that someone else might drug her and take advantage of her, made her understand that her mother wasn't going to lock her up until she was thirty. She just wanted her to be safe. Olivia dealt with enough horror on the job. She would never forgive herself if she let Sarah wander off into the adult world too soon without preparing her properly.

Sarah had turned to Noah a while later, and a year later, he accompanied his sister to a party. The dynamic between brother and sister had shifted. Noah had become protective of Sarah, feeling the responsibility that had been put on his shoulders, and she had started showing him more respect. She'd seen him interact with other college students and had noticed he was actually quite popular, even if he was one of the quiet ones. Girls were really starting to notice him, and she was proud to call him her big bro. Some of her friends even had a little crush on the handsome young man.

They still bickered at home, like siblings were supposed to, but they had really grown up since that time.

"Of course Jen can spend the night. Just go to sleep at a reasonable hour, okay? I need my beauty sleep more than you girls do."

"Thanks mom."

And then she was off to her room to put on some music and get a head start on her studying while her mother made dinner. She was home.

...

It was almost eleven on Saturday morning, and Olivia was just about to head out to run a few errands, when Noah came in, using his key.

"Hey honey, I was just on my way to get a few groceries for the weekend. Wanna join me?"

Noah glanced past her into the apartment.

"Sarah and Jen are here," Olivia said, and Noah nodded. It was all he needed to know.

"I'll go with you."

"Great. We can talk on the way."

She could read her children from a mile away and today was no exception. Noah wanted to share something with her, and they didn't need two pairs of extra ears around. The grocery store was only three blocks away and she didn't need much, so they decided to walk. Olivia didn't ask Noah anything. She waited for him to speak like she always did. It only took half a block.

"I asked Catherine out."

Olivia smiled warmly and wrapped an arm around her son's shoulders.

"What did she say?"

"We're going to see a movie tonight."

"Yes!" she said spontaneously, and Noah laughed out loud.

" _I'm_ going on a date mom, not you!"

"I know. I'm just happy for you Noah. You know that."

"Yeah."

He nodded and they continued walking.

"So, which movie are you going to see?"

Noah shrugged.

"Not sure. It's some vintage thing she likes. It doesn't really matter to me. And she promised not to quiz me afterwards."

"I like her already," Olivia said with a grin.

Just before they reached the grocery store, Noah asked her,

"Hey mom, can I ask you something?"

They stopped on the sidewalk in front of the store.

"Sure. Shoot."

"You may be 65 now but you're still a very attractive woman and there is still time to find someone. Why don't you ever go on dates anymore?"

...

 **In case you were wondering: yes, this is a story with a slow buildup. I hope you'll stick with me.**


	3. Dating

**3\. Dating**

Olivia blew out a breath slowly. She knew she hadn't lost her looks yet, although she needed to dye her hair more often these days. But dating wasn't just about looks. Certainly not at her age. It was about letting someone in and trusting someone who had already lived a life, like she had. And trusting still didn't come easily to her.

"Noah ..." she sighed, unsure what to tell him.

"Mom, I know you've got trust issues. But you can't tell me to take a leap of faith every once in a while and not take your own advice."

She smiled despite the touchy subject.

"Where is all of this coming from, Noah? I haven't dated in ages. Why are we talking about this now?"

Her son looked at the pavement between them, his shoulders sagging slightly, and he tucked his hands in his coat pockets.

"Well ... you know ... Sarah's dating all the time and now I'm going on a date and ... well, we've moved out and ... I just don't want you to be alone, mom."

Her smile grew wider. He was still her sweet boy, although he didn't want her to call him that anymore.

"I won't be alone, Noah. You two are going to bring two more people into our family one day, and I'll have another daughter and another son. And I'm counting on a few grandchildren too!"

Noah nodded, but she could tell he still wasn't at ease about her being alone.

"I don't _need_ a man of my own to be happy, honey. Honestly. I'm happy already," she told him, putting a hand on his arm and squeezing it.

It was the truth. She didn't need a man to be complete. Besides, she doubted there would ever be enough room in her heart for a man. It seemed all of the space in her heart was being taken up by her children. And by him. There still was no way around _him_ , not even after more than twenty years apart. Part of her heart had simply been locked away on the day he walked out of her life for good.

"Can't you give it one more chance?" Noah asked her hopefully, and for his sake, she told him she'd think about it.

"Alright, let's go inside now, okay? I'm freezing!" she said, rushing towards the entrance of the grocery store. Noah shook his head and followed her a little slower.

At least she'd said she'd think about it.

...

"A little birdie told me you went on a date with Catherine Taylor last night."

Olivia rolled her eyes but decided not to intervene this time. She busied herself stirring her home-made soup, her ears perked up to hear every word of her children's conversation. When Noah had arrived earlier, he'd already winked at her and given her a thumbs up, so she knew his date had gone well. She loved how she could have wordless conversations with her son. Sarah required a far less subtle approach, and Olivia had learned a lot from raising the vocal little girl. She had learned to express herself much more clearly and had noticed that it had even changed the way she had communicated on the job. She didn't leave her co-workers and the ADA's guessing anymore and had even wondered if she'd be able to build new relationships more easily now.

"So?"

Noah's answer was short but firm. He wasn't denying he'd been on a date, but wasn't going to share much with his sister. Naturally, it didn't stop Sarah from trying to pry more information out of him.

"So how was it bro? Did you kiss her?"

Olivia pressed her lips together, forcing herself not to intervene.

"That's none of your business," Noah snapped.

"I guess that's a no then," Sarah said in her teasing sing-song voice and Olivia groaned inwardly.

Buttons were being pushed, again.

"I'll have you know that I _did_ kiss her, and she kissed me back, so there!"

Olivia had to turn away to hide the smirk on her face. Sarah had actually made her brother lose his composure and she had to admit she liked it. Sarah squealed and jumped up from the sofa to jump into her big brother's lap, much to his surprise.

"Oh, congratulations! My irresistible big bro!" she said happily, giving her brother a crushing hug. "So when are you bringing her over?"

Noah laughed out loud.

"You haven't brought any of your dates over, Sarah. Which is a good thing, because you have a new guy every week."

"Not every week," Sarah said, climbing out of her brother's lap and frowning at him.

"Every other week then."

Sarah rolled her eyes and returned to the sofa.

"That's different. It's nothing serious, just hanging out and dancing."

"And smooching," Noah added teasingly.

"God, you're such a virgin sometimes," Sarah sighed, resting her head on the armrest of the sofa dramatically and closing her eyes.

Olivia's head snapped up and she glared at her daughter, who could probably feel her mother's eyes on her immediately.

"It's an expression mom," she said, not bothering to open her eyes. "I haven't had sex with anyone yet."

Olivia tried to will the knot in her stomach away. She didn't want to think about her children becoming sexually active. She'd tried to prepare herself and she'd thought she wouldn't have a problem with it at all, considering all the things she'd seen on the job and her own wild teenage years. She certainly wasn't a prude and had had her share of bedroom experiences. But the thought of a man putting his hands on her daughter was still something she kept pushing out of her mind.

Sarah must have picked up on her discomfort and sat up to look at her.

"Mom."

"Yeah."

Two pairs of brown eyes locked over the breakfast bar and the expanse of the living area.

"You raised me well. I'm not having sex with a random date, okay? I know I'm a flirt, but I'm holding out for the right guy to be my first."

Olivia nodded. She had had a few very candid conversations with her daughter and she hadn't sugarcoated her own mistakes. She would just need to trust Sarah's judgment.

"Believe it or not," Noah piped up, "she actually checks in with me when she likes a guy. She knows I'm a better judge of character than she is."

Olivia bit her lip and blinked a few times, suddenly very interested in her soup. Gratitude washed over her for these two wonderful people she'd had the privilege of raising. She must have done something right for them to turn out the way they had.

"Which is exactly why I asked when you're bringing Catherine over," Sarah stated, bringing the conversation back to where it had started originally. "Because you wouldn't kiss a girl unless you were serious about her."

She heard her son sigh in defeat. They all knew Sarah was right.

"I'll talk to her."

"When?" Sarah asked immediately.

"This evening."

"Ooooh. Second date already!" Sarah gloated.

Olivia looked at her son and saw a content smile spread across his face. She was looking forward already to meeting the young woman who was making her son so happy.

...

"Benson."

"Mom, it's me."

"Hey Noah, what makes you call your old mom in the middle of the week?"

"Do I need a special reason to check in with my pretty, not-so-old mom?"

Olivia chuckled. She hardly recognized her son these days. He had really relaxed since he'd started dating Catherine Taylor a few weeks back. He was walking up straighter and had a confident air about him. He smiled a lot and was even considering signing up for one of the school's debate teams soon.

"Well no, but you always have a reason honey, so let's hear it."

"Yeah yeah. Well, actually there is something ..."

They both chuckled over the phone now.

"I wanted to bring Catherine over for dinner on Sunday, but she's going away for the weekend on some annual family outing, so I wondered if she could come over for an early dinner this Friday in stead. She's living with her granddad and he's picking her up after dinner to drive to their weekend destination together."

"Oh. Yes. Yes, of course she can come over. I'd love to meet her."

"And mom?"

"Yeah?"

Could it just be the three of us this first time?"

She smiled.

"I'll call Sarah. Let her know she'll be evicted if she shows up."

"Thanks mom."

"No problem. And Noah?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"Love you too, mom. See you Friday."

After ending their call, Olivia walked into the kitchen to make some coffee for herself. So this Catherine wasn't living on campus, but with her grandfather. Olivia deduced that she wasn't from the city and had moved in with her grandfather when she started college in New York. It had to be reassuring for her parents to know that her grandfather was keeping an eye on her, although she did wonder how much protection an old man could provide when it came down to it. Maybe it was the other way around, and they had sent Catherine over to keep an eye on gramps. Noah had told her that Catherine had just turned nineteen and had transferred in from another school in January, at the beginning of spring semester. She wanted to major in history, which explained her interest in old movies. She made a mental note to ask the girl why she'd chosen Hudson University to continue her studies, which she'd obviously started elsewhere. Her inquisitive mind would always continue looking for new information and she grinned at herself. Deep down, she would always be detective Benson. And she wouldn't have it any other way.

...

 **I know this story is completely different from my previous ones. It's a lot of fun to write. I hope this is still interesting for my readers as well? Let me know in a review! So far, we're still in the introduction stage but the story will start to unfold very soon.**


	4. Grandpa

**4\. Grandpa**

Catherine Taylor was a lovely young woman and the look in her eyes whenever she looked at Noah warmed Olivia's heart. She was clearly in love with him, and Noah with her. They already had little inside jokes and gestures, and she was trying her best not to feel left out. She knew she wouldn't stay her son's number one girl forever, and it was the way it should be.

Catherine had explained why she had changed schools after just one semester. Her father was in the military so her parents had moved a lot over the years. Right after she had started her academic education, he'd been asked to relocate once again, from Hawaii to Germany.

"My younger brother wanted to go to Germany but I really didn't. That's when grandpa came up with the idea to take me in, so I could study at Hudson, just like my mom and my aunt," Catherine finished.

"Oh, so you're from New York originally?"

Catherine shook her head, having just taken another bite of Olivia's lasagna.

"She was born in California, but the family is originally from New York," Noah explained.

"Yeah," Catherine added after swallowing her bite. "Grandpa was a Marine too, but he's retired now and went back to his roots. Something about having left his heart behind in the city, as he puts it."

"Well, I for one am very glad he took you in. Otherwise, we'd never have met," Noah said with a smile, and Catherine smiled back at him shyly, glancing at Olivia across the table.

"So am I," Olivia added cheerfully.

She wanted the girl to feel at home with her, and decided to change the subject.

"So tell me, why history?"

...

The conversation had flowed easily over dinner and Catherine insisted that she and Noah clean up afterwards, because Olivia had cooked for them.

"I could get used to this," Olivia quipped as she made her way to the sofa, and Noah smirked at her.

"Unfortunately, her granddad will be here any moment to whisk her away," Noah said ruefully, and Catherine blew him a kiss.

"I'll be back Sunday night baby."

Noah seemed a little embarrassed that Catherine used the nickname for him in the presence of his mother, but he didn't say anything, and neither did Olivia. She thought it was very sweet and was actually hoping that the couple would make it work. It would spare her son the devastation of a broken heart. She sighed inaudibly. He'd survive a broken heart, no doubt. As long as he didn't let the love of his life get away once he found her. Because letting _that_ person get away, would leave a permanent hole in his soul.

She shook off the sad thought and focused on the happy young couple again while pretending to check her messages on her phone. Just then, the buzzer rang, indicating that there was someone at the door downstairs.

"That's probably grandpa," Catherine said, and Noah headed for the intercom.

"I'll get it," he said.

Olivia saw him straighten up unconsciously and she tried not to smile. He must be feeling like he was going to be subjected to the scrutiny of someone who had been assigned to protect Catherine from unwanted attention. He wanted to make a good impression on her grandfather. He had picked Catherine up and had taken her home a few times, but he hadn't actually met the elusive 'grandpa' yet.

"Yes, who's there?" Noah asked, while holding the intercom button.

"Hi, I'm here to pick up Catherine Taylor," a gruff voice answered, and Olivia frowned.

There was something familiar about that voice. She tensed up without understanding why.

"Come on up," Noah told the man, and then buzzed him in.

Catherine asked if she could use the restroom before she'd be in the car for an hour and a half, and Noah showed her the way. Olivia stood up from where she'd been sitting on the sofa, straightened out her dark blue blouse and wiped her hands on her black slacks. She'd better make a good first impression as well. The man might become family after all. Noah seemed determined to be the one opening the door and welcoming his girlfriend's grandfather, so Olivia hung back, leaning against the breakfast bar while Noah opened the door to wait for the man. Catherine returned and gathered her purse and coat so she'd be ready to head out.

"He can be a bit of a bear but he's pretty harmless," the girl told Olivia, who just smiled and kept her eyes on the door.

When Noah changed his stance, she knew grandpa had arrived.

"Hey son, you must be Noah. Pleased to meet you. I'm Elliot, Cathy's grandfather."

Olivia felt like all the oxygen left her body in a split second. She hadn't seen grandpa yet but every hair on her body was standing on end. She knew who he was. Of all the girls in the city ... of all the grandfathers in the city ...

Catherine Taylor's grandfather was none other than her old partner. Elliot freaking Stabler.

...

"Noah Benson. Pleased to meet you sir. Come on in."

"Thank you. We do have to get going right away so ..."

"Yes sir, we know. Catherine's ready to go. I'd just like you to meet my mother."

Olivia had managed to breathe in some much needed air and had stood up straight. Her entire body felt stiff, as if it was suddenly feeling the weight of her age. She didn't know what to feel. She didn't know what to say. She didn't know what to do. All she knew very clearly was, that the children were there. Noah. _Don't make a scene. Don't make a scene._ When her eyes finally met his, she saw that he had frozen as well.

 _Good_.

His blue eyes reflected exactly what she was feeling. Shock. Confusion. Disbelief. And then something else. Was it sadness? Regret? Guilt?

Catherine cleared her throat and Olivia forced herself to tear her eyes away from the man who had occupied her thoughts and dreams way more than he deserved over the past two decades - and even before that.

"Ms. Benson, this is my grandfather. Elliot Stabler."

Her eyes flicked back to his automatically. She hadn't heard that name in so long.

"And this is my mother, Olivia Benson."

Her reply was mechanical.

"Pleased to meet you."

His answer as well.

"Likewise."

Noah and Catherine exchanged a confused look. The atmosphere in the apartment suddenly seemed charged and heavy and they didn't understand why their mother and grandfather had decided to engage in a staring match.

Then Olivia spoke.

"You should get going. They're predicting heavy rainfall."

Her voice had sounded flat, devoid of any emotion. It was how she felt so it seemed fitting. Nothing could have prepared her for this sudden confrontation and everything she'd once intended to say to him if she ever saw him again, was completely forgotten.

"Yeah. We should go. We're ehm ... heading up to Bridgeport, Connecticut. Family reunion."

His voice was soft. Raspy. Insecure.

Olivia nodded.

"Catherine told us."

Elliot hesitated, looked at his granddaughter and her boyfriend, and then back at her. She was starting to breathe a little more easily, forcing herself to stay in the moment. She'd react after he'd left. Not now. Not now ...

"Liv ..."

His voice sounded small. Hesitant. Her reaction was instant. Sharp. A reflex.

"No."

Elliot nodded and his shoulders sagged slightly. He looked at Catherine then.

"Ready to go honey?"

Catherine nodded, her eyes shifting between the two older adults. She was confused and grabbed Noah's hand. Noah was staring at his mother, trying to read the expression on her face. But he couldn't. Not this time. There had to be history between these two people. There just had to be.

"Can we ... can Noah and me say goodbye?" Catherine asked timidly, and Elliot finally seemed to come out of his frozen state.

"Yeah. Yes. Of course. Go on ahead. I'll be out in a minute."

The children quickly shuffled out of the apartment and Noah closed the door behind them.

"This is weird," he said to his girlfriend, who nodded.

"Very. They have to know each other."

"I've never heard my mom talk about a Stabler."

"Grandpa's never mentioned a Benson either."

Noah rubbed his forehead and Catherine moved closer to him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"I'll talk to him, you talk to her?"

"Good idea," Noah agreed.

"Now kiss me before grandpa comes out," Catherine said with a smile.

She didn't need to tell him twice.

...

Olivia's eyes were still glued to the door, which had just closed behind her son. Her mind still wasn't really processing the fact that Elliot was standing right there, in her apartment. He wasn't an old man that needed someone to look after him. Not at all. He'd clearly stayed in shape and while he was obviously older, he was still all Elliot. His demanding presence filled her entire apartment and the thick wall she'd pulled up between the past and the present, was beginning to crack. It made her restless and she didn't want it. Not now. Not after more than twenty years. She'd built a life for herself. He couldn't just barge in and turn everything upside down again.

Seeing he was a shocked as she was, she gathered he hadn't planned on seeing her again. She had no idea what he was thinking and she wasn't going to look into his eyes to find out. Because there was no doubt in her mind that she would still be able to read him to some degree. He was probably reading her right now and she needed to stop it. When she finally shifted her gaze from the door to his chest - not his eyes, _don't look into his eyes_ \- she heard him take a breath to say something.

"You should go," she said, cutting him off before he could speak, and Elliot nodded.

"Yeah. I suppose I should."

"Catherine is waiting."

"Somehow I doubt that."

There was a hint of humor in his voice that hit her square in the chest, and she'd looked into his eyes before she could stop herself. There was a small smile playing on his lips despite the heaviness in the room and thirty years worth of unspoken words hanging between them. Olivia forced herself to turn away, and she literally turned her back on the man. She was not going to smile at his attempt to lighten the mood. She couldn't do this. She felt like the past twenty years had been wiped out and the pain of Elliot's sudden departure from her life was as fresh as ever. She took a deep breath, and without turning around she told him,

"Have a good weekend."

The silence in the apartment was deafening for a few moments. Then, Olivia heard Elliot move, open the door and close it softly behind him. He was gone. She grabbed the breakfast bar with one hand to steady herself. She couldn't breathe.

...

 **Would love to know who saw this coming (except for kukrae of course!)**


	5. Questions

**Thank you all so much for your overwhelming response to the previous chapter. Y'all should have known I'd bring Elliot back! Now let's see what happens next ...**

...

 **5\. Questions**

Catherine looked at her grandfather's profile. His jaw was set and he was squinting slightly, focusing on the busy traffic around them as he tried to steer them out of Manhattan and onto the highway out of the city, while the rain had started coming down. The furious movements of the windshield wipers seemed to reflect his current mood. They had both been silent until now, but Catherine wasn't going to sit next to her grandfather in silence for an hour and a half.

"So ... what was your first impression of Noah?" she asked him, hoping to get him to talk so she could try to find out whatever it was about Noah's mother that had him so rattled.

Elliot cleared his throat and swallowed before answering her.

"He seems nice enough but ... I gotta admit I didn't give him much attention. I'm sorry Cath."

Catherine nodded slowly, pleased with his honesty. It gave her hope that he'd answer her next question honestly as well.

"I noticed, grandpa. You seemed rather ... distracted by his mother. What was that all about?"

Elliot sucked his lower lip between his teeth and nodded slightly. He glanced in his rear view mirror and then looked to his left before changing lanes to pass a slower car. For a minute, Catherine thought he wasn't going to answer her question at all. Elliot sighed and once the road was clear ahead of them, he glanced at her.

"We knew each other a long time ago," he said gruffly. "But you two must have guessed that already."

"Yeah."

Catherine chuckled.

"But you never mentioned her before. How well did you know each other? Was she your high school sweetheart or something?"

Catherine couldn't imagine a random high school sweetheart to have such an impact on her grandfather, but she had to try and get him to talk, so she and Noah could compare notes later on.

"No honey. Your grandmother was my high school sweetheart."

"So where do you know Ms. Benson from?"

"Work."

His answer was so short, that Catherine needed a moment to understand what he'd said. Work? As in the Marines? Noah had told her that his mother had been a cop all her life. It didn't make sense.

"Ms. Benson used to be a cop," she stated a little hesitantly, still watching her grandfather's profile.

He nodded slowly and seemed to drift off to a different place and time. Catherine bit her lip. She didn't know what else to say. What could these two people have been to each other?

...

"Mom?"

Noah looked around the living room but when he didn't see his mother, he called out again, a little louder.

"Mom!"

When she still didn't answer, he walked over to her bedroom slowly. The kids usually didn't go into her bedroom, but somehow Noah knew his mother shouldn't be alone right now. He knocked on the bedroom door, and after waiting a few moments, he opened it, calling out,

"I'm coming in mom."

He found his mother at the window, leaning on the sill, her head bowed. He walked up to her and stood next to her, unsure of what to say. After a moment, Olivia stood up straight, crossed her arms in front of her and looked outside. It was starting to rain.

"Are you okay?" Noah finally asked her hesitantly.

His mother frowned slightly and pursed her lips. When she didn't answer him, he forged ahead.

"You know him, don't you? Mr. Stabler I mean."

She finally turned her head to look at him then, and the look in her eyes was a strange mixture of sadness and hardness.

"I thought I did," she said and the tone of her voice matched that look in her eyes.

"Did he hurt you?"

Olivia swallowed and looked away, focusing on the rain outside again. It wasn't just a drizzle anymore and it was getting dark outside because of the thick clouds. After a long pause she finally answered her son.

"We hurt each other."

Noah was silent and thought about his mother's words. She had told him a while ago that she'd made mistakes in relationships in the past, and he couldn't help wondering if Catherine's grandfather had been one of those mistakes. He was about her age. And he must have meant a lot to her, to have such an impact on her. He knew his mother as a strong, balanced and positive person. Strict, yes, but always fair. He'd never seen her like this before. She was clamming up completely and it felt like she was miles away although she was standing right next to him.

"Where do you know him from?" he asked carefully after a minute.

Olivia breathed out slowly and Noah could tell that she was trying to shake off the uneasiness, to return to her normal relaxed self.

"We worked together when he was still a cop. Until he left."

"Left?"

She nodded, breathing in and out slowly again.

"Yes. He left and I never saw him again. Until today."

...

"When did you last see her?"

Catherine was trying again to get her granddad to talk about Noah's mom.

"2016."

Her eyes went wide.

"2016? That's nineteen years ago!"

"I know. I haven't spoken with her in almost 24 years."

Elliot had spoken harshly, but Catherine knew it meant something that he would volunteer this information. She saw it as permission to ask him some more questions.

"So you saw her in 2016 but you didn't talk to her?"

Elliot nodded. The rain was letting up a bit, and wasn't drowning out the sound of the radio anymore. There was a sad love song playing and somehow, Catherine knew it was fitting. Noah's mom hadn't been just a co-worker. There was a lot more to it than that.

"I left the job in 2011. My police job I mean," he clarified. "Re-enlisted with the Marines for five years shortly after that."

"Oh, I see."

Catherine was putting the information together with what she already knew. Her grandparents had officially divorced in 2012, so right after he'd enlisted again.

"I was lucky that my former CO still worked at Quantico and he got me back in."

Her grandfather was finally talking and Catherine had to think fast to ask him the right questions before he'd clam up again.

"So why didn't you talk to her in 2016?"

Elliot pursed his lips and Catherine saw a flash of pain flit across his face, before it turned back into the stoic mask she'd gotten used to. He was silent for a minute but Catherine could tell that he was still thinking about her question. And then he told her,

"I saw her with her kids."

"Oh. And?"

"She had moved on, so I left. Went back to the Marines and didn't come back to New York until after my retirement."

Catherine knew about her grandfather's career in the military. Her own father talked about him a lot, and really looked up to his father-in-law. Grandpa had been just a kid the first time around, but he had really climbed up the ranks after he joined again in 2011. He lived for the job, and Catherine worried sometimes if her father wasn't following his example a little too closely. Was he paying enough attention to his family? Was her mother really happy, following him around the world, having to move every few years? Grandpa had been a free man after divorcing grandma and giving her full custody of their younger children. But her father had a family that needed him. She was an adult now but her brother was only fifteen.

Catherine sighed and looked at her grandfather again, thinking about what he had just told her.

"To be honest, it sounds like you were more than co-workers to each other. Why else would it bother you that Ms. Benson had a family of her own in 2016?"

Elliot turned his head to look at her then, and the sadness in his eyes was unmistakable.

"You're right Cathy," he admitted. "She meant a lot more to me. But I came back too late."

...

"When was the last time you saw him?" Noah asked his mother.

"In 2011."

"Wow."

Twenty-four years ago, and the man still had such an impact on her. That could only mean one thing.

"Did you love him?"

He'd blurted out the question before he could think about it and when he saw cracks appearing in his mother's defenses, he wasn't sure if he should regret asking the question, or just the opposite.

Olivia turned away from the window and away from her son, and walked over to her bed. She sat down and suddenly felt so tired. Tired of keeping everything inside that had been pushed to the surface so unexpectedly. Tired of fighting the painful as well as the good memories, and tired of keeping the demons of the past in the past. She looked at her son, and when he approached her hesitantly, she reached for his hand and pulled him closer, until he sat down beside her on the bed.

"Noah honey, do you remember what I told you the other day, about regretting what I _didn't_ do?"

Noah nodded.

"Yeah. You told me that you ran away whenever someone got too close. Oh ... did Catherine's grandpa get too close?"

Olivia smiled wryly and rubbed her son's back lovingly.

"I ran away from love because I was afraid. He was married and he was my work partner."

"Did he love you too?"

Olivia pulled her son close and rested her head on his shoulder.

"He did. And when he told me as much, I ran like hell away from it to make sure he wouldn't choose me over his family. I pushed him away, back to his family, and then one day, he walked out of my life for good."

Noah wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed her forehead.

"Not for good, mom. You just saw him. And he saw you. And if the looks on your faces were any indication, I'd say there are still a lot of feelings left. Even after twenty-four years."

...

 **A/N: I know there is something off with the dates (years) that were mentioned. This is intentional. Olivia didn't have Sarah yet in 2016. Fear not, it will all become clear eventually. Review?**

 **PS: To the reviewer who was confused after the previous chapter: it's Olivia who's never mentioned a Stabler to Noah. Naturally, Catherine has heard the name before!**


	6. Heavy hearts

**6\. Heavy hearts**

"But grandpa ... I don't understand. Why would you say you came back too late? She isn't married. In fact, Noah told me she has never been married."

Elliot scrubbed a hand down his face before putting it back on the steering wheel. There was a lot of traffic so he had to keep his eyes on the road. Fortunately, the heavy rain had dwindled down to a steady drizzle, so he could see a bit better now.

"You don't need to be married to have children, Cathy. I would hope I don't have to explain that to you."

"Grandpa!" Catherine exclaimed, rolling her eyes, and she actually saw the hint of a smile on Elliot's face briefly.

She wished he'd relax a little, but he'd been on edge ever since he saw Noah's mom and his small smile had already faded. From her grandfather's words, she understood that he must have been in love with her at some point. Maybe he still was, and in that case ... One corner of her mouth tugged up and she looked away for a moment so her grandfather wouldn't notice. Hadn't Noah expressed some concern about his mother being alone? Maybe they could fix that.

Elliot was staring straight ahead again, but she could see the emotions swirling in his restless eyes. So she pressed on.

"Sarah and Noah don't have a father, grandpa. There was never a father in the picture."

She glanced at his profile again and she could actually see the color drain from his face. He didn't know? He hadn't know, all this time? How was that even possible?

"You never bothered to check? Are you sure you were a cop?" she blurted out. Some detective he was, not knowing for nineteen years whether a woman was a single mother or not.

"Funny Cath. But who's Sarah?"

Catherine's eyebrows shot up. Seriously?

"Noah's sister, grandpa, who else? You just told me you saw Ms. Benson with her kids and I'm pretty sure I told you my boyfriend has a sister named Sarah!"

She was getting a little annoyed with the older man. Hadn't he been listening to anything she'd told him over the past few weeks? Or was he that rattled by Noah's mom that he was confused?

...

Olivia stood up and walked back to the window. Maybe Noah was right. Maybe there still were feelings between them. But it was too late. Too much time had passed. He walked out of her life, never to return again. He clearly hadn't expected to see her today. So why would she want to think about those feelings that had haunted her for so long, and had possibly prevented her from finding someone else to love all this time?

But her son seemed to think it was a wonderful idea.

"Maybe it was meant to be, mom," he said, standing up as well and joining her by the window again.

She looked up at him, seeing the hope in his eyes, but she couldn't feed it. Not this time.

"I'm not sure I believe in such a thing, Noah," she told him honestly. "It was just a weird coincidence."

Noah put his hands on his hips and took a deep breath, and Olivia suddenly realized that he really was growing up. He was an adult. A man.

"Mom, coincidence or not, you saw each other again and I think you two need to get reacquainted. See what's still left between you."

Olivia shook her head and turned away from Noah. She wiped the corners of her mouth with her hand and rubbed her chin with her fingers. How could she get Noah to just let it go? She absolutely didn't share his apparent excitement about finding a man that could keep her company. This just wasn't the right man. Not him. Not Elliot. Not after almost twenty-five years of deafening silence between them. He left. It was his choice. It was over, whatever it had been. If he'd wanted to be in her life, he wouldn't have left. Or he would have come back after a while. This chance meeting was just that. A chance meeting that didn't mean anything. Well, except a few sleepless nights for her, no doubt. But she'd learned to live without him and she would do so again. She was fine without him. Just fine.

Noah had probably read her answer on her face already, because he sighed in defeat.

"Well, you're going to run in to each other again, mom," he said, sounding an awful lot like a grown man again. "His granddaughter is my girlfriend, remember? So you'd better start thinking about how you're going to factor him into your life again."

...

Elliot shook his head. The image had been seared in his brain. Her hearty, melodious laugh. The way her eyes had shone. They'd been brighter than he'd even seen them. She had been the epitome of happiness and his heart had broken in more ways than one. It had broken for her. He had cried because she was happy and he was happy for her. It was all he'd ever wanted, to see her happy. And it had broken for him. He had cried because she was happy without him. Because in the end, it wasn't him who had made her happy. He had cried because he needed to let her go.

He remembered the kids too. Very clearly. She had taken them to a playground near her new apartment. He'd been so lucky to spot her there. Or so he'd thought. She had two boys of about three and four years old. Dark hair, like her, and fair skin. The younger one, in the blue summer coat, called out to her. _Mommy_. His heart had broken a little further. She really had a family now. And then the older one, in a red summer coat, had asked her when daddy was coming back. She'd promised him daddy would be back very soon after he was done working, and she'd comforted the boy until he continued playing happily with the younger boy again. He had looked at her a little longer from underneath the trees, where she couldn't see him in the shade. He had watched how the sunlight bounced off of the highlights in her hair. How content and relaxed she was, turning her face into the sun and closing her eyes for a few moments. How her face lit up each time she looked at the children and how great she was with them. And how they had admired a small bird together, Olivia crouching between the two boys and wrapping her arms around them, all of them keeping perfectly still and whispering softly, until the bird finally flew away. She was a mother at last. She had a family. She was happy. There was no place for him in her life anymore and with a heavy heart, he had left. Again. But this time, he didn't plan on coming back.

...

Noah's heart was beating fast. He'd never spoken to his mother like that before. He'd walked out of her bedroom right after dropping that little bomb on her, and he knew he couldn't leave the apartment now. It wasn't how he and his mother related to each other. Sarah would run off in the middle of a discussion, but not him. He wasn't a mommy's boy but he loved and respected his mother too much to leave her alone while she was clearly upset. And besides, he wasn't angry with her. Not at all.

But he _had_ wanted to make a statement. Get her to think again. It couldn't be easy to have someone walk out of your life that you cared about, but like she'd said, they had both hurt each other. And if it wasn't too late to fix it, why not give it a try? If she didn't, she just might end up regretting yet another thing she didn't do. He stood at the window in the living room, looking at the rain just like his mother was doing, and smiled. That was what he needed to tell her. It was such a simple truth. It had been her advice to him and he was going to give it right back to her.

...

"A sister? You mean he has a brother _and_ a sister."

Her grandfather's voice was so insistent, that Catherine frowned and tilted her head before answering his question. Why was it so important to him that there should be a brother?

"No grandpa. There's just him and Sarah. I'm pretty sure they would have told me if he had a brother."

He seemed genuinely confused and she tried to understand why. He'd seen the woman with her kids in 2016. Wait a minute ... Sarah was born in 2016. If she'd been just a tiny baby, how would he have know for sure if she was a boy or a girl? He was just confused. That was it. That had to be it.

"I think you're confused grandpa. Sarah's almost nineteen now. She was just a little baby in 2016. Maybe you just thought she was a boy."

Elliot shook his head slowly but determinedly.

"There were two boys with her, and they were about three and four years old. Dark hair. Fair skin. Red coat and blue coat. Calling her mommy and talking about daddy."

He almost sounded angry now, rattling off the details as if he was reconfirming evidence in an open and shut case. Catherine blinked a few times. There was only one logical explanation.

"Well, Noah would have been about three then. His birthday is in October. Whoever you saw with them that day, it wasn't his brother or her child."

...

 **Dun dun.**

 **To be continued. Your reviews are appreciated. Do let me know if the way I switch POV's is confusing in any way.**


	7. Crushed

**For those of you wondering about the other boy ... He isn't a major player. No mystery there, just a play date, but with a huge effect on Elliot. Talk about regretting what they didn't do! Like talk, for instance? Let's see how this continues and what else Noah and Catherine can find out.**

...

 **7\. Crushed**

Olivia stayed in her room for a long time after Noah had walked out. His words kept ringing in her ears. _You'd better start thinking about how you're going to factor him into your life again_. But how on earth was she supposed to do that? It had taken her so long to finally _not_ factor him in anymore, and even then, he'd stubbornly refused to vacate the part of her heart that would always be his. David hadn't been with her long enough to notice, but she suspected that Brian had had an idea. He'd never really liked Elliot and had been wise enough never to bring him up when they were together, or afterwards after they had broken up. Brian had been a real friend though, and the closest thing she'd had to real love, until she had made the huge mistake of sleeping with his new boss at IAB. He'd cut off all contact then and she really didn't blame him. She had brought it on herself and somehow she felt like she deserved it that men kept walking out on her.

Her children had been the biggest blessing in her life. They had kept her sane in times when no one would have blamed her if she'd gone insane. No one should see what she'd seen on the job, or what she'd experienced first hand because of it. And then there were the people she'd lost along the way ... Maybe she had stayed in the unit too long, but if she wasn't fighting for victims of abuse, what should she be fighting for? Even now, she volunteered as a rape crisis counselor regularly, and spoke at meetings about rape kit backlogs and other issues that she felt needed to be discussed openly and without shame. It hadn't just been a job, it had been her mission. It still was.

Elliot had understood that. He'd been the only one who had truly understood what kept her going and why. He'd know her, inside and out. That was why it had hurt so much that he'd been able to walk away so seemingly easily. She had pictured him, agonizing over that decision, and she knew it hadn't come easily. Of course it hadn't. He had been on a mission as well. A mission to prove to the world - _to his father_ \- that he wasn't a failure. Quitting would have equaled failing for him, so she knew he hadn't been able to walk away from the job easily. It just hurt like hell that he hadn't talked to her. Hadn't included her in his decision. Hadn't factored her into it, to use Noah's words.

She would have supported him. Would have understood. Would have encouraged him and assured him he wasn't a failure in any way. She would have been there for him, for better or worse. But he hadn't needed her and hadn't contacted her again in any way. It had crushed her soul.

And now she was expected to just factor him into her life again, after all this time?

"How," she whispered, and her voice broke on that one single word.

She didn't cry very often. It wasn't her way of coping. She coped by keeping busy. By being useful and by being an example of strength and resilience for others. She would be moved, when others were in pain. But those were functional tears. She didn't cry for herself. Not as a rule. But somehow, she couldn't stop a few tears from falling. She plopped down on her bed again and pressed a hand against her mouth. She was _not_ going to cry over Elliot Stabler. He had no right to shake her still, after twenty-four years. One muffled sob got away from her, but then she sat up straight, hand on her knees, and breathed in deeply. She let the air out slowly and focused on the pattern on the carpet in her bedroom. Deep breaths, until the huge knot in her stomach dissolved. She refused to let it out. To acknowledge it. He didn't deserve it and she didn't need it.

...

He was brooding. And when he was brooding, Catherine knew she shouldn't say anything. Her grandfather had seemed genuinely confused when she had assured him Noah didn't have a brother or a father, and had shut down completely after that. She had turned up the volume of the radio a bit and was looking out the window of the car, wishing they'd get there already. But they were only half way to Bridgeport. She peeked at her phone but she didn't have any new messages. She considered sending Noah a text, but decided not to. Not in front of her grandfather. It would have to wait until they were at their destination.

Noah hadn't told her much about why he didn't have a father, just that it had been just him and his mom, until Sarah came along. When she'd asked him if he knew who his father was, he'd just shrugged and told her he was dead and that he didn't care. They had only been dating for a few weeks, and Catherine hadn't wanted to push the issue. She guessed that maybe Ms. Benson had chosen to be a single mother and had gotten pregnant through a medical procedure the second time. She didn't feel it was her place to ask about these things, so she hadn't. It didn't matter anyway. She could see that they were a very closely-knit, loving little family.

The small unit was completely different from her own huge family. Her mother was the oldest of five, and their annual family reunion was usually with about twenty people, give or take a few, depending on who really couldn't make it, who had gotten a new baby, was in a new relationship or no relationship anymore. She was really looking forward to seeing everyone again. Her father couldn't make it, to no one's surprise, but her mother and brother would be there. And all the others, uncles, aunts, cousins, and grandma and her second husband of course. Grandma Kathy was the matriarch of the large Stabler family. They'd all have a blast and she was going to show off the pictures of Noah on her phone. They hadn't been dating long enough for him to be granted access to the reunion, because the rule was one year minimum, grandma had decided. She would miss him a little, but fortunately, he was only a phone call away.

Noah Benson. She wondered if the name would ring a bell with other family members aside from her grumpy grandpa. If they had worked together for any length of time, surely her grandmother would know something about Noah's mom, and it was likely that her mother and her aunt Kathleen had known her as well. This could turn out to be an even more interesting weekend than she'd anticipated.

...

When Olivia finally emerged from her room, she looked like her old self again, calm and collected.

"Hey, you're still here?" she asked Noah casually when he looked up at her from his spot in 'his' armchair in the living room, where he'd been pretending to watch some TV.

"Of course," he replied simply.

She knew full well he wouldn't have left, and she knew he knew it. She seemed okay now, and not upset about the way he'd spoken to her. Noah muted the TV, stood up and walked over to his mother when she ducked into the kitchen.

"You want some coffee honey? Or do you need to go?"

Noah glanced at the window and saw that it was still raining. Olivia smiled at him.

"Feel free to stay Noah. As long as you want."

"Mom," he started at last, taking a seat on one of the stools at the breakfast bar. "About what I said ..."

Olivia waved him off immediately.

"It's okay. You were right. We're all adults here. I'm sure it will be fine."

If he didn't know any better, he'd think she was babbling a bit. She looked like her cheerful, relaxed self, but if he looked closer, he could see she was still a little jittery. When she caught him studying her, she forced a smile.

"Noah, I promise you, this 'thing' between me and Catherine's grandfather won't interfere with your relationship. You have my word."

Noah sighed. He wasn't worried about that at all. Like his mother had said, they were all adults and he hadn't even given it a second thought.

"I know that mom. I wouldn't let it," he said firmly and he saw her eyes widen a little.

He chuckled and shook his head.

"Did you really think _that's_ what I'm worried about?" he asked her.

Olivia busied herself with the coffee maker and didn't answer him.

"Mom, this is about you. Only you. I've never seen you like that before, when you saw Mr. Stabler. And that means he's important to you. Remember that you told me about having more regrets about the things you didn't do than about what you did do?"

He waited until his mother made eye contact with him before he continued. He could tell he had her attention now, so he forged ahead.

"I think, if you don't talk to him, you will end up adding another thing to the list of things you didn't do, that you will regret later on. You want _me_ to take a chance?" he asked, tapping his chest with his index finger. "Well, I want _you_ to take a chance," he said firmly, pointing at Olivia now. "Not for my sake, but for your own."

...


	8. Benson and Taylor

**I know our former detectives will seem very old to my younger audience, but you will find that as you get older yourself, it won't seem so strange to see people finding romance in their sixties. This is just one alternate way of getting them back together eventually, in case the show won't provide us with closure in the end. I hope you will continue to read!**

...

 **8\. Benson and Taylor**

Elliot had looked forward to seeing all his children and grandchildren again. The weather wasn't the greatest but they always had a good time together. It was the only time he saw all of them and he was so proud of what they had made of their lives. The four oldest were all married with children now. The only one who hadn't found his soul mate yet, was Eli. He was twenty-seven and a police officer like he had been, and Elliot worried sometimes that Eli worked too much and didn't have enough of a personal life. It was all too familiar to see his son so engrossed in his job that he seemed to forget about himself. He'd seen someone else let the best years of their life go by and in the end, he hadn't been able to do anything about it.

He shook his head as he and Catherine emerged from his car, keeping their heads down because of the rain that was still coming down, and hurrying to get their duffel bags from the trunk so they could go into the hotel that this year's organizers of the reunion had chosen. He couldn't believe he'd stood in Olivia's apartment earlier today, just like that. Eli reminded him of Olivia so often. Not that he would have forgotten her otherwise, but she was on his mind a lot lately, ever since he'd moved back to the city six months earlier. He hadn't found the courage yet to go and see her, and then suddenly she had stood in front of him. His granddaughter's boyfriend's mother. He had almost forgotten how to breathe. She still looked amazing. Older, of course, but she was still all Olivia.

She had been just as shocked to see him, and he had seen her steel herself after a few beats. She had changed, but not that much. And he knew that, no matter how long they hadn't seen each other, there was still a connection between them. He had wanted to say something but she'd cut him off. He'd had no choice but to accept it, with the two young people watching them and no doubt wondering what was going on. But he knew that there was still something between them, even after all this time.

And now Catherine was telling him that Olivia was still single and had, in fact, always been a single mother. He couldn't wrap his brain around it and couldn't blame his granddaughter for doubting his detective skills. He had never bothered to check. He had gone on what he'd seen alone. A happy, radiant Olivia with her kids, waiting for daddy to join them. He had left before risking seeing the lucky bastard who now had a family with her. And nineteen years later he hears by chance that there never was a daddy? That the other kid wasn't hers? Just a fucking play date or something?

Catherine grabbed his arm and they headed inside to greet the rest of the family. He blew out a breath and Catherine squeezed his arm. He looked at her and winked at her when she gave him an encouraging smile. She was a great kid. His first grandchild, the firstborn of his firstborn. She was the light of his life right now.

...

Olivia was sitting on the sofa, her feet tucked underneath her and sipping her tea. Noah had left once the rain had let up a bit, urging her once again to think about what he'd said. He was right, of course. How could he not be, using her own exact words against her? No, he hadn't used them _against_ her. He was in her corner, always. And he was right. No matter how and why they had met again, if she didn't at least talk to Elliot once, she would always wonder what he would have had to say for himself. Hell, she might even wonder what _she_ would have said, and how she would have felt. They were so much older now, they should be able to have a civil conversation. But she'd felt the tension immediately. That feeling that had always hung between them, that delicate balance where one of them, or both of them, would go off as soon as the balance was disturbed. It shouldn't still be there. Not after twenty-four years. It meant something that it was still there and deep down, she knew only too well what it meant.

She was glad to know that Elliot would be away for the weekend, so she didn't have to wonder if she should do anything now. She needed some time to come to terms with the fact that he was, apparently, back in her life.

Meanwhile, Noah was waiting to hear from his girlfriend. He knew he'd gotten through to his mother a little, and he knew that they were adults who should solve their own issues, but he wasn't just going to wait and see what was going to happen. He had every intention to help make sure that his mother sat down to talk with Catherine's grandfather, and he knew his girlfriend felt the same way.

...

After everyone had assembled in the main lobby, Richard Stabler stood up to explain to everyone what the program for the next morning would be, and his wife Anna would hand out the key cards to their rooms. The children took turns organizing the annual reunion, and Richard and Anna had made all the arrangements this year. The families would each get a room with two double beds. Kathy and her husband Melvin had their own room, and Elliot would be partnered with Eli as usual. Richard told Kathleen, who was the only one who still had a toddler, that an extra cot had been placed in their room for their two-year old baby. After giving birth to twin boys fourteen years earlier, Kathleen and her husband John had been surprised by another pregnancy, giving them a beautiful little girl that they had named Lily Rose. The entire family doted on the child, who was the youngest of the clan so far.

Everyone was hoping that Eli, the benjamin of the family, would eventually have a few children as well, but so far, the young man waved off their comments, telling them he didn't have time for a family anyway and that his nieces and nephews were giving him enough headaches as it was.

When Lily Rose reached for him, Elliot picked his granddaughter up and tickled her, and the little girl squealed from delight. He didn't see her often enough but somehow, she was always ecstatic to see her grandpa again and he reveled in the attention of the little ray of sunshine. Kathy smiled at him from her spot on one of the sofas in the lobby and he nodded at her and Melvin. After all the key cards had been handed out and he had handed the bouncy girl back to his mother, he and Eli trudged up the stairs to take their luggage up to their room. His mind wandered back to Olivia automatically. He sighed. As much as he enjoyed being with his family, this was going to be a long weekend.

...

Once Catherine was settled in their family room, having unpacked her bag and chosen a bed, she grabbed her phone.

"Calling the boyfriend?" her brother Alan teased, and she stuck out her tongue.

"Sending him a text, actually," she said, plopping down in one of the armchairs by the window of their hotel room so her brother couldn't see the screen of her phone.

"Oooh, with lots of x-es and hearts of course," Alan continued, until their mother intervened.

"Al, stop teasing your sister and finish unpacking. I want to drop by aunt Kathleen in a bit and you can play a video game with your cousins."

Catherine glanced at her mother and wondered if this would be a bad time to ask her if she'd ever heard of Olivia Benson. She must have. Grandpa had left the NYPD in the summer of 2011. Her mother would have been about twenty-six and aunt Kathleen twenty-two. When Alan made another remark about her texting Noah, she rolled her eyes and decided to hang back in their room so she could talk to Noah privately. She would join them later in her aunt and uncle's room across the hall. Once the door closed behind her brother and mother, she decided to make a video call to Noah right away in stead of texting him.

...

"Hey, how was your trip?"

"Ehm ... interesting."

Noah grinned. If he knew his girlfriend at all, she'd tried to get as much information out of her grandfather as possible.

"Wanna compare notes?"

"Absolutely."

They exchanged information, confirming that the two older people had once worked together, but they both had to admit they hadn't asked for how long. Catherine mentioned her grandfather's visit to New York in 2016 and Noah confirmed that the second kid must have been a random play date and that his mother had known nothing about Elliot being there. She hadn't spotted him, or she would have mentioned it. Knowing her, she probably would have confronted him about how he'd left on the spot.

"Mom did say that they loved each other but they both hurt each other. I think there were a lot of things left unsaid between them."

"They _loved_ each other?"

"Yeah. But your grandpa was still married at the time. Sound kinda like a movie, doesn't it?" Noah grinned.

"It does. But it's a pretty sad movie if it ends like this," Catherine said. "Grandpa has been alone for years. What if he never really got over her?"

"They both seemed pretty shocked to see each other again after so long," Noah said pensively. "I wonder who else would know about their history. I know I wasn't around then so ..."

"Well, that's an easy one. My family of course," Catherine said. "Grandma for sure."

Noah thought that it might be a touchy subject for Catherine's grandmother, if her grandfather had indeed had feelings for his mom, or had maybe even had an affair with her. Catherine agreed, and decided she'd better ask her mother about Olivia first, or maybe her aunt Kathleen.

"Great. And I'll see what I can dig up on the internet."

"Awesome. This actually is kind of fun, isn't it? Benson and Taylor are on the case."

Noah chuckled and agreed. It had a nice ring to it. But he was a little concerned about his mother. He didn't like seeing her upset, and while she had recovered quickly from her shock, he had never seen her this rattled before, and she'd seen some pretty messed up stuff in her days. Maybe he should get his sister involved too. But he was talking to his girlfriend now, and decided to change the topic.

"Alright, so how are _you_ doing, Cath? Miss me yet?"

Catherine giggled and blew him a kiss, which he pretended to catch with his hand. He could still hardly believe that this beautiful girl wanted to be with him. She was his first real girlfriend and he hardly dared to believe he might have struck gold on the first try. But here he was, head over heels in love with Catherine Taylor. And from the looks of it, she really liked him too.

...

 **To be continued.**

 **Video call you say? Yes, this fic is set in 2035 so I think we will have stopped making sound only phone calls by then :))**


	9. Partners

**9\. Partners**

It was good to catch up with Eli. He worked at the LAPD Detective Support and Vice Division, which he normally just called 'vice' but it encompassed a lot more than that. He got into dangerous situations regularly, but he had a solid partner, he assured his father. He'd been in the unit for four years now and he hadn't been seriously injured yet.

"Have you worked with your partner for long?" Elliot asked him casually while they both hung their dress shirt and jacket in the closet.

"For about a year and a half now. She transferred in from SVU in New York actually," Eli said, glancing at his father before turning away to get his t-shirts out of his bag.

Elliot's hands stilled briefly, not only because his son had mentioned SVU, but also because he'd said 'she'. He tried to think of a neutral question to ask Eli in stead of several questions that were swirling in his head. Why had she left SVU? Was she married? Kids? Age? Before he could choose a question, his youngest son spoke up.

"She's 28, single, and she moved from New York to LA to take care of her mother, who's developing Alzheimer's at a fairly early age."

Elliot raised one eyebrow and looked at his son sideways. Eli couldn't hide his smirk in time and then they both laughed.

"Don't tell me that you've got the hots for her!" Elliot blurted out and when Eli rubbed the back of his neck with one hand, Elliot groaned.

"Oh boy. Not a good idea to fall in love with someone you work with, son."

"So I've heard," Eli muttered, not confirming or denying any feelings towards his partner.

Elliot frowned but wasn't going to take the bait. He wasn't exactly in the mood to talk about himself. Not tonight. Not after seeing Olivia again so unexpectedly. But apparently his son wasn't done yet.

"I know I was too young to know anything when you were still a cop dad, but mom did tell me that you were awfully close with _your_ partner on the job. So why couldn't I be close to Jan without people thinking we're a couple?"

Elliot took a step back, away from the closet, put his hands on his hips and hung his head. It was a good question. People had been speculating about him and Olivia for years, and the rumors hadn't been completely baseless. There had been feelings there. After becoming partners and then friends, they had definitely developed into something that he had a hard time putting a label on. He still couldn't define what he and Olivia had shared. Love seemed too simple a word to describe them. All he knew was, he still missed it, whatever it was.

"You know, people never understand that a man and a woman can be just good friends. They will always read more into it. There's nothing you can do about that I'm afraid."

Eli nodded, as if he'd already had his share of sly remarks from co-workers.

"We play a couple sometimes, when we do a little sting operation," he told his father. "Everyone says we're really convincing. But there's nothing going on between us."

Elliot was torn. Part of him wanted to dig a little deeper because it all sounded way too familiar, and he'd seen the look in his son's eyes. But another part of him just couldn't deal with all the memories. Not after being confronted with Olivia so suddenly. He needed to deal with that first, so he just nodded and brushed it off with one last word of wisdom.

"Eli, don't let it bother you. As long as you and Jan know what you are to each other, it's none of anyone's business."

Eli nodded again and pursed his lips, then looked at his father one more time. It looked like he wanted to say something else, but he didn't and Elliot didn't encourage him to speak. Not this time. Because he wasn't sure he was ready for the question that lingered in his son's eyes. Not yet.

...

Catherine had joined her mother and brother and was watching while her aunt Kathleen was tucking Lily Rose in for the night. They were all going to move to the next room, to aunt Elizabeth and her family so the little girl could sleep, but it looked like everyone wanted to say goodbye to the baby of the family first. Kathy and Melvin had already left, heading to the hotel bar for a nightcap after greeting everyone. Richard and Anna stopped by without their kids, who were already in bed. Anna was Richard's second wife and she was 35, seven years younger than her husband. Their children, two boys, were four and six. Catherine expected her granddad and uncle Eli to head straight for aunt Elizabeth's room. Elizabeth and her husband George had come with just their two girls this year. Their son, who was their oldest, was in his senior year in high school and he was away on his very last school trip in high school. Naturally, that couldn't be moved to a different date, so they had let their son choose. It was impossible to find a weekend when everyone would be able to come, so it wasn't considered a big deal.

Once everyone started filing out of the room to move next door, Catherine knew she had lost the opportunity to talk to her aunt Kathleen alone for now. But then her aunt stopped and turned to her.

"Hey Cath, I hear you have a boyfriend now, is that true?"

Her aunt was always genuinely interested in her and Catherine reached for her cell phone immediately.

"Yeah, his name is Noah."

"Lemme see," Kathleen said eagerly, closing the door to the hotel room after the others had all stepped out.

"Lily see?" Kathleen's baby girl piped up, and they both walked up to her cot, smiling.

"No Lily, you need to sleep. We'll have lots to see tomorrow," Kathleen cooed.

"Okay mommy," Lily Rose said sweetly and it melted Catherine's heart. The little girl had been such a welcome surprise, especially for Kathleen, who had once told her that she would really have loved to have a daughter. It was why she and Catherine had such a close bond. Catherine was relieved to find that their bond hadn't changed now that her aunt had gotten her little miracle.

They moved away from the cot and out of Lily Rose's sight and then Catherine pulled up a few photos of Noah to show them to Kathleen.

"Oh, he's cute," Kathleen grinned and she couldn't agree more.

"Thank you. He's so nice and honest. And a real gentleman."

She hesitated before continuing, grabbing this opportunity to talk to her aunt alone.

"Aunt Kathleen, can I ask you something?"

"Sure. What is it, Cathy?"

The older woman sat down on one of the beds and patted the space next to her. Catherine sat down beside her and scratched an imaginary itch on her neck, a little nervous trait she'd inherited from her father.

"Is this about sex?" her aunt blurted out and Catherine looked at her with wide eyes.

"No," she gasped. "No, not at all ... why would you ... oh."

She looked down at her phone, Noah still smiling at them from the screen.

"It's not? Oh, okay," Kathleen said with a shrug. "I just figured you've probably heard the stories about my wild episodes and maybe needed a little advice in that area."

Catherine chuckled. Her aunt was never very subtle and it was what she loved most about her. She could talk to Kathleen about things she'd never talk to her own mother about. She felt safe with her because she knew her aunt would always be bluntly honest with her. She was a little nervous this time though, because she had no idea how Kathleen would react to the name Benson.

"No, aunt Kathleen, I ... it's fine. We're fine," she stammered, feeling a blush creep up her neck and cheeks.

She wasn't going to tell her aunt about the state of her relationship with Noah. That was between him and her.

"Good to know," Kathleen said with a grin, patting her knee. "What _did_ you want to ask me then?"

Catherine took a deep breath and pulled up Noah's picture again on her phone.

"This," she said, tapping the screen, "is Noah Benson. And his mother is one Olivia Benson. I was wondering if that name meant anything to you."

Her aunt's reaction was instant and it actually startled Catherine a little.

"You're kidding me!"

The older woman jumped up and turned to face her niece.

"You're kidding me, right? Noah is Olivia's son? _Dad's_ Olivia? For real?"

"Uhm, yeah ... I guess so. She and grandpa used to work together?"

"They sure did. Twelve long years until he up and quit and joined the Marines again. Do you have a picture of her, too? I'd love to see it."

Kathleen was talking so fast that Catherine's head was spinning. Did she hear that right? Twelve years?

"No, I don't have a picture of Noah's mom. Why would I?" Catherine asked. "We only just found the connection out this evening, when grandpa came to pick me up at Ms. Benson's."

"Oh my," Kathleen sighed, sitting back down on the bed. "And how did grandpa take it?"

"He was clearly shocked to see her. I couldn't get much out of him on the ride here. He told me he went to see her once, and when he saw her with her kids, he left, thinking she had a family of her own now and he left without letting her know he was there. That was nineteen years ago."

"Okay."

Kathleen frowned and thought about her niece's words for a few moments.

"But she did have a family of her own then, didn't she?"

"Kids, yes. A man in her life, no. She's a single mother of two. Noah and his sister Sarah."

Kathleen wiped the corners of her mouth with her hand and stared at the ceiling.

"Olivia Benson. Unbelievable. I ... you know, your grandmother," Kathleen started, turning her head to look at her niece again. "She worried a lot about Olivia and your grandpa when they were still partners. She thought he preferred spending time with Olivia in stead of her."

"She was jealous," Catherine said, and Kathleen nodded.

"Yeah. Tried to blame their marital problems on Olivia for a while, but I think she knew all along that that wasn't the core of their issues."

"Noah says they loved each other," Catherine said quietly.

"Dad and Liv? I'm sure they did."

"You are?"

Catherine was genuinely surprised, not just because of what her aunt had said, but also the way she'd said it, like it was the most normal thing in the world. She didn't know if she could be so calm if she found out her father was in love with another woman than her mother.

"Yeah," Kathleen nodded. "We should join the others before they all turn in, but if you're interested, I'll be happy to tell you a little more about their history tomorrow."

"Please," Catherine replied. "I'm definitely interested, because ... well, Noah and me, we feel we should get those two together again."

Kathleen grinned and rubbed her back gently.

"Count me in, Cathy. Count me in."

...

 **Review? Is this still interesting? It's slow, I know, but I want to give every player a proper introduction. More soon.**


	10. Sleepless night

**10\. Sleepless night**

Elliot couldn't sleep. He had spent some time with his children and older grandchildren in Elizabeth and George's room but he'd been a little distracted the whole time. Catherine was giving him concerned looks from time to time, and she seemed to be whispering to Kathleen a lot. _Women_. Finally in his hotel bed, he kept tossing and turning, going over everything again and again. Thinking about Olivia.

At the time, he'd thought he had made the right decision. But now ... He was so angry with himself. All this time, he'd imagined Olivia living a happy life with her family. It was the happy life he'd always wanted for her. Only somehow, he'd always pictured himself next to her, although he already had a family of his own. His marriage had been about to self-destruct for a long time but he'd done everything in his power to save it. To keep his family together. And Olivia had helped. She had always supported him and pushed him back to Kathy. Back to his kids. Away from her. And when he was finally able to admit to her how he really felt - well, sort of - she ran. He knew there were feelings between them and that it wasn't just him. But she was going to keep on ignoring those feelings, denying them even. So when she came back after a while, they had continued working together as if nothing had happened, nothing had been said and nothing had been denied.

And then he'd left, after the shooting. His life had imploded on him and he just had to get away. Away from the job, away from the city and away from his family. Going back to the Marines had been his salvation and once he was sent overseas, he'd been able to clear his mind at last. In the Marines, goals and methods were clear. There was no ambiguity, no second-guessing signals, no grey areas. They had a clear mission with clear parameters. It had been good to be away and to shake off his doubts about his life and his decisions. Going through with the divorce had been the right thing to do. He missed Eli, a lot, but he knew everyone would be better off in the end, including Eli. He shouldn't grow up in a house filled with tension and unspoken arguments. Because over time, their arguments hadn't been loud anymore. In stead, they had been dead silent. Everyone was better off this way. Kathy had found a new man to love and his kids had all understood eventually. That was why they could all come to the family reunion that the children had initiated after a couple of years, and get along again.

Melvin was okay. He loved Kathy and he was good to her. He'd been a widower when they met, no kids, so he thoroughly enjoyed the big family he'd gotten when he married Kathy. The new generation called him grandpa Melvin. He was happy for Kathy.

Kathleen had sent him newspaper clippings one day, about Olivia. She'd been wise enough to send them after the demon who had taken her was dead. Elliot had spent quite a bit of time out in the field at night, screaming at the top of his lungs and running until he had no energy left to scream anymore. He'd been sick for a whole week but he'd battled on nonetheless, not wanting to let his platoon down.

The weight of not being there for her had been almost too much to bear. It was finally lifted, at least partially, when he saw her happy, carefree face that afternoon. She was still such a strong person. She was stronger than he was.

He'd tried dating after walking away from that playground. He really had. But it wasn't fair to the women he met because his heart wasn't in it. He enjoyed their company, the distraction they offered him, and he thought they had liked spending time with him. But any attempt to get into a serious relationship had been doomed from the start. Olivia had taken up permanent residence in his heart, and her presence there hadn't faded over time like he had expected. On the contrary. As time went on, missing her seemed to gnaw at him even more. And so he stopped dating altogether and just lived for the job. He'd made it all the way up to Master Sergeant and had been a drill instructor the last eight years of his working career.

He wondered what she was thinking now. If she was lying awake like he was, thinking about him. They used to text each other on sleepless nights like this, and suddenly he wished he had her number. He swallowed hard when he felt tears well up in his eyes. He wouldn't know what to say to her, but he did know one thing. He couldn't leave things the way they were. He had to do something. Soon.

...

The next morning, Noah called his sister, asking if they could meet. He was coming to her dorm room around ten. Sarah gathered that whatever her brother wanted to discuss with her, had to be serious. He never came to her dorm room. When he explained to her what had happened when Catherine's grandfather had come to pick her up at their mother's, she understood.

"Oh my!" she exclaimed, jumping up from her bed where she'd been sitting. "You think they had an affair when they were younger?"

"Sarah!" Noah sighed.

It was just like his sister to go for the spicy details immediately.

"Okay okay. So, did you talk to mom about it?" Sarah said, sitting back down opposite her brother, who was sitting on her roommate's bed.

"Yeah."

"And? Come on Noah, I need details."

"They used to work together. Apparently, Mr. Stabler was a cop for a long time before becoming a career Marine," Noah explained. "He quit rather suddenly but came back to see her after a couple of years. He saw her with me and another kid, and didn't approach her. Said he'd come back too late because she had a family of her own now."

"And?" Sarah asked, a little impatiently. "Were they involved?"

"I don't think so," Noah said, trying to remember what his mother had said exactly. "Mom said that they loved each other and that they both hurt each other. When he told her about his feelings, she took off. She didn't want him to leave his family for her."

"Yeah, that sounds like mom," Sarah said, nodding. "So when she took off, he quit too?"

Noah bit his lip. He wasn't sure yet exactly what had happened when.

"She said that when he told her about his feelings for her, she pushed him away. Maybe she didn't take off literally, because she said very clearly that he was the one who walked out of her life when he retired from the NYPD."

"And yesterday he walked back in, after ... how long?"

"Twenty-four years."

"Dang. That's a long time."

"But they still affect each other, Sarah. A lot."

"We need to help them get back together," Sarah stated.

"That's exactly why I'm here. Catherine is trying to get some more intel from her family and her granddad, and I'm going to check online if there's anything about them as work partners."

"So what do you want _me_ to do, Noah?"

"Talk to mom? Woman to woman?"

Sarah smiled. Her brother could be a real dork sometimes, but she really appreciated him and the way he treated her like an adult now. She would always be his little sister, but hearing him call her a woman made her happy. Talking to their mother woman to woman might be a challenge, because they were so completely different, but she gladly accepted the assignment. If there was a chance to get their mother back together with a man she truly cared about, she wanted to do her part. Her mom deserved it.

"Okay. Sounds like a plan. Maybe I can go a little early on Sunday afternoon so I can talk to her before you show up for dinner."

"That would be great, but what about today?"

Sarah grinned.

"It's Saturday, big brother. I have plans!"

Noah raised an eyebrow and Sarah giggled.

"I have to work this afternoon and I've got a date tonight. A double date actually. Me and Jen are meeting up with two seniors."

"Do I even wanna know who you're meeting?" Noah sighed.

"Nope."

He nodded and sighed.

"Just be careful, okay?"

Sarah stood up and gave her brother a hug.

"I will, promise. That's why I'm going with Jen and not alone."

...

"Benson, you're getting old," Olivia huffed when she dragged herself out of bed around ten on Saturday morning.

She had barely slept all night and had finally dozed off in the early morning hours, and now she felt like a wreck. Her muscles and bones were aching and she felt every single one of her sixty-five years today. She was trying to stay fit, eating healthy, jogging at least twice a week, albeit not as fast as she used to, and taking long brisk walks regularly. She would visit the graves of the people she missed, and tell them about her day and about the kids. She really didn't feel well this morning but somehow, she knew she was going to visit one of her friends today. Her first thought had been Donald Cragen. She wished she could ask him what she should do about Elliot, now that he'd reappeared so unexpectedly. But her old Captain had died a few years ago of old age. Natural causes, as it should be. They had kept in touch over the years and she really missed him, his fatherly advice and his genuine concern for her well-being.

Cragen had confessed to her years after the fact, that he still felt guilty about what had happened to her with Lewis. If he hadn't sent her home for a few days, if he had bothered to check in with her that night, if they had taken better care of Mrs. Parker ... They had talked about it, a lot, and it had been therapeutic for both of them. She didn't blame him, of course. Like she had always told other survivors, there is nobody to blame except the person who assaulted you. She had overcome the shame and the guilt, the feeling that it shouldn't have happened to her because she knew better. She had aligned herself with other survivors, and once she had truly accepted herself as one of them, someone who wasn't to blame for her own assault, she had been able to reach them better. She was one of them and wasn't afraid of it anymore. She had healed, for the most part and her scars had become a symbol of her healing. They were still there, but not prominent anymore. There would always be traces left but they didn't stand out anymore. What had happened to her, didn't define her. In stead, how she had coped with what had happened, what she had learned from it and how she had used it for good in stead of evil, _that_ defined her. She was proud of how she had overcome her trauma eventually. Not in a few months. Not in a few years. But she had come out on top in the end.

Today, she wished she could talk to Donald Cragen one more time, but talking to his tombstone would have to do. She made a quick breakfast, and after her first cup of coffee, she was starting to feel a little human again. It wasn't raining anymore but she suspected it was still chilly, so she bundled up before heading outside to take the long walk to the cemetery where the Captain had been laid to rest. Walks like this gave her time to think while providing a purpose to her mornings. On her way back, she'd pick up some groceries, and she'd start looking forward to Sunday dinner, when the kids would come over. She smiled when she walked out of her building. How her life had changed since she retired. She was still adjusting, even after five years. But it had been the right time to retire and she didn't regret it. The younger generation had taken over and she'd left the Special Victims Unit in the capable hands of her replacement, who was young enough to be her son. It was time for her to relax now, and enjoy the calm. Captain Benson had followed Captain Cragen's example. He had enjoyed his life after his retirement thoroughly, together with his new friend Eileen.

Olivia stuffed her hands in her coat pockets and started walking. She had followed her Captain's example, only she was still alone. She'd talk to Cragen about that once she got to the cemetery and she'd listen to the advice that she knew he would have given to her. She could practically hear his voice if she listened carefully, and she had found she could always listen better at his grave. So that was where she needed to go today.

...

 **To be continued. Your feedback is appreciated.**


	11. Honest advice

**11\. Honest advice**

Noah wondered why he'd never taken the time before to look up information about his mother. He knew some bad things had happened to her before she adopted him, and he had never wanted to know the details. But there were other things about her online, so he was finding out. She'd gotten recommendations and mentions in several news articles about solved crimes. She looked so young in the pictures and Noah sat up straight when he found a picture of her and her partner. Mr. Stabler. They both had the same serious look on their faces, and seemed to be thinking the exact same thing when the picture was taken. _Is this really necessary? We've got work to do._ Noah chuckled. His mother could still be all business from time to time and he could imagine that being a lot worse when she was younger. But that partner next to her ... why would he have been so closed-off?

Noah thought of what they knew so far. They had worked together and, according to his mother, had hurt each other. And they had loved each other. That combination wasn't unusual, he knew. When feelings were intense, people could say hurtful things to each other. But Catherine's grandfather had been married to someone else. Maybe that was the reason he had tried to be all business. Noah couldn't see his mother trying something with a married man. That just wasn't her. It must have been very painful to have to work together daily with those feelings between them.

He read the text again that Catherine had sent him in the morning.

 _'They were partners for 12 years! Grandma used to be jealous of your mom. Aunt Kathleen is going to tell me more, she wants to help get them together. Off to go swimming now. Call you later! xxx'_

Twelve years. And then he just left. His mother must have been crushed. He wondered what she was doing right now, but he decided to leave her alone for the day. He could imagine that she had a lot to think about. Sarah was going to talk to her first and he hoped to know a little more about how their mother was dealing with this blast from the past afterwards.

Noah couldn't help looking at a few pictures of his mother after she'd been held captive by a murdering rapist, and he felt a chill shoot up his spine. She was such an amazing woman. He couldn't believe there were actually people who enjoyed hurting other people so badly. It was one of the reasons he wanted to become a lawyer. Not to defend those people, but to make sure they were locked up. He was incredibly proud of how his mother had recovered after her assaults. She had never wanted to talk about it although he could see how the memories still affected her sometimes, but she was living proof to him that people are stronger than they may think, and they _can_ thrive again after such horrible experiences. She had been a wonderful mother for him and Sarah and was still the first person they turned to when something was bothering them, and when something special happened. Like when he'd asked Catherine on a date that first time.

He was grateful that she'd helped him take that first step, and while he wasn't planning on telling his mother everything about his relationship with his girlfriend - he was so proud to be able to call Catherine that! - he wondered if he would be able to keep it from his mother when he and Catherine were ready to have sex for the first time. Being with Catherine, kissing and touching her, had awakened longings in him that he'd never felt before. He'd explored his own body of course, he was twenty-one after all, but to have all these intense feelings directed at a woman up close was totally new for him. He'd never had a serious relationship before. And he'd be her first, too. Sometimes the thought made him nervous but other times, he could hardly wait. But he wanted to be sure she was ready too, and that she really wanted him to be her first.

Noah chuckled and shook his head. He was so different from the other guys in school. Most of them had lost their virginity some time ago and were boasting about it, and about all the girls they'd nailed, but that wasn't how he wanted to talk about girls. He attributed that to his mother as well. And to her job. She had seen first hand how devastating wrong decisions about sex were, especially for women. She'd always talked to them frankly about that, and about what sex was supposed to be. He would never want to be someone's mistake or to push a girl before she was truly ready. And, if he was very honest with himself, he loved Catherine too much to rush her. He nodded, closing down his laptop. Yeah. It was a big word but it was true. He loved her. And he should tell her that, soon. Maybe as soon as he saw her again Sunday night.

...

They all enjoyed the only full day of their family reunion weekend. Richard and Anna had created a very nice program, ranging from a quiet cup of coffee with a treat for the older family members while the younger generation went swimming in the indoor pool, to a full blown bowling tournament for all ages, to a walk along the beach and finally dinner at a buffet restaurant that had something for everyone's taste.

Elliot realized once again how blessed he was to have this ever growing family. The younger kids were running around, already fed up with sitting still at the dinner table, and he had no trouble letting them. Despite his own disciplined life, he'd learned to relax and let others have their space, and his grandchildren were his biggest soft spot. He loved little Lily Rose to death and Richard's boys James and Joshua, the only ones so far who would carry on the Stabler name if all the kids stuck to tradition, were carbon copies of their dad as well as their granddad. Richard was the only one of his children who had divorced his first spouse. Another thing they had in common. But Richard hadn't had children with his first wife, so it had been a relatively clean break - as far as any break could be clean. He'd turned to his father when his marriage started to deteriorate and ironically, their damaged bond had healed during this time. They had both gained a better understanding of each other and, in the process, of themselves as well.

Richard had asked him about Olivia one day when he had met his son for coffee. Just like that, out of the blue. He was giving his son such raw, honest advice, that Richard couldn't help wondering why he'd handled his own marriage so differently. He'd told his son it had been because of the children.

 _"So if it hadn't been for us, you would have left mom a lot sooner?" Richard asked him._

 _Elliot squinted and studied his son's face, but there was no accusation in his features. It was an honest question, that deserved an equally honest answer. Especially now that Richard's marriage was disintegrating._

 _"Honestly?" he started a little hesitantly, because they hadn't really talked like this very often. "If I hadn't gotten your mother pregnant with Maureen, I don't even know if we would have ended up together."_

 _He was aware that the truth hurt, but his son was old enough to understand, and he deserved to hear the truth. He'd already had this talk with Kathy ages ago and she had agreed. They had never been a perfect match. But they were very, very grateful for the family they had been given together._

 _"But I love every single one of you kids and I'm so proud of all of you, and what you're doing with your lives," he added._

 _Richard scoffed and Elliot raised an eyebrow. He didn't believe him?_

 _"Oh, I get it dad. I do," Richard assured him quickly. "I'm just not sure you could be proud of what I'm doing with my life right now. Giving up on my marriage after just four years? I'm gonna be divorced before I'm thirty. And I know you and mom love Debbie too."_

 _"We do," Elliot admitted. "But we love and accept her because you chose her. And we can also see that things aren't going the way they should between the two of you."_

 _"You can?"_

 _"Richard," Elliot sighed, leaning forward on the small table that separated them. "We've been there, remember?"_

 _Richard nodded and stared at his father's bare ring finger for a while. It had been bare for years now and he couldn't help wondering. So he asked._

 _"Dad? If you and mom hadn't been together, would you have started something with Olivia?"_

 _The question hit him hard. Harder than he'd expected after all this time. It had been five years since he'd last seen her. Ten years since he'd left her behind at SVU. He leaned back in his seat and pursed his lips. Would he have started something with Olivia? That sounded like it would have been up to him, and he couldn't stop the corners of his mouth from tugging up slightly._

 _"If she would have let me, you mean?" he replied with a question of his own, delaying his response just a little bit._

 _Richard chuckled._

 _"Right. Not exactly the easygoing type, huh?"_

 _"Nope. Never."_

 _"But would you have tried? Or considered it?"_

 _After ten years, you'd think it wouldn't be this hard to be honest about it. But it was still hard. He hadn't heard her name in so long, and now images of her dark brown eyes were dancing before his eyes again as if he'd just seen her last week. Would he have considered it? Hell, he_ had _considered it._

 _"Yes."_

 _Richard seemed a little surprised at his honestly but then took the information and applied it to his own situation._

 _"So, if you would have let go of the wrong relationship, it would have opened up a new opportunity to get it right."_

 _They both sat in silence then, letting the truth of the words sink in. They were true for both of them and Elliot knew then, that Richard was going to divorce Debbie. It wasn't too late for Richard to get it right. At least one of them would get it right._

...

 **Review?**


	12. Selfish

**Apologies for the long delay. I suddenly lost my inspiration for this story, but I think I found it again after writing a little one-shot named "One".**

 **I know it's risky to write about the future of our beloved characters without knowing what the show will bring us from season 19 onward, so this may all turn out to be historically wrong. So be it, right? I'm writing this in May, 2017 so what do I know? :)**

...

 **12\. Selfish**

Olivia lay awake - again - that night, thinking. She wasn't thinking of any one thing in particular. It just seemed that all kinds of different memories suddenly begged for her attention. 'Talking' to the memory of her deceased Captain had helped a bit to rearrange her thoughts, but it had also brought back so many memories from the time she and Elliot still worked for the man. He'd been more like a father to them than a boss at times, and after the shooting in 2011, he'd admitted that he felt that way towards Elliot. _He's like a son to me._ She knew that he felt the same way about her, as if she was his daughter.

He'd been her anchor after Elliot left. He and Fin, who had also remained a loyal friend until the end. Losing Fin after all this time had been devastating and Donald Cragen, being the father to her that he was, had come back to New York immediately, breaking off a trip to Thailand to be with her. Fin had gone down fighting, like he'd always said he would. He wasn't one to retire, slow down and smell the roses, although he had learned to enjoy his family, his grandchildren, before he was shot in the line of duty. Her only consolation at the time had been, that Fin's partner had shot the perp who took Fin away from them, killing him instantly.

She'd asked Cragen that morning, if she should let Elliot back into her life and when she'd closed her eyes, standing at the Captain's grave, she'd seen his kind, amused smile.

 _Is that even a question Olivia?_

She'd chuckled. He was right, just like Noah was right.

 _He's a part of you. He's always been a part of you, and the least he can do now, is tell you why he left without so much as a goodbye. He owes you that, and you owe it to yourself to listen._

She'd nodded. She didn't feel like she owed Elliot anything, but she did owe it to herself to finally hear from him what made him cut her out of his life and never look back. He'd reached out, just a tiny bit, when he'd said her name. _Liv._ That one little word had told her so much. He wanted to explain. He hadn't shut down when he saw her. On the contrary. Something inside him had opened up. She was the one who had shut him down. It was a reflex, perfected over time and not easily overruled, and his reaction had been exactly what she'd expected under the circumstances. He'd left without another word. He used to walk away silently a lot after they'd had an argument on the job and she knew it had not been about winning or losing an argument, but about self-preservation. Protection from his rage, that he didn't want to unleash on her.

He had though, a few times, but he wouldn't now. It was quite clear to both of them that he had something to explain to her, and not the other way around. There wouldn't be any rage now. He knew she'd called him around the clock those first few weeks and he knew that she'd been to his house. The ball was in his court. It had been for twenty-four years. So in the end, she and Cragen's memory had agreed that if Elliot chose to contact her again, she would listen. She didn't know yet if she would be able to really let him back into her life again, and she wasn't going to seek him out, but she would listen to him if he wanted to talk.

...

Catherine and Kathleen had finally found a quiet moment in their busy Saturday to have a private chat. Lily Rose was napping on her mother's shoulder and they spoke softly, sitting on one of the couches in a corner of the hotel lobby.

Catherine had called Noah earlier, and had finally decided to ask him about his and Sarah's father. Noah had been a little reluctant at first, but then he told her that he and his sister had both been adopted. When she asked him why he hadn't told her before, he said that he didn't go around telling everyone that his mother wasn't his real mother, because she was. Just not biologically, but that wasn't important to him or Sarah. Catherine understood. So there really had been no man in Ms. Benson's life. Grandpa should have just walked up to her in the park. She couldn't imagine what it would do to him, knowing that she had been single all that time.

"So," Kathleen said with a smile, looking at her oldest niece.

"So," Catherine said, also smiling. "You were going to tell me a little bit more about grandpa's history with Noah's mother?"

"Ah yes. That has such a nice ring to it. Noah's mother," Kathleen said, rubbing her sleeping daughter's back lovingly.

Catherine tilted her head and looked at her aunt questioningly, and she explained.

"I always thought she'd be a great mother, but she's been single for as long as I've known her. She was very good to me, to all of us really, and we know we owe her our father's life. She had his back for over twelve years."

"Their job was really dangerous, wasn't it?"

"At times, absolutely. But they were the best team and I considered Olivia a friend. She really cared about dad and about all of us kids."

"And grandma?"

Kathleen chuckled softly.

"I'm sure Olivia cared about her too, but grandma didn't always see that."

"She was jealous of her? Why?"

"Well, for one, Olivia was a stunner. She probably still is."

Catherine nodded. She had to admit that the older woman possessed a very special kind of beauty. She had a soft glow about her, smooth skin and the most beautiful dark brown eyes. She dyed her hair, of course, but it didn't look unnatural and she could still get away with having it spill down past her shoulders in loose waves in stead of pinning it up. She didn't look like an old woman with a young hairdo. She was a very gracious lady that radiated strength, and who made Catherine feel very young and inexperienced in life. She knew she could learn a lot from Noah's mother and hoped she would be allowed to call her mother one day.

She bit her lip. Was she already thinking of a future with Noah? When Kathleen continued, she quickly focused on her again. After all, they wanted to know more about the friendship between grandpa Stabler and Ms. Benson.

Kathleen shared several stories about her father and his partner with her niece, and she didn't shy away from her own runins with the law - and consequently her father - and how Olivia had been there for her. She told Catherine about the times that Kathy had packed her bags and left, and how Olivia had arranged for all the kids to meet their father at the station on his birthday during their separation.

"She knew how much we meant to our father," Kathleen said, a melancholic expression on her face. "And while it was true that dad often spent more time with her than he was home, I never blamed her for that. My dad was a hero, you know. He was out there saving the world. I knew he was close to Olivia, but I understood. I loved her too. But mom, grandma, was wildly jealous at times. I think she knew she was going to lose him one day, because their marriage had always been flawed, and she worried all the time that Olivia might be the one who was going to take him away from her in the end."

"And did she?" Catherine asked, almost worried about the answer she was going to get. Because what if her grandmother hated Ms. Benson? That could mean trouble.

"Not literally," Kathleen said, rubbing her daughter's cheek with her own, "but I think she inadvertantly stole his heart."

That sounded about right to Catherine, who remembered how her grandfather had talked about his former work partner.

"But they never had an affair?" she asked, needing to be absolutely sure.

Kathleen shook her head.

"They couldn't have. They cared about each other too much."

Catherine frowned. She didn't understand. What her aunt had said, seemed to contradict itself. Kathleen smiled and put a hand on her knee.

"Catherine, have you ever loved someone so much, that all you want is for them to be happy, even if it would mean you wouldn't be?"

Catherine opened her mouth but she didn't know what to say. She didn't have a lot of experience with love yet but she was beginning to understand how deep feelings could run. She loved Noah already, after just a few weeks of dating. Would she want him to be happy without her? She shook her head.

"No," she admitted softly. "I've never loved someone like that. It sounds ...very selfless."

"That is a very fitting word to describe them. Both of them," Kathleen confirmed. "They lived and worked for others, selfless as you say. Their job was to get justice for others. Dad worked to provide for his family. And they both looked out for each other. It is the kind of love parents have for their children. They'd do anything for others and were willing to forget about themselves."

Kathleen kissed her sleeping daughter on the cheek, as if underlining what she had just said. She'd do anything for her children.

Catherine was beginning to understand.

"So Ms. Benson would never try to take grandpa away from his family."

"Right. And dad would never make Olivia the other woman."

Catherine stared at her feet, thinking. Processing. These two people must have loved each other very deeply. Her grandfather had probably thought his partner would be better off without him. He had been willing to lose her, so she could be happy. Still, she wondered.

"But what about their own happiness? Didn't they think their love was worth fighting for?"

Kathleen made a helpless gesture with her hands.

"You'd have to ask them. It just wasn't in their nature to be selfish. I for one hope it's not too late to get them together. But I have to warn you, they can both be infuriatingly stubborn."

Catherine chuckled.

"Well, we plan on pulling out all the stops. Sarah is helping too."

"Awesome. Let me know if I can help in any way, okay? I'll gladly talk to grandpa."

Catherine agreed to let her aunt know if they needed her help, and when Lily Rose started to wake up, they decided to find the others again. She thought about selfless love and her thoughts drifted back to Noah. Her handsome, sweet and strong Noah. She didn't want him to be happy without her and she wondered if that made her selfish. But looking at the history of these two people, and how much time they had lost, she shook her head.

Selfless love is a beautiful thing, but there is nothing wrong with going for what _you_ want, either. Maybe that was something they could teach the older generation.

...

 **Review?**


	13. Woman to Woman

**I am really enjoying bringing the new generation to life in this story. I hope my readers are enjoying them too. I plan to weave more of their lives around the EO story line, hope you won't mind!**

...

 **13\. Woman to Woman**

Sarah Benson had slept in until noon and was trying to wake up while sipping her second cup of coffee. She and her best friend Jen had had quite an evening with their dates and she was glad they had been together, because her date hadn't responded well to the vast amount of alcohol he'd consumed. He'd gotten way to hands-on for her taste. Sarah was by no means a prude but she had her limits, especially on a first date.

She liked to dress up and emphasize her femininity despite her mother's warnings.

"While nothing, and I do mean _nothing_ , excuses any form of assault or intimidation, men may respond strongly to provocative behavior as well as clothing," her mother's voice boomed inside her head. "So keep a clear head and be clear about what you will and won't agree to. And don't let your boobs hang out."

That last bit always cracked her up when she remembered it. Her mother had a knack for giving her very serious warnings, wrapped in the silliest oneliners. They were impossible to forget, even when she was bordering on drunk.

"You could run around naked, and it still doesn't excuse rape," was another one of her golden expressions, making it very clear that any form of assault was always on the perp and not the victim. But she'd always add,

"But please don't go running around naked outside your room, okay?"

Sarah grinned over her cup of coffee. She hadn't gone running around naked and she hadn't let her boobs hang out. She'd worn a tight red top and denim mini skirt, showing off her figure, but most of her skin had been covered, except for her forearms and legs. Still, the guy had been staring at the outline of her ample breasts the entire evening. It had been cute at first but after a while, she had realized he wasn't interested in anything she had to say at all. Jen's date had been of a slightly higher level, but during a short visit to the ladies room they had agreed that they needed to ditch both guys as quickly as possible. Her date had had his hands all over her on the dance floor and she was beginning to feel uncomfortable about it. Jen, loyal as always, was going to leave with her.

It hadn't gone over well when they told the boys they were calling it a night and Sarah had already been repeating the moves in her head that she'd learned in self-defense class. Clearly, the boys had expected to get laid and Sarah was disappointed, again. She had expected more from these seniors but maybe she should just wait until they were all older and out of college before trying to find a nice guy. Why couldn't more guys be like her brother anyway? She was pretty sure he had never touched a girl inappropriately and he was probably still very careful with Catherine after weeks of dating. She sighed. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to find a man late in life. But she wasn't going to wait as long as her mother had!

Thinking about her mother's love life, or lack thereof, made her wonder about that man Noah had told her about. Catherine's grandfather. She wondered what kind of man would be able to conquer her mother's heart. He'd have to be a strong, tenacious character, willing to put in the time and effort to break down her defensive walls. Maybe he'd tried already and given up. That would be very sad and she hoped to find out more about the man and her mother's feelings for him later today. She checked the time and realized that later was going to be sooner than she thought. They were usually at their mom's around five, so if she wanted a real heart to heart with her mother before Noah arrived, she needed to get moving so she could be there at three thirty at the latest.

"A shower," she mumbled, pushing herself up from the small table in her dorm room. "I really need a long shower."

...

Olivia was humming along with the music that was playing softly in the background while she dusted her living room. She had tried to pick up where she'd left off in the book she'd been reading, but she couldn't concentrate on the words at all. So she had decided to do some early spring cleaning in stead. Going by the weather, it might as well be autumn, but it really was mid March so they were headed for better days.

She chuckled humorlessly. Better days? Confusing days might be a better description of what was to come. Because after a second night of too little sleep, she'd convinced herself that she would be seeing more of Elliot Stabler soon. He wasn't going to stay away now that they'd seen each other again. And part of her didn't want him to stay away, because maybe now she was finally going to get the answers she needed. But another part of her was simply shocked at the impact he still had on her. And he looked so good that there should be a law against it. No way anyone would believe he was 68. It was almost like he seemed fitter than before. He was a little thinner, but that just made his muscles more pronounced.

She'd actually checked her own reflection in the mirror that morning, wondering what he would think of how she was aging. She had taken good care of her skin and had started eating better once she had kids. Healthier and more regularly, which also benefited her skin. Her weight had been up and down for years but she never let herself go for too long, and she thought she still had a good figure. Filled out in all the right places but not too much. After getting out of bed each morning, she stretched for a few minutes. She was getting older, there was no denying that, but she still felt healthy and good in her own skin. She could only hope it showed.

The man would notice. He noticed everything. Nature of the beast. But why would she care? Why _did_ she care? She shook her head and cranked the volume of the music up a bit when she passed the remote of her music installation. Better drown out those thoughts, before they took her in an entirely unwanted direction. He had left her, she reminded herself. He didn't deserve her attention.

Olivia was surprised when Sarah came in early that afternoon. Her daughter seemed a bit tired, but she was smiling widely when they greeted each other with a warm hug.

"Hey mommy, look who's early," she said happily, and Olivia raised an eyebrow.

"What is it Sarah? You need money? Want to borrow my car?"

Sarah feigned shock and then looked at the duster in her mother's hand.

"You were _cleaning_?" she asked surprised.

"Yeah, so?" Olivia asked, walking to the kitchen to put the duster away.

"Okay, we need to talk mom," Sarah said decisively and Olivia looked at her again, even more surprised.

"We need to talk because I was cleaning?" she repeated. "How so?"

Sarah giggled, something she definitely hadn't learned from Olivia. But it suited her and always elicited a smile from her mother.

"Actually, I did come a little early to talk to you mom. And not because I need anything from you."

"Okay," Olivia said.

She was intrigued.

"Why don't I make us a cup of tea, and we can chat, woman to woman. How does that sound?" Sarah suggested cheerfully, and it only made Olivia more suspicious of why her daughter had dropped by early.

But she agreed, wondering if Sarah had something to share about one of her dates. It bothered her sometimes that Sarah dated so much, but so far she'd only been on a lot of first dates and just a handful of second dates, so Olivia was counting her blessings. Sarah was a beautiful young woman with long dark hair and brown eyes and an amazing figure. She turned a lot of heads and she knew it, too. Olivia had insisted a while ago that she'd go on the pill, because she knew it was only a matter of time before Sarah would become sexually active, and she didn't want any unplanned surprises. She was looking forward to becoming a grandmother one day, but she'd prefer that her grandchild would come with a responsible daddy attached. And no matter how many times Sarah assured her she wasn't going to do anything stupid, Olivia knew only too well how things worked at that age. If protection was forgotten in the heat of the moment, at least STD's would be their only worry.

Sarah knew enough to be trusted though, and knowing that she actually turned to Noah when she really liked a guy, was very comforting. Touching even. Olivia sat down at the breakfast bar and watched her daughter make them tea. Once they were both seated next to each other, Sarah finally spoke up.

"So mom. Noah tells me that this guy from your past suddenly popped up again. You wanna tell me who he is?"

Olivia's stomach dropped and she put her cup down carefully before she might drop it.

"Wow," she choked out, swallowing before continuing. "You don't beat around the bush, do you?"

"Nope," Sarah said with a grin. "I can't if I want to become a reporter."

"Reporter? Last I heard, you wanted to become a psychologist."

"Changed my mind," Sarah said casually, making a typical gesture with her right hand as if to say, don't fight me.

" _Again?_ " Olivia asked.

This had to be the fourth time Sarah had changed her mind about what she wanted to do with her life.

"Yeah, but I'm really sure now, mom. You know I always want to get to the bottom of things? People may call it nosy but I'm curious. I wanna know everything and I wanna understand it. Isn't that what reporters do?"

Sarah sounded really excited and Olivia had to admit that journalism was something that would suit her daughter a lot better than psychology.

"But anyway," Sarah rattled on. "Back to my question. Tell me about this _guy_!"

Sarah made it sound like they were two girls gossiping about a boy in their class and Olivia couldn't help chuckling.

"He's Catherine's granddad, right? How old is he? And how well did you know him?"

"Sarah!" Olivia said sharply, trying to stop her from launching any more questions.

Sarah's eyebrows flew up and she raised her hands, palms out.

"Okay," she mumbled. "I just thought you might wanna talk about it since ... well, he had an impact on you last Friday."

"Noah told you that?"

Sarah nodded.

"Frankly, he's a bit worried about you so ..."

"He sent you?"

Olivia couldn't help smiling again. If her daughter really wanted to become a reporter, she would have to learn not to be too obvious about her motives. But she was young and eager, and very curious. And maybe it was a good idea to tell her about Elliot before she'd run into him herself. Elliot wouldn't know what hit him if Tornado Sarah was unleashed on him without warning. She took a deep breath and blew it out slowly, then picked up her tea again and took a small sip. By now, Sarah was tapping her foot against the bar impatiently and Olivia decided, what the hell, she had to talk to someone, and it might as well be her daughter.

"I knew him ... Catherine's grandfather, a long time ago. We used to work together as detectives."

Sarah nodded and Olivia guessed this information wasn't new to her.

"We ehm ... were partners for over twelve years before he retired."

"Over twelve years. That's a long time. You must have known each other very well."

Olivia pursed her lips and nodded, staring into her tea.

"We did. We were close. And then one day, he left and I never saw him again. I'm sure Noah told you that already."

"Yeah, he did," Sarah said, her voice suddenly soft and compassionate. "So what happened, mom?"

...

 **More soon. Review? Do you all like Sarah?**


	14. Emotions

**14\. Emotions**

 _"So what happened, mom?"_

The genuine concern in her daughter's voice struck a cord with Olivia and she felt the emotions bubble back up to the surface that she'd suppressed for so long. She blinked rapidly a few times and took another deep breath. How could she explain to Sarah in a few words what had happened between her and Elliot? She could try to remain vague, ask Sarah what she'd heard and just fill in a few blanks for her, but she realized that there were some things begging to come out. And despite Sarah's carefree attitude and lifestyle, she knew that whatever she told her daughter, would be absolutely safe with her. And with Noah of course, because she _would_ confide in her brother.

She looked at Sarah and saw what she always saw. A beautiful young woman that was judged by the cover way too often. But she was so much more than just a pretty girl. She was very intelligent and sensitive. She was just able to thoroughly enjoy a moment. On the surface that seemed superficial to others. Sarah could giggle all day long, but it wasn't because she didn't take anything seriously. It was the opposite, really, and enjoying life like that was something Olivia had learned from her. She'd drank in her daughter's excitement and pure joy when she was little and they'd go to a playground or a theme park. Sarah would absorb everything like a sponge and was able to recall the tiniest of details afterwards, reciting everything they'd done and enjoying it all over again.

She'd sometimes scare off children that were less vocal than she was, but it never deterred her. She'd been a blessing to her much quieter brother, who had learned to stand up for himself within the safety of their little family, and they'd developed a beautiful brother-sister relationship.

And now Sarah was here, asking her about Elliot. Part of her wanted to brush things off, knowing Sarah would basically memorize anything she'd tell her and run with it. But another part of her just wanted to blurt it all out. Get it over with and see what Sarah would say.

Sarah had watched several emotions flit across her mother's face and realized that her question couldn't be answered easily. There was so much hidden behind her mother's eyes and the predominating emotion seemed to be sadness, or a sense of loss. It broke her heart a little. She'd never seen her mother break for herself before. For others, plenty of times. But never for herself. She needed to help her give words to whatever it was that she'd been bottling up inside and Sarah decided to ask her another, more precise question.

"Were you in love with him?"

Olivia's eyes flicked up to Sarah's instantly. She was a little shocked and told herself to keep breathing. She could pretend to think long and hard about the question but the answer was right there on the tip of her tongue. Time to let it out at last.

"Yes."

"And was he in love with you?"

Sarah fired off the next question fast, as if she had no idea how much Olivia's answer had meant to her. She'd finally said it out loud and she needed a moment. And then Sarah's hand was on her back, rubbing it gently. She must have seen on her face that her mother was struggling a bit.

"I think so," she managed to say softly.

"He never told you?"

Olivia shook her head and smiled sadly.

"We never actually _said_ much to each other. It was all between the lines."

"Oh."

Sarah thought about her answer for a few moments but had a new question for her fairly quickly.

"But Noah said that he told you about his feelings and you ran away from it."

Olivia hung her head. Why had she agreed to this conversation again?

"So what did he say, exactly, mom?" Sarah prodded and Olivia closed her eyes.

That particular conversation had been seared into her brain.

 _"If that sniper hadn't beaten you to it, I know you would have taken the shot, Olivia."_

 _"No, I wouldn't have. Did you really expect me to? Did you really expect me to cause your death? What about your kids?"_

 _"I don't know. I just couldn't get that boy out of my head."_

 _"What about me?"_

 _"Look, we both chose each other over the job. I'll never let that happen again. Otherwise ... we can't be partners."_

 _"I can't believe you're saying that."_

 _"You and this job are the only things I've got anymore. I don't wanna wreck that. I couldn't take it."_

Basically, Elliot had told her that he couldn't lose her as a partner. She was all he had left now and he needed her next to him. He was going to shove aside the elephant in the room so he could continue working with her. He _needed_ that, he needed her and the job to anchor him. But she just couldn't do it. Not at the time. She could no longer ignore what had been brought out in the open by this grueling case. Elliot running to her in stead of the boy and his rage afterwards had told her once and for all how deep his feelings for her truly were.

 _I can't do this anymore! I can't be looking over my shoulder making sure you're okay!_

 _I need to know you can do your job and not wait for me to come to your rescue!_

Because that was how Elliot responded to deep emotions. He'd been furious and although she'd yelled back at him at the time, all of their reflexes kicking in that they had perfected over time, she'd known that he was really furious with himself, and not her.

And then the face-off with Gitano. They had both been in tears. Even the pervert who'd been holding the gun on Elliot had picked up on what was going on between them. She would never have taken the shot. She'd known for a fact, that she _would_ choose him over the job again. She would always choose him. Cragen and Hendrix had been right. They were too close and she couldn't do it anymore. Wasn't that what Elliot had shouted, too? _I can't do this anymore._ His words had kept ringing in her head. _We can't be partners._ She'd needed a break. But how could she explain that to Sarah? She shook her head and smiled wryly. They really had been complicated.

"He told me," she finally told her daughter with a slight tremor in her voice, "that me and the job were all he had left, and that he couldn't take it if he wrecked that too."

She looked into her daughter's brown eyes and saw that she was trying to process the information.

"Because he'd just lost everything else. He was separated from his wife, hardly saw his children anymore and a boy had died because he ran to me in stead of the child we were trying rescue."

Something clicked with Sarah and she asked,

"What was wrong with you, that he ran to you?"

"Our perp had cut my neck. Elliot thought I was going to die."

"Oh my god," Sarah sighed. "I knew your job was dangerous but ..."

The young woman shook her head and Olivia put a hand on her arm.

"I didn't die and then he was furious with himself for choosing me over the boy. He took that out on me, actually. We were a pretty screwed-up pair."

Sarah blew out a breath, still trying to erase the image of her mother bleeding from her neck from her mind.

"Later, he said we could never choose each other over the job again, or we couldn't be partners."

"But if you loved each other, you would _always_ choose each other," Sarah stated, and it wasn't a question.

"Exactly."

"So that's why you left."

"Yes. But I came back after a while and we tried to make it work again. And then he got his wife pregnant, moved back home to his family and we reverted back to how things had been before his separation."

"And that worked?"

Olivia bit her lip and smirked.

"Up to a point. Eventually we did find our groove again. We still worked great together. It was very intuitive. We could read each other perfectly. We finished each other's sentences in interrogations and were a pretty effective unit."

Sarah smiled, watching the expression on her mother's face change significantly.

"You loved working with him."

Olivia smiled now too, a real smile this time.

"I did."

"And you sacrificed your love for him so you could keep working with him."

"Yes."

"So why did he leave?"

...

Sarah had a lot to think about. Seeing her mother get emotional was something she wasn't used to. She'd told her about the shooting at the precinct. That her partner, Catherine's grandfather, had had to shoot a young girl to prevent her from killing any more people than she already had. They had hardly spoken after the shooting but she'd seen the haunted look in his eyes. She'd tried to get him to talk but he'd shut her down immediately so she'd just told him she'd call him later. Only the man had never answered any of her calls. It had been like he'd vanished and it was difficult for Sarah to see how much that still hurt her mother. Because obviously, he hadn't vanished at all. He was still alive and they had met for the first time in twenty-four years unexpectedly. And all those long years, he had never once let her know how he was doing or that he still cared about her. He had just ignored her. It was a hard, painful slap in the face after twelve years of friendship. Sarah would never treat any of her friends that way, and neither would her mother.

The guy had been upset, she got that. But to just quit and never bother to pick up the phone when his best friend was calling? The woman he loved even? That was just heartless. She couldn't understand it and she was beginning to grasp a little why it had been so shocking for her mother to see the man again. And why it still hurt after all this time. She'd like to give this Stabler a piece of her mind. You just don't hurt someone like that. And especially not someone as wonderful as her mother.

Noah had joined them and was trying to read his sister's mind but she was reluctant to share with him what her mother had told her while Olivia was right there, making dinner in the kitchen.

"So ... you two have a nice chat?" he finally asked his sister, and Olivia immediately looked at them from the kitchen.

Sarah nodded, giving him a somewhat warning stare, but Noah pressed on.

"Did you talk about that time in 2016 when Mr. Stabler came to see mom?"

Noah stood up when he heard a clanging sound from the kitchen, and saw his mother duck down to pick something up. She had dropped her spatula. When she stood up straight again, he could see the question in her eyes.

"2016? Noah, what are you talking about?"

...

 **Slow story, I know. More soon. Please leave a review, I love getting those!**


	15. Hurt

**15\. Hurt**

"Dad?"

Elliot looked up from the newspaper he'd snagged from one of the tables in the restaurant earlier. He'd found a comfortable chair in the hotel lounge slash bar, and had been reading quietly while enjoying a soda while most of his children were busy packing for their families. He was done already and would wait for his granddaughter there until she was ready to head back to New York. He was resting one ankle on his other knee so he could spread the newspaper across his lap. Maureen approached him with a smile. He couldn't believe she was fifty already. In just a few years, he could be a great-grandfather. His oldest daughter sat down in a chair a few feet away from him and he smiled at her.

"What is it honey? Everything alright with Matt?"

Maureen nodded. Matt was her husband, who had stayed behind in Germany.

"Yeah. I called Matt earlier and they're back from their hike now. It's pretty cold over there, still freezing at night so he told me I was better off here."

Elliot glanced at one of the large windows. A light but steady drizzle had been coming down all day.

"I'm not sure what I prefer, Maur. Getting soaked without realizing it, is no fun either."

Maureen smiled and they were silent for a few moments. Elliot had a feeling his daughter hadn't come over to talk to him about the weather and he decided just to wait until she spoke again.

"So Catherine's boyfriend is Olivia's son."

Elliot pursed his lips, then brought his glass of soda back to his lips and took a small sip. He swallowed and looked next to him to put the glass down somewhere. For lack of a table, he set the glass on the ground. When he looked at Maureen again, she was frowning a little.

"Are you okay with that, dad?"

Elliot shrugged, folding his hands on top of the newspaper in his lap.

"It's none of my business who she dates, is it?"

Maureen sighed inaudibly but he could see the slight frustration in her eyes.

"That's not what I meant, and you know it."

He chewed on his bottom lip for a moment and nodded. He knew perfectly well what his daughter meant and it was bound to come up during their family weekend. He was just surprised that she had waited until the last day.

"You were such good friends and then you left her behind rather suddenly. I never really understood that. Did something happen between you and Olivia?"

"Nothing _happened_ between me and Olivia, Maureen," Elliot snapped before he could stop himself.

"Wow. Dad!" Maureen said, raising her hands in mock surrender. "I wasn't implying that anything inappropriate happened. I was just wondering if you'd had some sort of falling out before you retired from the force."

Elliot cursed himself for his immediate, defensive reaction. Despite how much time had gone by, apparently it was still a touchy subject and he'd interpreted his daughter's question completely wrong. He felt awkward now under the scrutiny of his firstborn. Because what could he tell her? He had no excuse for leaving Olivia the way he had. His only reason had been, that he'd been completely selfish and had chosen himself above everyone else for once. He may have thought she'd be better off without him anyway, which was a less selfish thought, but he'd basically just given up. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"I'm sorry Maur," he said dejectedly. "I ... no. We didn't have a falling out or anything. I just had to get away. From the job and everything that would remind me. I couldn't get that look in her eyes out of my head so ... I shut her out after I'd shot that girl."

"I'm sure she understood that you were struggling at the time," Maureen said kindly, reminding him once again that she'd become an adult long ago.

"At the time, yes. Probably."

"But?"

Of course she'd sense that there was a but. Maureen had already moved away with her then fiancé and had embarked on her Marine adventure with him, so she hadn't really been there when Elliot retired, decided to re-enlist and divorced her mother. Elliot wiped his mouth with one hand and stared up at the green and blue neon lights of the hotel bar.

"I think the fact that I never bothered to tell her I was leaving would have been a little more difficult to swallow," he finally admitted.

"You didn't talk to her about it?" Maureen asked, clearly surprised. "But she was your best friend. I just assumed ..."

Elliot sighed and looked at his daughter, knowing that a lot of people would have assumed he'd never abandon his partner like that. Hell, _he_ hadn't expected he could be so selfish. But it had happened and here they were, twenty-four years later.

"You assumed wrong. And I won't blame her if she's still pissed with me."

"Did you _ever_ talk to her again?"

"No."

"My god, dad. Don't you think it's about time? My Cathy's dating her son, after all. Maybe this is your shot to make amends."

She made it sound so easy, but how does one make amends with Olivia Benson?

"I wouldn't know what to say to her," he admitted and now it was Maureen's turn to sigh.

"Well, how about _I'm sorry_ for starters?"

"I highly doubt that one 'I'm sorry' can make up for twenty-four years of silence," Elliot said with a humorless chuckle.

"You have to start somewhere dad, and apologizing seems like the best place to start to me. Just talk to her. You won't get anywhere if you don't take a first step."

She was right, of course, and he knew it. But he'd seen the look in Olivia's eyes. She had been on guard immediately, ready to shut him out in an instant. He knew he didn't deserve anything else. Maureen's next question was a good one though.

"Or are you afraid of her?"

That finally elicited a laugh from him, and Maureen grinned at her own great find.

"Afraid of her? Damn straight I'm afraid of her," Elliot chuckled, sitting up straight and putting the newspaper away. "But seriously. She can be quite menacing but I'm not afraid of her. Never have been. What I _am_ afraid of is ... is seeing her hurt. I could never bear to see her hurt."

Maureen nodded and stood up, letting him know that what she was about to say, would be the end of their conversation. Of her advice to him, basically. Elliot stood as well and let his daughter's parting words sink in.

"Well, the way I see it, you _did_ hurt her. And if you really cared about her, you'd do anything to make that right. For her sake, for your own sake and for the kids' sake."

...

 _"2016? Noah, what are you talking about?"_

Olivia was shocked. Had she heard her son correctly? Had Elliot come to see her in 2016? If he had, he hadn't made it, because she never saw him. So she looked hopefully at her son, waiting for him to explain.

"Well, it seems that Mr. Stabler came back to New York in 2016, after five years in the Marines. And he saw you with me and another boy," Noah clarified.

Olivia frowned and her brain was working on overdrive. Marines? 2016? Another boy? What other boy?

"He thought both boys were yours mom, and you looked so happy that he didn't want to bother you."

 _What? What?!_

"Mom, I think you'd better sit down," she suddenly heard Sarah say next to her.

She hadn't even noticed her daughter walking up to her, but she had to admit she was feeling a bit faint. She couldn't process what she was hearing. When Noah pushed one of the stools behind her, she sat down on it rather unceremoniously.

"Thanks," she said softly. "I don't understand ..."

She looked up at her children, who were now on either side of her, each with a hand on her back.

"I got this from Catherine mom," Noah continued. "She talked to her granddad Friday. He told her that he came back to see you in 2016 but when he saw you with two boys in a park, he took that to mean that you had moved on. You looked very happy and he wanted that for you. So he left and never came back."

Olivia closed her eyes and Sarah urged her to keep breathing. She still couldn't understand what she was hearing. She would need to hear this from Elliot to make sense of it. But what stuck out the most for her was, that he'd come back for her. It may have been after several years but he hadn't just cut her out of his life and forgotten about her.  
It was shockingly obvious to herself that this was the message she _wanted_ to distill from what Noah was telling her. She'd take anything to make sense of the way he'd left things.

She hadn't slept well all weekend and told herself that she was too tired and that was why her body was reacting so strongly, but she knew it went a little deeper than that. Once she could breathe normally again, Olivia looked at Noah.

"But why did he just assume those were my boys, Noah? Why didn't he just come up to talk to me?"

She was aware that she was sounding a little needy and she wished that it all didn't matter to her so much. But it did. Her soul was begging for answers, even after all this time.

"I'm not sure," Noah said. "But Catherine told me he was pretty sure that you had a family of your own now, a man and kids. He was happy that you were happy and he didn't want to disturb you."

"So he just left," she said, almost whispering.

Olivia couldn't even recall taking Noah to the park with a friend. They'd probably done that several times but there wasn't one time that stood out for her. It was difficult to imagine that Elliot had been there on one of those occasions. Possibly a lively memory for him but completely forgotten by her. It was as if that only added to her pain, knowing that he'd been there and had felt like she didn't need him anymore. She tried to blink away the tears that were starting to gather in her eyes and covered her face with both hands when blinking proved unsuccessful.

"You have to talk to him, mom," Sarah said sympathetically, and she nodded without removing her hands.

Sarah and Noah looked at each other over their mother's bowed head. They had never seen her like this before. Their fierce, strong mother was trembling and they realized that nothing could faze her except what went on inside her heart. It was the only weak spot in her armor and she'd just been hit, hard, where it hurt the most. Where she'd been hit the hardest once before, by the same person. They'd do anything to help their mother recover from this shock from her past and they knew just where to start.

Mr. Elliot Stabler.

...

 **To be continued.**


	16. Getting to know each other

**I hope you all are noticing that the younger generation is preparing Olivia and Elliot for their reunion, so they will be ready once they see each other again. Aside from that, the children have lives of their own and one blossoming romance in particular deserves our attention. Also, will Sarah find a nice guy in college, or will she have to wait until all the 'boys' finally grow up? Let's see how this continues ...**

...

 **16\. Getting to know each other**

Elliot was yawning for the second time in two minutes and Catherine glanced at him while they drove back to the city. She wondered if everyone had had a bad night. Lily Rose and uncle Richard and aunt Anna's boys seemed to be the only ones who had gotten enough sleep. Everyone else hadn't quite seemed awake yet at the breakfast tables that morning. She'd been awake for a while as well that night, thinking about her grandfather and Ms. Benson. It was becoming more and more obvious that they had meant a great deal to each other, and that those feelings may have been buried, but had never gone away. It was beautiful in a way if only it wasn't so sad. Noah had relayed everything that had happened back in Manhattan to her earlier. These two had lost so much time, and she promised herself she would not make that mistake.

Sometimes, her feelings for Noah would overwhelm her. She was only nineteen, after all. She wasn't expected to find the love of her life yet. She should go out and have fun, explore her options. But she didn't want anyone else. Not right now anyway, and she didn't know if that would ever change. Noah was so attentive, and far more mature than most boys his age. Boys ... he wasn't a boy anymore. He was a man. He was _her_ man. They had only been dating for a little over a month, but when they had kissed after their first date, something inside her had shifted. And so far, it hadn't shifted back. And she didn't want it to. In fact, she wanted to move forward with him, and that thought was as scary as it was exciting.

Catherine knew her grandparents had married very young, but that had been because grandma was pregnant with her mother. She would have to make sure that didn't happen to her and Noah, and a blush crept up her cheeks just thinking about it. Was she really considering taking things further with Noah? If she was very honest with herself, she was. They hadn't really talked about it yet, they had just agreed to take it easy and have fun together. They talked a lot, about school, about their childhood, things they liked and things that bothered them. They'd probably talk about grandpa and Ms. Benson for a while once she got back to the city. Talking and getting to know each other better was more important than how intimate they were, after all, and kissing him was an experience in itself. But still, she knew she would like to get even closer to Noah. She felt more comfortable with him than she had ever felt with anyone else.

She had dated before, in high school. She'd had the occasional peck on the cheek after a first date, and a 'real' kiss a few times, but it had been nothing like what she was experiencing now. She couldn't wait to see Noah again and it had been only two nights. She had already asked her grandfather if it was okay for Noah to come over after they got home, and he had agreed. Noah lived in an all-boys dorm and had a roommate who didn't seem to have a social life at all, so they didn't have a lot of privacy there. He'd told her that his mother wouldn't mind if they spent time at her place, since he still had his own room there, but somehow she felt a little uncomfortable about that.

Having Noah over at her and grandpa's place might also be uncomfortable and she wondered what her grandfather would say if Noah would spend the night some time in the near future. She glanced at the older man again and saw him staring straight ahead, his face completely devoid of emotion. He looked very stern that way. Maybe going to Ms. Benson's wasn't such a bad idea after all ...

...

Noah hadn't wanted to leave his mother alone just yet, but Sarah had promised him she'd stay with her for a while longer. Olivia had calmed down considerably after her little emotional outburst, and they had had a nice, relaxed dinner. After Catherine had texted him that they were home, Noah was eager to head over to Catherine's and this time, Sarah hadn't teased him about his girlfriend. He wondered if Mr. Stabler would say anything when they saw each other again. Their first encounter had been awkward to say the least. When he arrived at their door, Catherine was already swinging it open and she jumped into his arms. Noah laughed and held her close, kissing her neck and inhaling her scent, that was already so familiar to him.

"Come one in. Grandpa's in the shower," Catherine said and her eyes were sparkling.

He could hardly believe she was so happy and bouncy because of him, but she was. She dragged him into the apartment, which was pretty nice for a bachelor pad. It wasn't nearly as spacious as his mother's place but it was comfortable and despite the brown furniture, it wasn't dark at all. Somehow he suspected that Catherine had already given the place her feminine touch in the short time she'd lived there.

"In the shower huh?" he hummed once they were inside and seated next to each other on the brown leather couch, and Catherine nodded happily.

"Yeah ..."

Noah didn't waste any time and kissed his girl. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close while they deepened the kiss. Noah had never kissed a girl this way before meeting Catherine and he couldn't get enough of her. He leaned over her, his left hand wedged between the couch and her hip and the right one on the backrest of the couch behind her. He was trying hard to keep his hands to himself and treat her with respect, but he was only a man, and after a minute his right hand drifted down from the backrest of the couch and then down Catherine's back until he was cupping her butt over her jeans. He squeezed it lightly and Catherine moaned softly into his mouth. Noah felt his body respond to the sound. He shifted a little, not wanting to make her uncomfortable, but Catherine didn't let go of him and kept kissing him deeply, so he didn't let go either. It felt so good to touch her and he didn't want to stop.

When they finally broke apart, Noah put both hands on Catherine's cheeks and rubbed her cheekbones gently with his thumbs.

"Wow ..." Catherine sighed, dropping her head sideways until it rested against the backrest, and her eyes seemed a little glazed over.

Had he done that? Was he making her feel this way? He smiled hesitantly, wondering if he should mention his obvious butt grab.

"Was that okay?" he asked her as neutrally as he could, and Catherine giggled immediately.

"Okay? That was great baby," she said softly and before he could wonder if they were really talking about the same thing, Catherine took his hand, pulled it away from her cheek and put it back on her butt.

Noah grinned. He was so relieved and when he leaned in to kiss her again, she closed her eyes and pulled him close once more, draping her left leg over his. Her hand now drifted down his back as well and he chuckled, not breaking their kiss, when she cupped his butt in return. They both moaned softly and didn't notice the third person in the room until he cleared his throat loudly.

...

The young couple jumped to their feet and stared at Elliot with wide eyes. He had to make an effort not to smile at their obvious embarrassment. He could tell that Noah was especially uncomfortable, but he'd witnessed their little exchange on the couch and it confirmed what he had already expected. Noah was a good kid who would treat his granddaughter with respect. He was Olivia's son, after all. Elliot knew they were going to be doing more than grabbing each others' butts but he also knew that nothing he could say or do would have any lasting effect on the couple. They were going to have to find their own way and despite the urge to defend Catherine's honor, he knew that he should stand back and let them make their own choices.

Right now, he would need to reassure the shocked young man in front of him. He looked at the boy attentively for the first time, and automatically looked for similarities between him and his mother. Aside from his dark hair and a similarly strong jawline, nothing stood out and he had to conclude, jealousy twitching his stomach for a moment, that Noah probably looked like his father. He knew he had no right to be jealous but he also knew that it would always be there. He had wanted Olivia to find happiness, but that didn't mean he couldn't still hurt over losing her to someone else.

Only there hadn't been someone else, so Catherine had told him. Not someone who had stuck around, anyway. He didn't get that. Who in his right mind would leave Olivia once they had her? But maybe it hadn't been the guy. Maybe Olivia had sent him packing. That was always a possibility with Olivia Benson. Maybe she hadn't planned on having a child with him and had decided that the accidental father was no good for her and her son. But then later she had a daughter. Now where had she come from?

He had so many questions but he knew he should't be asking Noah all these things. Aside from the fact that it was none of his business, he shouldn't burden the kids with his own issues. And so he smiled at the flushed young man and told him,

"Relax kid. I knew you were coming over, and what's not to love about my granddaughter, right?"

Noah glanced at Catherine, who was smiling at him hesitantly, and then looked Elliot in the eye again.

"Yes sir," he said, as confidently as he could manage. "I care about Catherine very much. I was just ... very happy to see her again."

"Obviously," Elliot said, his smile widening.

Catherine exhaled and Elliot winked at her. He knew he wasn't the easiest person to be around but he wanted to make an effort for his granddaughter. Having her live with him had brought light and laughter into his home and he didn't want to chase her away.

"Why don't you two sit down again and I'll pour us all a drink. What'll it be, Noah?"

Elliot walked into the kitchen area and kept an eye on the kids while pretending to inspect the contents of his fridge. He saw them fidget for a few moments and then sit down on the couch again, but with a few inches of distance between them. He tried to hide his smirk when he looked directly at them again, still waiting for an answer to his question.

"Ehm, what are you offering, sir?" Noah asked.

"I've got beer, coke, juice. Or are you into the strong stuff? Wine or bourbon?"

"A beer would be fine sir, thank you. And you, Cath?" he asked his girlfriend.

Good manners. Elliot was pleased. But how could he not have good manners? Olivia had raised him. Part of him would have loved to have seen her in action with her kids when they were little, but seeing the end result of her parenting was gratifying as well. She'd done a great job with Noah and he couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend for his granddaughter.

"I'd like a beer too," Catherine said quietly and Elliot grabbed three bottles from the fridge.

"I think we've got some snacks left over from last weekend grandpa. Why don't I get those."

"Sure," Elliot said with a smile. "Let's make it a little get-to-know-each-other party."

He sat down in the oversized armchair across from the couch after handing Noah his beer and putting Catherine's on the coffee table while she got the snacks. He saw Noah watch him for a few moments as if he was sizing him up. He wondered how much Olivia had told her son about her old partner. By now, the young man probably knew that he'd left his mother without a word years ago. He wondered if he would want to call him out on that. But he was his guest now, so he expected Noah to be on his best behavior this first time in his home. He didn't want to ignore the elephant in the room though, so he decided to start the conversation himself.

"So Noah, how's your mom doing? She and I had a weird little reunion last Friday, didn't we?"

Catherine joined her boyfriend on the couch after depositing several bowls with leftover snacks on the coffee table. She seemed a little shocked at his honest remark and looked between him and Noah. Noah looked at her and an understanding seemed to pass between the two young people that reminded him so much of him and Olivia that it was almost painful. Noah really was his mother's son and he already had a rapport with Catherine that went way beyond a superficial infatuation. Noah took a long draw from his beer before meeting Elliot's eyes again. Then the young man told him,

"With all due respect sir, I think you should go and see for yourself how she's doing."

...

 **Dun dun ...  
** **How will Elliot react?**


	17. Challenging

**17\. Challenging**

"Are you sure you're going to be okay, mom?" Sarah asked her again.

As much as she appreciated her daughter's concern, Olivia wanted to be alone with her thoughts for a while. Her children couldn't give her any more information anyway. She'd need to hear from Elliot why he'd left, why he'd apparently come back and had left again, never to return. It had taken her years to finally accept to a degree that he really wasn't coming back. It was a shock to hear that apparently, he _had_ been back. And seeing her happy with what he had assumed to be her children, he had left again. That could only mean one thing. He really had come back for her. For _her_ … and not just as a friend. She felt her heartbeat quicken each time the thought hit her again. The only reason he'd walked away was that he thought there was no place in her life for him anymore. That there was no place in her life for him as a man. As her man. That she hadn't needed him like that.

And she shouldn't have. It had been five years, for God's sake. What did he expect? Still, she couldn't believe that he affected her this much after twenty-four years. It was almost as if all those years had been wiped out and she was feeling everything that she'd felt back then. The love, the familiarity and the anger.

Oh, the anger.

She was beginning to feel that all over again as well. It was another reason she wanted to be alone. She needed some time to pull herself together. By now, she knew she was going to see Elliot again soon. He wasn't going to stay away now that the kids undoubtedly had explained to him that she'd always been a single mother. And along with all the memories, all the reasons why it would never work out between them resurfaced as well. They were too much alike. Too explosive. Too independent. Too closed off. They pushed each other's buttons too often. They hurt each other too easily. They felt too deeply. And he'd left. He had left her, never to return. Why would she expose herself to that kind of pain willingly again?

Her heart knew the answer and it was the one answer she didn't want to hear. She needed to be alone with her thoughts. With that answer. With her conflicting responses to having Elliot back in her life so suddenly.

"Yes honey. I'll be fine," she finally told her daughter.

Sarah rolled her eyes, having heard that line a few times too many from her mother. But she could see in her mother's eyes that she was restless and conflicted, and did need to be alone, so she nodded, giving her mother a half smile.

"I know you're not fine, mom, but I'll leave you to think things through. Just … if he contacts you, listen to him, okay? You owe it to yourself."

"I know," Olivia said quietly and that quiet response actually told Sarah that it would be alright to leave her alone now.

"I'll call you tomorrow after class, okay?" she suggested.

"To check up on me?" Olivia said, now smiling as well and cocking her head.

"Absolutely," Sarah fired back immediately. "You'd do the same for me."

...

 _"With all due respect sir, I think you should go and see for yourself how she's doing."_

Wow.

So much for the boy wanting to make a good first impression. Noah had called him out as soon as he'd dared to mention his mother. Politely, but still. And Catherine, his little Cathy, didn't seem as mortified as he would have expected her to be. She was clearly on Noah's side.

"Yeah, grandpa. From what we've heard so far, you hurt her badly when you left. Seems to us that you owe her an explanation," Catherine said quietly.

Elliot scratched and imaginary itch on his jaw and observed the two young people in front of him. They weren't being aggressive, not at all. But they were challenging him. He would have been proud of them both if it hadn't been so uncomfortable for him. Because what could he possibly say or do to erase all the pain he'd caused Olivia? Nothing. Nothing at all. Saying he'd been hurting too wouldn't do any good. All that would tell Olivia was, that he was making it about himself and not about her. That would definitely mean war. No, if he wanted only the slightest chance at her forgiveness, it would have to be about her and her alone. But how? He didn't know and strangely enough, he decided that he could trust this young couple to help him out. And so he admitted,

"I wouldn't know what to say."

"Well, for starters, you could tell her that you're sorry," Catherine said. "Unless you're not?"

Elliot smiled in spite of himself. The resemblance to Maureen was uncanny, right up to the blunt advice. Tell her you're sorry. If you are.

"I am," Elliot answered his granddaughter immediately. "More than anyone will ever know."

"I'm pretty sure she'd like to hear that," Noah chimed in.

"And you think that an apology will make it all better?" Elliot asked Olivia's son.

Noah smiled at him knowingly before replying,

"Not in the slightest. But I know she's still hurting, even after all these years, and she deserves to hear from you."

Elliot nodded slowly, the word 'hurting' as well as the word 'deserves' echoing in his mind. Olivia had been as shocked as he had been when they had suddenly been confronted with each other. But he had been the only one who had felt guilty. Not her. Not Olivia, because she had done nothing to deserve the way he'd left her. The fact that she was still hurting, according to her son, gave him some hope but he also knew she was capable of lashing out, hard, whenever she thought she was going to get hurt again. He honestly didn't want to cause her any more pain than he already had, and the cowardly part of him said he'd better stay away. But her son was right. She deserved better. She deserved something, even if he wasn't sure what he could give her at this point in their lives. But he worried that whatever he did, would only make matters worse.

"She won't believe I actually wanted to see her again," Elliot said, putting part of his fears into words. "We met by chance last Friday after all."

"Grandpa," Catherine sighed. "You shouldn't be trying to think for her. You should _talk_ to her. Tell her your side of things, and how you did want to see her again."

"What is this, kids? Did you plan this little talk or something? I thought Noah and me were going to get to know each other," Elliot said.

His temper didn't bother him as much as it used to when he was younger, and he'd learned to express himself with words rather than silence or brooding or punching something. But he had to admit that he still didn't like feeling cornered. And so he'd tried to create a little space for himself by making the tone of the conversation lighter.

"Okay," Noah conceded, apparently recognizing his need for a little space. "What would you like to know about me?"

They actually managed to engage in a little chitchat about Noah's education so far and his ambitions for the future but it was as if Olivia's presence was looming over them, and Catherine steered the conversation back to her boyfriend's mother rather quickly.

"His mom was actually a great positive influence on Noah with regards to him choosing to go to law school to become a DA. Her job showed him how important it is that someone stands up for people who are having trouble standing up for themselves."

Elliot nodded, flashing back to his time on the job. The same job that Olivia had remained faithful to after he had left. That was what they had done, and what had kept them going for so long. Olivia longer than him. Standing up for people who couldn't stand up for themselves. He was glad and felt a sense of pride that Noah had clearly inherited Olivia's empathic nature and deep commitment to helping other people.

"And your sister?" Elliot inquired. "Is she as driven as you and your mother are to make the world a better place?"

Noah chuckled and Elliot raised an eyebrow. Had he said something wrong? Catherine was smiling too, and, seeing the question on her grandfather's face, she clarified,

"Honestly grandpa, you won't find two people who are more different than Noah and his sister."

Elliot was intrigued. He'd always wondered what a mini Olivia would be like.

"Sarah's got a heart of gold," Noah said, looking at his girlfriend and then back at him. "But she isn't really focused on the needs of the world, so to speak."

Elliot had to reign himself in and not fire off all the questions that were now tumbling around in his head, but he was very curious about Olivia's daughter.

"How so?" he asked as neutrally as he could.

"She's the definition of a party girl," Catherine said with a smile. "But Noah's right. She does have a heart of gold. She just likes to live life to the fullest while she's young I guess."

"A wild one, huh? Who would have thought," Elliot mused out loud.

But maybe that was what Olivia would have become as well, without the burden of having an alcoholic mother. Maybe Sarah was more like Olivia should have been in the end.

"Yeah, well. But mom taught us right," Noah stressed. "Sarah knows where to draw the line when it comes down to it."

He liked how Noah was standing up for his sister, despite their obvious differences. Because Noah struck him as a calm force, who wouldn't lose control easily. He knew he wouldn't have to worry about Catherine at all as long as this young man was with her and he was glad.

"Seems to me that Olivia did a great job raising you kids," he remarked, realizing he was once again moving into dangerous territory. "And all on her own, apparently?"

He knew he couldn't have been more obvious but he just had to know. He needed to understand how Olivia could have ended up a single mother of two.

"Yeah."

Noah leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and turning his now empty beer bottle between his hands. He glanced at his girlfriend and once again, Elliot saw this understanding pass between them that almost brought tears to his eyes, because it was everything he'd had and lost so long ago. The two seemed to have agreed on something silently, and then Noah spoke up again. The young man might as well have punched him in the gut.

"Sarah and me were both adopted. I was just a baby when mom took me in, and Sarah was three when she came to live with us."

…

 **Dun dun ...**

 **I will try to write the next chapter a little faster. Meanwhile, your feedback is appreciated. We're getting closer to their first talk.**


	18. Tuesday

**Several POV's in this chapter but I'm sure you can all keep up. Only downside of the different snippets is, I couldn't come up with an original chapter title ... Upping the rating a bit to be on the safe side, but not because of Olivia and Elliot. Enjoy!**

...

 **18\. Tuesday**

Adopted.

Both her kids were adopted.

There hadn't even been a guy involved at all. Well, not with Olivia. She hadn't been permanently linked to another man by having his child. The relief that flooded him was almost too much to process and in the end, his emotions came out as laughter. He might have expected crying but he was laughing in stead, loud and boisterous. He registered the surprise of the young couple sitting across from him but he just couldn't help it. He guessed he was actually laughing at himself. Once again, he was faced with how stupid he had been.

She could have been back in his life nineteen years ago. He could have helped her raise Noah, although she clearly hadn't needed his help with that. He could have been there when she got Sarah. He would have helped her in any way he could, just like he'd promised her years ago. He wanted to bash his head against the wall but all he did was laugh until tears streamed down his cheeks. The kids were whispering among themselves and he didn't care what they were saying or thinking right now. Elliot stood up and walked to the window. He looked outside at the dark, wet street. It was raining once again and it seemed fitting. He wiped the tears off his cheeks and shook his head. When he turned around to face his company again, Noah and Catherine had also stood up.

"Are you alright grandpa?" Catherine asked him hesitantly, and he smiled at her, his smile not quite reaching his eyes.

"Yeah honey. I just … can't believe what an idiot I've been."

The young couple glanced at each other but didn't say anything. They just looked at him, probably expecting him to say something meaningful.

"Kids I … I'm going to talk to Olivia very soon. I don't know what to tell her but I know I have to. Just … give me some time to think okay? You two just ehm … well, continue what you were doing. I'm going for a walk."

"Like that?" Catherine finally said, gesturing at the sweats he'd put on after his shower.

Elliot shrugged. He didn't need to dress up to take a walk in the dark.

"Don't worry about me, honey," he told her while walking back to his bedroom to get his running shoes. "And it's nice to meet you Noah. I'm sorry about all this … distraction but I can see you're a good kid, and I trust you with my granddaughter."

He heard the young man say "thank you sir" just before he walked into his bedroom. He shook his head again. He'd been such a fool.

…

Sarah had an extra hour to spare around lunch time and was pleased to see Dave heading her way, again. They'd had lunch together a few times, with mutual friends at first, but a few times it had been just Dave. She liked him a lot, and seeing him smiling broadly and making a beeline for her made her stomach flutter a bit. And that was new. So far, she hadn't really looked at Dave as a potential date. He was just a really nice guy. Easy on the eyes too. He had dark hair like hers but he had the bluest eyes she'd ever seen. And those blue eyes were currently fixed on her browns.

He stopped short in front of her, and she noticed he had a dimple in his left cheek. Cute.

"Hey," she said cheerfully. "Headed to the cafeteria too?"

"Yeah," Dave said equally cheerfully and when they continued walking, he fell into step with her.

They had a relaxed lunch, chatting about their classes and the latest gossip about the other freshmen. When they finished up, Dave told her casually,

"I'd like to take you to a real restaurant some time Sarah."

Sarah wasn't one to blush or be at a lack for words quickly and she gave him a sweet smile despite the flutter she felt in her stomach again.

"Are you asking me out on a date, Dave?" she asked him.

Dave actually seemed a bit shy, which was also new, but he didn't look away when he told her,

"I guess I am, Sarah. So how about it? Dinner and a movie? You can pick the movie."

"Sounds like fun," she admitted. "When?"

"Tomorrow? Let me know which movie and we'll plan from there."

"Okay."

"Cool!"

…

"Hey mommy. It's your loving daughter, checking in as promised. How are you doing?"

Olivia chuckled. Her daughter was one of the very few people who could disarm her even before a conversation started. She was such a pure open book that it was very hard not to be honest with the young woman. Yeah, she'd make a great reporter, or even a talk show host one day. She'd get people to divulge their deepest secrets on air effortlessly.

"I'm okay, really honey," she told Sarah. "Had a restless night but I'll live."

"You think he's gonna call you today?"

She knew Sarah was referring to Elliot and she had wondered the same thing. Noah had gone over to his place the night before, so surely he would have talked about her. Her kids had been very clear that they wanted them to talk so she kind of expected to hear from Elliot.

She still couldn't really fathom that he'd actually come to see her. It had been after five years of silence, but still. She'd been awake for along time the night before, thinking about what had prompted him to leave, to come back and then to leave again. Apparently, he hadn't left for good the first time. But five years was a long time. Too long. She couldn't think of any valid excuse for it. He'd just dumped their friendship and never looked back. Well, he had looked back once.

She kept going around in circles and by now, she _wanted_ to hear from Elliot. Not because she still wanted him back in her life so desperately, but to get some answers at last.

"Mom?"

Sarah's voice pulled her out of her thoughts and she told her daughter she had no idea if Elliot was going to call her today. She was aware that he might skip calling and simply show up on her doorstep again.

"Well, if he does, just set up something and meet him, okay mom? And I can tag along if you want. But not tomorrow night because I have a date."

Olivia smiled and shook her head. That was Sarah to a T. And for once, she was grateful that Sarah had changed the topic.

"A date? On a Tuesday?" she inquired.

"Yeah. Just dinner and a movie, not an all-nighter. I do have to be up early on Wednesday so …"

"Someone I should know?"

"Hmmm, let's see ..."

Sarah seemed to be thinking for a few moments and Olivia waited patiently, hoping that her daughter at least knew who she was going out with.

"I may have mentioned him, mom. We've had lunch together on campus a few times. His name is Dave and he's a freshman too."

The name didn't ring a bell for Olivia but at least Sarah knew the boy.

"Well, have fun then."

"I will. But if you need me mom, just call me, okay?"

Olivia promised she would call Sarah if she needed her, knowing full well that she wouldn't want to have Sarah tag along if she did talk to Elliot. But as far as she was concerned, it was up to Elliot now. She wasn't going to call him. No matter how long it took.

…

It took some time. Too much time for Noah's liking, and naturally, Catherine agreed with him.

"We should do something," Noah said. "How about you ask your grandpa out to dinner and I ask my mom, and we all meet up at the restaurant."

Catherine giggled. She liked how Noah was trying to play matchmaker for his mother but she had to wonder if this was going to work.

"You really think they're going to have a serious talk with us there?" she asked her boyfriend.

They were curled up on Noah's fold-out couch in his dorm room. His roommate Henry was out for once, and they were making the most of the privacy they suddenly had. It appeared that Henry had joined a chess club that got together every Tuesday night so it would be their new private time night, as long as Henry continued to go to the club.

"Well, we could leave them alone for a bit after the initial awkwardness wears off," Noah suggested, moving his mouth to Catherine's ear and licking her earlobe gently.

Catherine shivered while she tried to figure out whether she liked the feeling or not. It gave her goosebumps on her neck and back but she felt other body parts react as well. When Noah licked her earlobe again and then took it between his teeth gently, she hissed softly while inhaling.

"What?" Noah asked her innocently, but she knew he was grinning without looking at him.

Catherine put her hand over her ear to stop Noah from nibbling her earlobe again.

"Not good?" Noah asked but the look in his eyes told her he knew full well that he was affecting her.

"Cocky ass," Catherine muttered and Noah chuckled.

"I just feel like I could eat you up," Noah said softly, kissing the back of her hand that was now blocking his access to her ear.

When she turned her head to look at her boyfriend, his lips were on hers and she stopped trying to resist him. She'd been sitting in his lap sideways and she moved with him when he lowered her onto the couch carefully, until she was on her back. He looked into her eyes and she smiled. They could have these little wordless conversations and she knew he was asking for permission to lay with her. She granted it, and when he tried to scoot next to her, she quickly pulled him on top of her in stead.

Noah was surprised but he liked her idea a lot. There was nowhere else to end up but between his girlfriend's legs and he could only hope that this was her intention, because he didn't want her to be uncomfortable. But they were both fully dressed and when Catherine kept smiling up at him, he kissed her again. He had one arm behind her neck and his other hand drifted up and down the side of her body while they kissed. Catherine really seemed to be into it and the way she was moving beneath him made his body respond to her in a way that couldn't be missed. He broke off their kiss to look at Catherine again, feeling slightly embarrassed, but she reached up to caress his face and smiled at him lazily.

"You happy baby?" she asked him huskily and he had to make an effort not to groan.

He nodded in stead, not trusting his voice for the moment.

"I can tell," Catherine said and he closed his eyes.

He'd never had sex with a woman and this was the first time he could truly imagine it, and the first time he wanted it, badly, with an actual person. With her. With Catherine Taylor, his girlfriend.

"Cath," he whispered and when she pushed her hips up to meet his, he groaned at last.

"It's okay," Catherine said. "I feel it too."

He opened his eyes and looked into hers. She wanted him too.

"I don't want to rush you," he said and Catherine smiled up at him, still stroking his cheek.

"I know. Must be why I love you so much."

Noah swallowed hard. She had just said the L word. And here he was, thinking he might freak her out if he told her how he felt just a month into their relationship. He dipped down to kiss her again, nipping at her bottom lip gently before kissing her deeply.

"I love you too," he managed to say after breaking off the kiss and when Catherine pulled him down for yet another kiss, he let his body take over from his mind.

He was clearheaded enough to keep his clothes on but his hand continued its journey across his girlfriend's body until it closed over one of her breasts. Catherine moaned into his mouth and he had rocked his hips against hers before he was aware of it. Her moans were so sexy and he wanted to make her moan again. Catherine responded each time he rocked into her and he couldn't believe they were actually dry-humping in his dorm room. When she slipped her hands inside his sweater and touched the bare skin of his back, Noah pulled away and propped himself up on his elbows. His face was hovering above hers when he asked her,

"What are we doing Catherine?"

She bit her lip wondering if she'd gone too far but Noah reassured her right away.

"Not that I'm complaining but … where is this going?"

"I don't know," Catherine admitted honestly. "I just … want to feel you close to me. Even closer than this, I guess," she added, gesturing at the way he was still laying on top of her.

Noah dropped his forehead to hers and tried to control his breathing.

"Are you sure?" he asked her softly.

Catherine's heart was beating wildly in her chest. She knew she could trust Noah and she did love him but she hadn't really planned on going all the way with him just yet. But the feeling of his hand on her breast and his body - his hardness - between her legs, was awaking all kinds of feelings very fast. But they shouldn't do it here. Henry could walk in at any moment so she told him, feeling a little disappointed herself,

"Not here."

Noah closed his eyes and took another deep breath. She felt bad for him but she wasn't comfortable taking her clothes off in a dorm room and she needed to be honest about it.

"Okay," Noah said softly. "You're right. Henry could …"

"Yeah. I mean, if we weren't …"

"I know baby."

"Yeah. I'm sorry."

Noah lifted his head to look at her and the look on his face was very serious when he told her,

"No Cath. Never _ever_ be sorry for being honest with me. Ever."

She smiled then, and when Noah moved off of her and sat up, she snuggled up to him and kissed him on the cheek. She was the luckiest girl on campus to have such wonderful, loving boyfriend. And on top of that, he was sexy as hell!

…

 **More about Sarah's date soon, as well as dinner with Olivia and Elliot … I hope you're enjoying reading about the younger generation as much as I enjoy writing them. If not, that's fine too of course.**


	19. Invitations

**19\. Invitations**

Dave was being a perfect gentleman and Sarah wondered why she hadn't noticed how cute he was before. He had taken her to a small Italian restaurant that was incredibly quick to serve their food. Dave guessed they knew they had a movie to go to later on and they enjoyed their meal, chatting about anything and everything, just like during their lunches before. Dave was so easy to talk to and was genuinely interested in whatever she said. They had the same taste in TV comedy shows and laughed a lot, remembering certain scenes that had both of them cracking up.

Sarah noticed that Dave checked her out regularly but it didn't make her feel uncomfortable. She was proud of her body and liked to show it off. She was wearing skinny jeans and a simple white V-neck shirt but she knew she looked good. When they walked to the movie theater later and Dave wrapped an arm around her waist, she didn't mind. She'd known him for a while after all, and she liked it when people made her feel attractive. She put her arm around his waist as well and liked how well they seemed to fit together.

The movie was a romantic comedy adventure thing and she was totally into the story. Dave's arm was behind her on the back of her chair and she rested her head against it, letting him know she was comfortable with him, and she smiled when he kissed her softly on the cheek. He really was a sweetheart. He dropped her off at her dorm and didn't ask if he could come in. He just said he hoped they could do this again some time soon and Sarah decided to give him some more encouragement.

"I'd like that Dave," she said, standing close to him and draping her arms over his shoulders. "I had a very nice time with you."

Dave was at least three inches taller than she was, and Sarah looked up at him through her eyelashes. She tilted her head back when Dave moved in to kiss her. She was pleasantly surprised that he proved to be an excellent kisser and she had to tell herself not to get too caught up in their kiss. His arms were around her and he held her tight while they kissed languidly. She hadn't expected him to come on so strong once he'd get the chance but she liked it. Dave seemed like the perfect mix of sweet and strong and she was still grinning from ear to ear when she walked into her dorm room ten minutes later, where Jen, her ever faithful safety net, was already waiting for her to hear all about her date with Dave.

...

Catherine had given him Olivia's phone number days ago but Elliot hadn't called her yet. He had contemplated just going over to her place without any plan but he worried that she wouldn't appreciate it, and things might get out of hand quickly. Because despite how much older they were now, he didn't expect things to go smoothly between them. He didn't have as much of a temper as he used to, but those few minutes in her presence had told him that they would still be explosive together. And that was his fault. She had every reason to blow up at him, and he was aware that the only reason she hadn't done that Friday night, had been because of the kids.

He yearned to see her again though. Her eyes were haunting him day and night now, whereas it had only been at night for a long time. She was still a strong, fierce woman but he'd seen a brokenness in her eyes as well and it was eating away at him. He didn't want to cause her any more pain and part of him wished they hadn't run into each other. He was still as much a coward as he had been back in 2011 or even in 2006. He hadn't been ready to face his feelings for her then, terrified that he'd wreck everything that was dear to him. And then he'd gone and done it anyway. He'd screwed up royally and had lost everything. His job, his family and Olivia. His partner. For better or worse, he'd promised her once, when they had only been partners for a short while. He had failed. He had shut her out when his worse came, and when fate struck in Olivia's life, he hadn't even been in the same country.

He still got emotional sometimes when he let that particular truth sink in. He should have been there. He should have had her back. And even if he'd gotten there too late, he should have helped her recover. She'd had a boyfriend at the time, Kathleen had told him and that thought should have been reassuring. Knowing that she wasn't alone. But the truth was that it hurt like hell and he knew he had no right. No right to envy the man who was supporting her when he'd done nothing at all to try and be there for her.

When he saw her with those little boys, he had assumed she'd hung on to the boyfriend and despite his own regret, he'd been happy for her that she had managed to invest in a real, healthy relationship after all. He knew how difficult that had always been for her. It took time and effort to gain her trust and he was glad someone had put in the effort for her. She deserved it and then some. Only she hadn't gotten it after all. And right now, she deserved _his_ effort. He needed to at least try to make amends for the way he had treated her.

He had been walking through the streets of the city, drinking in the only place that felt like home to him and felt for his phone in his jacket pocket. He was just pulling it out when it started ringing, and it actually startled him. He was pathetic. An experienced cop and career Marine, and here he was, his heart in his throat because he'd been thinking about Olivia when his phone rang. He took a deep breath when he saw the caller ID. _Catherine_.

…

"Hey baby, what's up?"

"Hey grandpa, are you busy?"

"Not really. What do you need Cathy?"

Catherine looked at her boyfriend who nodded at her encouragingly.

"Well … I was just thinking, since we seem to be missing each other a lot at home, if you'd like to go out to dinner with me tomorrow. Unless you have plans of course."

"Dinner?"

Her grandfather seemed genuinely surprised and she didn't blame him. She had hoped to catch him at home but he wasn't there so she had called him in stead. It felt a bit weird to ask him out to dinner over the phone but she hoped he'd say yes. Not finding him home only underlined her excuse. They did keep missing each other.

"My treat of course," she added quickly and then her grandfather chuckled.

"That won't be necessary, and I'd love to go out to dinner with you, honey. I just didn't think you'd want to be seen with an old man like me."

"You're not old grandpa," Catherine was quick to say. "You're fitter than a lot of guys who are twenty years younger than you. I'm sure you still turn a few heads wherever you go."

He chuckled again and asked if Noah was going to be there. Not that he'd mind. Catherine didn't like lying, to anyone, but she would have to this time, so she told Elliot it would be just the two of them.

"Noah is a big reason why we keep missing each other after all," she added, glancing at Noah, who just gave her a thumbs-up.

After agreeing to a time, Catherine ended the call and grinned.

"One down, one to go," Noah said, grabbing his own phone.

Time to call his mother.

…

"Benson."

"Benson."

"Hey!"

"Hey mom, are you busy?"

Olivia looked around her and smiled wryly. She was standing in the middle of Macy's, and had just told herself she should have brought Sarah. She always bought the same clothes and Sarah had commented on her wardrobe numerous times already. She just didn't want to look like an old woman wearing young people's clothes so she avoided bright colors for that reason. She liked bright colors but simply wasn't sure what they would look like on her 65-year old body. Shopping for summer dresses for her daughter had always been much easier. It still was.

"Not really," she told Noah, wondering if he could come over and help her out. "I'm at Macy's but I'm lost in the women's clothes department as usual."

She turned her phone around to show him her surroundings before turning it back to herself. Noah chuckled and told her,

"You really shouldn't go there alone anymore mom. I'm afraid you won't come back one day. You need a chaperone."

"Hey hey hey," Olivia objected. "I'm not _that_ old young man. I'm still armed and dangerous."

It was an expression between them, but it was also true. Olivia carried a small personal handgun in her purse. She had a licence of course. It just hadn't felt right not to have a gun after her retirement, although she hoped she would never have to use a gun again. She went to the shooting range once a month to practice her aim but aside from that, the small gun sat in the zipped-up compartment of her purse.

"Yeah mom, I know. Next time, ask one of us to come with you okay? Or maybe Catherine would like to go shopping with you some time."

Olivia sighed and decided not to take the bait. She could still take care of herself and wasn't going to give up her independence easily.

"We'll see about that Noah. Why were you calling?"

Olivia smiled when her son explained that he and Catherine would like to take her out to dinner.

"I've been spending so much of my spare time with Catherine, and we don't want you to feel left out, so what do you say? We were thinking about tomorrow night."

"Tomorrow's Friday," Olivia said.

Had it really been almost a week since Elliot had suddenly stood in her apartment?

"Yeah, it is. Or do you have a hot date on Friday?"

Olivia laughed out loud, not caring that the other customers at Macy's looked at her. Now where would she find a hot date? She stopped her mind from wandering the instant it started to, and told her son she'd love to go out to dinner with them. They agreed on a time and Noah told her he'd pick her up. Olivia smiled after ending the call. Noah could just have brought Catherine over on Sunday but she appreciated the extra effort he was putting in for her. He was still her sweet boy, no matter how big he'd gotten.

…

 **To be continued ...**


	20. Dinner for Four

**Are you ready? I'm not sure I am …**

...

 **20\. Dinner for four**

"Noah! Wait up!"

Sarah was running to catch up with her brother, with Jen in tow, before he'd disappear into the classroom where he was headed.

"Hey, what's up little sis?" he asked her with a grin.

Sarah stopped in front of him, slightly out of breath and Jen stopped next to her, waving at Noah with a smile.

"Finally. I couldn't find you anywhere all day long," Sarah sighed.

"You could have just called me you know," Noah said, waving his phone in front of his sister's face and she made a face at him.

"Yeah well. I just wanted to ask you if you've heard any rumors about Dave Johansson. He's a freshman."

Noah raised an eyebrow and Sarah sighed again.

"I'm going on a second date with him tonight. We're going dancing so he'll be drinking. I need to know what to expect."

"Ah okay. Well, I haven't heard anything about him, so nothing bad either. But I'll ask around. Inconspicuously, promise," he added.

While his sister was a regular roving reporter sometimes, she still needed him to fish for information among the male population on campus and he preferred it that way. He would definitely get to know more about this Dave before the day was over.

"You and Catherine got any plans tonight?" Sarah asked him. "Because if you don't, maybe you could be my backup tonight? Jen here has got a date of her own, so she's leaving me to fend for myself."

Jen stuck out her tongue at her best friend and then turned to Noah.

"We already know this guy and he seems pretty harmless to me. Although Sarah says he's a mean kisser so …"

Sarah silenced her friend immediately by punching her in the arm, and Jen closed her mouth while grabbing her arm protectively, frowning.

"Actually, Cathy and I are taking her grandfather and our mother out to dinner. Only they don't know yet that they're both coming."

Sarah's mouth dropped open.

"Seriously? You're setting them up? Ugh, I so want to be there!"

Noah shrugged.

"So ditch your date."

"No way," Sarah said, her eyes sparkling. "Didn't you hear Jen? He's a mean kisser."

"Hey!"

Jen took the opportunity to punch Sarah in the arm to get back at her.

"I can't say that about him and you can?"

"Yeah. He's my date, not yours."

Dating logic. It was beyond Noah and he was glad he had already found his dream girl.

"Well, I'll let you know how things go with mom and Mr. Stabler. Maybe we can find you and this Dave afterwards. Or you could pop in with mom tomorrow?"

"Maybe," Sarah said. "Depends how much sleep I need tomorrow."

Jen rolled her eyes and Sarah just grinned.

"Thanks for checking Dave out for me, big bro. Now get to class before you're too late."

…

"Nothing out of the ordinary about Dave, but his roommate Evan seems to be another story," Catherine reported.

Noah had asked her if she knew Dave or the people he hung out with and she got back to him right after their last classes of the week.

"What about the roommate?" Noah asked, immediately on guard.

"I've heard a few girls say he was a little creepy. I don't know details though, sorry."

"That's okay baby," Noah said and Catherine smiled at her handsome boyfriend.

Noah texted his sister, letting him know what they'd found out about Dave and his roommate and then closed his phone.

"Ready for tonight?" Catherine asked him and Noah sighed.

"I just hope we're doing the right thing Cath."

"Well, it's up to them after tonight, right? We're just giving them one little push."

They split up to go and get ready for their dinner date and would all meet up at the restaurant. Catherine could hear her grandfather humming in the bathroom while he shaved and did whatever else men did to get ready for a date. She was glad he was in such a good mood, and part of her wished she was actually going out with just him. He had no idea what he was in for …

Meanwhile, Noah was waiting for his mother, who was also in the bathroom. She had asked where Catherine was and he'd told her she would meet them at the restaurant. He had a feeling his mother was a little suspicious. She had been a cop all her life, after all. But so far, she was just looking forward to spending some time with them and going out for once.

She didn't have a lot of friends and the ones she did have, she all knew through work. Her best friends were a retired ADA and a medical examiner of all things. He hoped that would change, and that she could go out more and enjoy herself with other people once they got her back together with her old partner. He could only hope that she wouldn't be angry with him for what they were about to do.

…

Olivia and Noah had been seated for about ten minutes and she wondered why Catherine wasn't there yet. Noah seemed restless too and kept looking at the door. She thought he and Catherine had been doing very well but maybe he was worried that she wasn't going to come. But before she could ask him about it, there was movement at the door. Her eyes were drawn immediately to the figure appearing behind Catherine and her stomach dropped.

They didn't. They didn't! Whose idea had this been? He didn't even have the balls to face her alone? Olivia was already opening her mouth to say something when she caught Elliot's shocked stare. He'd had no idea she was going to be there either. Dammit! Did he even _want_ to see her?

Olivia stood up abruptly and looked down at her son indignantly.

"You set me up?"

Noah quickly stood next to her.

"Mom …"

"Cathy!" Elliot said sharply, looking at his granddaughter.

"Come on guys, don't be like that," Noah tried. "We're only trying to help. We think it's time you should talk."

Olivia huffed and looked at Elliot, who was now looking at her son with fire in his eyes. Her maternal instincts kicked in immediately and she spoke up, making Elliot look at her in stead of Noah.

"Well, at least _they_ think it's about time."

She could see her biting comment hit its intended target. Elliot's angry glare changed instantly into a look of regret. Sadness even. Shit. She didn't want sadness. She wanted fury because that was easier to handle. Not those baby-blue puppy eyes he was giving her now.

"I was going to call you," Elliot said meekly and Olivia balled her hands into fists.

She'd been ready for a fight the instant she'd seen him come into the restaurant and the adrenaline needed an outlet. Digging her fingernails into her palms would have to do for now.

"When?" she managed to ask him flatly.

"When Catherine called me to set this up, actually."

They ignored the shocked looks of the younger generation.

"You knew I'd be here?" Olivia asked.

"Absolutely not."

"So why didn't you call?"

"Lost my nerve I guess."

Olivia breathed out slowly. He was being way too honest right now and it sucked the fight right out of her. She didn't want to make a scene here anyway. Not in public and not in front of the children. Although she would have to talk to Noah privately about this. He had probably meant well but …

"So … why don't we all sit down?" Catherine said, interrupting her thoughts. "Might as well make the most of it now that we're all here."

Her voice had sounded strained and Olivia instantly felt bad for the young girl. She glared at Elliot once more and then sat down abruptly. Catherine quickly took the seat opposite Noah, leaving the seat opposite Olivia for Elliot.

"Mom, please," Noah muttered, very much aware of her mood.

And while she was pissed that she and Elliot now needed to be on their best behavior, she had to wonder if the alternative would have been better. He still tapped into her emotions way too easily and her age-old deflective reflexes wanted to kick in equally easily. Just looking at Elliot made her feel like she was being teleported back in time. But while he was eliciting all kinds of familiar reactions from her, there was something very different about him. He was ill at ease. Insecure almost. And it was throwing her off.

Noah was signaling for a waiter and Catherine joked that they all might as well go for the strong stuff right away. Olivia caught Elliot studying her when she looked at him and when she didn't look away, he held his breath. It was unsettling how uneasy he was and she could see in his eyes that there was so much he wanted to say to her. Somehow, in a weird way, that actually helped her to relax a bit. She did order a glass of wine to relax some more but she was able to focus on the menu then, while the children filled the awkward silences with some chatter about school. After their drinks arrived and they had ordered their meals, Noah finally asked the older couple if they could fill each other in a little on their lives over the past twenty years or so.

Elliot cleared his throat and the others waited for him to speak. Olivia kept her eyes on her wine when Elliot finally spoke.

...

He struggled to get the words out. He was very much aware that the kids were listening in and he knew she was too. But he had one shot and he was going to take it, however unexpected it was.

"Liv … Olivia. I know you understand that I was in a very dark place when I decided to retire."

Olivia had folded her arms and was leaning her elbows on the table while staring into her glass of wine, and when she didn't react visibly at all to his words, he continued.

"I just had to get away. I wasn't … wasn't specifically getting away from you. It was just … everything."

He thought he saw her blink a few times but she still wasn't looking up at him. The kids were silent and were looking around the restaurant. Anywhere but at the two former partners.

"I know I fucked up, Liv."

His words had sounded harsher than he'd intended but they were coming from a very deep, raw place, even after all these years. And Olivia finally looked up at him. Very briefly. He could see she was hiding behind her defensive walls but to her credit, she was still listening.

"It wasn't easy to leave everything behind. And I do mean everything. The job. The city. My family. And you."

His voice trembled on the last word and he could see her swallow.

"But I don't know what would have happened if I had stayed."

Olivia finally sat up straight, not unfolding her arms, and looked him in they eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

His heart broke for the pain in her voice, even though her face was completely devoid of emotion. She thought she was masking her emotions but he could still read her and it made his heart beat faster. She was finally looking at him and he didn't want to break that small start of a connection.

"I couldn't at first. Literally. I didn't talk to anyone. And after a while, I convinced myself you were better off without my shit in your life."

Her brown eyes remained fixed on his blues and it was almost unsettling. Almost. But he knew her and he knew she might be trying to keep the upper hand but she was struggling. She wanted to know. She wasn't indifferent. Far from it.

"I contacted my former CO at Quantico and he got me back into the Marines. When I went into training, I finalized my divorce and finally cleared my head when I was deployed overseas. I felt like I was finally resurfacing after being under water for years."

He saw the shutters close in her eyes. What had he just said to make her do that? He furrowed his brow and glanced at Noah next to his mother. The young man looked at Catherine, who in turn looked at her grandfather.

"Under water, grandpa? You were suffocating in New York? Or in your job?"

Elliot caught on quickly. He needed to make it clear that he wasn't talking about Olivia. She hadn't made him feel like he was under water. She'd been the only one that had kept him going for so long. In the end, she may have kept him going for too long so she had been part of it, but this wasn't the time to mention that. Maybe he never would. Because aside from his children, she'd been the only light in his life for a long time.

"I think Olivia knows what I mean, Cathy," he told his granddaughter kindly, hoping to make Olivia tag along again. "I was trapped in a life that was becoming too much. I didn't leave because of her."

He fixed his eyes on Olivia's again and could see that she was listening again.

"But I know I hurt you, Liv. That wasn't my intention, I just ..."

He looked down, shook his head and pursed his lips. He wasn't going to get emotional in front of her. It wasn't about him. It wasn't about how _he_ had needed to get away. It was about only her. So he looked at her again and simply told her,

"I'm sorry."

Their waiter popped up next to their table to serve their appetizers and Elliot took a few deep breaths. He was relieved that he'd gotten out as much as he had, including his apology. He knew it wasn't nearly enough but there was no way around it. And he was willing to tell her he was sorry every single day from now on if she'd give him a chance to be in her life again.

…

When Olivia finally unfolded her arms, they felt stiff. Her entire body was tense and her muscles were protesting to how rigidly she'd been sitting. The soup that had been placed in front of her smelled great but she was afraid to pick up her spoon for fear of dropping it. She placed her hands in her lap underneath the table and flexed her fingers a few times to make sure they would do what she wanted them to do before attempting to eat, while the children were trying to lighten the mood a bit by commenting on how nice the food looked.

Olivia was trying to understand Elliot's frame of mind at the time, after the shooting. She had tried to understand that part many times before and she got it. She could picture him tormented, completely off balance, not sleeping, maybe drinking too much, all of it. She just never understood why he hadn't come to her to talk then, or later. They had always looked out for each other and had never closed the door to each other. But when she'd reached out to him, he had ignored her.

Letting him go had been a mourning process. She'd been in denial for a long time. Hadn't acknowledged Nick as her new partner at first and had expected Elliot to show up at any time for almost a full year. She had finally begun to accept her loss when she met David Haden, although in retrospect she knew he'd just been a substitute. David had played the part well, right up to leaving her and never looking back.

When her fingers were finally relaxed enough that she trusted herself not to drop anything or knock her wine over, she put her hands on the table next to her bowl of soup. Elliot immediately placed his right hand on the table next to her left hand, palm up. She looked up at him and was struck again by the sadness in his eyes.

"I know there's more to say and more to explain and apologize for but … please accept my apology for the way I left, Liv. Olivia."

She wasn't sure what hurt more, hearing him say her nickname or hearing him correct himself. She swallowed hard and glanced at the children, who had started eating and were trying to look like they were not listen to them. She didn't know if she was ready to accept his apology. Like he had said, there was more to talk about. When she took too long to respond, Elliot retracted his hand and Olivia suddenly felt a sense of loss. She had wanted to touch his hand. To touch him again at last, after so many years. In stead, she picked up her spoon and looked at him briefly.

"Let's eat first, and you can tell me more later."

...

 **Boy, this is uncomfortable! Your thoughts are appreciated in a review or PM.**


	21. Better off

**21\. Better off**

Elliot and Olivia had only taken a few bites when he spoke again. He just couldn't keep quiet any longer, now that he'd started to talk to her at last.

"I always meant to come back."

Her eyes were on him in an instant again and he forged ahead, ignoring the trembling of his stomach.

"I never meant to stay out of touch for so long."

"Then why did you?" she asked flatly. "It's been twenty-four _years_ , Elliot."

"I'm sorry," he choked out again, knowing it wouldn't be the last time he'd say those words. "I thought I'd eventually pick myself up and call you, but once I was back in training, I have to admit time got away from me and before I knew it, I was on a plane to the Middle East."

Olivia just nodded and continued eating her soup. If he didn't know any better, he'd think she was unaffected by his words. But he did know better. And she deserved to hear this from him. Even the part that he was going to address next.

"I didn't hear about what had happened to you until after he was dead."

Olivia stopped eating then, freezing just when she'd been scooping up the last of her soup. Her eyes remained fixed on her bowl and he wanted to reach out to her and touch her. Comfort her. But he didn't. When Olivia slowly put her spoon down, he swallowed hard, waiting for her eyes to meet his once more. She lifted them a little, but she didn't look into his eyes. She seemed to be staring at his chest in stead.

"I was sick for a week when I heard," he continued. "I would have killed the bastard if he hadn't been dead already."

She was still frozen in place. The only movement was the heaving of her chest and he knew she was trying to contain her real reaction to his words. He decided to keep on talking to help her through it.

"Kathleen sent me newspaper clippings after he shot himself and she also told me that you had someone taking care of you."

Olivia remained silent and he didn't know what else to say about her ordeal and what he'd heard about it. Noah put his arm loosely around his mother and she moved then, looking at her son and giving him a small smile.

"She didn't," Noah said, looking at the older man sitting across from his mother. "But mom's a fighter. She's a survivor with a capital S."

Olivia's smile widened slightly.

"Thank you Noah," she said softly and Elliot felt a lump forming in his throat seeing the mother-son moment unfold before him.

He could see the love and it was all he'd ever wanted for her. She was a wonderful mother and her son's love for her was proof of that.

"I was so happy to find out that you'd become a mother after all," he told her honestly.

"Tell her how you found that out, grandpa," Catherine nudged him gently.

Both kids were aware of the tension between their older companions but they were dealing with it very well, he thought. They kept the conversation moving at the exact moments it was needed.

"I came back after my first five-year tour was over," Elliot continued, and Olivia finally looked at him again.

…

"You should have just walked up to me."

It was the one thing she just couldn't get out of her mind. Why hadn't he just walked up to her when he saw her with the boys? That he'd been out of the country during her run-ins with Lewis was one thing, but he'd been back. He'd seen her. And then he'd left without even letting her know he was there. Had they really become such strangers to each other that he couldn't even talk to her?

2016\. She hadn't expected him to show up anymore at that time, but part of her had still been hoping. Her brief relationship with Ed Tucker hadn't been so brief without a reason, just like the relationships before and after him. She simply didn't trust anyone anymore. She'd had trust issues before but once her best friend had walked out of her life without so much as a goodbye, her heart had simply slammed shut completely. The only reason that she was still a functioning human being was because she had the children. Noah and Sarah had been her salvation. They loved her unconditionally, like she loved them. They had breathed life back into her in a way no man could have. Not even Brian, although he'd given it his all.

"You were happy."

His tense words pulled her back to the present. To Elliot, her long lost partner, who was sitting across from her at a restaurant with her son and his granddaughter. The whole situation still felt a little unreal to her, although all the emotions she was experiencing were very real.

"Since when is that a reason not to talk to someone?" she asked.

Hadn't he known how much she'd missed him? How badly she had wanted to see him after, and even during her abduction by Lewis? How she had hated herself for still thinking of him when she adopted Noah, wishing he'd be there to share in her joy? How she'd cried after the adoption party, remembering what she'd said to Nick about him? Her relationship with Elliot truly hadn't left room for anything else where her heart was concerned. But he would have supported her when Noah came into her life and she had missed him more that night than she had in a long time.

"I don't know," Elliot said sadly. "I just didn't want to intrude. You had the life I always wanted for you. A family."

"I had Noah. I would have loved for you to meet him as a baby."

She wanted to bite her tongue the moment the words had left her mouth. She hadn't planned on telling him anything, let alone how she had wanted him to be a part of the happiness she'd found.

Elliot put down his fork, that he'd been using to eat his shrimp salad. His eyes were sad again, a little glazed over even.

"I honestly thought you were better off without me Liv. You … you never had anything serious going on while we were partners, and as soon as I leave you find yourself a family."

"God, Elliot," Olivia sighed, slightly frustrated.

Did he really think it had taken him leaving for her to be happy? She didn't know whether to laugh at how important he clearly thought he'd been to her or to yell at him for screwing up her love life in the first place while they were partners. But both reactions would be a lie, because he _had_ been that important to her and he hadn't screwed up her love life. She'd managed that on her own just fine. She couldn't really blame him for the fact that she'd fallen in love with him.

"The kids told me that it wasn't like I thought at the time, and I will blame myself for the rest of my life for not bothering to check."

Elliot was on a roll and she was mildly surprised at how well he was able to talk about himself these days.

"Check what?" she asked, knowing what he meant but needing to hear it from him.

She wasn't going to volunteer any information at this point.

"Noah tells me that he and his sister were adopted."

Olivia nodded and smiled at her son again.

"Yeah. They came without a daddy attached. Saved myself a lot of trouble that way."

When Elliot chuckled her eyes flicked back to his.

"I can't help but agree with you there," he said by way of explanation. "So I guess you were better off without me after all."

Olivia wasn't going to throw him a bone, not even as a joke. Because she hadn't been better off without him for several years. She'd needed him and had missed him, more than she should have. And now that he was back, frankly, she didn't know what to do with him. And so she said nothing.

A helpful young waitress came to clear the table and asked if they'd like another drink while waiting for the main course. Olivia downed the last of her wine quickly and ordered another glass. She hardly drank anything alcoholic anymore these days but she needed it to take the edge off her nerves a bit.

"So," she said after the waitress had dashed off again. "When you decided for both of us that I was happy and better off without you, you took off again?"

Elliot didn't take the bait and just nodded. Humbly. That was new, too. Could he have gotten softer over time? Less combative?

"Yeah. Stayed in the Marines until they practically had to force me to retire. And then I moved back here about six months ago."

Six months. And he still hadn't come to see her.

"You must have been shocked to find yourself in my apartment so suddenly. You clearly had no intention of finding me at all."

She had sounded bitter, and she was. She knew it wouldn't have been easy for him to contact her but he could have made _some_ effort. They were only here because of the kids, after all. If Noah hadn't asked Catherine out, they still wouldn't be talking. She must not have meant much to him after all.

...

"Liv … Olivia. I was going to. I know how lame this sounds. And it is. It's lame. But I moved back to the city to be near you. That's the god's honest truth. I … I know we will never get the time back that I wasted but … I'm hoping we can do something with the time we still have left."

Olivia bit her lip and Elliot couldn't help staring. She was well into her sixties and she was still a vision. He was at her mercy now but looking at her, hearing her voice again after so long and seeing all the emotions in her eyes that she thought she was hiding, he knew that there was no way he was going to stay away now. Not unless she forced him to. And even then, they'd still be connected through the kids. He was rooting for Noah and Catherine for them as well as himself now.

Her next words knocked the wind out of him.

"I'm not sure what we could be to each other at this point in our lives, Elliot."

He was at a loss for words and he welcomed the fresh beer that was placed in front of him just then. He grabbed it and took a long gulp while reminding himself to keep breathing. She didn't know if there was still room in her life for him? Not even as a friend? He wanted to try. He wasn't one to beg but he wasn't going to give up that easily either.

"Can we try, Olivia? After tonight, could we just go out for coffee or something?"

…

 **What will Olivia say?**


	22. (Un)comfortable

**22\. (Un)comfortable**

Her own words were still echoing inside her head. _I'm not sure what we could be to each other at this point in our lives._ It was true. Ever since Noah had told her she would need to find a way to factor Elliot into her life again, Olivia had wondered how. What could he be to her now? What did he _want_ to be to her now? And what did she want him to be? She had adjusted to a life without him and she had been happy. She didn't have a large circle of friends but she cherished the few she had, like Rafael Barba and Melinda Warner. Her children were adults now and she enjoyed sharing parts of their lives as they spread their wings, like Noah's first serious relationship with a nice girl. She was looking forward to becoming a grandmother one day and she had been content with her life for the most part.

She heard Elliot ask her if she'd have coffee with him some time. The mere fact that he had to ask her that was so alien to her - to them - that it made her chuckle. Having coffee together had been their way of life for so long and now it just felt … awkward.

When she looked at him she could see in his eyes that her chuckle had hurt him. That hadn't been her intention. She hadn't meant to laugh at him. It was just this weird, uncomfortable situation they were in.

She would have to think about how he had explained his long absence in her life. She hadn't digested that yet. She wasn't ready to make a decision one way or the other.

"Mom? A cup of coffee can't hurt, can it?"

Noah was still trying to help and she smiled at him.

"No. A cup of coffee can't hurt," she admitted. "It just struck me as funny that this is now a question between us," she continued, addressing Elliot again.

Olivia could see a few muscles twitch in his face and she realized that she had underestimated how important her answer was to him. Despite what she had thought over the years, she did matter to him. He was very tense, but not in an aggressive way. She felt bad for him in a way and she knew it would always matter to her to some degree how he was doing. She just needed to decide to which degree. They used to be so comfortable together. So fluent. She didn't know if they would ever be able to find their groove again together. If they even had anything in common anymore after all this time.

"I … will think about it," she finally replied, looking at Elliot briefly before looking away.

Their waiter was back with two of their main dishes and there was a brief silence at the table until the man had retreated to get the other two plates.

"I understand that you're not welcoming me back with open arms, Olivia," Elliot said. "I just hope you will allow me to be in your life again. I don't mean to disturb the life you've built for yourself at all, I swear. I just … I miss you."

Tears sprang to her eyes before she could stop them and Olivia looked down at the table, blinking rapidly.

How dare he be this vulnerable! How dare he push that door open where she'd stuffed all of her own pain behind, to make her admit that she missed him too? How dare he make it only too obvious to her that he'd always had one foot in the door with her? That there was no way she would ever be able to close the door to him completely.

She wasn't going to say out loud that she missed him too. Not here and not now. He would just have to read it in her moist eyes, that she raised slowly to meet his again. She sucked her lower lip between her teeth to keep her chin from trembling, but she could see him register her emotions. He swallowed hard and nodded slightly. She hadn't said a word but he had received her message. She knew he would be calling her soon.

…

Catherine had felt the shift in the air and she looked at Noah across their table. They were still young. They had their whole lives ahead of them and she had no intention of wasting all that time with misunderstandings and regrets. Time had created a rift between these two people who had obviously meant the world to each other at one point. She wasn't going to let that happen in her life. The pull she was feeling towards Noah was growing stronger by the day and she wasn't going to try and resist it. Noah had told her about how his mother regretted some things she didn't do, and she could see the evidence right in front of her. She wasn't going to make that mistake. She'd rather regret what she did do, than to have to live the rest of her life wondering about what could have been.

When Noah smiled at her, she wondered if he knew what she was thinking about. She moved her leg underneath the table until her foot rubbed his leg gently. The look in her boyfriend's eyes changed and she realized that he probably did know what she'd been thinking. He glanced at his mother and her grandfather and then looked at her again.

' _Not us,'_ he mouthed at her and she couldn't help grinning widely.

They were most definitely not them. They weren't going to waste so much time.

After a few more minutes of uncomfortable silence they all managed to engage in some innocent chatter while they ate, and Elliot actually smiled a few times when he gave Olivia some updates about his children. Olivia asked questions and Catherine felt a special sense of familiarity when she heard Noah's mom talk about her aunts and uncles. By the time she and Noah had finished their desserts and the older couple had finished their coffee, everyone was fairly relaxed. The biggest hurdle seemed to have been cleared and they would have to let the former partners find their own way from here. Catherine had a feeling that they would be alright now.

Noah's mom did ask Noah to drive her home while it looked like her grandfather would have liked to linger a bit, but that was understandable under the circumstances.

Catherine and Elliot had taken a cab to the restaurant and Elliot told the younger couple that he was going to walk home. Then he looked at Olivia.

She managed a small smile and when he asked her if he could call her soon, she gave him a short nod. Catherine was relieved that the evening had gone fairly well. They drove Olivia home in silence in her car, understanding that she had a lot to think about. Once Noah had made sure his mother would be okay, he suggested calling Sarah to ask where she was. If she was getting serious about this Dave, he wanted to check him out personally. And he didn't mind hanging out with Catherine some more, since the night was still young.

…

Sarah didn't really seem to need them. She was having the time of her life dancing with Dave at the packed club where they found her, and Noah wasn't sure if he should be happy for her that she was so comfortable with Dave, or if he should mind that she was letting him touch her so freely. They had both been drinking and even sober, Sarah was much more uninhibited in public than him. Dave was a tall guy who clearly worked out regularly and he was completely focused on Sarah. Noah felt slightly uncomfortable seeing Dave's hands all over his sister's body and his body pressed up against her. When he saw the young man slip his hand under her tank top on her back, he approached the couple, with Catherine in tow.

Sarah squealed when she saw them and turned away from Dave to hug her brother and her girlfriend one at a time. To his credit, Dave shook both their hands and while it was impossible to have a real conversation over the loud music, he introduced himself and shouted that it was nice to meet them.

Noah gave his sister an inquisitive look and she mouthed at him, 'He's okay'. When Dave tugged her hand, she smiled sweetly and wrapped her arms around her date again, winking at Noah over her shoulder.

Noah looked at Catherine, who just shrugged, and made a drinking gesture. Catherine nodded and they made their way towards the bar. They might as well have some fun too, now that they were here. The awkwardness of their dinner with the two former partners was ebbing away and after a few beers and some nudging from Catherine, he ventured onto the dancefloor to show off his own dance moves. Catherine seemed a little inspired by his sister, and danced close to him until there wasn't any space left between them. Her hands drifted down from his back to his ass and when she squeezed him gently, he smiled at her. She was the most beautiful creature in the club by far and sometimes he could hardly believe she really wanted to be with him. When she kissed his neck softly he returned the gesture and within minutes, they were making out on the dancefloor as if they were the only ones there. Noah didn't want to embarrass his girl with so many people around them, but part of him was beginning to understand Dave better. He wished he could touch more of Catherine's skin and the way she was devouring his mouth and touching him told him it might be the same for her. They were actually overdressed for the club, where the body heat of all the other customers had created a steamy atmosphere by now and after a while, he suggested to Catherine that they get some air.

Catherine grinned and took his hand to lead him to the back entrance and he suddenly wondered if she'd been to this club with other guys, since she seemed to know her way around. He really didn't want to think of her with other guys and remembering his sister, he looked back to see if he could spot Sarah. He didn't see her and hoped she would really be okay with touchy-feely Dave Johannson. Once they were outside, he let go of his worries and focused on his beautiful girlfriend, who seemed eager to continue their makeout session outside. She pushed him up against the wall and kissed him hungrily.

Once they broke apart to catch their breaths he asked her softly,

"What has gotten into you? Not that I'm complaining."

Catherine giggled and he realized that this was the first time he saw her a little tipsy.

"Baby, I just don't want to waste time," she told him, suddenly being very serious. "Not like your mom and my grandpa."

Noah leaned his forehead against Catherine's and closed his eyes.

"Neither do I, Cath. I want it all with you."

"Me too," Catherine whispered softly before kissing him on the lips again.

"So you wanna get out of here?" he asked her, suddenly feeling a little nervous.

"Yeah," Catherine said, her voice quivering slightly.

"Where do you wanna go?"

Catherine sighed and he understood. They didn't really have a place they could go where they would have complete privacy. When she pushed her hips into him, Noah groaned softly.

"I don't care where we go. I just want to be with you," she admitted and Noah wrapped his arms around her, holding her close.

He felt the exact same way and it was frustrating that they had no place to go where they could be alone. He didn't want to take her to some cheap hotel, he wanted their first night together to be special and intimate.

"Maybe grandpa isn't home yet," Catherine said hopefully but when they checked the time, they both sighed.

It was almost 2 AM already. It wasn't likely that Elliot was still walking around the city at this hour.

"I'm sure mom won't mind if I take you home with me," Noah tried but Catherine shook her head.

She wouldn't be comfortable, knowing there was someone else in the house.

They were distracted by sounds coming from the alley and when they realized what they were hearing, they looked at each other with wide eyes. People actually did that, outside, with other people around?

"No way we're doing that," Noah said firmly.

Catherine was worth too much to him to have a quicky with her in an alley behind a club.

"Not yet, anyway," Catherine said huskily and Noah's mouth fell open.

Seriously? _Seriously?_ She'd be into that in the future? He swallowed hard and wondered if she would have more surprises for him. Catherine giggled again and caressed his chest with both hands.

"I told you Noah, I want it all with you."

Noah groaned again and when Catherine suggested that he take her home, he could only hope that she would get over her shyness and let him stay over, whether her grandfather was home or not.

…

 **Things are heating up a little but I am going to try and keep this story T rated throughout. Hope you don't mind! Feedback is always appreciated.**


	23. Night life

**This chapter is a peek into the lives of all five of our main characters. I know many of you are just waiting for the fireworks between Olivia and Elliot, but the kids have an important part in this story too.**

 **For those of you who have asked me if I could write a story that is set in one of the earlier seasons (1-12), I fully plan to write those again, but I have done that already too. Please check out An Understanding, Rescue Me, Rage and several of my one-shots.**

 **Meanwhile, I hope you will all enjoy this next chapter of Timeless.**

...

 **23\. Night life**

Elliot couldn't sleep. His thoughts just wouldn't stop bouncing around in his head. It had been so good to see Olivia again, but also so incredibly painful. The distance he felt between them hurt him physically and his chest felt constricted whenever he remembered it. The sadness in her eyes when he admitted that he missed her had struck him deeply and he was grateful that she was giving him a chance. He had so much to make up for, so much to set straight. He could only hope that she'd be able to accept that he hadn't been himself when he took off back in 2011.

Looking back, it didn't even make sense to him that he'd just left her without a word, so he didn't expect Olivia to understand over night. She hadn't said no when he asked her if he could call her, and it was more than he could have hoped for after being confronted with her - again - so unexpectedly. But he wasn't planning on wasting any more time. Twenty-four years was enough.

She was still beautiful. Breathtaking to him. He knew he was incredibly biased and basically still saw her young face in her features, but she really had taken good care of herself. She was older but not less radiant or confident at all. She could probably still take someone down in the streets if she had to. Memories of his badass partner of the time they had worked together kept popping up, making him smile sometimes, and making him want to cry other times.

After tossing and turning for a while, Elliot threw the covers off and got up. He used the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. He looked tired but he wasn't going to get any sleep tonight, so why bother going back to bed? He walked back into his bedroom and put on his running gear. There was an all-night gym a few blocks away and he planned on wearing his old body out to the point where it would need to shut down and sleep at last.

Before leaving, he wrote Catherine a note, just in case she'd notice that he was gone when she came home. If she came home. The thought struck him that she might not come home, now that she was with Noah. That boy was so lucky that he was Olivia's son …

After writing the note he placed it on the coffee table.

 _1.30 AM Couldn't sleep and went to the gym. I took my phone, call if you need me. Don't worry about me and don't wait up. Love, grandpa._

He smiled. Grandpa. It was an honorary title that meant more to him than any other title ever had. No matter how many mistakes he and Kathy had made, their children hadn't been one of them. He was a proud father and now grandfather and Catherine was the light of his life. The firstborn of his firstborn. It couldn't be a coincidence that she'd brought Olivia back into his life, could it? He smiled again, at his own romantic notion this time. Who said pensioners were too old to fall in love all over again? Whoever it was, they were dead wrong.

…

For the first time in many years, Olivia was glad that she was able to numb herself with alcohol. She had needed to pace herself a few times over the years but in the end, she had not become her mother. And so she indulged herself tonight. It was a special occasion after all. She still hadn't forgiven Noah completely for setting her up. Part of her had wanted to know if Elliot really would have called her, like he'd said, and now they would never know.

Her pride wouldn't budge for now. He couldn't just ditch her and then pick up where they had left off once he finally got his head out of his ass. She couldn't suppress a wry smile when she thought of his ass. Why did he still look so ridiculously good at 68? She had tried not to check him out but his physique still affected her. He was thinner than he used to be but he was still basically built like a tank. No sign of a potbelly, just pure muscle everywhere including his firm ass. She knew he'd still turn heads walking down the street.

She wondered if he'd dated at all after his divorce. It seemed like such a waste for a man like him to be alone for over twenty years. She should ask him about it next time. Next time …

Olivia shook her head. Would you look at that, she thought. Here she was, already 'factoring him into her life again' like Noah had put it.

She still wasn't over the fact that Elliot had been back after five years. She would have been pissed with him then too, but things could have been so different. If only he hadn't been such a stubborn, proud son-of-a-bitch. Why would her being happy ever be a reason to walk away without telling her he was there? Did he really think she was that fragile, that she'd fall apart as soon as she saw him, and that he'd destroy her new-found happiness?

Anger took over again and she poured herself another glass of wine. it had to be her third since she'd gotten home, and she'd had three at the restaurant already. Well, who cared anyway?

Sarah and Noah care, the little voice inside her head told her. It was a nagging little voice that had kept her from putting her life in danger many times since she'd become a mother. But she didn't want to hear it right now. She just wanted to wallow a bit until she'd finally fall asleep. Her kids were out partying anyway so nobody was going to come and see her at this hour. Olivia laid her head back on the armrest of her couch and closed her eyes. Maybe she should call Melinda tomorrow. She'd like to talk to someone and Melinda was just about the only one she had left who had actually known Elliot. And George, but he had moved to Italy with the love of his life ten years ago and they only communicated long-distance these days.

Ed Tucker had passed away just three years ago. Not that he'd be eager to talk to her about Elliot. He hadn't found anyone to share his life with and through the years, he'd joked that they really should get back together in stead of spending their days alone. She hadn't agreed. She was content with the life she had built with Noah and Sarah and her heart just didn't leave any room for another man. She suspected that Ed knew why there wasn't enough room in her heart for him. He'd always been suspicious of her and Elliot but he'd taken her rejection graciously and they had remained friends until he succumbed to a heart attack in 2032.

Rafael Barba was retired like her, and was spending a lot of time with a woman he claimed to have an open relationship with, but she could tell he loved her very much. He'd hinted that his girlfriend really didn't mind their monthly coffee date and wouldn't care if it turned into more a few times, but Olivia had always blown him off. She wasn't into sharing a man with another woman. Besides, she valued her friendship with Rafael too much to give it up for a few 'benefits'.

Melinda's husband had died but she was very happy with her daughter and three grandchildren, and had recently met a nice man. That was another thing she needed to talk about with Melinda. Because how did one develop a romantic relationship at their age? She suspected that Melinda would see the reason behind her question a mile away and decided that she would just be honest with her old friend. Melinda had been a loyal rock throughout the years and knew her better than anyone else. Aside from Elliot maybe, but she wouldn't let her mind go there. She opened her eyes and sat up again, reaching for her glass. Yes. She was going to call Melinda in the morning and right now, she wasn't going to think about Elliot anymore. And she definitely wasn't going to dream about him. So she thought.

…

Sarah was moaning. She was pressed up against the wall of her dorm and Dave was kissing her senseless, rocking his hips against her, and it felt so good. They had had a great time in the city and it was difficult to let each other go for the night. Her mother's words were echoing in her intoxicated brain and she wanted to listen. She really did. But her body wasn't listening. Her mother had warned her about that too and she was grateful now that she had put her on the pill. She understood how people could get carried away because she wasn't too far away from losing control herself. Dave had one hand under her miniskirt now and the other one up her tank top, and she wanted them there. But she was bordering on drunk and so was Dave and she didn't want to experience her first time in a drunken haze. She wanted it to be something special that she would have fond memories of later on. And so after a while, she pushed against Dave's chest gently until he released her mouth and looked into her eyes.

"Dave, slow down," she said softly.

"You feel so good babe," he slurred, attempting to kiss her again, so Sarah pushed a little harder.

"Dave!"

He seemed to realize at last that Sarah wanted to stop and blinked a few times.

"You're drunk baby. I think we should stop," Sarah told him, and she was relieved when he nodded.

"Yeah. I'm pretty sloshed," he admitted, but his hand was still rubbing her ass underneath her skirt.

"I don't wanna do it like this," Sarah said, hoping to get through to Dave while she willed her own body to calm down.

"Why not. It's fun," Dave said, and she suddenly remembered that Dave wasn't a virgin like her.

He'd probably had several little adventures already and he may have taken a girl up against a wall before. But she hadn't just been referring to their position but also their state of mind.

"I mean I don't wanna do it drunk," she insisted and Dave nodded again.

"I get it babe. It's okay. But you gotta come to our dorm party tomorrow. We'll stay sober and maybe we can sneak up to my room then."

Sarah had to wonder if he might not be as drunk as she'd thought. She was going to wait and see if he'd bring it up again the next day, not knowing yet if she'd be up for losing her virginity during a party. For now, she just needed to get to her room before she changed her mind, because the feelings Dave was awakening in her body were really something else. And she would need to bring her own condoms if she did go to that party. Never trust a man to have them handy. Another one of her mother's wisdoms.

They took their time saying goodnight but eventually managed to let each other go.

"Call you tomorrow," Dave promised before he staggered off.

Sarah hoped he wouldn't collapse on the way from her dorm to his because he really was drunk, and texted him right after locking her dorm room door behind her, to text her back as soon as he got there. Fifteen minutes later, just before she fell asleep, her phone beeped and she smiled as she drifted off to sleep, dreaming of Dave's strong arms holding her close.

…

"Sssshh," Catherine hissed when they entered the apartment quietly.

Noah couldn't help laughing a bit that they were sneaking in but Catherine wasn't amused. One small lamp was on in the living room and Catherine spotted a note on the coffee table.

"Noah," she whispered, pointing at the note.

She picked it up to read it, and then made a beeline for her grandfather's bedroom.

"What Cath?" Noah asked softly, unsure if he should follow her.

Catherine came back quickly with a wide grin on her face.

"Grandpa isn't here," she announced, waving the note. "He's at the all-night gym."

She hadn't decided yet what they were going to do once they got there, but she had asked Noah to come up with her. They could at least kiss and cuddle a bit before he'd have to go. But now she wondered if he had to go at all …

Knowing her grandfather, he wouldn't be back for quite a while. He'd left at 1.30 AM, about an hour ago. Working out had been his way of dealing with stress for as long as she'd known him. Her mother had told her that grandpa used to have a lot of anger inside him, and that he'd usually take that out on a punching bag or another inanimate object. He had calmed down a bit over the years but she could imagine him being a little high strung after dinner with Ms. Benson. And immediately, she realized that she and Noah had the apartment all to themselves. That reality seemed to be sinking in with Noah as well, and when she walked up to him and took his hands in hers, he smiled hesitantly.

"Does that mean that … that you want me to stay?" he asked her nervously.

Catherine stood on her toes to kiss his cheek and smiled, also nervously.

"If you want," she said softly.

She didn't need to tell him twice. They quickly hurried into Catherine's bedroom and Catherine took a deep breath once she closed the door behind him. She could hardly believe it was actually going to happen tonight.

…

 **Aren't they a cute couple?  
More soon, also about the couple you're all waiting for. When will Elliot call Olivia?**


	24. Time

**Guest reviewer KRH, thank you for taking the job as reviewer so seriously. I appreciate it a lot! FicFriend and Roanie, we will soon see more of Dave's character …  
But first, let's go back to Catherine and Noah.**

...

 **24\. Time**

"Are you sure you're okay baby? Does it still hurt?"

Catherine held Noah close to her, still overwhelmed with feeling him, all of him, skin on skin. She kept her eyes closed, not ready just yet to look at him.

"No … I … it burns a bit but we knew that would happen," she said softly.

Noah had finished prematurely, something they had also known to happen a lot the first time for a guy, but he'd taken care of her needs afterwards. She hadn't expected to feel so safe when this day would come, but she hadn't been afraid. Because this was Noah.

Catherine knew that lots of girls her age had lost their virginity already but many of them hadn't been in a real relationship at the time. And while she hadn't know Noah for very long, she knew that he was the one for her. They couldn't know what the future would hold for them, but she knew she would never regret this night. She would never regret that he had been her first. She could only hope it would be the same for Noah.

"I'm sorry that I … that I finished so quickly," Noah stammered, and she finally opened her eyes to look up at him when he moved.

Noah was now leaning on one elbow and was looking down at her with concern in his eyes. She reached for him and caressed his cheek.

"That's okay Noah. It's good to know I can do that to you."

They both grinned at her remark and Noah relaxed.

"You have no idea what you do to me, girl," he said, almost growling and Catherine giggled.

"I have plenty of time to find out, right?" she said, still smiling.

"Yeah," Noah sighed, and his face turned serious again.

"This is the real deal for me, Cath. You know that, don't you?"

Catherine swallowed and bit her lip, touched by Noah's loving words.

"I know," she said softly. "It's the same for me."

Noah leaned in and Catherine wrapped her arms around his neck when he kissed her. They kissed languidly and Noah reveled in the feeling of Catherine's body against his. Being with her was better than he could have imagined and they were going to learn together to be the best lovers they could be to each other. Catherine had told him she'd been on birth control since she was fourteen to regulate her periods and since it would be the first time for both of them, she had told him they didn't need any further protection. But his mother had ingrained in him that he was as responsible as his bed partner to make sure they were protected, so he had bought condoms a week earlier, and he had insisted on using one. He trusted Catherine to be faithful to him and they might revisit that particular issue in the future, but for now he wanted to be a responsible boyfriend. When he could feel her dozing off in his arms, he knew he could definitely get used to sleeping with her next to him.

…

Olivia woke up on her couch around eight the next morning, which was really late for her. She glanced at the empty wine bottle on her coffee table and groaned when she sat up. She had a faint headache and her body was stiff and cold. She would definitely need her stretching exercises today. She had had the weirdest, restless dreams, mostly about past cases she and Elliot hadn't agreed on. She had basically been fighting with him all night long but in her dreams, some fights hadn't quite ended like they had in real life. It took her a while to shake off the image of Elliot taking her in his arms after Gitano had been shot by that sniper …

She decided to take a long shower and once she was somewhat awake after a light breakfast and her first cup of coffee, she decided to call Melinda. Melinda was usually up early as well, a work habit they both hadn't been able to kick despite being retired for a few years now. Her dear friend answered on the second ring and started talking right away.

"Now how did you know I was checking my messages Benson?"

"Goodmorning to you too, Warner," Olivia answered with a grin.

Talking to Melinda always improved her mood drastically and she hoped Melinda would be free to meet up with her later in the day. Apparently, Melinda could tell that she wasn't just calling to catch up, and she told her right away to spill the beans.

"Out with it, Olivia."

Olivia smiled again and decided to just blurt it all out.

"Well. The thing is, Noah is dating this girl and as it turns out, she's Elliot's granddaughter. Yeah, Stabler," she added, seeing Melinda's mouth fall open in surprise. "Last night they set us both up and we all had dinner together and now Elliot wants to see me again and he's going to call me to have coffee together and … I could really use some advice here."

She blew out a breath after her little speech and there was a brief pause as Melinda processed her words, biting her lip.

"Stabler huh? Are you sure you wanna do _that_ again? After all this time?"

Olivia explained that she'd rather talk face to face and that she hoped Melinda had some time to meet up. She was relieved when Melinda agreed to meet her in the city at three. Melinda had always suspected that she and Elliot had been more than just partners to each other, and Olivia had confided in her after a while that there had indeed been feelings that were more than just partnerly. Melinda had tried to support her after Elliot walked out of her life. She knew that no man had ever managed to truly fill the void Elliot had left in her life, but she also knew that Olivia wasn't going to drop everything now and run into the man's arms. He had hurt her deeply and Melinda had a hard time understanding that or even contemplating forgiving him for it.

After ending the call with Melinda, Olivia sighed and looked around her apartment. What to do until three? There was more than enough food in the house for the weekend and the place was clean. She made herself another cup of coffee and then decided to go out for a run. Well, it was more of a slow jog these days. It would be good to be outside and clear her head.

…

When Elliot woke up, he was blinded by the sunlight streaming into his bedroom. He hadn't gotten home from the gym until five in the morning and had basically collapsed as soon as he saw his bed. He really was getting old. He was still fully clothed and decided a shower was overdue. What time was it anyway? He checked his watch as he took it off. 11 AM?

"Great," he mumbled, stripping out of his clothes. No chance to meet Olivia for coffee this morning. He really wanted to see her today and not waste any more time. He would call her as soon as he'd feel a little human again.

After a long shower, Elliot ventured into the living room to find his granddaughter doing her homework on her laptop at the breakfast bar. She looked up when she saw him coming and smiled.

"Hey grandpa, I didn't hear you come home last night."

"No honey, I didn't get in until 5."

"Wow, why so late?"

Elliot shrugged.

" Stuff to think about."

"Okay."

"Did you have fun with Noah after dinner?"

Catherine seemed to blush a little and looked down at her laptop again while she nodded and told him,

"Yeah, we had a great time. Went to a club to check up on Sarah and her date, and then danced for a while. It was fun."

Elliot really didn't want to know how much fun she'd had. His little girl was growing up and he could tell she was serious about Noah. He knew what kids did when they were out clubbing and he would like to stay in his dream world for just a little longer, where his granddaughter was saving herself for marriage.

So he just responded with a neutral "good" and then walked into the kitchen to make himself some breakfast. He offered Catherine some but she told him she already ate earlier.

"Early bird, huh? I'm proud of you honey."

Catherine smiled. She was relieved that her grandfather didn't ask any more questions about her night. She had felt herself blush instantly at the very first question and she wasn't quite ready to tell her grandfather what had happened between her and Noah. It was their little secret for now and it made her feel so much closer to Noah than before.

Noah had left quietly hours before grandpa had woken up. They both had studying to do and had agreed that there was no need for grandpa to know yet that he had spent the night. It wasn't that they were going to keep it from him, they just wanted to savour the moment for a little while longer.

After waking up together around 4 AM because Catherine had to use the bathroom, they had made love again. It had been even more special than the first time because they were starting to learn how to read each other's bodies, and to tell each other what they liked. They had gone a lot slower and Catherine still felt warm each time she thought about it. Noah was a very attentive lover, just like she had expected him to be. And he kept telling her how beautiful and perfect she was.

Apparently, grandpa had caught her staring, because she suddenly heard him say rather loudly,

"Earth to Catherine!"

She looked at him with wide eyes and Elliot chuckled.

"Hey, where did you go?" he asked her and Catherine averted her eyes again. "I asked you if you and Noah have plans for the weekend. Or will you be studying the whole time?"

"Uhm … I'm not sure yet," Catherine said quickly.

They hadn't really talked about meeting up again but they texted every day so she was pretty sure she'd hear from Noah soon. Her grandfather just nodded at her reply and she wondered if he was as distracted as she was. He must be thinking of Ms. Benson and once again it hit her how much time these two people had lost. Maybe she and Noah were moving fast but at least they weren't wasting time like her grandfather and his partner had done. She could only hope the couple would be able to make the most of the time they had left, like her grandfather had said.

"So are you calling Ms. Benson today?" she asked in return and her grandfather rubbed the back of his neck with his hand.

"Yeah. I am. But Cath ..."

He was hesitant and his granddaughter finally focused all her attention on him.

"Yeah grandpa?"

"Wouldn't you find it weird if your old grandpa suddenly started dating?"

Catherine laughed out loud, a melodious laugh that filled the room like the sound of a waterfall. He loved to hear her laugh and chuckled as well, even if his question had been a serious one.

" _Dating_ grandpa?" Catherine said, still grinning. "You make it sound like you're going to go out and meet people to find someone. But you're not, because you already know the woman you want."

Sometimes things weren't complicated at all and Elliot bobbed his head.

"So just make sure you don't let her get away, okay grandpa? You two deserve some happiness too."

He nodded again. Catherine was radiant this morning and her happiness was starting to rub off a bit. He was actually beginning to feel pretty good about having Olivia back in his life. No matter what they still had to work through, he wasn't going to let her go now that she was back in his life. He wasn't ever going to leave again.

...

 **I am struggling with a bit of writer's block again here, I hope it doesn't show too much. The young couple is easy to write, but the older one ... Must be symbolic! Please let me know if this story is still interesting.**


	25. Needing

**Thank you for all your great reviews. They are like oxygen to a writer ...**

...

 **25\. Needing**

Sarah was grinning at her best friend and roommate Jennifer, who insisted on being called Jen. They were both sitting on their beds with their legs crossed and Sarah was bouncing up and down a bit. Dave had just called her to remind her of the party that night. So he hadn't forgotten what he'd blurted out the night before. He wanted her to come to the party at his dorm and he wanted to sneak upstairs with her. She'd asked immediately if Jen could come too, and he'd told her the more the merrier.

"So you're actually going to do it?" Jen asked her.

Sarah ran a hand through her long dark locks and bit her lip. Dave really was a catch. He was handsome and had an amazing body. And he was nice. She wasn't looking for a long-term commitment just yet but Dave made her feel good and she felt that at almost nineteen, she was ready to have sex. Aside from Jen, none of her friends knew she was still a virgin. She was very outgoing and flirty so everyone just assumed she had 'experience'. She never corrected them and just rolled with it, teasing boys whenever she had the chance and pretending to be in the know.

She was careful though and made sure she was never found in a situation that might become dangerous. Her biological mother's fate and her adoptive mother's job had been warning enough. That was why she wanted Jen to be at the party too, to keep an eye out. Jen was bringing a date, since she'd really hit it off with the guy she had been out with the night before, and Sarah was looking forward to meeting him.

"Tyler may look like a nerd sometimes but he's a great kisser," Jen told her. "And when he takes his glasses off, you can really see how beautiful his eyes are. And he's smart too."

Sarah could tell that her friend was excited about Tyler. So the guy wore glasses and a tie. That wasn't what was most important. The kissing on the other hand …

"So is he aggressive or exploring when he kisses you?" Sarah asked, remembering how Dave could get a little rough with her when they were kissing.

"I'd say exploring," Jen said, touching her lips with her fingers. "But passionate. Not hesitant. Not at all. Nothing wrong with his confidence in that area."

"Awesome," Sarah said and both girls giggled. "We should compare more notes after tonight."

Jen wasn't a virgin anymore but her first time had been a mistake as she called it. Fortunately, it had been during a vacation in a different state, so she'd never seen the guy again. She hadn't gone past second base since but she knew it would only be a matter of time.

"I'm not sure if Tyler wants to move that fast," Jen told her.

"Would you, if he wanted it?"

"Maybe."

They both giggled again and agreed that they absolutely needed to go shopping for new outfits. They wanted to look beautiful for their dates and they were looking forward to the night ahead of them, eager to know what it would bring.

…

Ah f… ehm, shoot!"

Elliot managed to swallow the swear word just in time and glanced at his granddaughter, who was still working on her homework diligently. Olivia wasn't answering her phone. Now why would she do that? They had agreed that he'd call her. Her stubbornness was infuriating and he instantly felt like he had gone back in time. She still managed to get to him by something as simple as not answering her phone. She could get to him because there was an entire world of unspoken words behind their actions. He just didn't understand why she couldn't simply pick up and tell him what was wrong. Maybe she had reconsidered and didn't want to meet him after all. He tensed up at the thought. No. He hadn't misread her. She had missed him too, and while he understood that she wasn't going to just forgive and forget, he knew there was still something there between them. He sighed and Catherine finally looked at him.

"What's wrong grandpa?"

"Olivia isn't answering her phone."

"Do you want me to call Noah? To see if he knows what she's up to?"

Elliot frowned but for lack of a better idea, he said yes. He watched his granddaughter call her boyfriend and saw her face flush again when the young man popped up on her screen.

"Hey Noah, grandpa's here with me," she said quickly, and Elliot turned away smiling.

She had clearly wanted to prevent Noah from saying anything embarrassing, thinking they were alone.

"Oh, okay," Noah answered.

He was so happy to see Catherine's face again. He'd been walking on cloud nine all morning and had a hard time focusing on his studies. Images of his girlfriend kept popping up in his head and he'd been daydreaming for a while when she called him. Understanding that she wasn't alone, he swallowed the words he really wanted to say to her. His heart was beating a bit faster though and he smiled at her, seeing that she was feeling a little awkward too. He hoped it was because she wasn't alone, not because she suddenly felt awkward around him.

"Did you sleep well?" he asked her as neutrally as he could, and when he saw a small smile appear on her lips, he relaxed a little.

"Yeah, I did. Very well actually. You?"

He could see her eyes sparkle and he was receiving the message she was sending him loud and clear. She was okay. They were okay.

"Yeah. I slept very well too."

"Good. And how is studying going?"

He grinned and Catherine bit her lip.

"I'm trying," he said, still aware that Mr. Stabler might be listening.

"Same," Catherine said.

Elliot cleared his throat and Catherine sat up, glancing at him before asking Noah,

"Hey Noah, actually I was calling to ask you if you knew where your mother is. Grandpa's been calling her but she isn't answering her phone."

Noah rubbed his forehead and tried to think of a reason why his mother wouldn't pick up her phone. She never left the house without it.

"I can think of only one thing," he said. "She always turns the sound off when she's out running. Tell him to try again in an hour or so."

He could imagine that his mom would be out jogging today. If he knew her at all, she'd be out for hours. It was her way of dealing with stress while feeling like she was doing something useful at the same time. His mother was one of the fittest pensioners he knew. Well, aside from Mr. Stabler maybe. That man was still huge despite his age. Somehow he knew that his mother would always be safe with him, not matter how much he'd hurt her in the past by leaving. It was something in the man's eyes. Something he recognized, maybe now for the first time, because it was what he felt for Catherine.

…

Olivia was exhausted but it felt good. Great actually. She felt so alive when she could hear the blood pumping in her ears. It was like she needed that rush, now that the job didn't provide those adrenaline kicks anymore. She checked her watch after she'd plopped down on a bench outside the cemetery that had been her destination this morning. She would need to catch her breath if she wanted to seem somewhat dignified in her running gear while crossing the Jewish cemetery to where John Munch was waiting for her. She had time enough to have a nice chat with his memory before she would need to head home to shower and change for her appointment with Melinda.

Olivia was relieved that the weather was improving. It had stopped raining the day before and now she actually thought sunlight was going to break through the clouds. She smiled as she pushed herself up from the bench again. John would have liked that. He'd become stiff in his old age and she'd found him soaking up sun rays on several occasions when she'd visited him and Gwen in their adapted ground floor apartment. John had spent a few years with Gwen after finally retiring completely before he lost her to cancer after all. He hadn't lived long after that, unable to recover from his broken heart, but she knew he was at peace now. She missed his wit though and she'd give anything to have one more cup of his undrinkable coffee with him. Even a far-fetched political conspiracy sounded good right now but his memory would have to do.

' _Love is a conspiracy all on its own, Olivia. It tricks the heart into wanting against better judgement. Into needing what it shouldn't and loving in spite of the pain that will surely ensue.'_

She had loved John so much and his wisdom had only grown when he got older. He'd seen his share of love and pain but he hadn't regretted a single thing. He had enjoyed those last years with Gwen as deeply as his heart had ached over her death. She envied him for not regretting and she wanted to follow his advice. Allow her heart to be tricked again against better judgement. She knew it was already needing, if it had ever stopped needing. And she knew she might get hurt again. But what if she wasn't? What if he stayed this time? What if they could make it work?

Olivia kneeled in front of John's tombstone and placed her hand on the cold marble.

"Tell me what to do," she whispered and it was as if her old friend answered her instantly.

' _You already know the answer.'_

She knew it was her own heart speaking to her but she wanted to pretend for just a little longer that she was talking to John.

"What if it doesn't work out?"

' _What if it does?'_

"But he just walked out on me."

' _He was in pain too.'_

"He could have contacted me at some point. It's been twenty-four years, John."

The voice inside her head was silent then and she sighed. Maybe the only solution was just to accept that that time was lost forever and choose a new starting point. They still shared a connection but she did wonder what they would actually have in common after all this time. The job was what had connected them all those years, had forced them to work together, to compromise and forgive because they had a common goal. But what were they without that common goal?

She had asked John at Gwen's funeral if it had been worth it, and his tearful eyes had lit up instantly.

"Oh yes," he'd told her. "Even if it had been just a month. I cherish every moment I got to spend with her."

Maybe that was the wisdom she needed to take back with her today. To live in the moment more and not wonder about the past _or_ the future. To just enjoy the moment. Still, she wondered what they would have left to talk about. She stood up and stretched the muscles of her back before smiling one last time at John's name. There was only one way to find out if they had anything left to talk about.

…

Melinda couldn't agree more. While she was a little more reluctant, she agreed that Olivia should at least try to find out what was left between them.

"You were there when I got the kids and you helped me be a better mother," Olivia said. "I was there when you had your grandchildren. We know each other so well and know about the things that matter in each others' lives."

"Yes, you're right. You and him both missed a huge portion of each other's lives. Don't you think that should give you _more_ to talk about in stead of less?" Melinda suggested.

They were tucked away in the back of a lunchroom with their hot coffee and a super-sized muffin and Olivia felt very relaxed. Running had helped her body to relax despite the conflicting thoughts she was having. It was as if her mind was arguing with her heart.

"So I should just forget that he ignored me for almost twenty-five years and pretend that didn't hurt like hell?" she tried again.

Melinda shook her head, chewing on a large bite of her muffin, and wagged one index finger from left to right. Olivia smiled. At almost seventy, Melinda hadn't lost even the tiniest bit of spunk.

"Oh no. Oh no," she said as soon as she'd swallowed her bite. "Don't sweep that under the rug honey. Talk about it. Fight about it. Yell at him for it. It was what you did way back too, right? Make him prove to you that he means business and that he's ready for you again. Because no matter how sweet and soft you may look now, you're still as much a handful as you ever were and he should know what he's getting into."

Olivia laughed out loud, throwing her head back.

"You're the best, Melinda. He should know what he's getting into," she said, still chuckling. "I love it."

"Speaking of which ..." Melinda said without missing a beat, and then she just looked at her friend, one eyebrow raised.

Olivia looked down at her coffee, bobbing her head slightly. She knew perfectly well what Melinda was asking her. She'd just used the L-word as an expression, but what else did she love? Or rather, who?

" Yeah," Olivia muttered, and somehow it was enough. Just like it had been enough all those years ago when Rebecca Hendrix had asked her about her feelings for her partner.

She pursed her lips and stirred her coffee until Melinda reached for her hand and took it in hers.

"That alone is enough to try, Olivia. Whether he deserves it or not."

Olivia felt an actual lump forming in her throat and she knew her friend was right. Her heart had been telling her all along that she should give him a chance, simply because she'd never really let go of him herself. While she had walled up her heart to shield it from everyone else, he'd been living inside those walls all along.

"No need to make it easy for him though," Melinda added dryly and they both chuckled again.

Making things difficult for him wasn't really a challenge. That was the easy part. Reconnecting was the challenge.

Olivia heard her phone buzz and fished it out of her bag. She realized she'd forgotten to turn the sound back on after her run but she heard it now because it was buzzing against something solid inside her bag. Must be her lipstick, she thought while checking her screen. Six missed calls from an unknown number that was calling her _again_? That could only be one person. Nobody she knew aside from Sarah was that persistent. She looked at Melinda, who had already read on her face who was calling. She winked at her and then took the call, purposely answering it the way she used to do on the job.

"Benson."

...

 **More soon.**


	26. Uncomfortable

**An entire EO chapter at last. Couldn't get it all into one chapter, so there will be more after this. Enjoy!**

...

 **26\. Uncomfortable**

"Hey. It's me. Elliot."

He tried not to sound too irritated that it had taken her this long to finally answer his calls, and at the same time, he hoped he hadn't sounded nervous either. It had actually startled him that she answered. After so many tries he'd come to expect no answer and it had hit him that this must have been how Olivia had felt all those years ago. Except she hadn't known how he was doing or why he wasn't taking her calls. So it had been much worse for her. He'd only called her a few times over the past few hours. She had called him daily for weeks back then. He was ashamed of his behavior now, but he did remember how dark and desperate his life had been after the shooting. He hadn't wanted her to see him like that, although part of him had yearned to see her. Part of him had always continued to yearn to see her.

"Hi Elliot," Olivia said neutrally and he knew she wasn't going to make this easy for him.

"Hi. I was just calling to ehm … well, you said I could call you and we could maybe have coffee together so I'm calling."

"I'm kinda busy right now," she said and he had to bite his tongue to stop himself from saying anything he was surely going to regret. He chose the interested angle in stead, and asked her,

"Okay. What are you up to today?"

She was silent for a moment and seemed to be looking at someone else. He wondered what she was going to come up with. She surprised him again when she answered,

"Having coffee with Melinda in the city actually. You know, our old ME?"

"Hey hey, watch who you're calling old," he heard a very familiar voice interrupt and he couldn't help laughing softly.

"Hey Melinda," he said, assuming she could hear them.

"Stabler!" Melinda said back. "Where have you been hiding? It's been a lifetime."

"Travelling the world for a while, but I'm back in the city now," he told their friend while Olivia held her phone out so he and Melinda could see each other.

"So now you're back to complicating Olivia's life?" Melinda fired at him, but the wide grin on her face told him she didn't mean to be mean to him. This was just Warner being Warner. Straight to the point.

"You look great too, Melinda," Elliot responded with a chuckle and Melinda's grin turned into a real smile.

"Such a charmer when you wanna be," she muttered. "You better not hurt our girl again, Stabler. You do know I can cause you pain and not leave a trace, right?"

Olivia thought it best to pull the phone back now. Melinda had done more than enough to break the ice over the phone. Elliot was still smiling when she looked at the screen again and she thought it wasn't fair that he still looked so good. He had hardly changed at all, aside from turning completely grey and having a few more lines in his face.

"Well, you heard the woman," she said to him. "So what's the plan?"

Since she was already out having coffee with Melinda this afternoon, Elliot suggested getting together after dinner. Before she realized what she'd said, Olivia had invited him to come over to her place because she didn't feel like going out again. She looked at Melinda, who was as surprised as she was, but Elliot was accepting her invitation so happily that she couldn't bring herself to taking it back. Maybe it was for the best. Some conversations were best not held in public anyway. After agreeing on a time and ending the call, Olivia dropped her head into her hands.

"What did I do," she sighed.

"Well, looks like you just invited the man over to your place. Let's hope he doesn't get any ideas."

Melinda had a knack for making her laugh in spite of herself and Olivia decided it wasn't a big deal. Elliot wasn't a threat to her in any way, except maybe in matters of the heart. And if she asked him to leave, he would. She didn't doubt that for a second. She would never, ever be afraid to be alone with him. Even after all this time, she knew he was still the same Elliot she had known and trusted with her life on many occasions. Letting him into her apartment wasn't a big deal. Letting him back into her life on the other hand … she still didn't know how she was supposed to do that.

…

Elliot had showered and then shaved meticulously and he checked his reflection in the mirror once more. Catherine had gone out to meet Noah somewhere after wishing him a successful evening and he had been restless for a while. Without his granddaughter around to distract him, he didn't quite know what to do with himself. This was the first time since he'd seen Olivia again, that he _knew_ he was going to see her. He hadn't been sure what to wear, a suit or something more casual. In the end, he'd chosen a dark grey suit much like the ones he used to wear as a detective, with a blue dress shirt because _she_ used to like those. No tie. His tie-wearing days were far behind him and he only ever bothered anymore when he was in full Marine uniform. He'd left the top two buttons of his shirt undone and he actually thought he looked good. No matter how well he and Olivia had known each other, no matter how many times she'd seen him at his absolute worst, he wanted to make a good impression now. If he wanted to convince her to let him be a part of her life again, he would need to show her he was willing to make an effort. He didn't assume she would just welcome him back and let bygones be bygones.

Besides, she had lived a whole life since he'd left. Like he had told her, he had no intention to disrupt her routine. She'd done an amazing job raising two children on her own and he knew parenthood changed people irreversibly. He was looking forward to getting to know that side of her and didn't assume he would still know her inside and out.

And a huge difference was that they were both retired now so they had all the time in the world. While he was getting used to the calm on his own, it would be a completely new dynamic for them to be relaxed and unhurried together. They could go on long vacations with nobody wondering when they'd be back. They could stay in bed for a week without needing to feel guilty …

He laughed out loud at his own fantasies. He was getting ahead of himself and couldn't help feeling a little giddy. He hadn't felt like an old man before but today, he definitely didn't feel like one. More like a kid with a crush and with big dreams about the future. Who could have predicted that would still be possible at his age?

…

Olivia checked the time and saw that it was already a quarter past eight. She decided to busy herself making coffee, because he was coming over for coffee after all, and focused on her breathing while she prepared a tray with two cups, sugar and cream and a selection of different small cookies. The ones that you could eat several of without embarrassing yourself. She grinned. Since when was she worried about embarrassing herself in front of anyone? Let alone in front of Elliot? The huge benefit of getting older was that incidents didn't completely take over her thoughts anymore. One lousy day didn't announce the end of the world anymore. She had perspective, could see the bigger picture much better. Doubts and mistakes weren't all-consuming anymore and the negative was balanced out with more than enough positive these days. She wasn't used to worrying about how she looked or what she should say anymore, and she didn't plan on starting to worry about those things again. She shouldn't have to with him. They'd never minced words with each other and, like Melinda had said, Elliot should know what he was getting himself into. Something told her he already knew. He knew only too well how difficult she could be. So why not surprise him and ditch the complicatedness?

She chuckled. That would be a first, but it actually wasn't a bad idea. She had learned over the years to take things at face value and not look for hidden meaning behind everything. On the job, it had been second nature to be suspicious, but outside of work she had tried not to find subliminal messages everywhere. Being a mother had helped, a lot. She had needed to communicate clearly and unambiguously with her son and daughter and she had gotten unconditional love and trust in return. Their love had healed her more than they knew and she was stronger now than she had ever been. Maybe it didn't seem that way on the outside, because her body was beginning to fail her little by little, but on the inside, she'd only gotten stronger. She wouldn't let Elliot, or her feelings for him, knock her off balance again. She had built a nice life for herself and she didn't _need_ him in it. That would be her starting point, she told herself. Relax. He has no power over you. So she told herself. It was true and it wasn't. He still had a hold on a part of her heart but she wasn't going to allow that hold to get any bigger. Not again.

The sound of the buzzer actually startled her and she shook her head after blowing out a breath slowly. It was only Elliot … It was only … It was Elliot.

…

Elliot decided to take the elevator up to Olivia's floor. Not that he wasn't fit enough to use the stairs anymore, but he didn't want to arrive at her door half out of breath. He couldn't remember the last time he'd actually been nervous to see her. Or maybe he could. That one time in 2016 he'd been nervous. Five years had been too long and he hadn't know what to expect from her if she was confronted with him unexpectedly. In the end, she hadn't been confronted with him at all. He had just left, accepting that she was happy and didn't need him anymore.

Now, even more time had passed. And he was nervous again. She pulled the door open after just one knock and it hit him immediately when his eyes met hers. She was nervous too. And while normally it might help him relax, knowing the other person was nervous as well, this time it made it painfully clear to him how far they had drifted apart. And it was all on him. His decisions had caused them to lose not five but twenty-four years that they could have been in each others' lives.

"Come in," Olivia said flatly and he walked into her apartment, glancing at her again while he passed her.

He heard her close the door behind him and turned around to look at her. She still looked stunning to him, her shoulder-length dark locks, side parted like she used to wear it, framing her beautiful face, and her black slacks and purple loose fitting blouse accentuating her femininity as well as her dignity.

"Thanks for meeting me," he said and the awkwardness was thick in the air between them.

Olivia just nodded curtly and made an inviting gesture.

"Please, sit. Coffee should be ready."

They went through the motions of two people that had been put together in a room by chance and were trying to be polite while wondering what on earth they should talk about. It had been easier with the kids there, Elliot realized, and no matter how much he had looked forward to spending time alone with Olivia, somehow he hoped they'd come in any moment to ease the tension in the air.

They asked each other politely how they'd been and how the kids were doing but it felt like an uncomfortable do-over of their unexpected dinner the day before.

After finishing her first cup of coffee, Olivia sighed. Elliot swallowed and looked at her, placing his empty cup next to hers on the coffee table. They'd been sitting on her couch with at least two feet of space between them. If Olivia hadn't put some music on before he got there, it would have been dead-silent in the room. She was getting a little annoyed with Elliot's hesitant attitude and finally decided to address the main issue.

"So Elliot. Why didn't you ever give me a sign of life during the past twenty-four years?"

Elliot leaned his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands in front of him and Olivia wondered if he even had an answer to her question. He'd told her over dinner that during those first five years, when he'd been in training and then deployed, time had just gotten away from him. But afterwards? After he'd seen her and apparently had decided for her that she didn't need him anymore?

"Even if you thought I had a good life, you could have at least let me know you were okay," she added, wondering if he even realized how often she had wondered if he was even still alive.

In her mind, he had to be. She simply couldn't imagine a world without him in it, somewhere, even if she never saw him again. And over time, she had assumed that she would indeed never see him again. But he was out there somewhere. She'd even hoped he was happy, wherever he was. But not ever hearing from him again had hurt so badly that she couldn't bring herself to be happy to see him again just yet.

She was. She knew she was and deep inside her heart, she was crying from relief. But she wasn't ready to acknowledge that. Not to herself and most certainly not to him.

"I keep wanting to say I'm sorry, but I know that won't cut it," Elliot said, glancing at her sideways before fixing his gaze on the coffee table in front of him. "I thought I was doing the right thing, letting you go. It wasn't because I didn't want you in my life anymore."

"Did you ever stop to think what _I_ would have wanted? I thought that after twelve years, we were more than just work partners."

Olivia cursed the lump that had decided to form in her throat and reached for the coffee pot to pour them both another cup, giving herself something to do while she recomposed herself.

"We were," Elliot said quietly. "You were so much more to me."

Olivia focused on the coffee. This would be the worst moment to spill it.

"You chose a lousy way to show it," she said, pleased at how flat her voice had sounded.

No need for him to know how much he and his words were still affecting her today.

When Elliot didn't say anything she looked at him, and she could see the apology in his blue eyes. She realized that this conversation wasn't going to go anywhere. He could tell her he was sorry till he was blue in the face but it wouldn't change anything. They would never get those years back and the pain of missing him would never be erased.

Olivia put the coffee pot down carefully and then stood up. In the old days, she would have jumped up but she was older now, and hopefully more dignified too. She walked over to the window and looked outside. Without looking at the man on her couch, she asked him,

"So what do you want from me now?"

...

 **Sorry to have to cut it off here. I will try to write the next chapter a little faster. Meanwhile how am I / are they doing?**


	27. Lost connection

**Happy 4th of July to all my American readers!**

 **Now I know many of you are gunning for a fight between Liv & El. I have to stress again that our lovely couple is still lovely, but also older. So they may argue differently now than they used to. Or will they? Don't forget to breathe while reading this chapter.**

...

 **27\. Lost connection**

" _So what do you want from me now?"_

Elliot stood up as well, grabbing his coffee as he stood to give him something to hold on to before joining Olivia at the window. She seemed distant and he wondered if she was being serious. What he wanted from her? Were they really that estranged, that she wouldn't know?

"Olivia," he started, but when she suddenly looked at him with fire in her eyes, he stopped talking.

"You say you don't want to upset my life or disrupt my routine, so what _do_ you want, Elliot?" she asked him, raising her voice slightly. "You've been perfectly fine without me for decades so why not just leave things the way they were?"

Elliot frowned and looked at her.

"You really believe that? that I was perfectly fine without you?"

Olivia huffed and turned away from him, walking back to the couch to grab her own coffee.

"I'm sure you weren't pining away for twenty-four years grieving over the loss of one friendship, Master Sergeant Stabler."

She was deflecting and they both knew it but neither of them was willing to say it out loud. Old habits did die hard and she managed to push his buttons as if no time had passed at all.

"One friendship? Seriously Liv?"

"Don't call me that. Only my friends call me Liv," Olivia said coldly, standing in front of the couch, coffee in hand, while Elliot still stood at the window.

She still knew how to hurt him and he bit the inside of his cheek to keep from hurling an insult back at her. He couldn't help sounding sarcastic when he spoke again though.

"Well, Captain Benson, you seem to be contradicting yourself. First you say we were more than work partners and now you say we were just one disposable friendship. You can't have it both ways, so which is it gonna be?"

He was challenging her and she wanted to have a clever comeback, but for once, she knew it was pointless to contradict him. She had tried to hurt him, and had clearly succeeded, but he had cornered her, using her own words against her. She tried to remain somewhat calm and took a sip of coffee.

"I think I need something stronger," she muttered and when their eyes met again, she could see the beginnings of a smile on Elliot's face.

She didn't know whether to be annoyed or amused. He actually smirked when he walked over to her kitchen, asking where she kept the good stuff these days. Olivia was too stunned for a moment to stop him from opening her cabinets. Did he really think he'd won or something? Was one of them supposed to 'win' anyway? She shook her head and followed him into the kitchen, standing behind him just when he pulled a bottle of scotch out of the refrigerator.

"Keeping it cool these days?" he asked but when she grabbed the bottle from his hand, he took a step back.

Elliot had no idea if he'd overstepped. They weren't in sync anymore and he realized that all of this could go either way. He couldn't read her as well as he used to, no matter how well they could still push each other's buttons. She was keeping her distance emotionally and he could only hope it meant that he still affected her. He had meant for both of them to loosen up a bit but he wasn't sure now if Olivia even wanted to loosen up.

"Glasses are over there," Olivia suddenly said, pointing at a white display cabinet with glass doors across the living room.

Elliot nodded, deciding not to push his luck, and walked over to the cabinet to get them both a glass while Olivia took the bottle with her to the couch, where she finished her coffee and quickly snatched one of the cookies off the tray as she sat down. Better not start drinking on a half-empty stomach, she thought. Sending Elliot across the room to get the glasses gave her a brief moment to recover from their almost-argument.

Rehashing the past wasn't going to get them anywhere, but what had the present left them with? They were awkward around each other and it was almost as if they didn't fit anymore. It shouldn't surprise her that things would be different after so much time, but part of her was disappointed. Maybe she _had_ expected them to be able to pick up where they'd left off, or at least still feel some kind of connection with him. But while her feelings for him were rattling around inside her heart, she wasn't ready to open the door to him just yet.

When Elliot returned with the glasses, she poured them both a little bit of the strong liquid. Just to take the edge off, she thought, but she wasn't planning on getting drunk or even tipsy with Elliot. She decided to ask him some more questions that she hadn't wanted to ask him the day before in front of the kids.

"So. Did you date after the divorce?"

Elliot nodded.

"I tried for a while."

"Must have been difficult to build something while you were in the Marines."

"Maybe. But I could have, if I'd really wanted to."

Olivia studied his face, squinting a little as if that would make it easier to read him. But he decided to just tell her what he meant so she didn't have to guess it.

"I didn't want to, Olivia. I just … it didn't feel right."

He'd backed up just in time, not quite ready to put all his cards on the table.

"And you?" he asked her, cutting her off before she could ask him why he hadn't wanted a new relationship. "Was there anyone when you adopted the kids?"

Olivia let his remark go for now and shook her head.

"No. I had a few relationships before I got Noah and a few once I had him, but it … well, as you put it, it didn't feel right. And after Sarah came to live with us, I simply stopped trying."

And just like that, she'd opened the door again, for both of them this time. Maybe he did want to put all his cards on the table, so he asked her,

"Why do you think that is, that it didn't feel right for both of us?"

Olivia downed her drink in one go and set her glass down on the coffee table, eyeing the bottle but deciding against it.

"I can't speak for you," she said neutrally, "but I think I was never meant for that kind of relationship anyway."

"Bull."

He'd reacted before he could stop himself and he quickly downed his bit of scotch as well, avoiding the shocked look in her eyes.

"You have a lot of nerve, coming back after all this time and then judge me like that."

He could feel her reigning in her anger but he also knew there was more than just anger beneath the surface. He'd hit a nerve and it was clearly still a raw nerve after all this time. Or maybe he was the one exposing it now that he was back.

"You told me once that you were married to the job," he said, grabbing the bottle to pour them both another shot of scotch to avoid having to look at her.

"So? I was. Even adoption agencies turned me down. Everyone agreed I didn't have time for a family."

"How come you got one after all then?"

Olivia's chest felt constricted. Was he baiting her? Did he want her to admit that she hadn't started looking for other options until he left? It hadn't been like that. She would never have considered getting pregnant at her age until she thought she was pregnant with Brian's baby, and she would never have considered trying for adoption again if that judge hadn't suggested it. Besides, she would have taken Noah in whether Elliot had still been her partner at the time or not. He didn't have that much of a hold over her. So she had continued to live her life after he left. That didn't mean her choices had anything to do with him, before or after his abrupt departure from her life. Right?

Elliot had been watching her face and she needed to stop arguing with herself and just tell him off. It would be best for both of them, she told herself.

"That … that just happened. Noah basically fell into my lap and I made it work. As a result, they decided to entrust me with Sarah as well. I fought hard to be a good mother despite my hours on the job."

"And you are," Elliot said, and the softness of his voice hit her square in the chest. "You are a good mother. Noah is a great kid."

"Sarah too," Olivia said quickly, hoping to mask her reaction to his kind voice by continuing to talk. "She was a handful growing up and she's still a party girl, but deep down, I know she's a good, stable girl with strong morals."

"Just like her mother."

She wished he would stop using that voice with her. That voice that he only ever used when talking to victims or their family members, or upset witnesses of crimes. It was bringing too much feelings back to the surface and too many memories of the time when she thought they were invincible together. It was Benson and Stabler against the world. They had been a team and she had felt like she was part of something unbreakable and timeless. Until he left her to fend for herself, and it had just been Benson against the world. She had done it, and she didn't need him to start taking credit for that, as if it was a good thing that he'd left her.

"Do you know what they're up to on Saturday night?" Elliot asked in his normal voice, as if he'd sensed her discomfort.

"Noah is going out with your granddaughter," Olivia said with a small smile. "I believe they were going to see a movie. And Sarah is going to a dorm party. She should be there by now. She said the boys living at that dorm were already pre-partying this afternoon."

"You trust her not to get into trouble?"

Olivia nodded.

"I do. She's been out with this guy a few times and she's not exactly shy in making it clear what she is and isn't okay with."

Olivia stood up and wandered towards the wall that held most of her family photos. She stopped in front of the last portrait they had had made before Sarah moved out. It was a large black and white picture on canvas of the three of them, with her in the middle and both kids smiling at her while they seemed to be trying to tickle her. They'd had so much fun getting these pictures taken and she had at least ten other pictures of that day, that hadn't made it onto the canvas. One of the color prints adorned the wall in her bedroom while another smaller one stood on each of her kids' nightstands.

Elliot stood behind her and told her,

"That looks like a very happy family."

"It is."

"Your kids clearly adore you," he mused, looking at the three happy faces in the picture.

Sarah was an extraordinarily beautiful young woman and he could imagine her being a handful as a child. She probably still was a handful today. But what struck him most in the picture, was how Olivia's face glowed with happiness. It moved him to see her laugh like that and to see her eyes sparkle, and he realized she had laughed way too little during the years she'd spent at SVU.

"They saved me," Olivia said honestly and when she looked at him over her shoulder, he could see some sadness in her eyes.

He wanted to touch her, put a hand on her shoulder maybe. He felt guilty for not being there for her when her world was turned upside down. She'd gone through hell and he hadn't been there. She said the kids had saved her but he knew he should have been there. Maybe he wouldn't have been able to prevent her abduction but he could have been there in the aftermath. Although he hadn't heard about her ordeal until afterwards, he still felt guilty that he hadn't reached out to her. She must have thought he didn't care about her at all anymore, while nothing could be further from the truth.

"If I had known …" he started, suppressing the urge to touch her for now.

"I know," Olivia said, cutting him off.

She knew what he was alluding to and she didn't want to talk about it. He hadn't known at the time. It was all she needed to know. The pain and the sense of abandonment she'd had, couldn't be unfelt. But at least now she knew that he hadn't stayed away because he hadn't cared.

Olivia moved away from the wall and from him, and he turned around to see where she was going. She picked up her glass with the little bit of scotch in it and, much to his surprise, made a toasting gesture in his directing before downing the drink.

"What are you drinking to?" he asked her.

"How about no more ifs?" she suggested. "What's done is done. Nothing we can change about that."

Elliot walked over to her and picked his glass up as well.

"No more ifs," he repeated before emptying his glass.

Olivia nodded and looked at him for a moment before she sat down again.

"So what now?" she asked him. "What are we left with in the present?"

Elliot hung his head before looking at her again. She had made a life for herself. She was happy. Content. She didn't need him anymore. He had hoped they could build on the embers of what they had once had, but the only chance he had now to stay in her life, was to start over from scratch. But how could they do that? How could _he_ do that? He wasn't content with his life and he did still need her. Knowing now that she wasn't married or in a committed relationship only made him want it more. He couldn't accept that he would need to forget about the past. There had to be something left of that unique bond they had once shared. It had been too deep and too intense - too timeless - ever to be wiped out completely.

Olivia had looked away and seemed to be deep in thought, not even waiting for an answer to her question anymore. She was sitting just a few feet away from him but he felt like they were further apart than they had ever been before. He glanced at his watch and noticed he'd been at her apartment for almost an hour and a half already, and what had they really talked about so far? Practically nothing. He had been trying to reconnect with her and she had kept him at bay. It was almost ten and she was going to send him on his way soon. He needed to think of something, of some way to make Olivia feel that connection again that they seemed to have lost. He looked at her differently now than when they had been younger. During the years apart, he had created this image of her in his head of a passionate woman frustrated with her past and with life in general. But confronted with the older, happier version of his former partner, he had to admit that he loved her even more. She had overcome so much and had managed to climb out of her frustration and the unfairness of her life all on her own. She had raised two children who loved her dearly and she had found peace.

Maybe he was being selfish, wanting to worm his way back into her life again. He just couldn't accept that there was an end to them. Not now. Not now that he was ready for a new beginning.

When Olivia stood up and wiped her hands on her slacks, he knew the inevitable was coming. She was going to call it a night and they wouldn't have made any progress at all. He wanted to say something - anything - to prolong the evening.

Olivia didn't know what to tell Elliot. She was overcome with a sense of loss once again. Did they really have nothing in common anymore? Had their intense connection been rooted in their job after all, and nothing more? Had it been left in the past along with all the what ifs she no longer wanted to think about?

Before either of them could say anything, they heard a thump against the door and then loud banging. Olivia instantly knew something was wrong and a feeling of dread washed over her. She felt all the blood drain from her face when she heard an all too familiar voice call out to her in a panic.

"Mom! MOOM!"

…

 **Dun dun!**


	28. Not my baby

**I apologize in advance for cutting off a scene again! I don't mean to have these cliffhangers all the time but each time I start looking for a place to end the chapter, it turns out like this. I'm on a roll writing this story again, so I promise you won't have to wait very long for the next chapter. Meanwhile, your reviews are appreciated, a lot!**

...

 **28\. Not my baby**

Elliot had yanked the door open before Olivia had even had a chance to move, and Sarah came storming in, crashing into Olivia and clinging to her as if her life depended on it. Olivia felt sick instantly but wrapped her arms firmly around her daughter while making eye contact with Elliot.

"Mom … I … I took a cab but I didn't have my purse. I promised him you'd pay him and I'm so glad he agreed to take me …" Sarah choked out.

"I've got it," Elliot said, already on his way out.

Olivia nodded at him over her trembling daughter's shoulder and then guided Sarah to the couch. They both needed to sit down. She wasn't ready to hear what had happened to her child but she needed to know anyway.

"Come on sweetie, sit down," she coaxed Sarah, who was now sobbing uncontrollably.

They half sat, half fell on the couch, Sarah still clinging tightly to her mother.

"Please Sarah, what's wrong?" Olivia begged softly, already thinking the absolute worst.

' _Not my baby. Please God, not my baby,'_ was all she could think.

Sarah hiccuped and tried to sit up to look at her mother, but then started crying on her shoulder again. Olivia rubbed her back gently, whispering words or reassurance, but feeling anything but reassured herself. Her daughter was here, alive and outwardly unhurt, but what had happened to her to turn her happy, carefree daughter into a crying mess like this? She tried to check Sarah out while holding her close and couldn't see any injuries on her. Her tank top seemed rumpled but her bra was still on and Olivia closed her eyes, not wanting to think about the many times she had comforted other girls like this, who had just been raped …

…

Elliot had ran down the stairs and walked up to the cab, that was still waiting in front of the building. He knocked on the passenger window and the cab driver, a Hispanic looking man in his thirties, opened it.

"Hi. You just dropped a girl off here. How much do we owe you? And can I ask you a few questions?"

"Sure, get in," the man said, opening the passenger door for Elliot.

He got into the car and paid the driver first.

"Thanks," the younger man said. "I guess you wanna know where I picked her up?"

Elliot nodded and wished he'd brought a note pad. The cab driver told him how Sarah had suddenly ran out into the street barefoot just off campus, waving one arm frantically while clutching her chest with the other. He'd stopped right away because he didn't want a pretty girl like that to get into trouble alone in the streets at night. When Elliot nodded approvingly, he continued.

"She was really upset and I thought something must have happened to her. She didn't have anything on her, said she'd lost her purse but that her mom was gonna pay the fare if I'd just take her to her mom's place. She was so out of it that I couldn't kick her out in the street. So I took the risk."

"Thank you," Elliot said, wishing more people were willing to help others out like this cab driver. "Did she say anything on the way over here?"

The man shook his head.

"No, sorry. Poor girl was just crying softly and shaking like a leaf. I asked her if she was hurt but she didn't tell me anything. You think some guy did something to her?"

The man seemed horrified at the thought and Elliot knew he couldn't reassure him just yet.

"Maybe. I just wanted to get your statement right away. Do you have a business card or something else with your name and number on it?"

"Yeah sure. You a cop?" the driver asked him while starting to rummage through his glove compartment.

"Used to be," Elliot said.

"Glad she's got someone on her side," the man said.

He finally found a rumpled business card and handed it to Elliot.

"Thank you very much, Mr … Alvarez," Elliot said, reading the name on the card.

"Pedro, please. Call me Pedro. And if there's anything I can do, just let me know, okay?"

"Will do Pedro. Thanks again. Have a safe night."

Elliot walked back up to the building with a heavy heart. He prayed to God that Sarah hadn't been raped but he just couldn't help treating this like a case from the beginning. Olivia buzzed him up and when he arrived on her floor again, her door was ajar. Had he left it that way? He was pretty sure he'd closed it on his way out and guessed that Olivia was still tending to her daughter and had just opened it when she buzzed him up.

His heart broke when he saw the two women huddled together on the couch, Sarah blubbering on her mother's shoulder and Olivia holding her and rubbing her tear-stained cheek against the top of her daughter's head. He closed the door quietly behind him and walked to the kitchen to get Sarah a glass of water. He would need to know what had happened first, but he wanted to have it handy for her. He sat down on the coffee table so he could see both Benson women and Olivia made eye contact with him. He could tell that they were thinking the same thing and an understanding passed between them that would have warmed his heart under any other circumstances. Not now. His focus was on Sarah now.

"Sarah honey, can you please tell us what happened to you? Did someone hurt you?" Olivia asked, her voice trembling with the realization that something irreversible and life-altering might just have happened to her daughter.

Sarah finally sat up and when she saw Elliot, she started wiping her cheeks and nose furiously.

"I'm sorry," she sniffled. "I just … I never thought he'd do something like that!"

"Who baby? Dave? Did Dave do something to you?"

Sarah nodded, and pressed a hand to her mouth to stop herself from crying again.

"Sarah, please tell us what happened exactly. Can you do that?" Elliot asked the young woman kindly. "Your mom is thinking the worst right now."

He wasn't sure how appropriate it was to say that to a possible victim, because the worst might actually have happened, but he couldn't help worrying about Olivia as well.

Sarah sat up a little straighter, suddenly aware of what the two people in front of her must be thinking.

"Oh I'm sorry mommy," she said, almost sobbing again. "He didn't. No, he tried to but he didn't."

Relief flooded through Olivia's system and she dropped her forehead to her daughter's, closing her eyes. _He didn't._ It was all she really needed to hear to focus again.

"Oh honey. I'm so sorry you had to go through that," she sighed, understanding that the experience must still have been very shocking.

Elliot couldn't suppress the urge to touch Olivia any longer, and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. She looked at him and nodded once. He wanted to give her strength, to let her know she wasn't alone and she seemed to accept his gesture. Then they both focused on Sarah again. Sarah, who had _not_ been raped but still hadn't told him why she'd come home to her mother in such a panic.

"Can you start at the beginning Sarah?" Elliot asked her, handing her a glass of water, and once Sarah focused on the kind eyes of the man sitting on her mother's coffee table - he had to be Catherine's grandfather! - she finally took a deep breath and told them everything that had happened that evening at Dave's dorm.

…

" _Jen, just look at him," Sarah whispered, nodding in the direction of Dave Johansson._

" _Yeah, he's so fit and muscular. I bet he could toss you over his shoulder and carry you up those stairs effortlessly," Jen replied, and both girls giggled at that particular visual._

 _It was true though. Dave's muscles were bulging underneath his tight white shirt and he knew it too. When he caught both girls staring from a distance, he laughed and beckoned them to come over. He had been talking to a lanky red-haired guy, who he introduced to them as his roommate Evan. Evan let his eyes roam both of their bodies and his gaze soon fixed on Sarah's chest._

" _Awesome," he muttered under his breath and Sarah glanced at Dave, wondering if this was normal behavior for his tall but skinny roommate._

 _Dave just shrugged and then punched Evan in the arm._

" _She's taken Ev! By me."_

 _At that, he turned to her and lifted her up before kissing her, a long and deep kiss. Sarah was swooning and she was more and more convinced that tonight would be the night._

 _It was still early but the party was already in full swing. They spent some time in the yard, enjoying the snacks and alcohol-free beverages, but they soon discovered the not-so-alcohol-free section in the kitchen. They had promised each other they wouldn't get drunk and Dave hadn't forgotten the reason why._

" _I can't wait to take you upstairs babe," he told her huskily, holding her close once they were alone in the kitchen._

" _So why wait?" she answered, her heart leaping in her throat as she said it._

 _She knew she had basically just invited him to have sex with her. She looked around to see if she could spot Jen and Tyler, but they were probably still in the yard. She had wanted to let Jen know she was going upstairs, but she trusted Dave enough now and when he tugged at her hand, she smiled and followed him._

 _Once they were in his and Evan's room, Dave wasted no time. He started kissing her passionately and before she realized it, she had kicked off her heels, her top was off and she was just in her underwear and her short black skirt. He whipped his own shirt off too and unbuttoned his jeans, and Sarah marveled at how good he looked. When he lowered her onto his bed, she pulled him on top of her and she closed her eyes when he started kissing every inch of exposed skin of her torso. She loved the feeling of his skin under her hands, which were exploring all the muscles and ridges of his back. She was excited and wished she could get him closer, but her skirt prevented her from being able to open her legs. As if he had known what she was thinking, Dave suddenly pulled back to push her skirt up to her waist, exposing her black lace panties to him. He groaned and put his hand between her legs to feel her there. Sarah looked up at his face and could see pure lust in his eyes. He wanted her. And she wanted him too. She wondered if she should tell him now that it would be her first time, but she also wondered if it would make him change his mind. His hands were all over her body and when he tugged one of the straps of her black bra down to expose one of her nipples, she decided she would be okay. She really wanted him and she was ready._

 _There was a sound at the door and Sarah looked at it._

 _"It locks automatically, doesn't it?" she whispered when they both watched the handle go down._

" _Must be Evan. It's his room too," Dave answered her, and then he continued sucking on her tender flesh as if it didn't matter that someone was coming in._

" _Dave!" Sarah hissed, and just then the door opened and Evan walked in, closing the door behind him._

 _Sarah quickly tried to cover her breast with her bra but Evan was already grinning from ear to ear._

" _Oh baby, would you look at that," he chuckled. "I knew she was perfect."_

" _Evan, I told you…" Dave started, wrapping his arm around Sarah to shield her from Evan's hungry gaze._

" _Come on Johansson. Don't be a wuss. We've talked about this," Evan taunted him and Sarah wondered what they were talking about._

" _Dave?" she asked softly and when Dave looked down at her, he smiled._

" _We were having fun just now, weren't we babe?" he asked her._

" _Yeah, we were," she said hesitantly, wondering if her skirt was still hiked up all the way because Evan was still looking at her. At both of them actually._

" _So don't let me stop you," Evan said, and when she looked at the roommate again, he was pulling out a camera. "You're a hot couple. You'll get turned on again every time you watch this together."_

" _What? No!" Sarah said immediately._

 _Her heart rate had been high before but it was going through the roof right now. She wasn't about to have someone film her while she was having sex for the very first time. She would never want to be filmed having sex._

" _Baby …" Dave said, attempting to kiss her again, but she started pushing him away from her. Was he actually going along with this?_

" _Hey hey hey, come on," Dave insisted, and her breath hitched when he grabbed her wrists and pinned them to the mattress on either side of her head. He was now completely on top of her and pushing her thighs apart with his own._

 _Sarah could see Evan moving about from the corner of her eye, getting everything on camera, and she began to panic a little. This couldn't be happening!_

" _Dave," she said, hoping to get through to him. "I don't want him here. Just you."_

" _I want you too Sarah," Dave said with a smile, and he tried to kiss her again._

 _Sarah turned her head so his kiss landed on her cheek, and she started to squirm a little._

" _Let go of me Dave," she said as calmly as she could manage, but she sounded more panicked than she had intended._

" _I thought you were ready for this," he said, attempting a pout but she could tell he was a little on edge too._

" _Maybe I thought I was, but I've changed my mind," she said firmly. "And you have your roommate to thank for that!"_

" _You can't do that to a guy you know," Evan chimed in. "It's not healthy."_

 _Evan was still filming them and was zooming in on her bra, that fortunately had ridden back up when Dave pinned her arms to the mattress._

" _That's bullshit and you both know it," Sarah insisted. "Now let … me … go!"_

 _She tried to break free but she didn't stand a chance. Dave was heavy on top of her and he was much stronger than she was. He was trying to kiss her again and when she turned her head again, he started on her neck, apparently thinking he could get her in the mood again._

" _Dave, stop. Please," she said._

 _She wasn't one to beg but nothing else seemed to be working. She still couldn't believe that this nice guy was going to try and force her to have sex with him. He wasn't like that. Was he?_

" _Please baby … just work with me here. It'll be awesome," Dave said softly in her ear._

" _No. Please don't," Sarah tried again but he wasn't listening anymore._

 _She looked up at Evan, hoping against hope that he might help her, but he was filming them from all angles, between their legs at the moment, with a smug look on his face while Dave was starting to push his groin into hers. All feelings of romance and lust had evaporated and all she could think about now was how to get out of there. She wanted no part in this and she couldn't believe Dave was going along with his sick roommate's plans._

 _She tried to fight him but to no avail. He was basically crushing her with his body and she was beginning to feel lightheaded._

" _Dave … Dave …" she sighed, and she was relieved when he pushed himself up a bit to look at her._

" _I can't breathe," she whispered, quickly taking a few deep breaths now that he wasn't so heavy on her chest._

" _I take your breath away, don't I baby?" he said with a grin and she wondered why she had ever thought he was attractive._

 _He dipped his head down and tried to push the thin fabric of her bra aside with his nose while licking the top of her right breast. Sarah wanted to scream but gritted her teeth instead. At least he couldn't undress her any further while he was holding her wrists, and as soon as he would release them, she'd know what to do. Her self-defence lessons were running through her head and she tried to block out what she was feeling. His tongue on her skin and his hardness pressing against her core …_

 _But panicked thoughts were pushing their way to the surface. What if she couldn't get away? What if Evan joined in and held her down while Dave … Or what if they switched places and both took a turn … Her stomach started churning and she felt herself getting sick. Her mother had warned her so many times about this. But she'd trusted Dave. Big mistake! For some weird reason, he was trying to impress his creepy roommate. Or maybe they'd done this before … maybe this had been the plan all along … She wanted to throw up and squirmed again. This couldn't be happening. This couldn't be the way she was going to lose her virginity forever. It should be special. Not a crime. Oh God … she was going to be a special victim!_

...

 **More soon, I promise.**

 **Decided to throw the "he didn't" in just to let you know this isn't a rape story. I can't read those myself so wouldn't write them either. Still, Sarah is understandably upset!**


	29. Assaulted

**29\. Assaulted**

"Wow, I've got four missed calls from Jen," Noah said, looking at his phone with surprise as he and Catherine walked out of the movie theater and into the street.

"Who's Jen?" Catherine asked, feeling an instant pang of jealousy at the mention of another girl's name.

Noah raised an eyebrow when he looked at her, and gave her a sly smile.

"Jealous baby?"

Catherine huffed and continued walking briskly towards the subway station, but she had to admit she was pretty possessive of her boyfriend. Her lover. He was her lover now … That had such a grown-up ring to it. She took a deep breath and tried to shake off her jealous feelings, but she was still relieved when Noah told her Jen was Sarah's best friend, and totally not his type.

"How come?" Sarah asked as casually as she could, remembering the petite blonde now that was always with Sarah. "She's a blonde too, just like me, so why isn't she your type?"

Noah caught up with her and shrugged, grinning sheepishly.

"Because she's not you, I guess."

Catherine bit her lip and tried to suppress a smile but her heart was soaring again already.

"I wonder why she's calling you though," Catherine mused and they stopped walking when Noah decided he'd better call her back.

"Maybe Sarah needs me," he said while pressing the callback button on his screen.

Catherine liked her man in protective big brother mode and smiled, but her smile soon faded when she heard Noah's conversation with Jen. Or rather Jen's monologue, explaining why she'd been calling him.

"Noah! I'm at this dorm party and I can't find Sarah anywhere. I've called her number a _thousand_ times and she's not answering. Her date is out here getting drunk and he's not talking. Has she contacted you at all? Do you have any idea where she could be and why she isn't picking up her effin' phone?!"

Noah was baffled. It wasn't like his sister to take off without telling Jen. She and Jen had basically been joined at the hip since they were five. Plus she never went anywhere without her phone. It was understandable that Jen was panicking.

"And Dave won't tell you where she is? Or doesn't he know?"

"I don't know, Noah. He's a drunken mess. Looks like he's trying to drown his sorrows or something, and his creepy roommate is helping him drown. Won't let anyone near him."

"You think she dumped him?"

"Could be, but why would she just take off and not let me know? She knows I worry when I don't know where she is!"

Jen's concern was now transferring to Noah and Catherine, and Noah tried to think of a reason why Sarah would leave without telling her best friend, and why she wouldn't answer her phone. And where she would go.

He knew only one place both he and Sarah went whenever they needed a safe haven. Their mother's. So he told Jen,

"Jen, I'm gonna call my mom to see if she knows anything, okay? And then I'll call you back."

"Thanks Noah," Jen said. "I'm really worried about her."

…

Sarah was breathing heavily and Olivia encouraged her to take a sip of water and try to calm down a bit before continuing. Olivia felt nauseous. Sarah's story was bringing back dark memories. She knew exactly what it felt like to be overpowered. The fear was paralyzing and she couldn't process or accept yet that her daughter now knew what that was like as well. Elliot had retracted his hand, that had been resting on her shoulder, and she immediately missed the contact. His presence was such a comfort right now and when that realization hit her, she wanted to break down and cry with Sarah. She didn't though. She focused on her daughter's needs. Her own confusing needs could wait.

"You're doing great Sarah," she heard Elliot say comfortingly to her daughter and she could see Sarah responding to his kind, reassuring presence, just like she'd seen hundreds of victims relax with him.

 _Victims_. No. She couldn't put her own daughter in that category. He didn't, she'd said. She'd gotten away. _Just like you_ , her inner voice told her and she hung her head. It was true. She hadn't been raped physically either, but she _had_ been violated. Being touched and restrained against one's will _was_ a violation so her own daughter had just joined her and so many, many other people who called themselves survivors. A survivor with a capital S, Noah had called her, and she knew Sarah would be too. She was strong and fierce. She would get through this.

And just like that, Elliot's comforting hand was back, moving from her shoulder down to her back, and then back up.

"You okay?" he asked softly, and Olivia lifted her head to look at him.

She wanted to scream no, that she wasn't okay but she didn't. She just nodded slowly and told him,

"I will be."

Elliot squeezed her shoulder gently and she saw pain in his eyes for an instant, but then he focused on Sarah again.

"Are you ready to continue Sarah?" he asked her, and Sarah nodded, clutching her water glass but sitting up straight.

"Yes. Yes, I am."

…

 _Sarah had squeezed her eyes shut. She couldn't look at Dave anymore and she didn't want to see Evan either. When Dave finally gave up on trying to pull her bra down without using his hands, he sat up a little._

" _Hold still," he told her, straddling her hips to keep her down while he released her wrists._

 _The instant she could move her arms, Sarah started fighting again. Dave was reaching for the straps of her bra and Evan was mumbling something about showing him the goods for posterity when Sarah grabbed Dave's forearms and dug her fingernails in his flesh._

" _Hey!" Dave said, "what are you doing? Come on, it's only me babe."_

 _But Sarah kept squeezing until Dave grabbed one of her wrists and pulled it away, pinning it to the mattress again. Dave was now off balance and the instant Sarah felt him lift off of her a bit, her leg shot up. Her thigh hit his ass from behind, making him topple over and then she brought her other knee up, hard, hitting him straight in the groin._

 _Dave screamed in pain and let go of her arm while dropping to the side, and Sarah kicked him again. Evan was still filming while Sarah managed to get onto her hands and knees and turned away from Dave to get off the bed. When Dave grabbed her shoulder from behind, she whipped her arm back, hoping to hit him with her elbow. Evan was catching on, and he approached the bed, the camera in one hand while he tried to grab Sarah's hair with the other. Sarah was quicker though, and although she had missed Dave with her elbow, he had released her shoulder. She lunged forward and pushed Evan away with both hands while she fell forward off the bed herself. Dave had crawled after her and grabbed one of her legs by the ankle, but Sarah twisted around, kicked him in the face with her free foot and he released her. She heard him grunt and swear but she was already on her hands and knees again, ready to plow straight into Evan. Evan jumped out of the way just in time but managed to grab her hair now, yanking her head back while he was still pointing the camera at her face with his other hand. Ignoring the pain, Sarah tried to pull away so she could get up on her feet, but before she could stand up, Dave wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and hauled her up. Sarah knew that he'd have her immobilized in a second and acted on impulse, kicking her feet as high in the air as she could, knocking the camera out of Evan's hand._

" _Nooo!" Evan screamed, diving after his camera._

 _Dave was distracted momentarily and Sarah managed to plant her elbow firmly in his stomach this time, one, two, three times. She then turned half around, grabbed his face with one hand and squeezed, hard, until his face was bleeding where her fingernails were digging into his cheek and just underneath his eye. Dave cried out in pain again and pushed her away from him. This was her one shot to get away. She grabbed her tank top from the floor and ran._

…

Olivia was rubbing Sarah's back with one hand and held one of the girl's hands with the other. Elliot felt a burning rage in the pit of his stomach against the two losers who had thought they could hurt Sarah like this. He jumped up and started pacing the room. He'd only just met the girl but his heart went out to her and her mother. Especially her mother. Sarah had been very brave but she would still be traumatized for a long time, and her mother along with her. His greatest fear in life had always been that someone would hurt one of his children, and he knew that it was the same for Olivia. He knew for a fact that she would have prepared her daughter to the best of her abilities for what the world had to offer, but unfortunately, creeps came in all shapes and sizes.

"I left my purse behind mommy," Sarah said in a small voice. "My phone, my wallet, my makeup. Even my shoes."

"We should go over there and get your things," Elliot stated. "And have a little talk with Dave and Evan."

Olivia seemed a little shocked at his suggestion, but then she looked at Sarah.

"Honey, do you want to press charges? They assaulted you."

"As..saulted? Is that … what it's called?" Sarah stammered, looking from Olivia to Elliot and back.

"Yeah. Sexual assault actually," Elliot said, ignoring Olivia's frown.

They shouldn't sugarcoat the truth. The intent of the assault was crystal clear. They even had it on tape. On tape …

"And while we're there, we should get that camera, or what's left of it. The memory card," he said, looking at Olivia.

He could see the exact moment where Olivia finally switched from mother mode to detective mode. She gave him a short nod and then turned to Sarah again.

"Honey, Elliot and I are going to go to the party and get your things, okay? Do you want me to call someone to stay with you? Jen maybe?"

"Jen!" Sarah exclaimed. "Oh God, she's going to be worried sick."

"She's at the party too?"

Sarah nodded and jumped up.

"Yeah. I never told her I was going upstairs with … with …"

The reality of what had happened was beginning to hit Sarah and she stopped talking, pressing a hand against her mouth again. Olivia stood next to her and wrapped an arm around her daughter.

"We're going to have a talk with Dave, Sarah."

"I'm coming too," Sarah suddenly said firmly and Olivia exchanged a glance with Elliot.

While it could be very therapeutic for Sarah to confront the boys, they had to wonder if it wasn't too soon. But Sarah was adamant. Having a goal seemed to help her regain her balance, and there was no way of talking her out of it. All three of them were going to the dorm to get her things and to confront the two boys.

Olivia's phone rang and she checked the caller ID before answering.

"It's Noah."

Sarah started shaking her head furiously.

"No no no. Please don't tell him, mom," she begged.

"He's gonna find out sooner or later, Sarah," Elliot said.

"I know, but … not now. I don't want him to do anything stupid."

Olivia answered the phone, hoping her son wouldn't be able to tell she'd been crying. He seemed to sense that something was up though but Olivia hoped she was convincing enough when she told him,

"Sarah is here Noah, she's alright. She just had a fight with Dave and took off without telling Jen. She'll call her soon."

Noah seemed to accept her explanation for now and Sarah called out to him, so he'd hear her voice himself,

"I'm okay Noah. My phone is dead. Tell Jen I'm sorry."

After ending the call with Noah, Olivia looked at Elliot and they silently agreed to go to Dave's dorm right away.

"We can take my car," Elliot said, and when Sarah went to her room to change Olivia breathed out slowly.

Elliot walked up to her and wished he could just take her in his arms and make her pain go away. But she was standing tall, already preparing herself for the confrontation with her daughter's attackers.

"We should call my squad," she said. "If we barge in there on our own, we may damage the case."

Elliot nodded and glanced at the hallway to the bedrooms.

"She's not gonna like it," he said.

"She'll be fine."

"She's a Benson."

"You better believe it."

Elliot smiled and one corner of Olivia's mouth tugged up as well. Despite the circumstances, or maybe because of them, they were finally relaxing a little around each other. A few minutes later, Sarah reappeared, her hair pulled back in a bun and wearing a pink t-shirt, blue jeans and pink sneakers. If they didn't know any better, they'd think she was just a happy eighteen-year old on her way to meet her friends. But they did know better, and left the apartment in silence together.

…

 **No evil cliffhanger this time. More soon. Reviews are always appreciated.**


	30. Determined

**More action than reflection in this chapter, but I think you will all be able to read between the lines ... Enjoy!**

...

 **30\. Determined**

Sarah didn't know what to feel. Part of her was numb. Dead almost. It was like her brain couldn't process what had happened, although she'd been perfectly capable of relaying it to her mother and her friend. Her body on the other hand, felt bruised in several places and her head hurt, not just from where Evan had pulled her hair but it was pounding on the inside. They had just gotten out of the man's car. He'd said his name was Elliot. Catherine's granddad. She felt safe with him and her mother. Those two seemed to move as one and were radiating determination and confidence. She had always felt safe with her mother but it was like that safety net had just doubled, and it eased the throbbing of her head just a little bit, and helped her focus just a little bit better on what they were about to do. They walked across campus and her mother and Elliot were walking on either side of her. Her mother had one arm around her waist and Sarah was so grateful that she had such a strong and understanding mother. She hadn't made a single comment about the fact that she had been about to lose her virginity.

When it hit her again how Dave had betrayed her trust, she choked up, and immediately Elliot put his hand on her back comfortingly. She didn't feel threatened by his presence at all. He radiated a comforting, almost fatherly concern for her wellbeing and her mother seemed to accept his presence without question. So did she.

When they arrived at Dave's dorm, Sarah's stomach clenched. The determination on the faces of her two companions helped her see it through and she entered the house in front of them, knowing they were right behind her and wouldn't let anything else happen to her.

"Sarah!"

Jen came running towards her, seemingly out of nowhere, followed by her date Tyler who seemed equally relieved to see her.

The two best friends hugged and when they broke apart, Jen looked up at Sarah with wide eyes.

"What kind of argument did you even _have_ with Dave to make you run off like that? And … and you went home and changed?"

She took a step back to take in her friend's appearance and raised her hands questioningly.

Elliot took a step forward and Sarah actually felt relieved when he told Jen kindly,

"Sarah will tell you all about it later, but right now, her mother and I need to find Dave and Evan. Do you know where they are?"

Jen nodded and looked behind her.

"I think Dave went to take a leak upstairs and Evan is with him of course. He's like his creepy little shadow."

"Thank you," Olivia said, nodding at Jen and then walking past her in the direction of the stairs.

Sarah followed her quickly and Elliot moved behind her, glaring at anyone who looked at the girl. The place was packed and there was loud music playing. Sarah was being incredibly brave, coming with them to confront the two boys who had tried to rape her. He knew she had really liked the one she'd been with initially and she felt so betrayed. No doubt, it wasn't sinking in yet and he wondered if this confrontation wouldn't add to her nightmares. But leaving her home alone hadn't been an option.

It felt so natural to be out here with Olivia again, that he needed to remind himself that they weren't detectives anymore, and that this wasn't their case. It was about Olivia's daughter. On the one hand, he hoped the SVU detectives would get there soon. But on the other hand, he wanted to have a few minutes alone with these boys. He was pretty sure Olivia wouldn't stop him if he intimidated them a bit and he tried not to smirk when they arrived at the bathroom on the first floor of the dorm.

"I'm gonna go and get my things real quick," Sarah said, walking towards the door of one of the rooms.

Elliot immediately followed her, exchanging another glance with Olivia, who stood in front of the bathroom door. He assured her wordlessly that he wouldn't leave her daughter alone. One of the boys might be in the room, after all. Olivia just nodded and then turned around to knock on the bathroom door.

Sarah pushed against the door of Dave and Evan's room. It hadn't been closed properly and it opened slightly on its own. Elliot immediately moved in front of Sarah and pushed the door open further to find a red-haired boy leaning over a small desk in the corner of the room.

"Finally done pissing man?" the boy asked without looking up.

He seemed to be working on an appliance or something. Was that a camera? Elliot walked up to him quietly, gesturing at Sarah not to make a sound. He didn't need to tell her because she seemed rooted in place, just staring at the back of one of the boys who had hurt her. It was painful to see her like this but he needed to focus on the boy right now. There were only about three inches between him and the boy when he said quietly to the back of Evan's head,

"Give me the camera. Now."

Evan whipped around so fast that he almost fell over and Elliot grabbed his arm in a reflex.

"What the fuck!" Evan yelled, immediately trying to pull his arm out of Elliot's grasp. But Elliot had no intention of letting him go. Not yet.

"The camera," he repeated slowly, staring into the red-haired kid's eyes. "And the memory card."

"Who _are_ you man?" Evan said, raising his voice slightly while still trying to get Elliot to release him.

"Right now? I'd say I'm protecting you from her," Elliot said with a cold voice, tossing his head in Sarah's direction.

Only then did Evan realize that Sarah was there, and his pale face paled even more.

"Sarah…" he sighed and the mention of her name finally seemed to snap Sarah out of her daze. She didn't know what to say or do though.

"Did you find your purse and shoes?" Elliot asked her, helping her along. "Is everything still in there?"

She quickly picked up her purse, that was still where she'd tossed it when she and Dave had tumbled into the room earlier that night. Dave … how could she have been so horribly wrong about him? She focused on the contents of her purse, rummaging through it without looking at Evan or Elliot. Why had she wanted to come here again? Images of what had happened assaulted her brain and that pounding headache was flaring up again. She heard Evan in the distance, still objecting to the way the former Marine was holding him in place with just one hand. And then she heard noises coming from the hallway.

…

"Whoa lady, you scared me."

Olivia wanted to smash the kid's face in the moment she saw him emerge from the bathroom. She recognized him from the picture Sarah had shown her on her phone a few days ago.

"Dave Johansson?" she asked him nonetheless, needing to be absolutely sure it was him.

"Yeah. And who are you?"

Olivia squinted at the young man, not moving an inch and blocking his way when she said,

"I am Sarah Benson's mother."

Several emotions flitted across Dave's face. She could tell he was drunk and while she'd seen pain in his eyes for a moment, the comedian in him seemed to win out for the moment. He was slurring when he spoke again.

"Ah man, she called her mommy? We were just havin' a bit of fun ma'am. She was into it. She was."

"I know. And then she wasn't."

She was balling her hands into fists and then relaxing them a few times but the urge to hurt the punk who had touched her daughter was almost too much.

"So? I would have changed her mind again. She lo .. she loooves me."

"You were going to rape her!" Olivia spat in his face, and he blinked a few times rapidly while trying to take a step back, but his back hit the door of the bathroom.

"Rape? No .. nooo … I would never hurt Sarah. She's just so … hot, you know. And then when Evan came in …"

"Captain Benson!"

A booming voice interrupted them and Olivia wasn't sure if she should be glad that Dave couldn't finish his confession or not. Her squad had arrived. Or rather, her former squad. She turned around to face them, and once she was certain that there was nowhere to run for Dave, she stepped aside.

"Lieutenant Wilson, here is one of them. My daughter and my pa … eh … a friend are in there to get her things. That's where it happened."

"Alright Captain, we'll take it from here," the Lieutenant said, gesturing at his two detectives to go into the room Olivia had pointed out to them while he took Dave's arm himself.

"Wait, wait… what's going on?" Dave asked, clearly too intoxicated to understand that the police had come to get him.

"I'm Lieutenant Wilson of the NYPD and you're coming to the station with us, son. Come on, move it."

"Police? Police?! Wha … but …"

He was still stammering while the Lieutenant marched him down the stairs and Olivia went into the room where all the others were. As soon as Sarah spotted her, she ran over to her mother and wrapped her arms around her. Olivia held her trembling daughter close while trying to make eye contact with Elliot. What had happened in here while she was talking to Dave?

Elliot was standing tall, looming over the young man who was now being held by the latest SVU recruit, the last new detective she had had the pleasure of hiring: detective Gil Amaro.

Evan had recovered a little from his initial shock and was trying to seem unfazed by the presence of the police, until Elliot reached behind him and grabbed the broken camera he'd been working on.

"Where's the card?" he asked gruffly and Evan's eyes flitted from him to Sarah and back.

"Sir?" the other detective asked, and Elliot looked at the woman when he explained,

"This genius here filmed the whole thing. Your DA will have no trouble getting a plea deal from these two pricks," Elliot barked, more at Evan than the detective.

"And who are you, if I may ask?" the detective asked him.

"I'm Elliot Stabler. I used to work at SVU as well."

His eyes drifted to his former partner and he took a deep breath. It was so long ago, but in a way, it wasn't at all. It was like they were both back there, working together. Getting justice for an unsuspecting victim.

"Detective Maddox, you remember my daughter Sarah. You will want to speak with her as well," Olivia said.

The detective's eyes softened and she walked over to the Benson women.

"I am so sorry you had to go through such a horrific ordeal Sarah. But we are going to make sure these boys can never hurt you again, okay?"

Sarah nodded, feeling a strong urge to start crying again. She was so confused and part of her even missed the way Dave had held her close on their dates. In her dream world, he would have comforted her and beat up the guy who had tried to hurt her. But the crushing reality was, that _he_ was the guy who had tried to hurt her. She hid her face in her mother's hair. She couldn't look at Evan, whose eyes had turned completely cold. No wonder other girls called him creepy. He looked like a psychopath right now.

A few minutes later, everyone was on their way down except Elliot and detective Maddox, who were still looking for the camera's memory card.

"I'll get CSU in here," Maddox told him, but Elliot couldn't accept just yet that they didn't have the card.

He looked around one more time, checked under the bed, making sure not to touch anything, and then when he pushed himself up from the floor, his eyes fell on something white stuck to the bottom of the desk.

"Maddox," he said, sitting down on his knees and pointing at the desk. "Under there."

Detective Maddox leaned forward and checked underneath the desk. She nodded.

"I'll have the team get it. Has to be dusted for prints. I'll stay here until they get there. You'd better check on Olivia and the girl."

It was about the nicest way he'd ever been dismissed and he accepted that he wasn't wanted on the crime scene right now. He was relieved that they had located the memory card, and the fact that Evan had hid it by taping it to the desk, told him a lot about the young man. He'd done this before …

…

Olivia and Sarah were waiting for Elliot outside. Wilson and Amaro had put the boys in their respective squad cars and they would follow them to the station in Elliot's car. Suddenly, Sarah moved away from her mother and walked up to the car where Dave was sitting in the back.

"Miss, please," Gil Amaro said but Sarah just glared at the young detective and then focused on Dave again.

"How could you!" she shouted through the closed window. "How could you do this to me!"

She felt her mother move next to her but she ignored her, staring at her former boyfriend. She could see how he was trying to mouth to her that he was sorry but she kept on yelling at him.

"I hate you! I never want to see you again! I hope you rot in jail!"

She was shaking and didn't care that she was making a scene in front of a lot of other students who had followed the cops outside to see what was going on with Dave and Evan. When her mother took her arm and tried to guide her away gently, whispering that Dave would get what he deserved, she broke down crying again.

"I thought he loved me, mommy," she said with a small voice, wrapping her arms around her mother again. "I really thought he loved me."

Olivia kissed her cheek while she held her close. Just then, Elliot made his way through the crowd that had gathered in front of the dorm by now, and he nodded at her.

"We found the card," he told her and Olivia closed her eyes, in part relieved and in part apprehensive about what exactly would be on the card.

"CSU are on the way. They'll log it and then make a copy for the Lieutenant so SVU can check what's on it."

"Oh god," Sarah groaned. "I'm so ashamed."

"Sarah," Elliot said, waiting for the girl to look up at him before continuing. "You have _nothing_ to be ashamed of, okay? Nothing at all. What you were going to do is perfectly fine. That you didn't want Evan to be there and that you didn't want to be filmed, is also perfectly fine. You had every right to say no. You did nothing wrong."

Sarah nodded and wiped her nose with one hand. Olivia looked up at Elliot and managed a tight smile.

"Thank you," she whispered, grateful for his words, that her daughter would need to hear often today and in the days to come.

Elliot nodded. When he put a hand on her back to guide both her and Sarah to his car, she let him. Regardless of what had happened between them in the past as well as recently, she was glad he was here.

...


	31. Normal

**31\. Normal**

Elliot looked at Olivia from about five feet away. She was staring at her daughter through the glass of the interrogation room, unable to hear what she was telling Lieutenant Wilson. The Lieutenant had asked her to stay outside. He wanted Sarah's full account of the evening's events, in her own words. They both knew it was standard procedure since Sarah was an adult but Elliot could see that Olivia was suffering. He wished he could do something for her. He'd seen her drop her defenses against him the instant her daughter needed both of them, but he didn't take it as permission to invade her space. She had her arms folded in front of her. He could see her worrying her lip and her knuckles were white from squeezing her own elbows. He could only imagine the thoughts that must be running through her head right now. Was she thinking of her own experiences? Or was she already planning on how she was going to support her daughter?

He took a step closer to her and glanced through the glass of the other interrogation room, where Dave was in a heated discussion with detective Maddox, who had just returned from the dorm. It seemed that Olivia refused to look at the young man, keeping her back turned to the other window at all times. She continued staring at her daughter, who was answering questions quietly, clutching the tissue she'd been handed.

He was glad the girl was reporting the assault. Many girls wouldn't since 'nothing' had happened in the end. But Sarah knew better and she'd been very brave to go back to the party and face her attackers as well as her friends. She wasn't hiding. She had been afraid but she had done it anyway. It was the definition of fearlessness and he knew who she'd gotten it from.

He finally took another step closer to Olivia and watched her for a reaction while crossing his arms in front of him, mimicking her stance. When she didn't react at all, he simply said,

"You should be very proud of your daughter."

Her eyes finally shifted away from her daughter to look at him.

"I am," she confirmed. "Very much so."

She sighed, looking at Sarah again, and the urge to touch her was back. It had to be the same urge Olivia was fighting to go into that room and hold her daughter. She didn't want her to be in pain, just like he didn't want Olivia to be in pain. He'd always cared about victims of sex crimes, young, old, male or female, but this was more personal than ever.  
Just when he thought there was nothing he could do for Olivia, she said quietly,

"Thank you Elliot. For everything you've done tonight."

"Goes without saying," he said, shrugging lightly. "You would have done the same thing."

...

Olivia knew he was right. She would have. Still, she didn't usually expect others to treat her the same way she'd treat them. She held herself to a high standard but had learned the hard way not to expect anything in return. But she should have known Elliot would stay and help and she realized she hadn't even given it a second thought all night. It had felt … normal. When he dashed off to pay the cab driver and came back with his statement and his contact information, she hadn't even realized that he'd been under no obligation to do any of that. It was normal. Just like him helping Sarah tell her story, accompanying them to the dorm, watching over Sarah there and taking them to the station. It was what he did. What _they_ did.

Suddenly, things weren't all that different than they had been twenty-five years ago. They had lived a life but they were still _them_. Benson and Stabler. Olivia and Elliot. She knew she could still count on him, and something told her he wasn't going to walk out of her life without a word again. They were too old to waste any more time. It had hurt too much to miss each other and regardless of what she thought of his reasons to stay away, they were here now. They had both changed, but not that much. Not that much.

Her heart certainly hadn't changed when it came to him. She was mainly focused on her daughter but even when he'd stood further away from her earlier, she'd felt this pull towards him. She wished she and Elliot were on this case. She would love to have a go at Dave with him. They would break him without laying a finger on him. They would crush him like the bug that he was.

"Somehow I think this Evan character is the real culprit here," Elliot suddenly said, and she looked at him with one eyebrow raised.

"Evan? How so?"

She had hardly given the lanky roommate a second thought.

"He's one sick kid. I could see it in his eyes once he knew there was no escape. It was as if he was gloating. Proud of what he'd done. And taping that memory card to the bottom of the desk? He's done that before."

It made sense what Elliot was saying, and she turned to face him, releasing one of her elbows to tap his arm with one finger while she asked,

"Where is that card now? Maybe there are other recordings on it."

"Maddox has the copy. Said she was going to watch it with the ADA when he gets here. She wanted to get Dave's initial statement before looking at the footage."

"The ADA is here?"

Olivia suddenly perked up and Elliot immediately wondered what her relationship with the current ADA was.

"Yeah. I heard Amaro say he was walking down to meet him."

Olivia looked at her daughter one more time and, trusting she was in good hands with Wilson, turned to walk towards the squad room.

Elliot followed her and couldn't hide his surprise when Olivia suddenly rushed ahead to hug the younger man coming into the room.

"Carisi! It's so good to see you," she said with a broad smile, and ADA Carisi beamed back at her.

"Captain. Always a pleasure. Although I hear that the circumstances aren't exactly pleasurable for your family. Where's Sarah?"

"Still in with Wilson."

"And the perps?"

"One is with Maddox, the other one is in a holding cell."

"Could you get Maddox for me? I understand she has a recording of the assault."

Olivia looked at Gil Amaro, who was standing next to Sonny Carisi and he nodded before dashing off to get his co-worker.

"Oh right, you don't work here anymore," Carisi said with a fresh smile.

He looked at the older man hovering behind Olivia and then looked at his former Captain questioningly.

"Who's this?"

"Oh yes," Olivia was quick to say, turning around and beckoning Elliot to come closer. "Elliot, this is Sonny Carisi, our ADA. He started out as a detective right here at SVU, way, _way_ back. I've known him for twenty years. Carisi, this is Elliot Stabler. He was my partner before Nick Amaro."

Carisi looked at Elliot, sizing him up before extending his hand.

"Blast from the past, huh? How did you end up back here after all this time?"

Elliot shook the younger man's hand and gave him a brief nod.

"I was with Olivia when Sarah came home earlier after she was assaulted."

Carisi glanced at Olivia, who wasn't in the mood to explain why her long lost partner had been at her house and she just shrugged.

"Let's just look at the recording and get these kids arraigned."

"Captain …"

Carisi looked at her with a look of sympathy on his face, but with a warning as well.

"As the mother of the victim, you are not supposed to be present when the team views the footage."

"Says who?" Olivia fired off, but Elliot had stepped closer to her and said her name quietly.

"Olivia."

She frowned at him and looked at Carisi again.

"I don't think you should watch the recordings at all," Elliot said, and Carisi agreed with him.

"Please Captain. Just be there for her as a mother. You're not on the case and you don't want those images in your head."

"I have plenty of images in my head as it is, Carisi," Olivia said, annoyed that the men were trying to stop her from seeing the evidence against the boys first hand.

"No need to add to them," Carisi said calmly.

Detectives Maddox and Amaro returned and they all walked up to the computer screen to play the recordings on the card. Elliot decided to grasp Olivia's arm lightly and lead her away, back to the room where Sarah was still talking to Wilson. He had no desire to see this particular footage either. He already cared deeply about Sarah and he wanted her and Olivia to be able to leave the events of the evening behind them as quickly as humanly possible.

He looked into the other interrogation room, where Dave was now sitting alone, fidgeting and glancing at the officer that was keeping an eye on him from time to time. When Wilson and Sarah stood up, Olivia waited for her daughter at the door and Elliot stood behind her.

"Mom," Sarah sighed. "I told him everything."

"She did very well," Wilson confirmed.

Everything that went on inside an interrogation room was recorded automatically these days unless a suspect was talking to a lawyer, so Sarah's account of what had happened, was now on record.

"Have the boys lawyered up yet?" Wilson asked Olivia out of habit.

"I don't know," she admitted. "Maybe Maddox knows."

Wilson nodded and patted Sarah on the shoulder comfortingly.

"You can go home with your mom now, Sarah. We will call you in the morning to discuss how we proceed."

They all thanked Wilson and after the Lieutenant had walked off, Sarah approached the window of the other interrogation room to look at Dave. She still couldn't believe what he'd done and couldn't help wondering if he would really have raped her in front of Evan if she hadn't fought him. Olivia stood next to her and she looked at her mother with sadness in her brown eyes.

"I'm so sorry Sarah," Olivia said softly, rubbing her back gently with one hand, and Sarah nodded.

"He was going to be my first, mom."

"I know."

"I feel so dirty now."

"I understand. But it will pass. What happened to you, doesn't define you Sarah."

"I know. I can see that in you."

Olivia smiled and both Benson women leaned their foreheads against each other. Elliot swallowed hard. Had he understood correctly? Was Sarah still a virgin? He always tried not to judge people by their looks and thought he really didn't do that anymore, but he had to admit he was surprised. And while rape was always a horrific experience, he knew it was especially heartbreaking when a person lost their virginity through a rape. Sex was supposed to be one of the best things in life, not one of the worst. Besides, rape wasn't sex. It was a perversion, a game of dominance, usually played by people with feelings of inadequacy that took those out on others to feel better about themselves. He'd seen that in Evan. Very clearly. He wasn't so sure about Dave though.

When they heard footsteps approaching, they all looked to see who was coming and were greeted by a woman introducing herself as Dave Johansson's attorney. So he _had_ lawyered up.

"His parents called for me," the woman said and then she opened the door to walk into the interrogation room.

The officer who had been guarding Dave stepped out and closed the door behind him. He tipped his hat when he saw Olivia and nodded at Elliot and Sarah before he walked off.

"Let's get out of here," Elliot suggested.

It wouldn't do either Benson any good to stay at the station while they boys were being interrogated. They walked towards the elevators, Sarah between the two former partners as before. Just then, Noah came charging through the corridor, a frantic look in his eyes.

"Where is he!" he yelled. "I'm gonna kill him!"

Before anyone could stop the young man, he had rushed past them into the squad room, where ADA Carisi and the team were viewing Evan's recordings.

...

Noah thought his heart stopped in that instant. He couldn't believe what he was seeing on the huge computer screen on the wall. His sister pinned to a bed half-dressed and being dry-humped by Dave Johansson against her will, begging him to stop.

"I'm gonna kill him," he repeated under his breath.

The detectives turned around to look at him and he bolted. He knew his way around the place and ran down the hall to where the interrogation rooms were, followed by his sister and her companions. He spotted Dave instantly and pulled the door open.

"Excuse us …" Dave's attorney started while standing up, but before she could say another word, Noah had hauled Dave up from his chair, knocking it over in the process, and pushed him up against the nearest wall.

"You bastard! What did you do to my sister?! I'm gonna kill you man. You're dead! You're _dead_!"

Catherine came running into the hallway as well and Elliot could grab her arm just in time.

"No. Don't," he simply told her.

He knew Noah shouldn't attack Dave like this but he understood it only too well. An officer had come running over and was trying to get Noah to release Dave. Noah got one good punch in before he let the officer pull him away, and although his hand hurt like hell, the sight of blood was very gratifying.

"This is an outrage," Dave's attorney said, a little out of breath from the shock. "This man just assaulted my client."

Olivia took Noah's arm, guiding him out of the room with the officer, and then suddenly Elliot was in there as well, addressing the attorney calmly but firmly.

"We have your client assaulting the girl on tape. This young man is the girl's brother. No jury will blame him for lashing out at your client. If you even think of pressing charges against him under the circumstances, you will only damage your own case so I suggest we all agree that nothing happened in here. Good evening."

Olivia looked at him with surprise written all over her face. He'd certainly calmed down over the years and had just managed to silence a very feisty attorney with words alone. No heated tension, no threats, just words. Elliot closed the door behind him, leaving the attorney alone with Dave, winked at Olivia and then turned to Noah. The officer who had pulled him off of Dave, had already left them alone and the former detectives knew he wouldn't say a word about what Noah had done. Catherine was inspecting Noah's hand and declared that he did need some ice. Sarah was leaning back against the glass of the other interrogation room and, seeing that Noah was in good hands, Elliot walked up to her.

"You wanna get out of here Sarah?" he asked her softly, and she nodded.

"Yes please."

"You should all be out of here," Wilson declared, having walked over with Carisi to see what the commotion was about.

"Sarah," Noah said, looking at his sister. "Are you okay? Did he … did he ..."

"No," Sarah said. "He didn't. I just … I just want to go home now."

"Let's go," Elliot said, and Olivia nodded and looked at Noah. "Do you need some ice first?"

"I will make sure he gets some," Catherine piped up. "Please, you just get Sarah home safely."

"We're going to mom's place, right?" Sarah asked timidly and Olivia let go of her son's arm to stand next to her daughter.

"Yes, of course. You can stay for as long as you want."

They left Catherine and Noah at the station after Catherine had promised her grandfather they would go straight home too, and would be in touch.

Noah was still fuming. He couldn't believe what he'd seen on that screen and wished he hadn't seen it. He was only just discovering how incredible and special it was to become one body with the woman he loved, and felt sick to his stomach about what his sister had experienced. That wasn't how it was supposed to happen, for her or anyone else. And even if Dave hadn't managed to actually go all the way, he knew his sister had been damaged severely. She hadn't been the best judge of character to begin with, but would she ever dare to trust another person again? He felt tears prickling behind his eyes and when his girlfriend sat him down in a chair and wrapped his hand in the ice that detective Amaro had gotten for them, he looked up at her, wondering if she would find it weird that he felt like crying. When her eyes met his, she forced a smile but he could see concern and sadness in her blue eyes.

"It's okay baby. I wanna cry too," she said softly and he almost let it all out then and there.

After she had wrapped his hand in ice, Catherine sat down in his lap and they just held each other, unable to comprehend what had just happened to their uneventful and harmonious lives.

...


	32. Drained

**32\. Drained**

Olivia sighed when she finally emerged from Sarah's bedroom and closed the door behind her carefully. The reality of what had happened, the betrayal, was finally beginning to sink in and her daughter was a mess. She had showered twice, once hot and once cold, and in the end, Olivia had needed to pull her out of the shower, shaking from the cold and shock, and had wrapped her in her own robe. They had sat together on Sarah's bed for a long time, holding each other and just breathing together, and crying from time to time.

From time to time, Sarah had spoken. Just short statements of a few words at a time. _I was so afraid ... I thought he loved me ... I feel so dirty where he touched me ... I thought he was the one … I really thought he was going to rape me ..._ But not once did she say she was ashamed of herself, and Olivia was relieved.

She herself had felt ashamed, thinking that a cop like her should never have been captured in the first place. Not by Harris and certainly not by Lewis. It had taken her years to accept that she was _not_ different from other survivors. She wasn't better than them and was never supposed to be better than them. It could happen to literally everyone, young or old, male or female, trained or untrained. It had given her peace to leave the shame behind her, and she held her head higher because of it. She could see the same strength in her daughter and she knew that in the end, Sarah would be okay. Even if she had been raped, she would have been okay, but Olivia was still immensely relieved that her daughter had not been violated that way. She was still a virgin physically as well as mentally. And while it was the mental purity that counted in the end, being still physically untouched would help Sarah heal faster.

Olivia had seen unimaginable strength in survivors of all kinds of abuse, including girls and boys who had had their physical virginity ripped away from them by force. She was proud to stand with them and fight for them and show the world that damaged people can truly heal and be stronger for it. And she would stand by her own daughter the same way.

Sarah was going to try and sleep now but Olivia had told her she could call her at any time and she'd be right there. When Olivia walked back into the living room, sighing once again, she was dead on her feet. And then she realized that Elliot was still there. He had been there the whole time. He'd taken off his jacket and had waited patiently for her in the dimly lit living area. When he saw her come in, he stood up and walked towards her.

She didn't feel like talking. Not to him. Not to anyone. She just needed some time to come to terms with all that had happened in the span of just a few hours, and with all the emotions and memories that had bubbled to the surface. She opened her mouth to say something, to ask Elliot to leave maybe, but Elliot held up a hand before she could speak. He continued walking until he stood very close to her, and then carefully reached for her, wrapping his arms around her. Olivia let out a small sound unintentionally and it sounded like a low groan. She felt like all of her strength, everything she had mustered up to be able to stand by her daughter, seeped out of her in an instant and she sagged against Elliot's chest, clutching his shirt on his back just above his belt with both hands.

"Sssshh," Elliot said softly.

She hadn't intended to say anything but the soft sound was strangely comforting. Her fatigue overwhelmed her and if Elliot's strong arms hadn't been around her, she might have just caved in and sank to the floor where she stood. But he was holding her. Elliot was holding her and she was letting him, because she simply didn't have any strength left to object. She closed her eyes, rested her cheek against his broad shoulder and allowed herself to give in. She wasn't sure what she was giving in to, but she knew that with Elliot, she didn't need to know. She was safe with him and it was okay to be empty and silent and tired with him. After all this time, she still didn't need to explain herself to him. He already knew and he did the only thing for her that he could. He held her.

…

Elliot was highly aware of the fact that Olivia's defenses were down and he was going to make damned sure he wasn't going to take advantage of her state of mind. He tightened his grip on her when he felt her sag against him. When she turned her face away from him to rest her cheek against his shoulder, he rubbed the back of her head with his cheek. They didn't speak. They didn't have to.

As a parent, he knew what she was feeling. Anger as well as relief. Protectiveness, the need to lock up her apartment and never let anyone near her daughter again, as well as wanting to see her get back on her feet and face the world head on. All of it rolled into one. She was a mother.

As a cop, he understood her outrage. The almost blinding rage against injustice that made her want to obliterate the boys who had dared to touch an innocent young woman.

As a friend, he understood how drained she was after being flung from one emotion into the other all night. Catherine had texted him a while ago that she and Noah were now at his place, and when the moment felt right, he told Olivia so, very softly. He barely registered her soft answer when she said against his shoulder, "Okay."

He knew she wasn't crying. She wouldn't cry in front of him or anyone else. In front of her children maybe. He didn't know that about her. He didn't really know that side of her at all. Olivia the mother. He wished now that he would have been stronger back then. That he would have been strong enough to see Olivia be happy with a family of her own, even if there had been a man in the picture like he'd assumed. But he had been weak. He had been afraid that it would cut him too deeply to see her happy and in love with another man. Knowing that she was happy had given him just enough strength to walk away. He had lacked the strength to stay and be a witness to her happy life. He could only hope Olivia would let him explain that to her one day. For now, he was grateful that she was letting him hold her. That he could do something for her in her time of need, where her only concern would be her children and not herself. She had only ever allowed _him_ to be concerned about her during their partnership, and he wondered if she had ever let someone else take care of her. It wasn't a jealous wondering, just a curious one. Still, it didn't escape him that it was very special that she was now relaxing like this with him. She wasn't crying but she _was_ relaxing. He rocked her gently, shifting his weight from one foot to the other while rubbing her back in slow circles with one hand, and she swayed with him. He wondered if she could fall asleep like this. Her grip on his shirt had loosened, and her hands were now simply resting against his lower back. He raised his head a bit to try and look at her face, but Olivia kept it turned away from him. He closed his eyes and just breathed with her, inhaling her scent and enjoying the feeling of her body against his. After at least ten minutes, Olivia finally stood up a little straighter and created some distance between them. Not much, and she didn't let go of him, but just enough so she could look up at him.

…

Olivia tried to read Elliot's reaction to their proximity. She had felt so strangely safe, being held by him, that it had taken her many minutes to finally break their embrace. His arms were still wrapped around her lightly though, and hers hands were still on his waist. She wondered if he realized how comforting it had been to be held by him while she found her balance again. All the fight and energy had left her body the instant she had given in to the embrace, and she had allowed herself to go limp and experience the emptiness. While Elliot held her, the emptiness had gradually been replaced. By thoughts about Sarah at first. Then about Noah and she realized that knowing Catherine was with her son, was enough. They would take care of each other while she took care of Sarah. And Elliot took care of her. Her thoughts had finally drifted from her children to the man in her living room. The man who was holding her without asking questions. Who had been there for her all night and who just knew. He knew her and he knew what she needed. And she realized how she had missed that. How she had missed someone knowing her, _really_ knowing her, the way Elliot knew her still.

Melinda was a great friend. The best. So were Rafael Barba, Nick Amaro and even Sonny Carisi. But even after all these years, none of them had really gotten to know her the way Elliot had. Melinda had come closest of course, and being a woman, she had gotten to know Olivia better than Elliot in some ways. But in other ways, she hadn't been able to understand her the way Elliot had. He had come from an abusive home like she had and that alone had forged a very special bond. He was her partner. Her friend. Her soulmate. She just needed to decide how badly she wanted that back and right now, she was too tired to think clearly. All she knew was how good it felt to just be together with him like this, in a silence that wasn't uncomfortable. It was the opposite. It was the comfort that she felt to simply be, without needing to explain herself, that struck her and that pulled her towards him. She was too tired to fight it and too drained to keep herself from admitting that she needed anything at all.

"You wanna sit down for a minute?" Elliot asked her kindly and she knew he'd seen the fatigue in her features.

She nodded and he released her as she moved towards the sofa. Before sitting down, she looked at him and he nodded too. Of course he was staying with her. Of course he was going to sit with her.

"Can I get you something to drink?" he asked after she had sat down.

"Please."

She registered that he was offering her a drink in her own home but she didn't object. He moved around her kitchen naturally and it didn't bother her. He wasn't trying to worm his way into her everyday life. He was simply helping. Supporting. Like he always used to do. And it was surprisingly easy to give in and let him. She was too tired to fight him.

...

Elliot returned to the sofa and handed Olivia a beer before sitting down next to her with his own beer in hand. The fact that she was letting him care for her told him so much. He knew he would need to tread lightly and not cross any boundaries while she was in such a vulnerable state. And so they just sat together, drinking their beer quietly.

"Do you think she's fallen asleep?" he asked after a while, and Olivia wiggled her head.

"Maybe. She's exhausted and got a lot out of her system. Not sure if she'll have nightmares though."

"Either that or she'll be in a coma all night long."

Olivia nodded and took another sip of beer. She was familiar with that comatosed state. It wasn't the kind of sleep that actually made you feel rested. And while she didn't wish any nightmares on her daughter, she knew it was better for the brain to stay somewhat active in order to properly process everything.

"How about you?" Elliot asked, and he saw her brown eyes flick to his instantly.

"What about me?" she asked, a slight defensiveness in her tone.

"You think you will be able to sleep later on?" Elliot explained.

He hadn't meant to touch on any sensitive topic at all and he had honestly only been referring to this night. Olivia seemed to accept that and he saw her relax again. She leaned back against the backrest of the sofa and looked up at the ceiling.

"I'm not sure. Could go either way I guess."

"I could stay for a while."

Olivia lifted her head and looked at him, studying him, looking for clues to determine what he had meant exactly. He didn't avert his eyes and let her study him. His intentions were honorable, he had nothing to hide. He was touched by how Olivia was letting her guard down with him and he sensed that his presence was helping her find her balance. That was why he had offered to stay for a while, nothing else. After a long minute, Olivia seemed to reach that same conclusion. He saw a small smile playing on her lips.

"Who would have thought, right?" she mused and he thought back to the beginning of the evening, when she'd been ready to send him on his way without any promises about seeing each other again.

"Right. But I'm glad I was here," he said after a few beats.

Olivia nodded, finally lowering her eyes.

"Yeah," she said softly. "Me too."

…

 **To be continued...**


	33. Just like you

**Let's see what this night holds for our five main characters.**

...

 **33\. Just like you**

Noah was lying awake, staring up at the ceiling. Catherine had already drifted off in his arm and was snuggled up against him in just her panties. She'd been so patient and understanding with him and he was glad she understood what had brought on his rage at the station. She knew he really wasn't a violent person. She had texted her grandfather that they were here together, and right now he could care less about him finding them in bed together. The anger burning in the pit of his stomach was still there and all he could think about was his sister. The image of her, helpless on a bed with a man on top of her, was seared in his brain forever and he'd gained a new understanding of his mother's drive to help people who had been victimized this way, or worse usually.

The injustice of people forcing their will on other people, either through sexual assault or any other form of violence or intimidation, had prompted him to want to become a prosecutor. As a young boy, he'd learned a lot from Rafael Barba, whom he was still in touch with. Barba and his mother had remained friends after Barba was reassigned to a different district. Barba was still interested in reading news articles about new cases and Noah called him sometimes to discuss them with him. He wished he could call the former Manhattan ADA right now to tell him about Sarah and Dave, and that creep Evan who had filmed the whole thing. But it was 3 AM, not the best time to wake the older man up just because he couldn't sleep.

Catherine stirred and sighed in her sleep, and he looked at her in the dark room. He couldn't see her clearly but turned his head to kiss her forehead. He wouldn't know what he'd do without her right now. He would probably be at his mom's to see for himself that Sarah was alright, or going to be. And to support his mother.

Instead, he was here, trying to sleep, while his mother's former partner was with them. How did that even happen? He was glad though, because it meant that his mother didn't have to do this alone. She may have been used to dealing with these cases, but this one was hitting way too close to home. Hell, it was hitting their home. Noah was glad that her old partner, once her best friend, was with her. He would know like no other what she needed right now.

Catherine stirred again and Noah turned on his side to face her.

"Can't sleep?" the blonde mumbled, and he smiled, knowing she was barely awake and probably didn't even know she'd asked him a question. He loved getting to know these little things about her and he couldn't imagine ever being without Catherine again. He knew lots of relationships ended after a while, especially at their age. He saw it all around him and people seemed to get over it and move on. He felt ill physically just thinking about that possibility, and he pulled Catherine closer to him.

"I'm here baby," she sighed, her eyes still closed, while she snuggled even closer.

"I know," Noah whispered back. "I know."

…

Elliot was tired but he could barely keep his eyes off her. Olivia had fallen asleep against his shoulder and he sat perfectly still. He wished he'd put his arm on the backrest of the sofa earlier but now that she was leaning against the outside of his shoulder, he didn't dare to move. She needed the rest after the evening she'd had and they both knew that Sarah might need her during the night. He closed his eyes and dropped his head back, hoping he'd catch some sleep as well. In the Marines, he'd learned to sleep in unusual positions, and sitting up on a comfortable sofa shouldn't be a problem. His head was still full of thoughts though. So much had happened in the span of just a few hours, that it was difficult to process. He had the feeling that the dynamic between him and Olivia had shifted. Shifted back, in fact, to something familiar that he'd missed more than he'd realized. He wondered if it would be enough for him if this was what they were going to be. Friends again, and nothing more.

He glanced at her and took in her tired but relaxed face. She had more lines in her face but she was still so beautiful, still all Olivia. He knew the strength that lay beneath the surface of her soft exterior and he knew that hadn't diminished over time. But there was something more fragile about her and it was no doubt because she had children. Children were the biggest blessing in life, but also the one thing that could completely break a person. Sarah's pain was her pain right now, and so was Noah's. Noah had let out the anger they had all been feeling. He had defended his sister the only way he knew how under the circumstances but they knew he was hurting deeply. And consequently, so was Olivia. A child's pain is a parent's pain and it could become a crippling pain at times.

He was so, so grateful that she'd let him stay. It was the least he could do for her now, after all these years without any contact. There was no way of knowing how their relationship would evolve after tonight. There was still trust between them, which was miraculous in itself. The way Olivia had let him hold her had told him that she still trusted him, far more than he had expected her to. Far more than he deserved, although he'd never betray her trust. Never again. He'd seen their age-old connection again tonight. They had moved and operated as a team without having to think about it. It had felt so natural to walk beside her again but he had to wonder if that connection had been limited to the job after all, since it had taken an assault to get them to fall into step again.

He shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut. He shouldn't think like that. He'd give anything to undo Sarah's assault. He'd trade it for the uncomfortable, tentative contact with Olivia in a heartbeat. He had already accepted that it would take time to get closer to Olivia. And maybe it would still take time after tonight. He shouldn't assume that they'd made any kind of progress.

He heard a strangled sound from the direction of Sarah's room, and instantly, Olivia sat up.

"Sarah," she sighed, looking at Elliot with wide eyes.

She jumped up but lost her balance, having gotten up way too quickly. Elliot stood next to her and grabbed her arm loosely.

"Easy Liv," he mumbled.

"I'm okay," she said quickly and he released her arm, knowing better than to hold on.

…

She felt like she was suffocating. Dave was pinning her down on the bed and crushing her with his weight. She couldn't breathe and Evan's cold laugh echoed in her head. When she looked up to plead with Dave, she was suddenly staring into Evan's green eyes. He was grinning at her and grinding into her and she screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Dave! Get him off me! Get him off me!"

She shot up in bed, clutching her chest and was shaking all over. She was disoriented and breathing erratically. The door of her bedroom opened and her mother came rushing in.  
"Sarah, I'm here. Mom's here," her soothing voice said and Sarah tried to focus on her mother's face.

Olivia switched on a lamp on her nightstand and Sarah blinked a few times. When her mother sat down next to her, she leaned against her and let her hold her. Olivia didn't ask her any questions, she just caressed her hair and her arm, and rocked her gently until Sarah was able to calm down. Her heart was still pounding in her ears but she was able to breathe again, and the feeling of a heavy weight on her chest was letting up. And then she realized the full extent of what she'd just dreamed.

"Mom."

"Yes honey."

"In my dream … my nightmare … I actually called out to Dave to … to help me …"

She felt her mother's arms tighten around her and she suppressed a sob. How could she have called out to Dave, knowing how he'd betrayed her? It had suddenly been Evan on top of her in her dream and she had wanted Dave to help her.

Olivia kissed her forehead and kept her lips against her skin when she said softly,

"It takes time to process Sarah. You may get confused a few more times. Just know that we're here for you. Noah and me. Always."

She loved her mother so much for never sugarcoating the truth. And she wasn't judging her for still having certain feelings for Dave despite what he'd done to her. Those feelings didn't just die overnight, even if she wanted them to. She truly and honestly had expected Dave to be her knight in shining armor if anything like this ever happened to her. It was still unthinkable that he'd been part of the assault instead of the rescue party. She'd fought her own way out, away from him instead of to him, and that hurt like hell.

She jolted when she heard shuffling in the living room, and her mother rubbed her back gently.

"It's Elliot … Catherine's grandfather. He's still here," Olivia explained.

"Oh, okay."

She trusted that man. She'd never seen him before in her life but he had given her an instant sense of safety when she had told him and her mother what had happened. She had never known her own father, but she imagined a father to be like Elliot. Someone strong and protective, who listened without judging people and who had a keen sense of justice. Kind of like a male version of her mother. She lifted her head to look at her mother and smiled.

...

"What is it honey?" Olivia asked, not quite understanding why her daughter was smiling at her.

"You're really amazing, you know that?" her daughter said out of the blue, and Olivia couldn't help chuckling. Sarah was still Sarah, no matter how she'd just woken up.

"Thanks Sarah, but what makes you say that?"

"You're my mom and dad all rolled into one."

Olivia raised an eyebrow. She didn't understand where that observation was coming from at all. Her heart skipped a happy beat when she heard her daughter chuckle as well.

"I was just thinking about him … Elliot … how he's so nice, just like I imagine a father would be."

"Okay," Olivia said, still not quite following.

"And then I thought that he's just like you."

Olivia's other eyebrow shot up too. Elliot was just like her? Sarah just nodded, answering her unspoken question.

"Yeah, he is. I can see why you love him."

Olivia let out an involuntary grunt. She really was too tired for this and the word love combined with Elliot was too much to handle right now.

"You two fit, you know," Sarah went on, apparently enjoying her analysis of how she and Elliot interacted with each other. "And I think he'd do anything for you."

Sarah's face dropped then, and Olivia knew her mind was going back to Dave. The boy she had thought would do anything for her, too. She reached up to tuck a strand of her daughter's hair behind the girl's ear, and Sarah gave her a tearful smile.

"C'mere," Olivia whispered, and they hugged each other tightly. "You want me to sleep here with you tonight?"

Sarah nodded against her shoulder and Olivia kissed her temple before releasing her.

"I'll go tell Elliot. He should get some rest too. I'll be right back."

"Thanks mom."

Olivia took a deep breath before walking back into the living room. Elliot stood up immediately and she tilted her head, an apologetic smile on her lips.

"You kicking me out?" Elliot said jokingly, and her smiled widened a bit.

"Actually, yes," she acknowledged. "I'm going to keep Sarah company for the rest of the night."

Elliot nodded. He understood. He knew better than to ask how Sarah was doing, and Olivia thought of what her daughter had said. He's just like you. You two fit. I can see why you love him … But she couldn't think about that right now. She still needed to decide if it was still true anyway.

Elliot grabbed his jacket and put it on, watching her as he did it.

"Thanks for staying, Elliot," she said.

"No problem. Goes without saying."

"Yeah …"

A lot went without saying between them. Always had.

"Olivia, can I check in with you two tomorrow?" Elliot asked, and she could hear the hope as well as the concern in his voice.

"Yeah. Yes. Of course you can," she said quickly.

There was no reason to say no, so she didn't. Naturally, he would want to know how Sarah was doing and if there was any progress in the case against the boys.

"Alright. I hope you get some rest. Both of you."

"Thanks. And would you … would you keep an eye on Noah for me?"

"Of course."

"Thank you, Elliot. For everything."

"Goodnight, Liv."

"Goodnight, El."

…

 **Review?**


	34. Answers

**34\. Answers**

Sarah opened her eyes and blinked against the daylight streaming in through the crack between her bedroom curtains. She had finally managed to get some sleep and she knew why. Her mother had stayed with her all night, holding her until she'd fallen asleep again. She was still there, sleeping peacefully in the big shirt Sarah had gotten her for her birthday. Sarah was glad she was sleeping. Her mom needed the rest as much as she did. But she was beginning to stir, probably sensing that her daughter was awake, and Sarah watched her face as her eyes fluttered open and blinked against the light as well.

"Hey," she whispered softly and her mother looked at her.

"Hey honey. Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah, thanks to you."

Olivia smiled and reached up to touch Sarah's cheek.

"Anything for my baby girl."

Sarah turned so she was facing her mother, and both Benson women looked at each other for a few moments. Sarah remembered waking up like this many times when she was little. She'd had a hard time falling asleep alone when she had just come to live with Noah and his mother, and when she had to go to school a year later. More often than not, Olivia had fallen asleep right next to her. She'd felt so special each time she woke up and her mother was still in bed with her. So safe and so loved. She felt that way again this morning, despite everything that had happened to her. This place was her safe haven and she'd only had one goal the night before after she'd escaped Dave's dorm. _Home_. And it wasn't home because it was such a nice apartment in a safe building. It was home and it was her safe place because her mother lived here.

"I love you mom," she blurted out and Olivia smiled, as if she understood what she'd been thinking.

"I love you too Sarah. You can stay here for as long as you want."

She knew that. If it were up to her mother, she'd move right back in and Noah too. It was a great feeling to know she could always come home, and right now, she needed it. But she knew she would have to go out there again at some point. She had classes on Monday but she wasn't going to think about that right now.

"You want some breakfast?" Olivia asked and Sarah nodded.

She wasn't sure how much she'd be able to eat, but she wanted to try.

"Yeah, that sounds great," she said while sitting up in bed.

Her mother did the same, and before they swung their legs out of bed to get up, she asked her,

"Did you hear back from SVU yet?"

"Not yet," Olivia told her, "but I'm calling them if I don't hear from them soon."

Sarah pursed her lips and nodded, unsure if she should be happy about that or not. Did she really want to know why Dave had decided to try and overpower her against her will? She frowned and shook her head. She didn't want to think about that yet. Not yet.

…

Elliot woke up with a start, still used to responding to unexpected sound or movement around him at all hours. He didn't sit up but lay very still, listening. He checked the time and saw it was already past nine. After a minute, he realized he had heard footsteps and was now hearing a muffled conversation. He got out of bed slowly - he wasn't as quick on his feet as he used to be - put on a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, and walked out of his bedroom towards the living area. He found Catherine and Noah at the breakfast bar, Catherine making tea while Noah sat on a stool, watching her while they talked quietly.

"Good morning grandpa," Catherine said with a smile, and Noah turned around on his stool.

"Good morning Mr. Stabler," he said politely.

"Morning kids," he answered, walking over and rounding the breakfast bar to join Catherine in the kitchen. "Have you two had breakfast yet?"

"Not yet, we just woke up," Catherine admitted and the way she averted her eyes and then exchanged a quick glance with her boyfriend, told Elliot all he needed to know. Or rather, more than he had wanted to know.

 _It's okay, it's Olivia's son,_ he told himself, and he did mean it. But it would take some time for him to accept that his granddaughter was now officially a woman. She had been before but there was something irreversible about it now.

His thoughts drifted to Sarah and he took a deep breath. At least Catherine was a consenting adult and she had chosen a very reliable kid as her boyfriend. The way Noah had defended his sister's honor the night before had filled him with an almost fatherly pride. The young man would make a passionate prosecutor one day.

"Well Noah," he said as cheerfully as he could manage, "your mom asked me to look out for you, so what'll it be? You need a good breakfast to start your day."

He thought he saw Catherine roll her eyes but ignored it for now. She usually just had a smoothie of some kind for breakfast but Noah was a _man_. He had to eat meat and eggs and bread. When Noah said it didn't really matter and that he'd have whatever Elliot was having, he got to work, bumping his granddaughter aside until she vacated the kitchen and sat down on a stool next to Noah with her cup of tea.

"How is mom doing? And Sarah?" Noah asked him. "I've been calling Sarah's phone but she isn't picking up."

"When I left, your mom was going to sleep next to Sarah to keep away the nightmares," Elliot answered.

Noah nodded, and Elliot gave him some time to process the information.

"Thanks for being there for them," Noah said after a few beats.

Elliot kept his eyes on the food he was moving around in the skittle and nodded as well.

"No problem. It was the least I could do. How is your hand?"

Noah studied his knuckles and Elliot walked over to him to see how much damage had been done. His hand showed some bruising but it wasn't swollen so the ice had done its job.

"It was worth it," Noah said quietly, looking at him as if trying to see if he'd agree with him.

"Don't I know it," Elliot said with a grin. "You punched the guy for all of us. I think you broke his nose."

"I wanted to break a lot more," Noah admitted and Elliot chuckled.

"Grandpa was just like you were last night when he was a cop," Catherine piped up. "It's a miracle he wasn't fired for his temper."

Elliot thought he saw a hint of admiration in the younger man's eyes and just smiled.

"Yeah. I had my moments," he admitted.

"And you worked with my mom?" Noah asked incredulously. "Wow, there must have been fireworks between the two of you all the time."

Catherine frowned at her boyfriend but Elliot just chuckled again.

"You could say that. She was a handful too. But we complemented each other in a way."

Noah nodded and Elliot could see that he was thinking something but deciding not to say it out loud. He was curious and tried to think of a way to get the young Benson to talk about what was on his mind. But before he could try, Noah pulled out his phone and announced that he was calling his mother.

"I get that Sarah won't answer her phone right now, but mom will."

Elliot was glad his bacon and eggs were just about finished because he really wanted to hear Olivia's voice again. It would tell him how her night had been and how she was coping with what had happened to her daughter.

…

"Oh my god, mom. Look at my phone."

Sarah came out of her bedroom in her pink PJ's and a robe, holding out her phone. Olivia reached for her glasses on the coffee table and then peered at the screen Sarah was waving in front of her face.

"Twenty-seven missed calls?"

"Right! I had it on mute all night. Let's see who they're from. Oh, Jen of course. And Noah. And …"

Sarah suddenly stopped talking and paled. Olivia knew why and quickly stood next to her daugher, wrapping an arm around her waist.

"Dave?"

Sarah nodded, pressing a hand to her mouth.

"Three calls," she whispered. "Why would he call me now?"

Olivia wondered how the young man had even gotten hold of a phone, but apparently he had been allowed to make a phone call. Why would he choose to use it to call Sarah?

"Did he leave a message?" she asked, trying to keep up with Sarah's rapid scrolling through her messages.

"Oh … a video message," she sighed and then looked at her mother with wide eyes.

"Do you want to see it?" Olivia asked.

"I guess," Sarah said.

They moved to the sofa together and once they were both seated, close together, Sarah pressed the play button to play her attacker's message. She bit her lip when Dave's face appeared on the screen. His nose was bandaged up and he looked a bit scruffy and unshaven. Basically, he looked awful.

" _Sarah … I … I don't know what to say right now except I'm so, so sorry. I never meant for this to happen but … well, I just want you to know that I really like you and I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry. I'll do whatever it takes to make it up to you. Please don't hate me. I'm really sorry for hurting you."_

Sarah let out a shaky breath and closed her eyes. Olivia rubbed her back gently and tried to pry the phone from her fingers, but Sarah opened her eyes and looked at the screen again.

"Does he really expect me to just forgive him?" she asked with a trembling voice.

"I have no idea," Olivia said honestly.

She was surprised to say the least, that Dave had tried to reach out to Sarah in his own way. If he was sorry now, what had come over him the night before? He'd been drunk when they came back but he'd been pretty sober when he and Sarah went up to his room the first time.

"Let me call SVU. See what they know by now," she suggested, and Sarah nodded.

Olivia called Lieutenant Wilson and he told her he had some valuable information for them.

"Can you come to the station?" he asked them, but after seeing how shaky her daughter still was, Olivia asked the Lieutenant to just tell them over the phone what they'd learned so far.

…

"Hey mom, it's Noah."

"Hi honey. Did you get some sleep?"

"Yeah. I did. How 'bout you and Sarah?"

Sarah's face appeared next to his mother's face on the screen and she waved at him.

"Hi big bro. I'm okay."

He didn't really believe her and he could see she'd been crying recently, but he let it go for now and didn't ask why she hadn't answered his earlier calls. Mr. Stabler placed a plate in front of him and he nodded at the older man who was now sitting across from him at the breakfast bar. He didn't blame him for wanting to listen in.

"We have some news about the boys," his mother told him, and he let her know that both Catherine and her grandfather were listening in.

And then Olivia told them what the SVU detectives had found. They had worked tirelessly all night so they would have some answers for their former Captain and her daughter the next morning. After reviewing the contents of the one memory card they had, a warrant had been issued for all of Evan's computer and filming equipment, including his phone. The young man had recordings on the card of several couples making out or having actual sex, and when they dug through his computer, they found even more recordings. Most of them had been made secretly and they only found one other recording with Dave in it. A quick search for the girl he'd been with during the holiday season last December had revealed that she'd been only fifteen at the time while Dave had been nineteen.

"Statutory rape," Noah and Elliot said simultaneously, and Olivia nodded.

"Exactly. Dave said he didn't have a clue that the girl was under age at the time and she was definitely a willing participant, but Evan was holding the recording over his head."

Noah looked at his sister on the screen. How was she taking this news? While he still hated Dave for caving in to Evan's apparent demand, he wondered if Sarah would see this as a mitigating circumstance for Dave. He knew she'd had real feelings for the guy and those didn't just go away overnight. When Sarah didn't say anything, he asked her,

"How are you dealing with this, sis?"

Tears welled up in Sarah's eyes once again and he saw his mother pull her close to her.

"He should have said no to Evan," Sarah answered, trying not to cry. "We could have gone somewhere else. I _hate_ him for setting me up like that."

Olivia added,

"Dave says that Evan sprang the plan on him last night and he did say no, but Evan came up anyway. Dave has made a full confession, saying he went along with it because he was panicking, and he even called Sarah to apologize to her. All he wants is not to go on the registry for the statutory rape, or his career will be over before it's even begun. But he confessed to everything because of Sarah."

"Can they do that? Not follow up on that case? The other girl _was_ under age," Elliot said.

"I don't know Elliot. But this is where we stand. They have enough on Evan to put him away for extortion. Dave wasn't the only one he was blackmailing for sleeping with that same girl. They are tracking the other guys involved now. Evan was probably stalking the fifteen-year old for some reason because she's in several recordings. He may even have been working with her, they're still looking into that. He demanded money from most of the guys, and sometimes he wanted to film them again, like he tried with Dave. And it turns out he has a juvi record that was sealed after he served a one year sentence for something. Carisi has all the information now and is looking into it. He doesn't expect it will go to trial so that's a big relief for Sarah."

Sarah nodded and Noah was relieved for her. He knew she'd be strong if she did have to testify, but if a trial could be avoided, he knew it was always better for the victim, as long as the perp was punished. _Victim_. He didn't want to look at his own sister that way. He'd had a hard enough time dealing with what had been done to his mother. But his mother had come out stronger in the end, and so would his sister.

"Mom, can we still come over for dinner later?" Noah asked, and Olivia smiled.

He could tell she was tired but she was never too tired for her own children.

"Of course you can. I got all my shopping done yesterday. You're bringing Catherine, right? There is more than enough. Jen is coming too so …"

"She's here!" Sarah suddenly said, jumping up and walking away from the conversation to open the door for her best friend.

Noah looked at the man sitting across from him, who was so invested in what was going on but was being left out almost completely, and on a whim he asked his mother,

"Can Mr. Stabler come too?"

…

 **Well? Can he? And does he want to?  
How do you like the explanation for what Dave did?**


	35. Hope

**Thank you all again for your reviews. You are definitely helping me shape this story. I know where I'm headed with it but your responses help me decide on details. So thank you and keep'em coming!  
To the guest reviewer who asked me "where are you": I am always lurking somewhere … ;)**

...

 **35\. Hope**

" _Can Mr. Stabler come too?"_

Olivia fell silent at her son's question. She looked at her daughter, who was currently waiting by the door for her best friend. This Sunday's family dinner wouldn't be like other family dinners. It would be about rallying around Sarah and about supporting her. Letting her know they were there for her. Catherine's presence was a given now, she belonged with them because she belonged with Noah, and Jen had been part of the family forever. But Elliot? Would Sarah want him there? And did Olivia really need that stress on top of everything else?

But it hadn't been stressful at all to have him there the evening and night before. On the contrary. It had been strangely reassuring. Familiar even. She had felt safe enough to actually fall asleep next to him on her sofa. She didn't know what to say and before she could wonder if Elliot even wanted to be there, she heard his voice.

"Olivia, while I appreciate Noah's gesture, I don't think it's my place to join you for your family dinner. I would very much like to see for myself how you and Sarah are doing, but it can wait."

Olivia bit her lip and looked at her son on the screen of her phone. Noah shrugged and smiled shyly.

"I just thought since he was such a big part of last night …"

"I understand Noah. And I'm sure Elliot does too."

"I do and I appreciate it," Elliot confirmed. "But it's not my place to be there."

Hearing Elliot's raspy voice and hearing him acknowledge her family was tugging at Olivia's heart strings. She knew that the part of her heart that had been sealed off for years, had begun to breathe again the night before. She had been filled mainly with concern for Sarah but it had felt so good to have someone next to her to comfort her. Someone who didn't ask questions or offered platitudes but just _was_. Someone she didn't have to explain herself to. Someone who knew her and knew what she needed and didn't need.

"Maybe you could drop by later," she heard herself blurt out and she was glad Sarah chose that moment to plop back down on the sofa next to her, together with Jen. It distracted her just enough not to be embarrassed by her own question.

"Okay. Maybe I will," she heard Elliot say.

The two young women next to her were whispering and hugging each other and Olivia decided she should end the call. Noah promised that he and Catherine would be over early that afternoon and after they had disconnected, Olivia closed her eyes briefly. It wasn't easy on Noah or any of them and she wanted to support the younger generation. But she needed support herself too, and who better to stand by her than the one person who knew her better than anyone? She knew that Elliot had no place at her family dinner but she couldn't deny that she was actually hoping he'd drop by later that evening. She stood up to give the girls on the sofa some room to catch up and walked over to the balcony. She opened the sliding door and stepped outside. She leaned on the railing and looked out into the street, shaking her head. How could she be hoping he'd drop by? Was she really falling into that trap again? Hadn't she learned anything from the past twenty-four years?

…

They finished their breakfast in silence after Elliot had thanked Noah for his thoughtfulness, and Elliot thought about Olivia's invitation to drop by later that night. Could she be opening up to him? He remembered how vulnerable she'd been the night before. He didn't want to take advantage of her state of mind, but she had sounded sincere. Relieved that he understood that her family dinner didn't include him but still open to seeing him again. Hope was growing inside him that they had begun to move forward at last.

He welcomed the afternoon alone though and didn't mind that Noah and Catherine had already left by the time he got home from his Sunday run. He needed some time to digest what Olivia had told them about Evan and Dave. It wasn't difficult to connect the dots where Evan was concerned. He had all the marks of a psychopath. There was probably something off with him sexually, that he was compensating by watching and filming others in the act. The financial gain had most likely just been a bonus. He wondered what the kid's connection was to the fifteen-year old girl. He would just have to trust the current team of detectives to unravel the whole case. The ADA had no doubt that Evan would go to jail again. The evidence against him was staggering. He was trying not to get too engrossed in all the details, like what was going to happen to all the guys that had committed statutory rape unknowingly. Maybe they'd get off in exchange for testifying against Evan. It would probably depend largely on how complicit the under age girl had been exactly.

Elliot shook his head. The detective in him was hard at work but it didn't matter what he thought up. It wasn't his job anymore. The only party he was truly concerned about was Sarah. He realized that, if Evan hadn't been Dave's roommate, she would have lost her virginity to Dave last night and they'd still be a couple. Olivia would no doubt realize that as well. But Dave had shown to be pretty spineless under pressure and in the end Sarah would be better off without him. He felt for her though, and for her mother. As a parent, you never want to see your own child suffer. You'd rather suffer yourself and seeing them in pain was like a knife to the heart. She would be strong for her children, he didn't doubt that for a moment. But even Olivia needed a proverbial shoulder to cry on from time to time. Not that he expected her to actually cry in front of him, or anyone else for that matter. But the way she had allowed him to support her the night before told him that she did need it. Or him, hopefully.

He wondered who she had kept in touch with over the years. He knew about Melinda but other than that, all their former co-workers had died, aside from Jeffries and Cassidy. He doubted that Monique Jeffries had stayed in touch, since they never heard from her again after she left SVU. Thinking of the other former SVU detective, Elliot frowned. He still couldn't believe Olivia had had a one-night stand with him. He hoped that she and Cassidy had never crossed paths again after he had left the squad. Kathleen had told him that Olivia had someone taking care of her after her abduction and he wondered who that could have been. Noah had simply said that no one had taken care of her and Olivia hadn't commented one way or the other. After thinking about it for a while, he decided to call his middle daughter and just ask her.

…

It seemed to Catherine that Sarah was being very strong. She was vocal about how she was feeling and that was a good thing. She wasn't bottling anything up and blurted things out from time to time. She and Jen were obviously extremely close and the two best friends shared everything with each other. Noah's mom just watched all of them, making sure they had everything they needed, and Catherine wondered if she ever felt lonely, being surrounded by young people all the time. She looked out for everyone, but who looked out for her?

She felt Noah nudge her and she looked at him. He leaned over to her, rubbing her back gently, and said softly,

"She'll be alright. She's the strongest person I know."

Catherine nodded and gave him a small smile.

"Still, I'm glad grandpa is coming over later."

"Me too," Noah said, winking at her and Catherine rubbed his thigh lovingly.

When they looked at the two best friends on the sofa again, they were both staring at them, and both started giggling when they saw them looking.

"What?" Noah said, partly amused and partly annoyed.

"Nothing," Sarah and Jen said in unison, but they gave each other a telling look after that.

A while later, Catherine finally caught Sarah alone, when they both offered to help Olivia prepare dinner and stood next to each other at the kitchen counter, cutting up ingredients for a salad.

"Do you know if you're going to go to class tomorrow?" Catherine asked Sarah.

"I want to," Sarah said. "Just to show everyone that I'll be okay. I don't want this to hang over my life for too long and I know everyone will be gossiping. But … I don't know how I'll feel in the morning to be honest. I'm still up and down all day long."

"That's understandable," Catherine said, unsure of what else to say.

Sarah looked at her sideways and smiled.

"You and Noah seem pretty cozy."

Catherine smiled widely then, unable not to.

"Yeah. He's a sweetheart."

"Are you having sex yet?"

Catherine's stomach dropped at the sudden, blunt question and Sarah chuckled.

"Jen and I think you are, you know," she said in a hushed tone. "We can see it in the way you touch each other. It's different than before."

Catherine knew she was blushing full on and there was no sense in denying it, so she whispered,

"Yes."

"How is it?" Sarah whispered back, standing closer to her.

Catherine was feeling very warm. She wasn't used to taking so freely about these things and she really didn't know Sarah very well yet. On top of that, Sarah had just had a pretty traumatizing experience and now she wanted to talk about sex?

"I … Sarah …" she stammered.

"It's okay Cath. You know … last night with Dave … that was supposed to be my first time."

Sarah looked down at the lettuce she'd been cutting and bit her lip. Catherine was genuinely surprised. Sarah struck her as a woman of the world who had seen and done it all.

"I know people think I've been around the block," Sarah said quietly, "but I wanted my first time to be special."

"And you thought Dave was a nice guy," Catherine said, and she felt the urge to put an arm around the other girl.

Sarah nodded, blinked a few times and then wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

"I bet your first time with Noah was special," she said, her voice a little shaky from the emotions that had welled up again.

"It was," Catherine admitted. "It was the first time for both of us and … I felt very safe with him."

"I want that too," Sarah said and when Catherine saw her bottom lip tremble, she finally gave in to her urge to touch Sarah, and put a hand on her back.

"There are more great guys out there Sarah," Catherine assured her.

Sarah nodded, wiping her eyes again, and Catherine pried the knife from her hand carefully so she wouldn't hurt herself, or her, while wiping her face.

"I've been a party girl but I know I attract the wrong guys that way. I … maybe I should change that. What do you think?"

Catherine wasn't sure what she should say. On the one hand, Sarah shouldn't change her own routine out of fear that she'd be attacked again. On the other hand, she had a better chance of finding a really nice guy outside of the wild parties.

"You can do whatever you want," she settled on.

Sarah nodded again.

"I know. But when I look at you and Noah … maybe I don't want the same thing I used to want anymore. Not now …"

Catherine rubbed Sarah's back gently and was surprised when the brunette leaned into her and leaned her head against hers. She didn't have a lot of friends, and no one she was as close to as Sarah was with Jen. Moving every few years didn't really allow for deep and lasting friendships. She had thought Noah's sister was too different for her to bond with but maybe she'd been wrong.

"Just follow your heart," she said softly to Sarah, who nodded and tried to smile despite the tears that were threatening to fall again.

"Thank you Cath. I can see why my brother likes you so much."

…

Olivia took a deep breath, having heard most of the hushed conversation in the kitchen from where she'd sat in the living area. She really felt like crying a little right now and she surprised herself when her thoughts drifted to the evening before, when Elliot had wrapped his strong arms around her. She pushed herself up from the chair to check on the oven and sighed quietly when she realized she was really looking forward to seeing him again …

...

 **O-O-livia ... :)**  
 **Will she open up further and really talk once Elliot shows up?**  
 **What will Kathleen tell Elliot when he calls her, and how will it affect him?**  
 **Plus how sweet are those girls?**

 **More soon.**


	36. Findings

**36\. Findings**

"Hey dad. Look Lily Rose, it's grandpa!"

Elliot grinned when his youngest granddaughter popped up on his screen, almost pushing her little nose against her mother's phone.

"Grampaaa!" she yelled.

Kathleen put her little one in her lap and set her phone on a holder on her kitchen table, allowing her to use both hands to hold her little exuberant bundle of joy in place. Lily Rose was bouncing up and down excitedly on her knee and began telling her grandpa all about her adventures in Sunday school with her best friend Bobby.

Of all his kids, Kathleen and her family lived closest to the city, on Long Island. The twin boys were sixteen now and getting in all kinds of trouble together, and Kathleen sometimes threatened to go and get grandpa to discipline them Marine style. She'd be joking of course, but the boys looked up to their grandfather and mentioning him was often enough to get them back in line.

Elliot loved spending time with Thomas and Timothy, going to baseball practice with them and just hanging out, and Kathleen was overjoyed to have him live so close by again at last. His contact with his children and grandchildren had been irregular over the years but he had always continued to feel close to Kathleen, his most intense child. She was an explosive mix of her father and her grandmother and Elliot couldn't love her more, sometimes despite of her character but usually because of it.

When Lily Rose finally took a breath, Kathleen asked her if she could talk to grandpa now, and, knowing she'd only have a minute or so before the little girl would start making noise again, she dove straight into the conversation.

"So. Catherine is dating Olivia's son. Have you spoken to her yet?"

Elliot grinned. He was also aware they didn't have much time, so he got straight to the point as well.

"Yeah, I have. The four of us have even been out to dinner. Now you told me that Olivia was in a relationship after … you know, what happened to her, but her son tells me there was no one. Why did you tell me she had someone taking care of her?"

Kathleen frowned.

"She wasn't alone dad. I saw a picture of her with that guy … I don't remember his name but he used to work with you when Olivia just partnered up with you. The caption said he was her boyfriend."

"You didn't send me that picture."

Kathleen scoffed.

"Duh! I know how you felt about her dad. I didn't think you'd want to see the guy."

"Duh!" Lily Rose said happily, and she clapped her hands. "Duh!"

Elliot was trying to think of who she could mean, letting Kathleen's comment about his feelings for Olivia slide for the moment. Kathleen hadn't been to the station much but apparently she remembered the guy that had been labeled as Olivia's boyfriend at the time.

"But dad, if they say now that she was alone …"

"Which guy Kathleen? Someone from our old squad?"

"Yeah. The young guy. I think he was Munch's partner before Fin."

Elliot let out an involuntary grunt when he realized who his daughter must be referring to. It couldn't be, could it? Not him …

"You mean Cassidy?"

"Yeah, that's him! I couldn't remember his name but that's him!" Kathleen confirmed.

Elliot bit back the swear words that popped up in his head for the sake of his little granddaughter, but Kathleen could see his reaction on his face.

"You never liked him, did you?" she asked and Elliot shook his head.

"He was totally wrong for her. I can't believe she'd … but I guess she found out he was worthless when it really mattered. Noah says she had no one supporting her, that she did it all on her own. Makes sense if _he_ was there …"

"I'm sorry daddy," Kathleen said. "I really thought …"

"It's okay honey. There was nothing I could have done for her anyway."

"Except maybe call her after a while to ask how she was doing?"

Elliot nodded, knowing she was right. Of course she was right, but he'd been a coward and a jealous asshole. He hadn't wanted to hear her talk about the man in her life, and after seeing her in 2016, he hadn't wanted to see her with her man at all. She was happy, that was all that had mattered to him. She was happy without him and she didn't need him.

"So you had dinner with her. Are you going to see her again?"

Kathleen's question brought him back to the present, and the situation with Sarah.

"Yeah."

"That's great dad. I'm sure she still cares about you."

Elliot sucked his lower lip between his teeth, debating how much he should tell his daughter about what was going on. When Lily Rose piped up again he decided to focus on the little girl and not mention anything to Kathleen just yet. The investigation was ongoing after all. He made a funny face, making Lily Rose giggle and when they ended the call a while later, he was smiling again. He had so much to be thankful for, and while knowing now that Olivia had hooked up with Cassidy again rattled him a bit, he knew he had no right to be jealous. For the life of him, he would never understand what she'd seen in the man, but Cassidy was out of the picture now and he was back in. He shook his head as he headed for the shower. Despite the circumstances, he was really looking forward to seeing Olivia again.

…

"Could you get that honey? I have to take care of this now."

Noah jumped up to get his mother's phone while she juggled a hot pan in the kitchen. Dinner was just about ready.

"Benson."

"Hi Mr. Benson, this is Lieutenant Wilson. It's Noah, right? I was looking for your mom."

"You have news for us about Sarah's case?" Noah asked eagerly.

The others immediately went quiet and looked at Noah while he listened to Wilson explain their latest findings. Olivia set the pan down on the table and walked up to him, but Noah didn't let go of the phone. Sarah stood next to him, joined by Jen and Catherine, and they all listened to the Lieutenant's update together.

They had already tracked down three of the other young men in the videos and the under age girl was now in custody. She had been working with Evan all along. None of the boys would be prosecuted in exchange for their testimony against Evan as well as the girl. Carisi believed that the girl was a much bigger threat to society than these boys, who had been lured into a trap by a beautiful girl with a fake ID who could easily pass for a nineteen-year old.

"What about Dave?" Sarah asked, and Noah couldn't tell if his sister wanted Dave to walk too, or just the opposite.

"That is up to you, Ms. Benson," the Lieutenant answered. "He assaulted you and you have pressed charges. It's a separate case."

"Will the fact that he was being blackmailed be considered a mitigating circumstance?" Noah asked, looking at Sarah and grabbing her hand with his free hand. "Because he deserves to be crushed like the bug that he is."

Sarah squeezed his hand and gave him a small smile. He could tell that she was torn, but he wasn't. He didn't know what he'd do if he ever came across Dave again on campus.

"Probably. But it doesn't take away from the fact that he overpowered Sarah against her will. The video and her testimony are very clear about that. I called today to let you know that Evan and the girl have been booked and are making a deal as we speak. Carisi is intent on making sure Evan goes to prison for a long time. He won't be back in school."

"Thank you," Sarah said quietly, and Noah let go of her hand when Jen wrapped her arms around her best friend.

"I would like you to come to the station tomorrow Sarah, to discuss the options concerning Dave," Wilson said. "For now, he's out on bail."

"Wilson, I will talk to Sarah, alright?" Olivia interrupted, finally speaking up. "I'll let you know when we're coming in tomorrow."

She reached for the phone and Noah handed it to her. He walked away from the small group and took a deep breath. Dave was out on bail? No way that jerk was going to walk away from this. Not if he could help it. Not if he could help it …

…

Sarah was exhausted. She hadn't eaten much and while she had appreciated everyone's concern and their company, she was glad when she could finally retreat into her bedroom. Jen would help her mom clean up and would join her later, and Sarah used the few moments alone to lay on her bed, eyes closed, allowing her mind to wander and choose what to deal with first.

Dave was out on bail.

Where would he go? To his parents in Newark or back to his dorm room? His parents had sent a lawyer so they knew about the situation. Were they angry with him? Or with her? Sarah shook her head, remembering Mr. Stabler's words. _You did nothing wrong._ It was what her mother always said, too. _You could run around naked, and it still doesn't excuse rape. It is never the victim's fault. No means no, even if you said yes first._ So if Dave's parents were angry with her for possibly ruining their son's academic career, that was their problem.

Still, the decision of what to do weighed heavily on her. She knew Dave had gotten into college on a sports scholarship and a conviction for assault could ruin everything for him. She could feel her heart beating fast in her chest and she sat up. She suddenly didn't want to be alone anymore and she was relieved when Jen came in just then.

"Hey hun, what's wrong?" her best friend asked her, looking instantly concerned.

Sarah covered her face with her hands and wanted to cry again. Jen sat down next to her and wrapped an arm around her waist.

"I'm here," she said quietly.

Sarah just nodded and then gave in to her need to cry.

A while later, she and Jen lay snuggled up together on the bed and she explained to Jen what she'd been thinking.

"You know, if this had been a guy you didn't know, it would be a no-brainer," Jen said.

And she was right. Dead on. The fact that she knew Dave and had cared about him, made her feel conflicted. She'd done nothing wrong but she still felt responsible for what would happen next.

"You wanna get your mom in here?" Jen asked, and Sarah smiled while tearing up again.

She didn't know what she'd do without her best friend some days. She nodded.

"Yeah. She'll know what to do."

…

When Jen came out of Sarah's bedroom, Olivia was just about to see Noah and Catherine out. When Jen explained that Sarah wanted to talk to her mom, they all peaked around her bedroom door to say goodnight before Noah and Catherine left. Olivia was concerned about Noah. He had seemed very troubled by the fact that Dave was out on bail. She understood up to a point, but having Sarah safely at home with her, helped her to not let it bother her too much. Despite being a spineless wimp and sleeping around a lot, Dave didn't strike her as dangerous in general. He'd left several messages for Sarah already, telling her how sorry he was for what he'd done. He wasn't denying anything, he just seemed to hope that Sarah would somehow forgive him.

When she joined her daughter and Jen in Sarah's bedroom and they explained what Sarah had been mulling over, Olivia understood that for Sarah, it wasn't the slam-dunk case that it was for Noah. She tried to put herself in Sarah's shoes but it wasn't easy. Both the mother and the cop in her wanted the boy punished severely. But Sarah seemed bothered by the idea that it would possibly mess up the rest of his life.

"In the end, it is all up to you, Sarah," she acknowledged, but the words didn't come easy to her this time. "You just need to decide what _you_ need to recover from this. I don't want you to regret anything later on. You should always know that we all take what's happened to you very seriously. I mean we as your family and friends, but the NYPD as well."

"I know," Sarah said, nodding. "You're all so great and supportive. And I know I have you to thank for the cops taking this so seriously, mom. I know stuff like this doesn't always get reported and it's a small case compared to the horrible things that happen to other people in the city. I mean, he didn't actually rape me, right? But I knew that it was very wrong, what was happening and I'm glad they caught Evan. He's such a sleaze."

"And Dave?" Olivia asked cautiously.

They were all sitting on Sarah's bed, Sarah in the middle, and Olivia took her daughter's hand between hers.

"It's alright Sarah, no matter how you feel about it, okay? Just tell us what you're thinking. There is no wrong answer and there are no wrong feelings."

Sarah sighed and attempted a smile, but Olivia could tell she was struggling. She finally put into words what she was feeling.

"I don't think I ever want to see him again, and I want him to know that was he did was horribly wrong. He deserves punishment, but … Mom, I don't want to destroy his life over this."

Olivia was struck by the sadness in her daughter's eyes when she looked at her and despite the fact that she _did_ want to destroy Dave's life for touching her baby, she knew she should be proud of Sarah right now for being able to show compassion for another person, even under these traumatic circumstances. She felt conflicted herself though, and wasn't sure what she should tell Sarah.

"Why don't we all sleep on it, and we can talk about it again tomorrow," she settled on. "You don't have to make any kind of decision today."

Sarah nodded and glanced at Jen, who in turn looked at Olivia.

"Sarah just needs some time to digest everything and to make sense of what she's feeling," Olivia clarified, for Sarah's benefit as much as Jen's.

They chatted some more and Olivia insisted that whatever Sarah was feeling, was perfectly okay. She should just give herself some time before making a decision. When Sarah told them she was tired and wanted to take a shower and sleep, Olivia retreated into the living room. Jen had brought everything she'd need for class the next day, and was going to stay with Sarah tonight.

Finally alone with her own thoughts, Olivia sat down on the sofa and closed her eyes, resting her head against the backrest. She was so tired. She worried about both her children and wondered where Noah was going to go tonight. Would he go back to his dorm room or spend the night with Catherine again? Would Elliot let him spend the night there?

Elliot …

Would he be coming over soon? She caught herself looking forward to telling him about her kids and to discuss with him how she should handle things with them. She wondered how he would react to Sarah's confusion. And she wondered if Elliot was aware that her son was now sleeping with his granddaughter. Would he be okay with that?

Olivia opened her eyes and couldn't suppress a small smile. Was she really looking forward to going over her day with Elliot? To discuss her family with him?

There was no denying it.

She was.

...


	37. I'm here

**37\. I'm here**

Elliot was a little nervous again when he pulled up outside Olivia's building. He sat in his car for a minute after he'd turned the engine off and couldn't help shaking his head at himself. If he had ever wondered if _old_ people could still feel like this, he had his answer now. He was 68 but he felt like he was back in highschool, getting ready to meet his crush. It was like he was getting _more_ nervous each time instead of less, but maybe that was also because he knew there were still some things left that needed to be addressed to clear the air between them completely. As far as he could tell, things could still go either way with Olivia. She didn't really need him. She'd done just fine on her own. If he was going to be a significant part of her life again, it would be because she _wanted_ him in it. And that remained to be seen.

He was eager to know how Sarah was doing, too, and what the progress on the case was. But most of all, he wanted to know how Olivia was handling this new role as the mother of the vic. He was feeling several things at once and blew out a breath slowly before finally exiting the car. He didn't have any control over the situation anyway, so he might as well just jump in again. He waited patiently for her to buzz him up and grinned when she answered with a simple 'Elliot?'.

"Yeah," he said with a smile, knowing she could see him on her intercom screen, and she unlocked the front door of the building for him immediately.

He forced himself to walk up slowly so he wouldn't be out of breath once he got to her floor and knocked modestly when he arrived at the door of the Benson residence. Olivia smiled hesitantly when she opened the door and stepped aside to let him in.

"Sarah is in her room. Her best friend is staying over tonight," she told him as he passed her.

He'd chosen something a little more casual to wear and was pleased to see that Olivia was in jeans and a loose-fitting black t-shirt. He was wearing jeans as well, and a grey fitted long-sleeved shirt underneath his black leather jacket. He shrugged his jacket off and looked around.

"Just toss it somewhere," Olivia said, and he thought her voice was a little strained. "You want some coffee?"

"Sure."

Elliot deposited his jacket on the backrest of a single armchair and followed Olivia to the kitchen. He watched her busy herself with making them both a fresh cup of coffee and wondered if she could be a little nervous too. Only one way to find out.

"So, how are you doing?" he asked her as he sat down on one of the stools.

"As well as can be expected I guess," Olivia replied neutrally without looking at him.

He realized she was fidgeting a bit and it actually helped him overcome his own nerves.

"How did dinner with the kids go?" he asked, and she finally looked at him then.

"It was good to be together. Sarah felt safe to be herself. She's up and down a lot but I don't think she's bottling anything up."

"That's good. And Noah?"

Olivia had switched the coffee maker on and rested her hands on the kitchen counter.

"Noah," she repeated quietly. "I'm worried about him. I'm afraid he may do something stupid."

"Thought so," Elliot mused, and Olivia turned to face him.

He shrugged and smiled when she tilted her head and looked at him inquisitively.

"Kid reminds me of me."

Olivia chuckled and finally seemed to relax a little.

"I can assure you he's been absolutely nothing like you until now," she told him.

"You make it sound like it would be such a bad thing," Elliot said, his eyes sparkling with amusement, and when Olivia realized he was pulling her leg, she couldn't help smiling as well.

Their coffee was ready and she put both mugs on the breakfast bar, walked around it and sat down next to him.

"Well, I have to admit I wouldn't want him to be the brooding hothead I used to work with."

He could see amusement in her eyes as well and felt his stomach flutter. How he had missed their playful banter!

"Well, that hothead has cooled down a bit over the years," he told her, picking up his coffee and reaching for the sugar.

"Really?" Olivia asked, and he could tell she was enjoying their conversation as well.

"Yeah. Really. Won't deny that injustice still gets to me, but I think I've overcome a few demons from my past at last, so I don't spin out of control anymore."

When he put down the sugar, Olivia reached for it as well, and her fingers brushed against his as she picked it up. He couldn't help noticing that her breath hitched ever so slightly and he wished he could touch her again. He had missed her so much and he wanted that familiarity back that they had shared for so long. But he had to admit it wasn't the only thing he wanted, and her reaction to his touch was small but telling. It was still there. This 'thing' between them was still there ... He had to think fast so they could stay in this relaxed mood together for a while longer.

…

Olivia couldn't believe how easily she and Elliot were slipping into a relaxed conversation again. If she forgot about the circumstances that had led to his evening visit, it was almost like old times again. She was mildly surprised that they both took their coffee black with sugar these days and the brief contact when she picked up the sugar had affected her more than she wanted to admit. She'd actually been a little nervous while she had waited for Elliot to come upstairs and it had reminded her of that time at the hospital, when she had joined Elliot in the hallway after making sure Rebecca Clifford would be okay. Well, as far as any kid could be okay after her stepfather, mother, brother and sister had been murdered.

But Olivia remembered how she'd felt when she had sat down next to him. They had said things to each other during that case. Important things. And she had thought that maybe, just maybe, they would finally address this 'thing' that had been hanging between them for so long. And then he'd shut it all down. Shut _them_ down. He had basically told her that their feelings for each other had gotten in the way of their job and that it shouldn't happen again. So in one instance, he'd both acknowledged what had developed between them, and had declared it an unwanted development. It had crushed her and the only way she had been able to cope with it, had been to distance herself from him.

But now, things were different. And she felt that same flutter again that she'd felt back then. This time, there was no wife, family or partnership to keep them apart. And while it had hurt her deeply that he had walked out of her life without another word a few years later, she couldn't deny the feelings that were resurfacing now that he was back. She remembered telling Noah about regretting the things she didn't do more than the things she did do. Maybe she shouldn't look back at all the pain Elliot had caused her, and look at what he could mean to her now instead. They had both made mistakes in the past and maybe it was their time now. She knew Elliot well enough to know he was sincere and his concern for her and her children was genuine. She just didn't quite know what to do next and was hoping Elliot would know. She was relieved when he simply kept the conversation going.

"So where is Noah off to. Did he tell you?" Elliot asked.

Olivia took a sip of her coffee and shook her head.

"No. I had hoped he'd go home with Catherine again."

"They weren't at my place when I left earlier," Elliot said, and they wondered where the kids could have gone.

"You think he's going to go after Dave?" Elliot asked.

"I don't know. He's out on bail."

"Have you tried calling him?"

She shook her head again.

"I don't want to be the kind of mom that keeps checking up on her kids. I trust him."

"But you're worried anyway."

Olivia smiled wryly. Elliot was right. She trusted Noah up to a point, but she'd seen a side of him the night before that didn't come out very often. She wasn't sure right now what her son was capable of.

They finished their coffee and then Elliot looked at her attentively.

"Have you been outside at all today?" he asked her.

She had to admit she hadn't and when Elliot suggested taking a walk, she really liked the idea.

"Jen is with Sarah so they should be okay," Elliot said, anticipating her concern for her daughter.

"I should tell her though, that we're stepping out for a bit."

"Of course."

…

Elliot hadn't expected Olivia to concede so quickly but he guessed she really needed a change of scenery after being cooped up with an upset child all day. Taking long walks, either running or simply strolling down the street, had proven therapeutic for him over the years. He also expected that it would be easier for both of them to talk. He wasn't sure how far they'd get in addressing the things that needed addressing, but he was going to try to be honest with her. He hadn't just come to see how she and Sarah were doing after the assault, but also to build on his friendship with Olivia - hopefully.

When Olivia came back after letting the girls know they were going out for a walk, he grabbed his leather jacket and watched her while she grabbed a black jacket as well. He grinned when she looked at him as she put it on, and then she realized why he was smiling. They were dressed almost identically, down to the black shoes.

"We look like a Siamese twin that was separated at birth," he joked and he was glad that she laughed out loud at his comment.

"Wouldn't that be a hoot, if you turned out to be my long lost brother."

Their eyes locked and they both froze for an instant. He knew they were thinking the exact same thing and his heart leapt up at that thought. Being siblings would rule out anything else besides friendship between them and his stomach fluttered again when he saw Olivia's eyes soften before she looked away. His heart was still beating faster than usual when they left the apartment together and walked to the elevator.

"I prefer the elevator down," Olivia explained before he could ask her about it. "Easier on the knees."

He understood. They weren't the young cops they used to be anymore. Olivia still looked incredible but her body was feeling the weight of her age too, naturally.

"Do you still work out or run or anything?" he asked her while they waited for the elevator.

"I jog," she answered, flashing a smile. "Can't call it running anymore these days."

Elliot chuckled.

"I can relate."

Olivia looked at him up and down and then looked away, but he'd seen the appreciation in her eyes.

"Really?" she just said dryly and he grinned.

They were silent on the ride down and he took a deep breath once they were out in the evening air. They chose a direction randomly, it didn't really matter where they went. After a few minutes, she asked him,

"Are you okay with Noah and Catherine dating?"

Elliot bit his lower lip, wondering what was behind her question.

"I can see he's a good kid," he said. "Takes after his mom so I guess he's got that going for him."

Olivia stuffed her hands in her jacket pockets and smiled while looking straight ahead.

"They're getting serious, you know," she continued.

Elliot took a deep breath and breathed out slowly, and then told her,

"I know."

"You can tell, can't you?"

"Yeah."

They were silent again for a while after that and Elliot couldn't help thinking that his granddaughter and Olivia's son were doing a lot better than he and Olivia ever had. They were seizing the opportunity that they were given. They were doing what he should have done. He just hoped it wasn't too late to get back some of what they had lost.

…

"You think Sarah will be able to go back to school in a few days?" Elliot asked her as they walked, and Olivia wiggled her head.

"She wants to. She wants things to return to normal as quickly as possible and get the confrontation with all the gossip over with as well."

"She's a pretty popular girl, isn't she?" Elliot asked.

"Yeah, she is."

Olivia was proud of her daughter, who had the capacity to be her radiant self wherever she went. She attracted people that way, who looked up to her for always being so real.

"But popular girls have enemies too," she said. "Girls can be horribly mean to each other when they're jealous of what someone else has. Usually, she can just shake it off, but she's a little more vulnerable right now than she used to be."

"Do they still have support groups on campus for survivors?"

Olivia appreciated how cautiously Elliot had asked the question. They had seen many initiatives pop up at Hudson University, but they didn't always last long. Campus police had been reformed over the years and didn't hinder the NYPD anymore when they were called in. Still ,they suspected that a lot of cases were still buried at the school, and Sarah's would definitely have qualified, since 'nothing had actually happened' as they'd call it. Survivors of assault could get counseling but often found each other for comfort and support instead.

"I'm not sure if there is an active cell currently," Olivia admitted. "I haven't needed to know for a while now."

"I'm sorry," Elliot said, and she looked at him, struck by the sadness in his voice.

He seemed to be really hurting because of her daughter. Or was it because Sarah was _her_ daughter? He gave her a small smile and she felt the urge to loop her arm through his. His presence was so supportive and she found herself reveling in it. For once, she didn't feel like she had to fight her battles alone.

"I'm here Liv," she heard Elliot say and she knew he meant it. "I know you're strong and you can do it all by yourself. I know you don't need anyone's help. I just hope you know that you don't _have_ to do it all alone. I'm here for you and I'm not going anywhere."

He had struggled to get the words out. He didn't want to make her feel like he thought she couldn't handle things, but he did want her to know he was ready to support her in any way she might need. He watched her nervously for a reaction and was surprised to see a sheen of tears in her eyes. She tried to blink it away quickly but he'd seen it already, even though it was getting really dark by now. It had been a clear Spring day and part of the sky was still lit up with red and purple shades, but the sun had set over an hour ago and it wouldn't be long now before it would be completely dark.

Elliot wanted to reach out to Olivia but hesitated. They had walked for a while and they had arrived on Riverside Drive along Riverside Park. When they looked for the nearest passage to get into the park, he put a hand on her back tentatively to guide her there. Olivia didn't comment when his hand lingered on her waist as they walked in the direction of the Hudson. They were silent until they reached the river and when Olivia leaned her arms on the railing to look out over the water, he felt like he had no choice but to retract his hand.

Olivia missed the contact instantly and wished she could somehow shut off the throbbing inside her heart. The part of her heart that had been silent for so long, but was now calling out to her louder and louder. How could she still have these feelings after all these years? After he'd abandoned her?

 _But he came back_ , her heart objected. _He was never going to stay away forever._

He didn't even bother to talk to me, she argued with herself.

 _He thought you had a family._

So?

 _Maybe it was just too painful for him._

Oh, come on. She was making excuses for the man now? She scoffed and shook her head.

"What is it Liv?" Elliot asked her and she realized her internal discussion wasn't entirely internal anymore.

"Nothing," she said quickly but now it was Elliot's turn to scoff.

"Right. You're fine. Should have known."

His dismissive tone pushed a button for her and she whipped around to look at him with fire in her eyes.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

She saw an all too familiar flash of anger in his blue eyes, but then it faded and was replaced by something else. What was that? Wat it amusement? Or … tenderness?

Elliot swallowed hard before responding. The way Olivia was looking at him was so much like she'd been when they were younger, that he had to catch himself before he would say something stupid and ruin the moment. He had to admit that seeing her all fired up like this was making him fall for her all over again.  
He smiled then, shaking his head and looking down at their feet. When he looked up, he saw that Olivia had raised an eyebrow and was still staring at him, almost as if she was daring him to say the wrong thing. He guessed that his next words would determine whether she was going to clam up on him completely or not. He took a chance and told her the one thing he could.

The truth.

"I've missed you so much."

…

 **To be continued. Soon. Promise.**


	38. Opening up

**Two chapters in two days? Yes! Updating fast again as promised. This chapter is a bit short but as soon as I wrote the final line I knew I just had to stop there so … The next chapter will be a little longer again, and we will see how the kids are doing too.**

...

 **38\. Opening up**

"Elliot …"

There was no way around the emotion emanating from the man in front of her and Olivia needed a moment to find her bearings. She held on to the railing with one hand and raked her other hand through her dark hair. Where had that remark even come from? She took a deep breath and turned away from Elliot to look out over the water again.

She wasn't sure what her voice would sound like if she spoke up so she spoke softly when she asked him,

"If you missed me so much, why did you stay away?"

She knew Elliot would hear her loud and clear anyway. She heard him clear his throat and from the corner of her eye, she saw that he also turned to look out over the water, grabbing the railing with both hands.

"I was a coward Liv," he said and she could hear the emotion in his raspy voice.

She didn't know what to say and waited for him to continue.

"I just couldn't … watch you be happy with someone else."

Olivia's stomach dropped and she frowned. Seriously? That had been his reason to walk away without even letting her know he'd been there?

Something snapped inside her and then the brakes were off.

She turned to face him again and fired at him,

"What the hell do you think _I_ was doing all those years you kept running back to your wife!"

Elliot took a small step back and his eyebrows shot up. Somewhere in the back of her head she registered that she had said too much, admitted too much with her words, but she chose to ignore it for now.

"You were just going to let me think you hated me and wanted nothing to do with me because you couldn't stand to see me with someone else? What kind of a friend does that? Missed me? Like hell you did! You _are_ a coward."

She turned her back to him then and wrapped her arms around herself. She was shaking and braced herself for Elliot's reaction. No doubt he was going to retaliate. It was what they did best anyway. Hurt each other so they wouldn't get too close. When he didn't say anything at first, she began to feel uneasy. What had she just said? She'd watched him be happy with someone else too. God, had she just admitted out loud that she had loved him all along? And hadn't his words basically meant the same? That he had loved her?

…

Elliot had closed his eyes after Olivia turned her back on him. He didn't want to lash out at her in response to her fury. Not anymore. He balled his hands into fists a few times and relaxed them again. He wasn't really angry with her. She was right about him and she had every right to be angry with him. When he opened his eyes and looked at her, how she was standing there, a ball of angry energy with her back turned to him, what he really wanted to do was take her in his arms and hold her until she'd relax again. He still knew her well enough to know it wouldn't be wise to touch her right now, but he wanted to. He knew he'd been a coward and he knew it must have hurt for Olivia to watch him go back to his wife time and time again. He had fought to do the right thing for so long and he hadn't really thought of what it was doing to Olivia. They had denied their feelings for each other for so long that it had become second nature to just ignore them. They were together to work, nothing else, so that was what they'd done. Most of the time. He needed to realize that the only reason this was affecting her so much was, that she still felt something for him. He just needed to find the right words to bridge the distance that was now growing between them.

"Olivia … I don't want to add to your troubles. I didn't mean to upset you. I know I made some choices that were horribly wrong. I'm just … trying to be honest with you now."

He saw her shoulders sag slightly and he decided to just keep talking. Honesty was his only weapon right now.

"Kathleen told me you were in a relationship when you were … when that animal grabbed you. And then I saw you with those kids three years later ..."

He sighed but forced himself to continue.

"I honestly believed that you had settled down with the right guy. I mean, someone who can help you through a trauma like that, has to be the right guy. I was sure that I never crossed your mind anymore. I was a coward not to want to witness your happiness but … I swear to God I thought I was doing the right thing by letting you live your own life."

He knew that he was getting emotional but he didn't care right now. This wasn't about him. It had killed him to have to walk away again but it had been far more difficult for her, never to hear from him again. He hated himself for letting her think he hated her.

She caught him completely off guard when she spoke again.

…

"He didn't help me through my trauma."

Olivia didn't know why she'd felt the need to tell Elliot that. Maybe his honesty was contagious. Brian had tried his best to support her, and it had been good not to be alone at night, but he hadn't helped her heal. Not really. And it wasn't his fault. She just never opened up to him. She had felt responsible for him and hadn't wanted to burden him with her problems. She hadn't allowed him to take care of her and she knew that her soul hadn't really started healing until she got Noah. She and Noah had saved each other.

She stiffened when she felt Elliot's presence right behind her. He had stepped closer to her.

"Why not?" Elliot asked her, his voice warm and gentle, and close by.

It was like he already knew the answer. His next words told her he did.

"You didn't let him?"

The way he still knew her felt like a warm blanket being wrapped around her and she couldn't speak. She just shook her head and her heart skipped a beat when she felt Elliot's hands on her upper arms.

"He was never right for you."

His voice was still gentle but she realized he knew it had been Brian. Her mind was going back and forth, registering Elliot's touch as well as the fact that he knew it had been Brian and he wasn't freaking out. Who was this man and what had he done with the brooding hothead she'd fallen in love with against her better judgement? All of her nerve ends were on high alert, registering Elliot's proximity and then his warm breath against the back of her head when he spoke again.

"I'm so proud of you Liv. Of what you've made of your life. You did it all on your own."

She could hear the tears in his voice and turned her head sideways, feeling a need to look at him while she wasn't ready to turn around just yet. Elliot's hands gripped her upper arms a little tighter and Olivia let out a ragged breath when she felt him press his lips against her temple. He was kissing her temple …

His lips were warm against her cool skin and she leaned into him until her back brushed against his chest. Elliot rubbed her upper arms gently and then lowered his head until his forehead was touching her temple, exactly where he'd kissed her earlier.

"If I could turn back time, you know I would," he whispered.

She did. She knew. They couldn't turn back time but maybe this was enough. Maybe it was enough to know that they both would have.

She was happy with how her life had turned out. With her children, who were becoming such wonderful adults. With the few friends she had stayed in touch with. With what she'd accomplished at SVU. Those were the things she would never want to roll back. But Elliot? She had missed him most in those moments of joy, the moments she had wanted to share with him. Adopting Noah and Sarah. Being promoted to Sergeant, Lieutenant and Captain. Taking down an entire sex trafficking ring and reuniting the girls with their parents. Leading a Walk Against Shame from the Hudson University Campus all the way to the 1-6. She had wanted to share those moments with the one person who would have fully understood what they meant to her.

And she had yearned for him when Lewis held her captive. He had been the only one on her mind that she was desperate to see, just one more time, like Lewis had said. He hadn't come for her then and he hadn't contacted her afterwards. She had never felt more alone.

That was what she would have wanted to roll back.

"I needed you," she admitted, choking back a sob and she let a single tear fall when Elliot moved his hands from her arms and wrapped his arms around her from behind.

…

He was certain she had to feel his heart thudding against his rib cage. He didn't know what had come over him that he had decided to touch her like this. He had opened himself up to Olivia and in turn, she was opening up to him. What had looked like the beginning of an argument like they used to have, was turning into something completely different. He was holding her. And she was letting him.

Elliot could feel her trembling in his arms and he knew she was holding back tears. He vowed that one day, she wouldn't have to with him.

"I will tell you I'm sorry for the rest of my life if that would mean you're not sending me away," he said quietly near her ear.

He felt her shiver and saw her close her eyes. She was relaxing a little more and he rubbed his nose against her cheek. He couldn't believe she wasn't pulling away. Instead, she was now covering his hands with hers. Part of him wanted her to turn around so he could look into her eyes, but a bigger part of him was afraid to break the fragile spell she seemed to be under. Maybe it was easier for her to open up this way, turned away from him. But he was holding her and he wasn't planning on letting go any time soon.

"Tell me what I can do," he pleaded softly with her and he held his breath when she sighed.

She didn't say anything for a few moments, that seemed to last an eternity. He finally breathed out again when she told him with a trembling voice,

"You're already doing it."

...

 **To be continued ...**


	39. Diffusing

**Apologies for making you wait and thanks to SoCalCanadian for helping me figure out how to write this chapter so that it makes sense!  
Some may feel that Olivia is forgiving Elliot too easily, but I guess her heart is overruling all her rational reasoning ... Enjoy!**

...

 **39\. Diffusing**

Olivia knew she could have stayed angry. She could have wallowed in her pain of being abandoned. She could have continued to blame Elliot. It wouldn't have solved anything. On top of that, she found herself _wanting_ to understand. Not because he could erase the hurt he'd caused her by leaving the way he had, but because deep down, she wanted what he was offering.

They were still sending each other messages between the lines but the messages were becoming less hidden at last. They were too old to play games anymore and they had lost too much time already. And there was no denying that Elliot's presence had been comforting these past two days. She had felt connected to him again and it had only underlined how much she'd missed him. She had never felt this connected with anyone in her life except Elliot and her heart was longing to hold on to that, now that the connection was back.

Elliot was being sincere. He wasn't closed off like he used to be, he wasn't hiding behind rage and he wasn't rationalizing or defending his decisions. She could feel his pain over his own mistakes and it made her want to reach out to him like he was reaching out to her. She had felt so safe the night before, when he'd held her, and now he was holding her again. His breath was warm against her cheek and she was almost afraid to move because it might break the spell they were under. It was quiet all around them aside from the sound of the waves gently colliding with the riverbank.

She knew Elliot was fighting to keep his emotions in check. She could hear him swallowing a few times and she wondered who would be the one to speak first. When he'd asked her what he could do, she'd told him he was already doing it. With those words, she had basically told him she was letting him back in. His honesty was making her open up. She wanted to turn around to see his reaction. His _real_ reaction. The one she would be able to see in his eyes. But part of her was curious what Elliot would do next if she did nothing. The only encouragement she was giving him was the way she was caressing the backs of his weathered hands with her own. It was strange and familiar at the same time to touch him like this. Although the night air was cooling around them, she felt warm all over. _Warm and fuzzy_ , she couldn't help thinking and the cliché words made her smile. Her smiled widened when Elliot mumbled against her cheek,

"I could hold you like this all night."

She finally moved then, turning around before Elliot could retract his arms, and smiled up at him. His blue eyes were dark with emotion and she could see the relief and gratitude pouring from them, warming her even more. She wrapped her arms around his waist loosely and said,

"We will have to go back eventually."

She felt a little nervous suddenly and it reminded her of high school. Would Elliot want to kiss her? Would he try? Did she want him to? She couldn't believe she could still feel this way at 65.

"We will," Elliot said softly. "But not just yet, okay?"

"Okay."

"So …"

Olivia bit her lip and felt a flutter in her stomach. She thought if she didn't pay attention, she might actually start to giggle like a schoolgirl.

"So …" she replied, grinning a lot wider than she'd planned.

Hell, she hadn't wanted to grin at all but there was just something about this moment. Little happy bubbles were floating to the surface and she could see the same silly grin appear on Elliot's face.

"Please remind me, Liv. It's been way too long. What's a guy supposed to do now?"

They both chuckled then and Elliot leaned his forehead against hers, his blue eyes still trained on her browns.

"I don't know," Olivia said softly, almost whispering. "I'm not sure what the rules are at our age."

"So maybe … we should just invent new rules."

"I like that idea."

"Me too."

…

Catherine had wondered why Noah was insisting they go back to campus. He was tense and restless and when he headed in the direction of Dave's dorm, she knew what he was thinking.

"Noah," she said softly as they strode across campus together. "Don't do anything stupid, please."

"I texted two of my friends Cath. I'm not going after him alone."

"You shouldn't go after him at all!"

She had to walk fast to keep up with Noah and she tried to think of something to say to stop him. She wanted Dave punished just as much as Noah did, but not by beating him up or threatening him.

"What if they let him walk Cath," Noah huffed, still walking fast. "What do you think it will do to Sarah to just run into him every day again?"

"Noah!" Catherine said sharply while pulling his arm, and he finally stopped walking.

"What?"

"That's not gonna happen Noah. There's no way they're going to let him stay in school."

Noah scoffed and the disgust in his eyes startled her.

"You really believe that, don't you? Well, you don't wanna know how many actual rapists are still walking around here while their victims just have to 'learn to live' with what happened. The system sucks Cath. And I'm not going to let my own sister suffer from it."

Catherine had never seen her boyfriend so fired up before and it scared her a little. Not that she was afraid of Noah, but she was afraid _for_ him. What if he did something that would have to go on record? Wouldn't it damage his career?

She saw two young men walk up to them and recognized them as Noah's friends Kevin and Lucas. The three boys weren't exactly a gang-like unit that would scare off anyone by the looks of them, but no doubt there was safety in numbers. Even Dave would see that. But Catherine didn't want them to go after Dave. Not like this.

"Guys," she called out. "Come on. You're all going to law school. You know this isn't the way to get justice. You're only going to get in trouble yourselves."

Kevin shrugged as they walked up to the couple.

"Guy's not at his dorm anyway, Noah. Maybe he's smart enough not to show himself here again."

Noah huffed and Catherine looked at all three young men, wondering how she could get them to stop looking for Dave.

"Maybe he's at Sarah's dorm," Lucas suggested, and Noah started walking in that direction immediately, followed by his friends.

Catherine followed them quickly, and when they reached Sarah's dorm, she caught up with Noah just when he spotted Dave, who was hanging around the front door of Sarah's dorm. Noah ran over to him and stopped just inches away from him.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" he fumed, and his two friends stood behind him protectively right away.

"Come on man," Dave started. "I wanna apologize to your sister but she won't take my calls. Figured I'd do it in person."

"She won't take your calls. That should tell you something. She doesn't _want_ your apologies Johansson, and neither do I. I just want you _gone_. Behind bars where you belong, you sick son-of-a-bitch!"

Dave started shaking his head and looked at Catherine for backup. She didn't have a clue why he'd expect support from her.

"No no no. I never meant to hurt her. You know that, right Catherine? Just let me …"

Noah shoved the younger man then, but Dave didn't budge. The look in his eyes changed and Catherine sensed danger. Dave wasn't going to let Noah shove him without retaliation.

"Noah!" she said, stepping closer, but Kevin stopped her by grabbing her arm.

"Don't," he said, but Catherine shrugged him off.

"Dave," she said sharply then, and she was relieved when the young man looked at her.

"I'm sure you can understand why Noah's upset. Just leave him alone, and Sarah too. She wants nothing to do with you anymore. And by the way, she's not here."

"Did she tell you that?" Dave asked, clearly not ready to believe that Sarah was done with him. "Did she say she was done with me?"

"She did," Catherine said firmly.

She wasn't sure if Sarah had used those exact words, but all that mattered now was to get Dave and Noah away from each other. At least Dave was wavering a bit, and Catherine took the opportunity to pull Noah away from him and close to her.

"Baby, he's not worth it," she said softly.

Noah finally stopped staring at Dave and looked at her, and she could see the conflict raging in his eyes.

"You've got too much to lose Noah," she tried again. "Don't do anything stupid. He's not worth it."

"We can rough him up for you Noah," Lucas offered, taking a step closer to Dave.

Catherine kept looking into Noah's eyes, pleading with him wordlessly not to take justice into his own hands, however tempting it was. When Dave scoffed and looked at the three men in front of him with a scowl on his face, Catherine squeezed Noah's arm.

"Don't let him goad you," she said, and looking at Kevin and Lucas, she added,

"Same goes for you two. The school will be briefed by the NYPD tomorrow and will most likely expel him. Don't get yourselves into trouble before they've had a chance to act."

She had no idea if it was true that Dave would be expelled but she certainly hoped it was.

"They're not going to do anything Cath. I told you," Noah insisted.

Meanwhile, Dave had taken a step back and Kevin and Lucas seemed to be listening to Catherine.

"Well, Sarah is going back to the NYPD tomorrow to discuss the charges against Dave, so he will be tried soon and then he'll definitely be out of here."

She was bluffing but her words had the desired effect on Noah's friends as well as Dave, who decided to take off.

When Noah started after him again, Catherine grabbed his arm again and yanked him back.

"Let him go Noah."

Her eyes softened then, seeing how much pain her boyfriend was in, and she whispered a soft 'please' while caressing his cheek with her hand.

"Please baby. Do it for me," she added and Noah dropped his head, his forehead colliding gently with hers while he closed his eyes.

"We'll hang back here to make sure he doesn't come back," Kevin offered from behind him.

"Appreciate it," Noah mumbled.

He pulled himself together and turned around to face his friends.

"It's really great that you came out here to help me. Thanks guys."

"Anytime," Lucas said, walking up to him and patting him on the shoulder.

"You should go home with your girl. Get some rest. She's right. We can always go after him another way if he does stay in school."

Noah nodded and thanked his friends again. They were going to stay on campus and keep an eye out.

"I'll call grandpa to let him know we're coming over," Catherine said.

"I don't think he minds me being there," Noah answered, looking at her as if he was only now really seeing her.

Catherine was relieved to finally see Noah's affection for her again and smiled at him.

"I don't think he minds either but I just want to give him a heads up. I think your mom may have been worried about you."

"My mom? Then why would you call your grandpa?"

"Noah …"

"Oh … Right."

...

Olivia was resting her head against his shoulder and they were looking out over the water together, their arms wrapped around each other. Part of him wanted to jump for joy but Elliot was savoring the moment instead. He would be eternally grateful that Olivia had decided to forgive him. He knew he didn't deserve her forgiveness and thought she was an angel for doing it anyway. It was divine forgiveness. Undeserved but granted anyway.

They both jumped when they were suddenly disturbed by the shrill sound of a phone ringing. It was Elliot's.

"You gotta be kidding me," Olivia mumbled.

"I … it's Catherine's ringtone. I have to take it," Elliot said, profoundly unhappy with the interruption.

"I understand," Olivia said softly, and when she let go of him and took a step back he missed the contact instantly.

Elliot answered the call quickly and was surprised when his granddaughter asked him immediately if Noah's mom was with him.

"Uhm, yeah. She's here. Why do you ask?" Elliot said, raising an eyebrow and looking at Olivia.

"Well, Noah and me just wanted to let you both know that we're heading for your place now and that we're okay."

Olivia sidled up next to Elliot so she could see Catherine, and the girl could see her too.

"Why wouldn't you be okay? What happened?" she asked urgently.

They heard Noah mumbling something in the background but Catherine frowned at him and then answered them.

"Noah wanted to confront Dave on campus with a few friends. The guy was hanging around Sarah's dorm. But nothing happened and we're going home now."

"Is he upset?" Olivia asked, and Elliot put a hand on her back comfortingly, understanding her concern for her son.

"Yeah," Catherine said softly. "That's why I wanted him to come home with me."

"Thank you honey," Olivia said and Elliot felt himself swell with pride.

Catherine was no doubt responsible for diffusing the situation and he couldn't be prouder of her.

"We could come over," Elliot suggested, hoping he wasn't overstepping, but Olivia was all for the idea, no doubt wanting to talk to her son.

"If that's okay with you," she said and Catherine looked behind her again.

"They wanna come over."

"Together?" they heard Noah ask.

"Yeah."

"Oh. Okay."

Catherine turned back to her screen to tell them it was okay.

"We're on our way. Thank you Cath," Elliot said before ending the call.

He looked at his companion and was sorry to have to break off their little moment. Olivia smiled and shrugged.

"Family is everything," she said, echoing the words he'd said to her many years ago.

He smiled too when she looped her arm through his and they headed out, falling into step as if the years apart had vanished into thin air.

…

 **Aww. Things are looking up for our favorite couple. I have a few more chapters left that are dancing around in my head. Please let me know what you think!**


	40. Close

**40\. Close**

"I just can't unsee it, mom."

Noah was sitting with his hands pressed against his eyes, his elbows on his knees and shaking his head. He just couldn't get the image out of his head of his sister being assaulted. Olivia was sitting next to him, rubbing his back and Catherine looked at her grandfather, who was standing behind one of the armchairs, watching the others on the couch in the middle of his modest living room. Elliot gave his granddaughter a brief nod. He knew Olivia was a great mom, but he and Catherine were silently agreeing that Noah could use a man to talk to right now.

"Olivia," he said quietly, not wanting to intrude but needing to get her attention.

Olivia looked up at him and he looked at Noah and then back at her. He saw one of her eyebrows lift slightly. She looked at Noah then, who was wiping his eyes, and back up at Elliot. Her eyes darkened slightly but she remained silent. Elliot held up both hands, indicating that it was completely up to her and the look in her eyes softened.

She swallowed and looked at her son again, thinking about Elliot's wordless suggestion. Just then, Noah looked up at Elliot and asked him,

"How did you do it? How did you deal with this stuff day in day out?"

Elliot beckoned him without looking at Olivia again, and he could only hope she was okay with it.

"Come one, let's get some air," he said, and Noah stood up at once.

Olivia took a deep breath but didn't say anything, and Catherine scooted closer to her. She nodded at her grandfather and turned to Olivia as both men left the apartment.

The young man was silent on the walk down and stuffed his hands in his pockets when they walked out of the building. Elliot walked next to him.

"You know, my first case at SVU was the toughest one in a way," he told Noah.

"Because it was the first time you talked to a victim?"

"No."

Elliot shook his head and looked down at the ground, remembering that feeling of so long ago.

"No?"

"My first victim was dead. Raped and then strangled and dumped in a playground."

"That's … horrible."

"These crimes are always horrible."

They were silent for a while and then Elliot continued.

"She was eight. The exact same age as my own daughter. I didn't sleep for almost a whole week."

Noah bit his lip and Elliot could see fresh emotions bubbling to the surface.

"So … how did you get over it?"

"You don't ever … really get over injustice," he admitted. "You just need to channel your anger and frustration into something positive."

Noah nodded and looked at him.

"How did you do that?"

Well, first of all, I watched my daughter sleep every night for a long time, just to keep that image in my head during the day. You have to protect yourself from evil by focusing on the good in your life."

Noah nodded again, looking at his feet as they walked.

"And during the day, I went out and made sure we nailed the bastard who had committed that heinous crime. Legally."

Noah's head shot up then and they both stopped walking.

"That's what I want too. To get those creeps off the streets and to give the survivors closure so they can reclaim their lives."

"I know son, you want to be a DA, right?"

"Yeah, but … I just feel so angry all the time now. And I can't very well go sit in my sister's bedroom every night to watch her sleep. She'd kick me out in a heartbeat."

Both men chuckled and Elliot put a hand on Noah's shoulder and squeezed it.

"The anger needs an outlet too before you can really be productive. I went to the gym a lot in my days."

"Yeah, I can see that," Noah muttered and Elliot's smile widened.

"Noah, just keep in touch with your sister to remind yourself that she's strong and she's gonna be okay. Just look at your mom. She had it much worse and she's still here."

Elliot waited for Noah to acknowledge the strength of both his sister and mother before he continued.

"Alright Noah?" he prodded.

"Yes sir. You're right. I know Sarah will be okay. I just don't want that creep around her ever again."

"Okay, next thing you do is you don't get into trouble yourself but you make sure the guy gets what he deserves. Legally."

"How?"

"Whatever Sarah decides to do about the charges, make sure he's kicked out of school. Talk to the dean, tell them you're getting a reporter involved, put the pressure on legally. You know about the law. Make it work _for_ you, not against you."

"Yeah."

Noah nodded enthusiastically and Elliot could see the fire return in his eyes. Before, it had been a burning, frustrating fire, eating him up on the inside. But now it was the fire of fight, of determination to make things happen. He was feeling it himself, getting excited with and for the young man to get justice for his sister. They discussed several legal options in case Dave wasn't convicted or Sarah decided to drop the charges, and Elliot was glad that he had managed to get Noah focused on the positive again instead of drowning in the negative. He knew the same struggle so well and Noah was receptive to his advice. After they had walked a little further, Elliot asked him,

"So. Ready to head back and check on the women?"

Noah took a deep breath and Elliot recognized the jitters in his body language. He still had a lot of adrenaline in his system.

"We could run," he suggested and Noah grinned.

"What? You don't think I can keep up with you?" Elliot challenged.

"Not saying that," Noah said with a sly smile and when Elliot saw that the young man was turning to head back, he quickly turned around as well and started jogging.

"Come on then!" he said and Noah grinned, accepting the challenge.

…

Olivia had been pacing in the unfamiliar apartment. Catherine had told her some more about what had happened on campus with Dave and she was grateful to the young woman for stepping in and keeping Noah from doing something stupid. She understood her son's frustration though and she knew Elliot did as well. He'd know what to say to Noah. Part of her had objected to Elliot's silent suggestion to speak with him. Noah was _her_ son. But she knew it was silly to be possessive of him under the circumstances. It wasn't about her but about what was best for Noah. And he had jumped at the suggestion of having a chat with Elliot.

"Grandpa knows what he's doing, Ms. Benson," Catherine said as she got up to put away their glasses. "Or did you want another one?"

Olivia looked at the young woman, who was holding up her wine glass.

"No. No, thank you. I'm fine."

Catherine gave her a pointed look and Olivia couldn't believe how much she looked like her grandfather in that instance. She looked away to hide a small smile from Catherine, who wouldn't understand her amusement right now. Her own words echoed in her mind. _I'm fine_. Elliot always looked at her that way when she used to say that.

"I'm sure they'll be back soon," she heard Catherine say reassuringly and she smiled again.

Who exactly was the parent here and who was the child?

Olivia had sat down again and a few minutes later Catherine was about to turn on the TV when they heard the sound of a key card at the door.

"Oh good," Olivia mumbled, standing up and wiping her hands on her thighs.

Noah and Elliot came bursting in, both laughing and panting and Noah announced triumphantly that he was the winner.

"Not by much. Not by much at all," Elliot panted, doubling over and resting his hands on his knees. "Man, I'm getting too old for this."

Catherine walked up to her boyfriend to hug him and asked with a grin,

"What did you do to my grandfather!"

"Hey, it was his idea," Noah said. "Wanted to race me and I'm not letting him win."

Elliot stood upright and smiled at Olivia, who was keeping her distance.

"That's the spirit Noah," he said, talking to Noah but looking at his mother.

"Yeah. Thank you sir."

Olivia bit her lip. She wasn't sure which one of the two men she wanted to hug the most right now. She could see that Noah was feeling a lot better and that he had his fighting spirit back. And she knew they had Elliot to thank for that. Noah seemed perfectly happy having Catherine wrapped around him so she stepped closer to Elliot. He looked at her while still catching his breath, although she could tell he was trying to hide that a little.

"Thank you sir," she said softly, repeating her son's words.

Elliot reached for her hand and wrapped his index finger around her pinky.

"You're welcome, ma'am."

They smiled at each other and both felt a little awkward. Olivia was relieved when Elliot kept talking, telling her,

"He's a great kid. He''ll be okay."

"Yeah. He will. And so will Sarah."

"They're Bensons," Elliot said and she could hear pride in his voice.

She took a deep breath to will away the emotion that was trying to work it's way to the surface. It meant a lot to her that he was so proud of her. She wrapped her other hand around the hand holding her pinky and squeezed before they released each other to give some attention to the younger generation.

…

"I should be getting home. Sarah must be wondering where I am by now."

Elliot knew that this moment had been inevitable but he was still sorry Olivia had to leave. He had enjoyed having her over at his place, even though she and Catherine had basically burnt his sense of interior decorating to the ground together. He had enjoyed it immensely and he'd seen her glance at him from time to time and then look away as if she was embarrassed to be caught looking. She was bonding with Catherine and he and Noah had an understanding now as well. He'd told the boy that he was always welcome to stay over and he'd winked at him when he added, "as long as you're quiet." Noah had blushed visibly but Catherine had saved him by hopping in his lap and kissing him. She was still in his lap when the older couple got up to leave. Elliot was taking Olivia home, of course.

"I can take a cab," Olivia said, remembering that they had started their evening on foot.

"My car is still parked at your place," Elliot said, happy to have such a valid reason to accompany her.

Olivia rolled her eyes but then grinned at him. They said good evening to the young couple on the couch and then left to find a cab together. They were quiet on the ride back and he could tell Olivia was tired. A lot had happened in just a few days and he prepared himself for a short goodbye. He couldn't expect too much from her now and was just grateful for the moments they had shared at Riverside Park. After paying the cab driver he turned to Olivia, who was already walking up to the door of her building. When she turned around to face him, he saw a shy smile on her face that he hadn't expected. Could she actually be a little nervous?

"Hey, are you gonna be okay now?" he asked her softly, stepping close to her.

She looked up at him and smiled a real but tired smile.

"Yeah. I think I can sleep now. Maybe I'll just fall asleep right here."

Elliot chuckled and reached for her, and he was relieved when she stepped close to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. She turned her face away from him, rested her cheek against his shoulder and breathed out contently.

"Thank you for tonight, Elliot," he heard her mumble, and he wondered which part of the evening she was referring to. But he wasn't going to ask.

"Anytime," he said simply, rubbing her back with one hand and tentatively caressing her hair with the other.

They broke apart and he assumed that their evening was now over. Olivia surprised him when she asked him,

"Are you coming with us to the station tomorrow?"

"Uh, sure. I'd love to," he was quick to say.

Olivia nodded and looked at some point in the distance behind him.

"I … I'm glad you want me there," he added and he saw the beginnings of a smile even before she looked at him again.

"Yeah. I guess … it was good to have you there the first time."

It struck him again that she was allowing herself to be vulnerable with him and he knew he should tread lightly, but the need to touch her was almost uncontrollable.

"Liv," he said hesitantly and he saw one corner of her mouth twitch.

She was okay with him calling her by her nickname now and it gave him the courage to take her hands in his.

"El?" she answered and he swallowed hard.

It meant so much to hear her say his nickname back. But the muscles in her face were still twitching and he didn't know what to do. Apparently, she didn't either. She asked him what he'd asked her earlier that night,

"What now?"

He grinned sheepishly and squeezed her hands, looking down at them.

"We have to invent new rules, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember," Olivia said softly and she surprised him by bumping her forehead against his while he was still looking down.

He closed his eyes and chose his next words carefully.

"I don't want to rush you Liv. It's been an emotional few days."

"That's true," she replied, almost whispering. "And maybe it's for the best."

Elliot raised his head slowly and Olivia did the same.

"How so?" he asked her.

"Because otherwise … we wouldn't have gotten so close so fast."

He had to remind himself to breathe.

"And fast is good?" he asked, just to be sure.

Olivia smiled and shrugged lightly.

"I can be a little difficult you know."

"You don't say," he said, recognizing the playful twinkle in her eyes.

Breathing had just gotten a little easier again but his stomach was beginning to do flip flops now.

"Yeah. Especially when it comes to you."

"How so?"

"Have you ever hated yourself for being unable to hate someone?"

He understood her question but it hurt him nonetheless. She had tried to hate him? He could see that she was registering his pain. She didn't say anything though, and just looked at him with those huge brown eyes.

"I'm sorry Liv," he said quietly, looking down at their hands again.

"I know," she said just as softly. "I'm not trying to be difficult now."

He was surprised that she seemed intent on keeping the door open. But he wanted to say more. He felt like he had to before … before what? Kissing her? God, he wanted to kiss her so badly. If he could just get the words out, maybe he would.

"Liv, I don't just mean for leaving you the way I did but also … for never realizing what I was doing to you while we were partners. For taking you for granted. For taking your faith in me and your unwavering support for granted, knowing you'd never, ever walk out on me. It was absolutely mutual and then I screwed it all up by doing just that. By walking out on you. I … I am sorry for _all_ of that."

He looked up at her then, praying for her absolution but not daring to expect it. What he saw were two tears, trickling down her cheeks silently.

"I already told you I know," she said, her voice trembling slightly. "Stop trying to make things difficult after all and just …"

She stopped talking abruptly but he knew what she wasn't saying. He felt a tear slipping from his eye as well but he didn't care. Tears were fitting for this moment, that he hadn't dared to hope for anymore after all these years. He let go of her left hand and reached up to her face with his right hand, cupping her cheek. Olivia's lips parted and she looked up at him, partly shocked and partly expectantly. He moved then, needing to move before he could think things through any further, and kissed her.

…

 **Dun dun!**

 **Just one more review and we hit 400. Who will it be? More soon.**


	41. Kiss

**Thank you all for the overwhelming response to the previous chapter. We're well over 400 reviews now and I appreciate every single one of them.  
For those who thought it was about time they kissed, a friendly reminder that in the story, it's been only 10 days since they saw each other again for the first time in years! I know my chapters get lengthy but it's only been that long. ;)**

 **In this chapter, we rewind to the beginning of the last scene of chapter 40, to see Olivia's point of view leading up to their first kiss (yay). Enjoy!**

...

 **41\. Kiss**

She was tired. Exhausted really. But part of her was super alert. After their talk and holding each other for a long time at Riverside Park, she'd noticed she was getting a little nervous about saying goodnight to Elliot. They had been quiet during the cab ride back to her place but she felt butterflies in her stomach now that they were out of the car. Butterflies at 65 … she had thought those had died years ago but lo and behold, they were alive and kicking.

She admitted that she was tired and when Elliot reached for her it felt right to let him wrap her up in his arms. She could get used to that safe place, pressed against his strong, muscular form. It was a place where she thought she could really be herself. She was learning to let her guard down a little because of that safe place.

"Thank you for tonight, Elliot," she mumbled against his shoulder.

She wondered if he knew what she meant exactly. She meant all of it. How he'd been there for Noah in a way that maybe she wouldn't have been able to. How respectful and proud he was of her little family. And how safe he made her feel despite everything. Despite everything, he was still her home. He was _still_ the longest relationship she'd ever had with a man. Aside from Noah maybe, but that was different. He was her baby. Elliot was her … what was he?

"Anytime," she heard Elliot say and she knew he meant it.

He'd be there anytime for all of it. He wasn't leaving again. And then he touched her hair. She had always been sensitive about people touching her hair. She thought it had to do with her mother. When her mother had brushed her hair and had ran her fingers through it affectionately, it had never felt sincere. She'd hated it but she had always managed to sit still, keep quiet and just endure it. She'd hated people touching her hair ever since. But feeling Elliot's hand, tentatively caressing it, felt different. His touch was sincere. It was tender and loving. Respectful.

When they broke apart she had invited him to join them the next day at the station before she realized it. She meant it though. It really had felt good to have him there the first time, and she told him that. With actual words. That was one of the best things that had come with age and with being a mother. She'd learned to express herself with words. Elliot's fumbling reaction was endearing and while she was nervous too, it helped her not to clam up again.

He was giving her space to walk away, telling her he didn't want to rush her, but she didn't want space and she didn't want to walk away. The words suddenly came easy to her then, although she knew some of them would hurt him. It wasn't intentional but it was inevitable. They would just have to find their way together if they were doing this. If they were really, finally, getting together.

"I don't want to rush you Liv. It's been an emotional few days."

"That's true," she replied, almost whispering. "And maybe it's for the best."

"How so?"

"Because otherwise … we wouldn't have gotten so close so fast."

"And fast is good?"

Olivia smiled and shrugged lightly.

"I can be a little difficult you know."

"You don't say," Elliot said, and she was glad he recognized her attempt at playfulness.

"Yeah. Especially when it comes to you."

"How so?"

"Have you ever hated yourself for being unable to hate someone?"

It was all or nothing now and she was glad to get the words out. She knew her words hurt but honesty was her only option right now. She didn't say anything else and waited for his response. Would he be equally honest?

"I'm sorry Liv," he said quietly, looking down at their joined hands again.

"I know," she said just as softly. "I'm not trying to be difficult now."

When he spoke again, she knew he was speaking from his heart and his honest words moved her deeply. They literally moved her to tears.

"Liv, I don't just mean for leaving you the way I did but also … for never realizing what I was doing to you while we were partners. For taking you for granted. For taking your faith in me and your unwavering support for granted, knowing you'd never, ever walk out on me. It was absolutely mutual and then I screwed it all up by doing just that. By walking out on you. I … I am sorry for _all_ of that."

He looked up at her then, and she tried to smile despite the tears in her eyes and the few that were now trickling down her cheeks.

"I already told you I know," she said, her voice trembling slightly. "Stop trying to make things difficult after all and just …"

 _Kiss me._

That was what she had wanted to say but those last two words just wouldn't come out. She could only hope he'd be able to read her without words one more time. Theirs wouldn't be a first kiss between two people like it had been for her son and his granddaughter or for her daughter and a random date. Their history was a long and complicated one and this wasn't an ordinary milestone, if such a thing even existed.

Elliot let go of her left hand and reached up to her face with his right hand, cupping her cheek. Her lips parted and she looked up at him, partly shocked and partly expectantly. He was really going to kiss her! He moved then, and took her breath away when he finally pressed his lips to hers.

…

Her lips were incredibly soft and he groaned softly when she responded to him immediately and kissed him back. Her left arm slipped around his neck and he pulled her close to him, prolonging their kiss by easing up a little and moving down to her lower lip. When he grasped it with his own lips gently, Olivia moaned as well.

She stood on her toes so she could kiss him harder, her body filling up with energy that needed an outlet. Elliot's right arm, that was now around her waist, tightened around her and he moved his left hand to the side of her face, never breaking their kiss. Her back hit the wall next to the entrance of her building and Olivia grabbed his jacket with her right hand.

They were both panting when they broke apart for a second but then his lips were on hers again. He was trembling and felt at least twenty years younger. He was kissing Olivia Benson and she was letting him. She was kissing him back. She was opening her mouth to him …

She let out a sound when he kissed her again and didn't waste even a nanosecond when she opened her mouth to him, granting him access. So eager and passionate … it was everything she'd ever dreamed it would be and she never wanted this moment to end.

A very dry and even "good evening to you, neighbor," pulled them out of the intimate moment abruptly and they looked at the man passing them and entering the building, completely shocked. The man just chuckled and Elliot thought he heard him mumble "good for you" just before the door closed behind him. The former partners looked at each other and Olivia started laughing out loud. Elliot couldn't help laughing with her and pulled her close to him again.

"He's got something to tell his girlfriend when he gets upstairs," Olivia chuckled.

Elliot cupped her cheek again and kissed her very softly once more.

"He's probably jealous. I know I would be," he told her softly.

She gave him another soft kiss as well and before they knew it, they were kissing intimately once more. Their kiss was less heated than the first but incredibly intimate and tender. Olivia thought she'd never felt this relaxed and excited at the same time in her life. When they finally broke apart they were both a little out of breath. Elliot leaned his forehead against Olivia's and didn't know what to say. He wished he didn't have to leave but he knew it would be totally inappropriate to even suggest coming upstairs with her. Sarah and Jen were there and Sarah had some traumatic things to work through. She didn't need him around 24/7. He was honored enough as it was that they wanted him to be involved at all.

Olivia knew that she should head upstairs to check on her daughter and tried to bring her heartrate down. She was trembling a little and needed a moment to process what had just happened. She had always expected them to be passionate together but maybe she hadn't expected this kind of fireworks at their age. She needed to calm down and breathe. She smiled when she felt Elliot press his lips to the side of her head.

"I feel years younger. How 'bout you?" he mumbled against her skin.

"Me too," she admitted.

"We should do this again some time."

"Definitely."

"Absolutely."

"No doubt about it."

They laughed together again and when they finally said goodnight, they were still grinning. Elliot knew he probably looked like an idiot, grinning and waving at her through the glass door even after it had closed behind her, but he just couldn't help himself. He saw her wave at him one more time before stepping into the elevator and thought she was just as much a goof as he was right now. They had finally kissed. Over 36 years after meeting each other. They were allowed to be a little goofy. There was a bounce in his step when he walked to his car. He had just kissed Olivia, the only woman that had been on his mind consistently for over two decades. The woman he should never have abandoned but who was finding it in her heart to forgive him. He was the luckiest man alive tonight. And tomorrow. Because he'd see her again tomorrow.

…

Olivia entered the apartment quietly and tiptoed to Sarah's room. It was way past midnight so she hoped her daughter and her best friend would be asleep by now. She opened the door quietly and smiled when she saw the two young women sleeping soundly, Sarah on her back and snoring lightly, and Jen on her side next to her, with one arm draped over Sarah's stomach protectively over the covers. It was like watching the two girls when they were six years old. Nothing had changed in that respect and Olivia thanked God for Jen, the best friend she could ever have wished for for her daughter.

She closed the door again and strolled to the bathroom. She just wanted to shower and sleep. But while the warm water cascaded down her body, warming her tired muscles, her mind drifted back to the moments she had spent with Elliot that night. She felt herself smiling again and chuckled softly. Important things had been said between them but all she could think about was how it had felt being held by Elliot, and being kissed by him at last. She touched her lips and imagined they were still tingling a bit. Or maybe it was just her brain repeating the sensation over and over again. She didn't mind. It was a very welcome distraction from her daughter's pain and the day that was ahead of them, and it somehow gave her a sense of security, knowing Elliot was back and would be there with them to support them. It made her feel more complete than she had in a long time.

She hadn't had an incomplete life without him and was very grateful and happy with how her life had turned out. Yet there had been this empty space deep inside her, reserved just for him. He was reclaiming that space and filling it with his presence and she hadn't even made him try very hard.

There really was no fighting it anyway. It was his space to fill an no one else's.

Olivia lay awake for only a short time and when she fell asleep, she was still smiling.

…

 **There, no cliffhanger today. You're welcome.  
Not sure how many of you can relate about people touching your hair. This was a bit of personal experience from me thrown in. I can so imagine the same being true for Olivia!  
We are inching closer to the conclusion of this story, but not before we give Sarah - and her family - a little closure. Stay tuned for more.**


	42. Decisions

**A rather short chapter today. We check in with all our main characters the next morning. It is a little filler chapter with a twist at the end. Enjoy!**

...

 **42\. Decisions**

Elliot was up and about early to make sure he was ready to leave as soon as Olivia texted him that they were headed to the station. She hadn't known if Sarah was going to go to her classes on Monday morning, so they had agreed she'd let him know the time.

Noah and Catherine were up early too and were getting ready for their own classes. They would swing by Noah's dorm to get his things so they were out the door before eight. Elliot was glad that Noah was feeling better, although he knew that naturally, his anger at what had happened to his sister wouldn't go away overnight.

The young couple had already been asleep by the time he got home and he had enjoyed some time alone to digest what had happened between him and Olivia that evening. He felt more alive than he had in twenty years. Olivia's forgiveness was like oxygen and he felt as if new life was flowing through his veins. He had worried about moving too fast but she had been more than ready for their first kiss the night before, despite the circumstances with Sarah. Or maybe because of them, he wasn't sure about that.

He worried for a few moments that maybe it had been the circumstances and that she'd regret their kiss in the morning. He decided to send her a good morning text to test the waters, and he smiled when he got a reply within a few minutes.

 _Good morning to you too. :)_

The smiley was all he needed to know they were okay and he relaxed. They were in a good place now. Better than ever.

…

Sarah had had a few scary dreams and was jittery once she and Jen emerged from her bedroom on Monday morning. She wasn't sure what she should do. Go to class or stay home for the day.

"What do you think, mom?" she asked her mother, who was preparing breakfast for the three of them.

Her mother looked at her and Sarah relaxed instantly. She always felt so at home when she looked into her mother's brown eyes, which were full of love and understanding.

"It really is up to you, Sarah," her mother said calmly. "I know you're strong but you don't have to make it extra difficult for yourself to prove that. You can be strong _and_ take some time off. It's not either one or the other."

Sarah nodded and glanced at Jen, who was nodding as well.

"She's right S. You know I'll be with you every step of the way, but only if it feels right for you," Jen told her.

Sarah smiled and sat down on one of the stools at the breakfast bar, and Jen sat down next to her. Maybe she had hoped one of them would make her mind up for her, but she should have known better. They would never take a decision away from her. That actually helped her decide that she was going to class.

"We only have three classes on Monday, and none of them are with Dave," she mused out loud.

"I don't think Dave will come near you, if he's even in school," her mother stated. "Noah has his friends keeping an eye out."

Sarah bit her lip. She bickered with her brother a lot but he was the best brother she could ever have asked for. Knowing he was looking out for her, helped too.

"I'm going," she said firmly.

Jen put an arm around her shoulders and squeezed, and Olivia leaned over the breakfast bar to kiss her forehead. Tears sprang to Sarah's eyes and she knew she was so lucky to have such a wonderful support system around her. She was going to get through this and was going to face the gossip on campus head on. Words couldn't hurt her permanently, she decided. She knew the truth and she had people around her who knew her and loved her. That was all she needed to keep her head up high.

…

Olivia sat down with a sigh after saying goodbye to her daughter and her best friend. Sarah was going to come back after her classes and they would go to the station after lunch. They hadn't discussed when she would be moving back to her dorm room and Olivia was going to leave that up to Sarah and Jen. They knew they were always welcome at her place and Sarah had to decide for herself when she'd be ready to be on campus full time again.

She hoped Sarah would stick to her charge of sexual assault so they would have grounds to have Dave kicked out of school. She had seen hesitation in her daughter about possibly ruining Dave's life, and while she loved her daughter for even considering the boy, she felt he didn't deserve an ounce of her pity. Still, she wasn't going to tell Sarah what to do. Because of Olivia's work, her daughter knew enough about trauma and closure to last her a lifetime. She was eighteen going on nineteen, and was old enough to make her own decisions, including possibly making her own mistakes. Weren't those what they all learned from the most anyway?

Olivia shook her head, remembering the biggest mistakes of her own life. She picked up her phone to send Elliot another text. Here was one mistake that she had gotten the chance to fix after all. She should have confessed her feelings to Elliot back in 2006, after the Gitano case. Their love for each other had been written all over them then. She had ran away instead, afraid of the consequences and afraid that he would dismiss their feelings in favor of their partnership. She had pushed him back to his estranged wife in the process and had accepted that he was lost to her forever. And now, almost thirty years later, here they were, together after all.

She smiled while typing the text.

 _Sarah went to class, will be back for lunch. Join us?_

Who could have known just two weeks ago that they would be in such a good place today?

…

Dave wasn't around. Noah had checked Dave's first class and there was no sign of him. Wise choice, he thought grimly. He had called Sarah around the time of her first class, and he wasn't sure if he should be happy or worried that she had decided to come. Maybe he worried about her too much. She was strong and she'd know if it was too much to be back in school already. So he decided he was happy for her after all, that she felt balanced enough to come. And Jen would be with her, loyal as always.

He had wondered about Jen over the years, contemplating if his sister's best friend would be a girl he would want to date. She was always around so it would be practical, but he had never felt attracted to her that way. She was nice enough, pretty and very lively, just like Sarah, but he had never really felt that _something_ he'd always expected to feel.

Catherine came walking up to him between his first and second class and something stirred inside him. _That_ was the something he'd always expected to feel and his heart skipped a beat when he saw her beautiful smile. He loved her so much that it hurt sometimes and he never wanted to be without her again. They had agreed that he would be going back to his own dorm room later but he already dreaded waking up without her. Catherine laughed when he wrapped his arms around her and lifted her up off the ground.

"Hey baby, how did your class go?" she asked him with a grin.

Before answering her, he set her back on her feet and kissed her softly.

"It went okay," he mumbled against her lips.

Catherine pulled back a little so she could look into his eyes.

"Okay? You were distracted, weren't you?"

Noah shrugged and smiled.

"Yeah. But he's not here. I checked."

Catherine rubbed his back with both hands and he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, not caring who saw them snuggling together.

"I have to go to my next class but I have a break after that. How 'bout you?" Catherine asked him, her mouth close to his ear. "We could meet at the cafeteria."

"Sounds like a plan. I can miss that class."

"Noah!" Catherine said, pulling back to look at him again. "You're not skipping classes to spend time with me."

He sighed and shook his head, knowing he was in too deep. If Catherine ever left him, he'd be so lost.

"I want to wake up with you every day Cath. You're my soul mate. You keep me balanced. I just …"

He faltered and Catherine stood on her toes to kiss his cheek, sensing his emotion.

"I'm not going anywhere baby, I promise. You're the one for me."

He pulled his girlfriend close again and kissed her neck while caressing her beautiful long, blonde hair. He knew he was a little more emotional than usual because of everything that had happened over the weekend. He knew they both needed to get to their next class, but he just needed to get the words out that had been ringing in his head ever since Catherine had walked up to him. Maybe he needed to say them to find security in these times of insecurity. Maybe he didn't want to make the same mistake his mother had all those years ago. Maybe it was too soon but he spoke from the heart when he whispered in Catherine's ear,

"Marry me, Catherine."

…

 **:)  
To be continued.**


	43. Better

**Moving ahead with all the storylines here, I hope y'all can keep up!**

...

 **43\. Better**

" _Marry me, Catherine."_

Catherine took a small step back and looked up at her boyfriend of two months. Had he seriously just proposed to her? She swallowed hard and tried to think of something to say. She'd thought about the future and could definitely see Noah in it, but she was only nineteen and had three and a half years of college ahead of her. She could see that Noah was a little shocked himself, but she saw fear in his eyes too. He was scared to hear her answer. She knew she'd never want to hurt Noah but she also knew she wasn't ready to give him an answer right now. Before she could find words to express her feelings to him, Noah spoke again.

"Baby, I'm sorry to ambush you like this. I … I hadn't planned to ask you today. I don't even have a ring for you yet but … I do know that I love you more than I had ever thought I could love someone. I can't imagine my life without you in it. It's okay if you can't give me an answer right away but … will you think about it?"

Catherine wasn't sure if she should hug Noah or not. Her heart was telling her to say yes because she truly loved him, but her mind was telling her it might be too soon. They hadn't known each other that long at all, and while Noah was the first man she'd trusted enough to be intimate with him, she felt she wasn't ready for marriage yet. She took a deep breath and took Noah's hands in hers.

"Noah, I love you. I've never loved and trusted someone like this and I believe in our love. I promise I will think about it, okay? I don't want things to become awkward between us. We have a good thing going and I don't want to lose you. Could you just … ask me again in a while?"

Noah bit his lower lip and looked down at their joined hands, nodding.

"I'm sorry for jumping the gun, Cath. I just … I love you so damn much."

He choked up then and Catherine wrapped her arms around him.

"I love you too baby. You know that, don't you?"

She could feel Noah nodding, his cheek brushing against hers as he wrapped his arms around her.

"You're my first and only, Noah," she added, hoping he would know how much that mean to her.

"You're my first and only too, Cath," he replied softly.

They really had to get to their classes and Catherine hoped Noah would be alright. She didn't blame him for popping the question. She could only hope he wouldn't blame himself.

…

Of course Elliot was joining Olivia and Sarah for lunch. Was that even a question? He wondered if Olivia would kiss him when he arrived, or if she would keep her distance in her daughter's presence. When the door of her apartment swung open, he got his answer.

"Hey," Olivia said, almost shyly. "Come on in. Sarah's making us some club sandwiches."

He stepped inside and just when he thought Olivia wasn't going to acknowledge the shift in their relationship, she stood on her toes and gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek. Elliot grinned and put a hand on her back briefly. Olivia smiled as well before looking away. When they walked up to Sarah and Elliot retracted his hand, Olivia hooked her pinky around his for a second before releasing it. His heart soared. Those little touches meant so much. They were in a new world and he felt light and happy. He greeted Sarah, who looked a little tired but otherwise okay.

"How was it to be on campus again?" he asked the young woman.

"It went okay but I have a splitting headache now," Sarah said honestly.

Stress could do that to a person and Elliot glanced at Olivia.

"She's already taken some painkillers," Olivia said.

"I'm going to the station, nothing's stopping me," Sarah said firmly and Elliot smiled.

"You take after your mom."

"Better believe it," Sarah said, smiling at her mother. "Mom taught me well."

…

Olivia saw the pride glowing in Elliot's eyes and could hardly believe they were here now, finally admitting their feelings for each other. She had held back a little because of Sarah but her heart had skipped a beat when she'd heard Elliot knock. They were slipping into a comfortable understanding quicker than she could ever have imagined. They had truly evolved and grown over the years. Maybe they were finally ready to be together now. Maybe it wouldn't even have worked when they were younger. They would never know now, but she wasn't going to let this new opportunity pass her by.

On top of that, Elliot was so supportive of her children that it moved her almost to tears. He spoke quietly with Sarah, who listened to him. That was an accomplishment in itself. She could see her daughter relaxing as they had lunch together, and once they were ready to head over to the 1-6, her headache had subsided for the most part. Elliot offered to drive them and the Benson women accepted. When Elliot glanced at Olivia and raised an eyebrow, she shrugged and told him,

"Just because I can do something myself, doesn't mean I always have to."

"Words to live by," Elliot said with a wink and Olivia smiled.

Things had changed indeed. For the better. This was much better.

…

"She's a bigger person than I am," Olivia sighed after hearing Sarah's final decision on the charges against Dave.

Elliot put an arm around her waist and kissed her temple.

"No she's not," he told her quietly. "She's your child. You helped her become who she is today."

Olivia smiled and leaned into him a bit while they watched and listened to Sarah, ADA Carisi and Lieutenant Wilson wrapping up their conversation in the family room. Sarah had said it was okay for them to listen in but she wanted to talk to Wilson and Carisi alone.

"I will discuss your offer with Dave's attorney and will let you know what they say," Carisi said as he closed his file and stood up.

"When do you think that will be?" Sarah asked, also standing up.

"Hopefully later today. If they want some time to think about it, I'll let you know as well."

"Okay. Thank you, Mr. Carisi."

Carisi came out of the family room and spotted Olivia and Elliot.

"Captain," he greeted Olivia and Elliot felt proud of her again.

The man was respectful to her and he remembered that the ADA had started out as a detective in Olivia's squad. She'd been his boss for quite a few years.

"Carisi, thank you," Olivia said with a small smile.

"She's pretty remarkable," Carisi answered, pointing his thumb over his shoulder at Sarah.

"I know," Olivia said, almost whispering.

She stepped forward then to hug her daughter and Carisi left to talk to Dave's lawyer.

Sarah had decided that if Dave agreed to leave school and never get near her again, she would let him plead down to simple assault charges. On top of that, he would have to pay for Sarah's therapy sessions if those weren't covered by her insurance. He wouldn't go on the sex offenders registry yet, but if he ever strayed again, there would be no escape. Both Sarah and the ADA agreed that Dave wasn't a sexual predator and would probably never try to force a woman to do anything ever again. He'd shown sincere remorse and while it might partially be because he'd been caught, Sarah refused to believe he was an actual rapist. She did feel deeply betrayed by his actions and simply never wanted to see him again.

Elliot watched as mother and daughter held each other, and Sarah let out the tears she'd been holding back all day long. He wanted to wrap his arms around both of them and after a few moments, he stepped forward and did just that. He heard Olivia sniffle too and when both Benson's put one arm around him, he blinked away a few tears himself.

…

Dave had accepted her terms.

Sarah wanted to cry again and she was glad Jen was with her. After another night at her mother's, she was packing up to move back to the dorm with Jen. Dave's things had already been picked up and his and Evan's room had been given to two other boys, who would arrive the next week. Her mother had made an appointment for her with a counselor to talk about what had happened. Olivia was a rape crisis counselor herself, but they both thought it would be best if Sarah talked to an outsider. She still had dreams in which she was very scared. The sense of powerlessness she'd experienced when she'd been held down was overwhelming sometimes. On top of that, she felt like she was mourning what she thought she had had with Dave. If it wasn't for her brother and his girl, she might have given up on love. But those two seemed to share a little secret that made them smile at each other all the time. She was relieved now that she hadn't gone all the way with Dave or anyone else yet. Even Jen was taking it slow with her new beau Tyler, saying that she was starting over after her holiday mistake, as she now called her first time.

And her mother … there was definitely something blossoming between her mother and her old partner. Love seemed to be in the air and Sarah couldn't help feeling left out, being the only one who was getting over a breakup while relationships close to her were all developing.

Elliot Stabler was going to drop by again later and she was happy for her mother. If anyone deserved to find love at last, it was her.

Her mom's phone rang and she listened to her end of the conversation while she and Jen raided the kitchen cupboards for some snacks to take with them to their dorm room.

"No no, of course I haven't forgotten Melinda ….. the whole family? ….. You sure? .…. Yes, I will ask them ….. Noah's girlfriend too of course ….. Ehm ….."

The tone of her mother's voice was unmistakable then and Sarah looked at the older woman.

"Ah, yes. I'll ask him too."

Sarah couldn't suppress a smile. Melinda Warner had no doubt just told her mom that she should bring Elliot to the party. Melinda was turning 70 soon as was throwing a big party. Apparently, she was now invited as well. She wasn't sure if she'd be up for a party but on the other hand, it might be good for her to go. It wasn't the crowd she usually hung out with and that might be liberating in a way. She'd already endured quite a few stares on campus, and had seen people nudging each other when she walked by. She'd been very close to confronting two classmates who appeared to be talking about her behind her back, but Jen had stopped her from making a scene, telling her she didn't want to do this just yet. Maybe she could bring Jen to Melinda's party, just for backup.

…

Olivia ended her call and looked at her daughter and Jen in the kitchen.

"Are you ladies done robbing me yet?" she asked with a smirk.

"Sure, why mom? You want us out of here before your stud gets here?" Sarah teased, and Olivia couldn't help laughing out loud.

"My stud? Really, Sarah?" she chuckled.

"Well, he's pretty cute for an old guy," Jen chimed in, and Olivia shook her head, still smiling.

The girls were right, of course. Elliot looked sinfully good for his age. And she was really looking forward to seeing him again. He'd been a perfect gentleman again the day before, taking her and Sarah back home and leaving them alone after an hour. They had sent each other a few texts that evening but other than that, he wasn't crowding her at all. And while it didn't really matter to her if the girls were still there when he arrived, she was looking forward to spending some time alone with him later. He had offered to cook dinner for her and she was curious what he was planning to make for her. Now that the dust was starting to settle for Sarah, she wanted to see what was really developing between her and Elliot, away from the drama and the case stuff that had connected them for so long in the past.

When the girls got ready to leave, she stressed once again that Sarah could always come back home. She was incredibly proud of her strong daughter, who assured her she would monitor herself and not overdo things.

"Oh, and you probably guessed it already, but Melinda is inviting all of us to her 70th birthday on May 4th. Think about it?"

"I will," Sarah promised, and then they were off.

Olivia blew out a breath and then set about tidying up a little before Elliot would arrive. How was she going to bring up Melinda's invitation to him?

…

 **Reviews make me happy. More soon. I guess we're all going to a party ...**


	44. Wisdom

**Our young lovebirds turn to their mentors while our older lovebirds get closer. A long chapter because I couldn't cut off one particular conversation … Enjoy!**

...

 **44\. Wisdom**

"Are you pregnant?"

"Whaaaat?!"

Catherine was lying on her stomach on her bed, the pillow tucked underneath her arms and chin, and her laptop open. Her grandfather had just left to spend some time with Noah's mom. Catherine was going to stay home because she had a lot of homework, and she and Noah would call each other later. Right now, she was video chatting with her aunt and was trying to place her aunt's blunt question.

"Aunt Kathleen, why would you think I'm pregnant?"

Her aunt chuckled and shrugged.

"Because you're so young and already talking marriage I guess."

"People get married at my age without pregnancies," Catherine countered.

She had been a little preoccupied ever since Noah's unprepared proposal the day before and had decided to talk to her aunt to get some input from someone more experienced in life and love than she was. Noah had been the sweetest to her and had assured her he hadn't meant to spring a proposal on her like that. It had been an emotional moment and he'd spoken from the heart, but when they had talked again later on Monday, he had told her he understood that it wasn't a decision to take lightly. He had even been afraid he'd scared her off.

"You know that grandpa and grandma got married at seventeen because they were pregnant with your mom," Kathleen continued.

"Yeah," Catherine nodded. She had heard the story many times.

"They warned us about it all the time. I think that's why we all waited so long to have kids ourselves. Your mom was thirty when she got pregnant with you."

"I know."

Catherine's mother had had an additional reason for waiting to have a family. Maureen had hoped that she and her husband would settle down somewhere, but when they continued to move every few years, they eventually had Catherine and her brother 'on the road' as they now called it.

"Good thing your uncle Richard waited too. It would have been so sad if he'd had kids with aunt Debbie before their divorce," Kathleen chattered on.

Catherine remembered her aunt Debbie vaguely. What she remembered most about her was that she and uncle Richard had never really seemed happy.

"But I am not pregnant," she repeated, getting back to the subject at hand.

"And his proposal was really serious?"

"Well, he hadn't meant to blurt it out like that but yes, he says he's thought about it before and he really wants to marry me. Not right now, but he is committed to us."

"He sounds like a great guy, Cathy."

A smile spread across her face.

"He is. He's the best."

"Aww," Kathleen said, wringing her hands together. "Looks like you really love him too."

"I do. No doubt about it. It's just so soon. We've only been dating for two months. He hasn't even met my parents yet. But I have to admit I've been thinking about a future with him too."

"You know, there really is no timeframe for matters of the heart," Kathleen told her. "It is wise to take circumstances into consideration, like the fact that you're both still in school, but in the end, you just have to follow your heart."

Catherine nodded.

"When I look at grandpa and Ms. Benson, I know I don't want us to live with so many regrets."

"Exactly!" Kathleen exclaimed, as if she'd had the same thought. "You know, love is timeless. If you're meant to be, you will be together, no matter how much time passes. But you don't have to take so many and _completely_ unnecessary detours like they did."

Both women chuckled and Catherine sighed. Talking to her aunt was helping. She knew her love for Noah was deepening and she felt accepted by his family. She knew her mom and dad would love him too. Getting married in college wasn't how she had pictured her life when she was just a girl, but so far, Noah was everything she had ever hoped to find in a man. There would be bumps in the road, no doubt. Every couple had those. But as long as their relationship was founded on love and trust, they would get there.

She and Noah had agreed that they would let the subject of marriage rest for a while, and she wasn't going to bring it up again so soon, but she had an idea. She wanted to do something for Noah to let him know that she wasn't planning on going anywhere. She ran her idea by Kathleen, who said it was perfect. She thanked her aunt for hearing her out and for her wisdom, and felt much calmer after their talk.

...

Elliot took the elevator up to Olivia's floor, carrying a big shopping bag with all the ingredients for dinner. He looked forward to cooking for her. Now that Sarah was moving back to campus and was getting outside help, things would get a little quieter again in Olivia's home and they would have time to talk and really get reacquainted again. He remembered how uncomfortable they'd been together just before Sarah had come home crying that Friday night. Spending time together without any pressure because of their job was completely new for them. A lot of memories had come back to him of the time they had spent as partners at SVU, and he remembered they had been pressed for time constantly. What little time they had to relax, they hadn't spent together very often. Their most meaningful conversations had been on the clock, on stakeouts or in the cribs. And a few on his stoop, he thought, and he smiled at those memories.

They had both changed since then. Their characters were the same but they were older and less combustible; more accepting that life wasn't perfect and that little blessings should be counted and remembered.

Elliot couldn't resist kissing Olivia when she opened the door for him. It was just a peck on the lips but the way she was still smiling as she closed the door behind him, told him she was sensitive to those little gestures. She followed him into the kitchen and peeked into the grocery bag he dropped on the counter.

"What are we having?" she asked.

"You'll see," he said. "Off you go and let the master work."

He tried to usher her out of the kitchen gently but he should have known she wouldn't go without a fight.

"I thought I could help you. What am I supposed to do while you cook if I can't help?"

"You sit," Elliot replied, steering her around the breakfast bar and to a stool, "and we chat while I cook. You want a drink?"

…

Olivia raised an eyebrow. Elliot had just taken over her kitchen and was offering her a drink in her own home. She hopped off the barstool and walked back into the kitchen.

"I'll get it myself. You want some too?"

She pulled a bottle from the modest wine rack on the kitchen counter and held it up.

"Red? I'm making chicken. I think we need white wine."

Olivia's eyes widened again. Elliot was now a wine connoisseur as well? She put the bottle of red back without a word and pulled out her only bottle of white wine, a birthday gift from Nick when he'd been to New York last. Elliot grinned at her and she shook her head. He was too smug, but part of her really liked how comfortable he was in her home already.

She'd wondered what it would be like between them now, after their passionate kissing two nights ago. They hadn't really talked much afterwards. Maybe they should, now. Olivia poured them both a modest glass of white wine and returned to her seat at the breakfast bar. Meanwhile, Elliot had put all his ingredients on the counter. He switched on the oven and put a pan with water on the stove to cook rice in. He checked that the chicken was already properly marinated - had he bought it like that or had he prepared it at home? - and then set about chopping the vegetables.

"Do you think Sarah will be able to sleep in her dorm room tonight?" Elliot asked her, and she thought about her brave daughter and her best friend.

"I think so. Jen is with her. That girl is a godsend. They've been best friends since they were five."

Elliot smiled and glanced at her.

"Friends are so important, especially at that age."

They were silent for a few moments and then Elliot added,

"Actually, friends are important at any age. How are you doing in that department?"

Olivia sighed. After most of her old squad had passed away, she only had three real friends left. She treasured them though. She saw Nick maybe three times a year but they chatted a lot. She had her monthly coffee date with Barba of course, and in between the only friend who was updated on whatever went on in her life, was Melinda. She told Elliot about all three of them, and he guessed correctly that Nick was in fact detective Gil Amaro's father.

"Was he your partner for long?" he asked.

"Four years."

Elliot looked at her more attentively.

"Did you get along on the job?"

She smiled. It was a long time ago but she would never forget how they'd started out.

"After I finally accepted him, yes."

She knew she was steering the conversation in the direction of Elliot's departure from her life, but maybe they should talk about that some more now. Elliot seemed to pick up on her suggestion and asked quietly,

"Was it hard to adjust to a new partner?"

Olivia bit her lip, asking herself if she was really ready for this conversation. But now was as good a time as any, so she told Elliot,

"What was hardest was having to accept that I would _have_ to start working with a new partner."

…

Noah had finished his homework before dinner and made himself a simple meal. He knew Catherine would be working on her homework all night and he decided to call his friend Rafael Barba to see if he was free. He was relieved when the former ADA told him he had no plans and would love to meet him. And so a little over an hour later, Noah walked into the coffee shop where they had met so often before. Rafael had been a mentor for him for years and he needed a man to talk to right now about his relationship with Catherine.

Once they were seated with an extra large cup of coffee, Rafael got right to the point.

"So. Tell me what it is you need me to shed some light on, Noah."

Noah smiled. He always felt safe to say whatever was on his mind with Rafael. The man was the closest to a father figure he'd had and he always treated him with respect.

"Well, you know I've been dating Catherine for a while now. For two months, to be exact."

"Yes," Rafael said, encouraging him to keep going.

"Yesterday I kind of proposed to her out of the blue."

Rafael's eyebrows shot up and he swallowed his sip of coffee, putting his cup down.

"Really? What prompted that, aside from the fact that you're clearly very much in love with her?"

"I was upset because my sister was assaulted and I realized how much I need Catherine in my life."

"Sarah was assaulted?!"

Rafael was shocked and Noah explained quickly what had happened and how Sarah had managed to get away just in time. Rafael understood that she'd still be traumatized and Noah nodded.

"I can't believe that happened to my own sister."

"You know it happened to your mother too."

He could see pain in the older man's eyes at the memory. Rafael and his mother went way back and had always remained close.

"Yeah. She's strong and so is Sarah. But it's still not easy to deal with."

"I understand. It's very difficult to be a bystander in these situations."

Noah knew that Rafael really understood. He'd been there when his mother came out of a horrible ordeal, that had been much worse than what Sarah had endured. It must have been hell not to be able to do anything to help her.

"You know, I remember that your mom really needed people to treat her normally, and not like she was made out of glass. If something gets too much, Sarah will tell you. She may be traumatized but basically she's still the same person."

Noah nodded. He would take his friend's words to heart.

"So. About that proposal," Rafael continued, and Noah bit his lip. "What did Catherine say?"

Noah sighed. She'd been completely blindsided and part of him understood. They hadn't really talked about the future at all together. Most of it had been in his head. But another part of him was a little hurt that she hadn't said yes at once.

"She … she said she'd think about it and that I should ask her again in a while."

"Was she shocked?"

"A little. I was shocked myself."

"Do you regret asking her?"

Rafael was asking him the right question and he thought about his answer for a few moments. Then he told his friend,

"Maybe I regret the way and the moment I asked her, but I don't regret asking her to marry me. I really want to spend my life with her. I believe she's the one for me."

Rafael took another sip of coffee, swallowed slowly as he peered outside into the distance, and then put his cup back down. Then he asked Noah,

"Do you think she believes you're the one for her too?"

Noah turned his coffee cup around between his hands, watching the black liquid swirl in his cup.

"She's told me she loves me and that I'm her first and only," he replied pensively. "But she couldn't say yes yet, so I guess … she's not sure?"

He looked up at Rafael again, his last words having come out as a question.

His old friend nodded, studying Noah's face.

"What do you think that means?" Rafael asked him and Noah frowned.

"What do you mean? I don't understand the question."

"Do you think she doesn't love you enough?"

When Noah didn't answer him right away, Rafael asked him another question.

"Do you feel like she has to be exactly as sure as you are at the exact same time?"

Noah knew his answer to that question would have to be no, but he had definitely hoped that Catherine had been as sure as he was about their future together.

"It's only been two months Noah," Rafael continued. "It's amazing that you can feel this way after such a short period of time, and you should cherish Catherine and your love for her. It's very special. And it's also very rare. Not many people can say they are that sure about something so quickly. So maybe it's not so realistic to expect Catherine to be ready for this kind of decision yet. It will affect the rest of her life and most people need a little more time to make such a huge decision."

Noah listened, trying to absorb his friend's wisdom. But Rafael wasn't done yet.

"Are you having doubts about her love for you because she couldn't say yes yet?"

"I know she loves me," he said, and he meant it. The way Catherine trusted him and the way she made love to him told him that she truly loved him. She had been the only one who could get through to him when he'd gone after Dave. She complemented him in every way.

The older man too a deep breath and blew it out slowly. Noah looked at him expectantly, wondering what he was going to tell him next.

"Noah, you know I've been seeing someone for about two years now, right?"

"Yeah."

"Her name is Kayla."

Noah could see the look in Rafael's eyes soften. It was clear to him that the older man loved his Kayla very much.

"We don't live together and we have an open relationship, but not because it's what I want," Rafael continued.

"So why?" Noah asked, forgetting about himself for a moment and feeling some concern for his friend.

"She's been on her own her whole life and she says she isn't ready to give up her freedom and commit."

"So why do you stay?"

Rafael smiled at the honest question.

"I love her," he stated simply.

"And that's enough?"

"I don't want anyone else but her," Rafael said with certainty. " I've joked about hooking up with your mom, but I never meant it. I love Kayla and only Kayla. And the only way to keep her in my life, is not putting pressure on her. You know, you can't make someone love you or stay with you. The only way to keep someone in your life, is to hold her with open hands. Try to grab her or tie her down and she'll want to run. But if you just love her and make her happy, she will never have a reason to leave. My Kayla says she needs to feel free, but I know she doesn't cheat on me. And I believe that one day, she'll stay with me and not leave again. Until then, all I can do is love her. Maybe it looks like I'm too good for her and I don't blame people for thinking that I'm short-changing myself. But the fact remains, I don't want anyone else but her. So what is the harm in investing in her? It's not like there's someone else to invest in anyway. She's the one for me and she's worth everything to me. I'd be a fool not to give it my all."

Noah sat back and nodded slowly, seeing the tears and genuine love in the older man's eyes. Rafael's words were hitting home with him. Catherine was the one for him. There was no one else to invest in for him either. All he could do was love her and give her no reason to ever leave him. Both men sat together in silence for long minutes, thinking about the women they loved, the women they lived for and if necessary, they'd die for.

It was clear to Noah then. Catherine was worth everything to him too. He would wait for her to be ready because he didn't want anyone else. If he let her go now and didn't put all his effort into her, he would lose the woman of his dreams. Holding her heart with open hands would be a challenge, but she was worth it. He didn't want to tie her down. He wanted her to stay with him because she truly wanted to. It was the only way their relationship would be able to stand.

When both men got up to go their separate ways after a while, Noah pulled Rafael into a hug and thanked him for his wisdom and his understanding. Rafael patted him on the back, smiled and told him,

"Thank you for coming to me, Noah. It means a lot to me.

...

...

 **A few things to ponder after that …  
\- What does Catherine have up her sleeve?  
** **\- How will Elliot and Olivia's talk continue? Will they get it all out once and for all?  
\- And how about that Barba wisdom?** **  
**


	45. Love

**I think this was one of the hardest chapters of this story to write so far. I hope you will like the outcome! Just remember, they are older and wiser now ...**

...

 **45\. Love**

" _What was hardest was having to accept that I would_ _ **have**_ _to start working with a new partner."_

He knew he'd hurt her by walking away from the job the way he had. But hearing the pain in her voice and seeing it in her eyes, made it more real for him, even after all this time. Elliot could see that Olivia wasn't devastated anymore, but she had been. At the time, he'd thought he was doing the right thing by keeping his problems far away from her. It had killed him inside to have to go on without her, but it had been his choice. He hadn't given Olivia any say in the matter at all.

He knew she would have stopped him from leaving. Not from leaving the job maybe, but the city. So he'd done it all on his own, telling himself that she was strong and when it came down to it, she didn't really need him. The state he'd been in, he would just have been baggage for her. A danger even. But again, he hadn't given her any say in his decision-making process. Maybe that was because deep down, he knew she would have taken him, baggage and all. But he hadn't wanted her to. Not that time. And so he told her,

"I couldn't burden you with all my problems again. It wasn't fair to you. It's never been fair to you to begin with."

"You could have given me a choice," Olivia countered.

Elliot shook his head, finishing cutting the vegetables. He checked the temperature of the oven and then faced his former partner.

"You would have convinced me to stay in New York and I just couldn't."

He shook his head again, trying to shake off the emotions resurfacing once again.

"Why not?"

Her voice was soft and it wasn't accusing. Just wondering. Elliot leaned his hands on the breakfast bar and hung his head. He didn't like to think about that period of his life but he owed it to Olivia to tell her everything.

"I came this close to hitting Kathy one day," he said, his voice shaking with the memory. "I had to get away before I got worse. I … if I'd faced you …"

"I could have taken it," Olivia interrupted him.

He knew she believed she could have taken whatever he'd thrown at her, but she hadn't seen him then. She hadn't known how far gone he'd been. He took a deep breath and looked up at her, focusing on her beautiful face to get rid of the ghosts of the past that still haunted him in his dreams sometimes.

"Believe me," he told her, his voice strained, "I wasn't going to take the risk."

"And you couldn't imagine that leaving me without a word would crush me as well?"

He let out a humorless chuckle.

"Liv, I'd rather you thought of me as an unreliable bastard than to risk ever putting my hands on you and destroy every good memory of us that you might still have."

He wasn't sure how his words would affect her. He searched her eyes for a reaction and he could tell she was processing what he was saying. And she was studying his face. Thirty years ago, they'd be in each others' faces by now, fuming. Not today. Olivia was quietly absorbing his words as well as his demeanor. Things had changed between them. She had started trusting him again. Letting him support her again. They had kissed. They had given in to the feelings that they had kept bottled up for so long. Olivia wasn't fuming. She reached out and put her hands over his on the counter. He exhaled and lowered his head.

"I tried to hate you, Elliot."

He didn't blame her and remained silent.

"But the truth is, no matter how much you hurt me, I never stopped loving you."

His head snapped up and he looked at her, his vision blurred by the tears in his eyes.

"I did alright for myself," Olivia continued, as if she hadn't just dropped a bomb between them, "but there was a void in my life. In my heart."

Elliot swallowed hard and blinked a few times so he could focus on her eyes.

"Remember when I told you last week that I didn't know what we could be to each other at this point in our lives?"

He nodded. He remembered because it had hurt like hell to hear her say that.

…

"I lied."

Olivia hadn't expected to be this calm but it was all just coming out. She had used the L-word almost casually, as if it hadn't been locked inside her heart for thirty-five years. But there was no denying it anyway. The way she'd let Elliot in over the past few days had come so naturally to her, that she didn't know now why she had even tried to fight it when he walked back into her life. No one else could fill the void inside her heart but him and when she needed him, he had fallen into place like the final piece of a puzzle that had been missing for so long and had suddenly been found again.

She was done adding to the regrets in her life. She had managed on her own but she wasn't going to lose Elliot again.

Hearing him say that he'd been afraid to hurt her physically was new, but it helped her understand his frame of mind at the time a little bit better. He had always been explosive and his self-control must have been wavering under the circumstances at the time.  
The only thing that remained difficult to swallow was, that he had never bothered to let her know he was okay. That he hadn't forgotten her. That he still cared. She could tell that Elliot was on the brink of tears and she didn't want to push him too hard. So she told him,

"I know there will always be a place for you in my life, Elliot. It's always been there, no matter how much time went by."

Elliot swallowed hard and she patted his hands before retracting her own.

"You should check on our food," she told him with a small smile, hearing the water start to boil.

"Yeah," Elliot said, his voice raspy with emotion.

He turned around and worked on their dinner quietly for a few minutes, putting the rice he had brought in the water and stirring until it cooked again, adding the vegetables to the marinated chicken, seasoning them and putting the dish in the oven. When Olivia was certain that nothing needed his immediate attention, she continued, still very calm. The shift that had occurred between them somehow gave her such a sense of security, that she didn't feel like she had to fight Elliot anymore. They had kissed. They had expressed their love for each other, and the way he had given her a little kiss when he came in had felt so natural and safe. All the unrest had left her body and mind, her entire being really.

"So after seeing me with what you assumed were my kids …"

Elliot turned back to her and she could tell he was still tense. He shouldn't be. Not now that she was finally relaxing into their newfound understanding.

Olivia stood up and rounded the kitchen counter once more. Elliot straightened his back. He had no idea what to expect and that thought made her sad.

"El," she said, reaching for him, and when she moved her hands to his waist and stood close to him, he exhaled harshly.

"Hey, I'm not attacking you, okay?" she said softly.

Elliot nodded and moved his hands to her waist as well.

"I know I was so wrong to stay away Liv," he told her.

She could tell the guilt was still weighing on him so it was a good thing they were talking about it again. When she smiled up at him, Elliot shook his head and forced a small smile as well.

"You're not supposed to be the strong one here Liv."

She chuckled and pulled him a little closer to her.

"Since when have you known me to stick to the rules, El?"

Elliot's smile widened a little and he lowered his head until his forehead connected gently with hers.

"Just tell me one thing," she said.

"Anything."

They were swaying a little, holding each other, and Olivia spoke softly when she said,

"I guess when you thought I had a man and kids and everything, you thought I didn't need to hear from you anymore. But what about before? Five years is a long time not to hear from someone, El."

"I know. At first, I was planning on calling you very soon. But somehow, days turned into weeks while I struggled with the decisions I had to make, and I began to worry that you wouldn't want to hear from me anymore. You had stopped calling and I could see you not answering my calls either. I'd been a jerk to you so I deserved to be turned away."

"I never got the chance to pick up El."

"I was sure you hated me by the time I went back to the Marines."

"You were sure about a lot of things, weren't you?"

Elliot created a little distance between their faces and shook his head.

"How can you still smile like that?"

She shrugged.

"What's the alternative? Cry? Yell? Kick you out? What good will that do either of us? Don't you think we've wasted enough time?"

" _I_ wasted enough time," he corrected her.

"Okay. Have it your way. _You_ have wasted enough of _our_ time and _I_ don't want to waste even more. We're too old for that, El."

When a real smile finally broke out on Elliot's face, her stomach fluttered.

"You're pretty determined not to let me suffer, aren't you?" he asked her.

"Guilty as charged," she admitted instantly, and then she added on a more serious note, "because when you suffer, I suffer. Why do that to myself?"

Elliot let his head drop forward again, and his lips skimmed her cheek before landing on her neck.

"I don't want you to suffer either Liv," he whispered and his breath on the sensitive skin of her neck made goosebumps break out all over her body.

He kissed her neck softly and she held her breath briefly. When he stopped kissing her, hesitating, Olivia said softly near his ear,

"I know we can't turn back time El, but if we could … tell me you would have just picked up the phone to tell me you were leaving. Or called me to tell me you were okay."

Elliot's lips grazed the shell of her ear before responding,

"Knowing what I know now, I would have. And I would have flown straight home after hearing what had happened to you."

"Okay."

…

Okay?

Was it really that simple, after all this time?

Elliot was trembling. Just like that night in Riverside Park, he was overwhelmed with Olivia's capacity to forgive. He felt like he didn't deserve it but Olivia was right. They had wasted enough time. If she was willing to forgive him, he wasn't going to refuse her forgiveness because part of him needed to continue to feel guilty. To punish himself maybe. Olivia had seen his sincerity and she was accepting it. Maybe it was finally time to start forgiving himself.

He was so proud of Olivia, of who she'd become and what she had made of her life. She was a wonderful mother and the love that her children had for her was proof of that. They were becoming healthy, stable adults with good and caring hearts. Noah was going to fight for survivors, just like his mother, and Sarah had even felt compassion for her attacker. Olivia had done that. She had raised these two children, who had been born under less than favorable circumstances, and they couldn't have ended up with a better mother.

And despite everything she had endured and all the horrors she'd seen, she still had a big heart herself. He was very much aware that it meant a lot when Olivia Benson opened her heart to someone. He'd witnessed up close how rare that was. He knew her heart had slammed shut for him when he left without a word and it was nothing short of a miracle that she had opened it again for him. _Only_ for him, because in the end, the bond they had shared, was timeless.

"Okay?" he asked her after half a minute, just to be sure he'd understood correctly.

"Yes," Olivia replied simply.

"Did you … did you just say you love me?" he asked, feeling his heartbeat quicken.

He kept his face hidden from her and rubbed her cheek gently with his own, but when Olivia moved to create some distance between them, he knew he couldn't hide any longer. Their eyes locked and he could see nothing but acceptance and love in hers.

"I did," she stated simply.

His turn.

"I love you too."

The words were so simple and straightforward but it had taken him more than twenty-five years to say them out loud after realizing that he, in fact, truly loved Olivia. He had begun loving her when he shouldn't have, had continued to love her after leaving her, and he couldn't love her more for welcoming him back into her life. He knew it hadn't been easy for her. She usually didn't respond well to people treating her badly. It had been her love for him, that had refused to die, that had made her choose to open up for him again.

They were too old now to continue adding to the regrets in their lives. They were fortunate to be alive and healthy at their age.

Olivia raised her hand and caressed his cheek. He leaned into her hand and closed his eyes.

"I know," he heard her whisper and he opened his eyes.

"I've always loved you, Liv."

"I know."

"I really want to kiss you right now."

She smiled then, her eyes moist but sparkling and he leaned in to capture her lips with his own. He kissed her softly and moaned when she responded instantly, kissing him back. He held her close to him and while a fire was igniting in his body, his goal wasn't to get as close to her as he could get, but merely to make her feel how much he truly loved her. He would never be able to make up for the twenty-four years they had lost but he would spend every day they had left to make Olivia feel loved and cherished.  
Her hands drifted down to his butt while they kissed and he smiled against her lips. They might be old but they still had some fire left in them.

A clanking sound behind him let him know that he should check on the rice because the lid of the pan was clattering.

"Go on, we still have to eat," Olivia said with a grin, and they let each other go reluctantly.

They both took a deep breath and blew it out simultaneously. They were clearing the air and dealing with the past, one step at a time. And this time, their goal was the same. To be together at last.

…

 **To be continued.**

 **I will wrap up the stories of all five of our main characters soon. Both couples seem to be heading in the right direction, so that leaves Sarah. Stay tuned ...**


	46. Holding Back

**A shorter chapter this time but I wanted to keep the story going. More soon.**

...

 **46\. Holding back**

Olivia lay on her back in bed, staring up at the ceiling. After dinner, it had taken them quite some time to say goodnight. Elliot had seemed determined to hold back and had told her he wanted to court her properly now that he finally had the chance. She could tell that he still felt like he needed to redeem himself somehow and she had wondered if she was letting him off the hook too easily. But in the end, she wasn't letting Elliot back in just for his sake, but for her own. She had made enough mistakes in her lifetime. Knowing that Elliot had always been the only one able to fill that final gap in her life, she would only hurt herself more if she pushed him away because of how he'd hurt her in the past. She had been able to move on and had made a life for herself. In the end, Elliot had suffered more from the way he'd left her than she had, and she thanked God that she was able to see that now. Wisdom truly did come with age, she thought with a smile.

When they were finally able to let go of each other that evening, after a steamy makeout session against her door, Elliot had promised her he'd be in touch very soon because he had plans with her. That was when she'd finally mentioned Melinda's birthday. She could tell that it had actually moved Elliot that she was already willing to go out in public with him as a couple. He was going to meet some of their old friends and several of Olivia's new friends walking by her side. He'd be honored to accompany her, he'd told her.

Honored.

It seemed like such a strange word to use between the former partners, but it told her that the guilt still weighed heavily on Elliot. She could only hope he would be able to let it go over time.

Olivia rolled over on her stomach and tried to settle in for the night. She thought of Elliot's kisses again, and what it had felt like to be held by him, pressed against his still ridiculously muscular form. She couldn't help wondering what it would have been like if he'd stayed and had been next to her in bed right now … She sighed and turned over on her back again, wondering if she was going to get any sleep now, thinking of Elliot's body and what she would like to do with it …

…

"Sarah, wait up."

Sarah looked behind her and saw her brother's girlfriend jogging over to her.

"Hey Cath, what's up?" she asked.

She'd been back on campus for four days now and she finally felt less jumpy when there were a lot of people around. The blonde stopped in front of her and Jen and smiled hesitantly.

"Out with it," Sarah and Jen said in unison, and then all three girls giggled.

"Alright, here it goes," Catherine said, rubbing her palms on her jeans.

She must be a little nervous about something.

"I've been thinking of getting Noah a present and, well Sarah, since you've known him all your life I was wondering if … if you would go shopping with me and help me pick something."

"Aaww," Sarah and Jen said, in unison again. "I'd love to go with you, Catherine," Sarah added. "When?"

Sarah really liked Catherine and she could tell that the girl was good for her brother. She thought it was really sweet that she wanted to buy him something, and it was so nice that she was asking her along. It would give them time to chat and get to know each other better.

"I was thinking today after classes? If that's convenient for you?"

Sarah glanced at her best friend.

"Is that convenient for me?" she asked Jen.

"Oh sure. We didn't have anything planned. I have to study first and if there's any time left I'm meeting Tyler so … you girls have fun."

"Cool," Sarah said, high-fiving her best friend before turning to Catherine. "You're on."

"Awesome. When's your last class?"

"I have two more."

"Alright. I'll meet you here when you're done."

…

Catherine had it all planned out. She and Noah had been fairly relaxed around each other these past few days but she wanted to do something special for him so he'd know she was totally committed to him. She only had one class left for the day, and went to Noah's dorm room afterwards to put a few thoughts on paper that she wanted to share with Noah. Once she'd be face to face with him to give him her present, she'd probably be so nervous that she'd draw complete blanks, so she wanted to write out what she was going to tell him.

An hour later she met up with Sarah, who seemed to like the idea of spending some time together. Once they were off campus and headed for the subway on foot, Catherine asked Sarah,

"So how are you doing now? Are you coming to terms yet with what's happened?"

Sarah wiggled her head and flipped her long hair back before answering.

"I've had a few freakout moments as I call them, but knowing Evan and Dave aren't coming back to campus anymore is helping. And I've started talking to someone."

"You mean like a therapist?"

"Yeah. She's going to help me make sense of what I'm feeling and to start trusting myself and other people again."

"I can imagine that won't be easy," Catherine acknowledged. Sarah's trust had been betrayed badly, after all.

Sarah pursed her lips and nodded.

"But I'm still young, right?" she said. "Time enough to get it right."

"With a boy you mean?"

"Yeah. But maybe I should wait for a real man instead."

Catherine smiled but wasn't sure how to respond to that. Before she could think of something, Sarah changed the subject cheerfully.

"So tell me. What do you have planned for my darling brother?"

Catherine had debated whether she should tell Sarah about Noah's proposal, but she decided it was something that was too personal to just tell her. If he wanted his sister to know, he'd tell her himself. So she just told Sarah that she wanted to give Noah something to let him know how much she loved him.

"Why now? Did something happen?" Sarah asked her and Catherine was a little shocked.

"Do I need a special reason to give my boyfriend a gift?" she asked, realizing that her voice sounded a lot more insecure than she'd hoped.

"I guess not," Sarah shrugged. "It just seems like a special occasion, having me along to pick out something and all."

Catherine took a deep breath and breathed out slowly before responding. She didn't want to upset Sarah but the truth was, that what had happened to her had triggered Noah in a way to propose to her.

"Well … I guess it is. Noah was upset about … you know," she said, gesturing at the brunette walking next to her. "I think he needs to know that I'm not going anywhere."

Sarah nodded slightly as they walked down the steps of the subway station and Catherine wondered if she understood what she'd said. Once they reached the bottom of the stairs, Sarah turned around to face her and they stopped walking.

"So you're not going anywhere? You're sure about that?"

Catherine was a little shocked at the question but before she could say anything, Sarah continued happily,

"Because if you are, why not ask him to marry you?"

Sarah smiled widely then and her eyes were sparkling.

"Wouldn't that be the coolest thing?"

Catherine chuckled despite the knot that had formed in her stomach.

"Yeah, I guess it would be," she agreed. "But I'm not sure I'm ready for that. I just want him to know I'm committed to our relationship and I want to do everything I can to make it work."

Sarah shrugged and grinned.

"Sounds like marriage to me."

Catherine's mouth fell open but she needed some time to digest what Sarah had just said. Was the commitment she was feeling towards Noah really the same commitment people had when they got married?

"Just think about it Cath, I didn't mean to get all serious on you," Sarah said, looping her arm through Catherine's and starting to walk again. "Come on, our train is this way."

…

It had been ages since Olivia had been dressed up like this. But Elliot had told her it was a formal thing so she'd put on her long black sleeveless dress, pinned her hair up elegantly and was wearing purple two-inch heels, the highest she could walk on for an entire evening these days. She wrapped a large purple shawl around her shoulders and looked at herself again in the mirror. The purple brought out her skin tone as well as the modest color she'd applied above her eyes, and it matched the color of her shoes. She didn't think she looked 65 in this dress but then again, she wasn't wearing her glasses so she couldn't see the lines in her face very well. She stuck out her tongue at her own reflection and then jumped when she heard the sound of the buzzer fill her apartment.

"You're pathetic," she told herself before grinning widely and hurrying over to the intercom to buzz Elliot up.

She had almost forgotten what he looked like in a tuxedo and had to stop herself from growling when she saw him. Elliot did the growling for her when he stepped inside and she laughed out loud.

"Oh baby, let's stay home," he said, pulling her into his arms.

"Down boy, you promised me a fancy date," she muttered, but when Elliot kissed her she went along with it for a few moments.

Elliot was the one to break off the passionate kiss.

"I did promise you a fancy date, and that's what you're getting, young lady."

Olivia grinned. She hadn't been called a young lady in ages but she felt like one a little tonight. Elliot had been holding out on her, telling her that he wanted to treat her right this time. She'd complained once that they'd already had a twelve year foreplay, but so far, he hadn't budged. It only made her feel more rejuvenated, because by now she was starting to lust after him like a teenager with a crush. And Elliot was loving every minute of it. It seemed that the more Olivia wanted him, the more he was able to let go of the past. Well, if that's what it took, it would be worth it, she decided. After fixing her shawl and makeup, she walked out of the apartment on his arm without knowing where they were going.

...

 **Review? Where do you think they're going? And how about Catherine and Sarah?**


	47. First Date

**This is 2035 so I felt free to invent a date that may seem a little unrealistic today but it's a futurefic so … Here we go.**

...

 **47\. First Date**

Olivia couldn't deny that she was a little overwhelmed. Elliot really had pulled out all the stops and she could tell that he was proud of himself. And he had every reason to be. His eyes were sparkling and she recognized that he was so happy because he was making her happy.

"You shouldn't have," she'd told him a few times, but Elliot insisted that he should have because she deserved it.

"Since I am going to be the last man to date you, you deserve only the best," he told her, kissing her hand over their dinner table.

"You seem awfully sure of yourself," she teased him, and Elliot laughed out loud.

"Can't deny that."

Olivia shook her head and finished her dessert.

They'd had the most exquisite dinner at a restaurant that didn't seem nearly as large as it really was, because it had been divided up into smaller areas. The smaller areas breathed the atmosphere of a cozy small Mediterranean place instead of the big theater restaurant that it was.

After dinner, they were going to see the latest big musical production on Broadway.

"I can't believe you got tickets to the premiere," Olivia sighed. "All the big stars are going to be there."

"And we'll be walking the red carpet with them," Elliot said proudly.

She wasn't going to ask him what the VIP arrangement had cost him. He'd assured her he could afford it, having a double pension, and she believed him. Retirement had been good to her as well and maybe Elliot was right. They deserved it after having served their community and their country for so long. And after having been apart for so long.

When it was time to go and make their grand entrance, Elliot offered her his arm. He walked proudly beside her. To him, she was the most beautiful creature on the red carpet, no matter how many stunning young stars were there with them. She had aged more beautifully than he'd ever imagined, despite the horrors she'd seen and even experienced first hand. She was living proof that it is possible to thrive after going through an indescribable hell. And together, they were proof that true love really is timeless.

Several photographers snapped pictures of them as they walked the red carpet after most of the famous people had already gone into the theater, and Elliot felt even more proud. Olivia looked like an Italian movie star and she was radiant. When she squeezed his arm, Elliot looked at her and his heart skipped a beat when she kissed his cheek.

"What was that for?" he asked her softly, their heads close together.

"I'm just really glad you're back," she whispered and he could see a sheen of tears in her eyes.

"I should have come back sooner," he answered, swallowing hard.

"You're here now," she answered, her voice firm again, and he nodded.

He was grateful and he squeezed her arm when he told her,

"And this time, I'm not leaving again."

…

Noah had finished all his homework and was watching some TV in the living room of his dorm. He hadn't heard from Catherine all day and wondered what she was up to. He had the feeling that she was keeping her distance a little from him these past few days and he wondered if it was still because of his unprepared proposal. What if she had decided that she wasn't ready for a serious relationship after all?

He sat up, suddenly worried and switched off the TV.

"Hey, I was watching that," his roommate Henry complained, and Noah tossed the remote at the young man.

"Sorry. I suddenly realized I forgot something," he said quickly, standing up.

He decided to get some air to clear his head, and then he'd send Catherine a text. Just an ordinary 'what's up' kind of text, that wasn't being pushy, was it? He walked outside, but before he could pull out his phone, he heard a very familiar voice call his name.

"Noah!"

"Catherine!"

Catherine ran up to him and jumped in his arms, and Noah held her close to him, relief flooding his system that she was so happy to see him. He kissed her neck and held her close, even when Catherine tried to create a little distance between their faces so she could look at him.

"I didn't know you were coming over," he said, searching her eyes for clues why she was suddenly there.

"Surprise," Catherine said softly and her loving smile woke up all the butterflies in his stomach.

"It's a great surprise," he told her before kissing her softly.

"I have another one," Catherine told him, and she suddenly looked a little nervous. "Can we go up to your room?"

"Sure. Henry's watching TV so we can be alone for a bit."

"Perfect."

…

Catherine was a little nervous, but not because of what she was going to tell Noah. She was sure of what she wanted to say to him. She was just nervous about his reaction. When they got to Noah's room, he locked the door behind them so only Henry would be able to get in. They sat down on Noah's foldout and Catherine pulled a piece of paper out of her jacket pocket.

"What's that?" Noah asked.

Catherine unfolded the paper and smoothed it out on her thigh carefully.

"Something I want to say to you, but first …"

Catherine's heart was beating fast but she pried the small package out of her other pocket and handed it to her boyfriend with trembling fingers.

"I want you to have this."

She saw surprise as well as apprehension in Noah's eyes and she wished she could take his uncertainty away. She could only hope he'd understand what she was trying to tell him, and that it would make him happy.

"Open it," she said encouragingly, and she could see that his hands were trembling too.

Sarah had assured her that her brother would love the gift but Catherine was suddenly eager to hear that from himself. When he pulled the sturdy silver man's necklace out and held it up, he peered at the symbol attached to it. A silver letter C.

"C for Catherine," he said quietly and she could see that he loved it.

"Yeah," she said softly, "and for something else."

Noah looked at her and she was relieved he was smiling again.

"It's beautiful Cath, and I'll wear it with pride."

He kissed her sweetly and Catherine kissed him back, needing him to know they were really okay. But she still had something to tell him, so after a minute, she pulled back.

Sensing she wanted to say something, Noah stilled and looked at the paper in her lap.

"What is it, Cath?" he asked her and she knew it was now or never.

"The other thing the C stands for … I want to tell you how I feel about you and about us, Noah."

"Okay," Noah said, and she took a deep breath before reading the words on the paper to her boyfriend.

"My dearest Noah. When you asked me to marry you a few days ago, I was a little shocked but also very, very honored. I know you hadn't planned to ask me then and there, but I know you truly love me and that makes me happy. You should know that I love you very much too, and even if I couldn't accept your unexpected proposal right away, I want you to know this. If anyone asks, the C on your necklace stands for Catherine, but between us it will also stand for Commitment."

Noah reached for her then and put a hand on her back, rubbing it gently.

"Baby, that's like music to my ears," he told her, his voice a little shaky. "I was worried I'd scared you off somehow. That you weren't ready for a serious relationship after all."

"I am Noah, please believe that. I've never been one to flirt with all the guys. I feel so blessed to have found you. But … I wrote more. Do you want to hear it?"

"Yes. Yes, I do. Absolutely."

Catherine giggled, letting go of her nervousness and loving how eager Noah was to hear her words. She knew they were going to be okay now and so she continued.

"I want you to know, each time you look at the necklace, that I am committed to exploring our relationship and to finding out if we're truly meant to be together. We're both still very young and we have a lot to learn. But while we learn, I want us to get to know each other better and grow closer. And in time, you will know if we really have a future together and you will know when it will be the right time to ask me to marry you. And I promise you that when you ask me again, you will already know my answer."

...

Noah let out a ragged breath and then pulled Catherine into his chest, hugging her tightly. He hadn't realized how worried he had been that she was going to pull away from him until now. But her words were like balm on his wounded heart. Maybe he had blurted out his proposal too soon but even if it had been too soon, Catherine was as committed to their relationship as he was. He had faith that they were going to make it. He knew deep down that she was the one for him, and like Rafael Barba had said, he knew he could only hold her love with open hands. It was easier now, knowing she had no intention to walk away. And he would do his best to make sure that she would never have a reason to want to leave. That she would stay with him because with him was where she wanted to be.

He kissed Catherine on the cheek and she turned her face until her lips touched his.

"I love you Noah," she whispered, and these were no longer words read from a piece of paper.

"I love you Catherine," he replied simply.

He didn't need to add anything else. No big words or promises. It was enough to tell her he loved her and to hear her tell him the same. Everything else would come in due time.

…

He loved to see Olivia like this. She was glowing. She was enjoying their date immensely. The show had been high quality and Olivia had actually whistled during the final bows of all the players. She was still laughing and Elliot held out his arm to guide her through the crowd. What Olivia didn't know was that they were headed for a backstage after party, and she asked him where they were going when he didn't guide her towards the exits.

"We have another stop to make," he told her cryptically.

"More surprises?" she asked, but she was going along with it easily.

She trusted him, he realized. Olivia squeezed his hand when he led her into the room where the afterparty was being held, after showing security their VIP passes. It was a large room, decorated beautifully in the light and dark blue colors of the show they had just seen. Two huge chandeliers bathed the room in soft light and waiters were whizzing around serving snacks and drinks. Live music from the show was floating through the room and a few couples were already on the dance floor.

"There are the lead actors," Olivia whispered, nudging him and nodding at the dance floor.

The couple, still in costume, performed one of the dances from the show, much to everyone's delight. Several of the background dancers joined them and Olivia felt like she was back inside the show. She had never had a night like this in her life and she felt light. Happy. Carefree. She felt Elliot's hand on her back and looked at him. Sometimes she still could hardly believe they were here now, together at last. Leaving the past in the past and looking forward to spending the time they had left with each other.

She had missed him. Ached for him. She had tried to hate him and she had managed to build a life for herself and her children without him. But now, having more time on her hands than ever before, she was able to make room for him again in her life, and it felt good. It felt right.

Elliot pulled her along with him and they joined the others on the dance floor. Olivia felt like a movie star and for once, she didn't laugh at herself for feeling special. When her body collided gently with Elliot's and they started to dance, she smiled up at him and looked into his bright blue eyes. He was still her partner, even after all this time.

…

When they were finally back at Olivia's apartment it was almost 2 AM. Olivia was still reeling a bit, and, not being used to such long days anymore, was starting to get tired. She wondered if Elliot had given any thought to how their evening would end and when they arrived at her door, she turned around and leaned against it, reaching for his hands.

Elliot looked at her for a few seconds before stepping into her personal space.

"So," Olivia said, smiling.

"So," Elliot answered, looking down between them.

"I had the best time tonight. Thank you Elliot."

He looked at her then and smiled.

"You're welcome. You deserve to be treated like a lady."

"I'm no longer one of the guys, huh?" Olivia said with a grin.

"Nope. Definitely not a guy," Elliot said, letting his eyes roam her very feminine form.

They chuckled and Elliot leaned in to give her a soft, lingering kiss on the lips. Olivia was a little surprised when he pulled back after only a few seconds and it showed.

"Hey hey," Elliot said, still smiling. "I don't put out after just one date."

Olivia raised an eyebrow. Was he serious? As if reading her mind, Elliot told her,

"I mean it Liv. This date was long overdue but it wasn't meant to get you in the sack."

"Maybe it was for me," Olivia said, hoping not to sound too eager.

The truth was, she was actually very apprehensive about taking things further with Elliot. Back when they were younger, she'd thought it would be the easiest thing in the world to fall into bed with her partner if they ever crossed that line. But her body had changed since then. Things had been done to her and on top of that, she had simply gotten older. A lot older. It wouldn't be like she had imagined a few times when she was still young and beautiful, with a well-trained body. She wouldn't even have given her appearance a second thought back then, but now … it was different. The fact that Elliot was still in ridiculously good shape wasn't helping either.

Elliot reached for a strand of her hair that had managed to escape the clip that was holding her hair up, and tucked it behind her ear.

"It's not that I don't want to, Liv," he assured her, and she could see the glow of passion in his eyes, telling her that he was most definitely attracted to her that way. "I just want to treat you right. It's never mattered to me this much to do things right."

Olivia sucked her bottom lip between her teeth and nodded. It really did mean a lot more than every other first date or first time had ever meant to her. When Elliot leaned in to kiss her again, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back, hoping to convey to him how much she loved him and appreciated how careful he was being with her. He wasn't the brooding hothead of the past. He was older too and somehow, the changes in him made her feel even safer with him than before. She did ask him if he wanted to come in but he told her it would be better not to, since he was just a man after all. She caressed his cheek and Elliot held her hand while he turned his head to kiss the inside of it.

"Call me tomorrow?" Olivia asked.

"It's a date," Elliot answered with a wink.

"So do you put out after a second date?" she asked him with a grin.

Elliot chuckled and gave her one last little kiss on the lips before leaving. When he turned around to head for the elevator, she heard him say,

"Maybe."

…

 **To be continued. Reviews are appreciated.**


	48. Connection

**Three updates in a row? Yes, I just published a songfic, a new chapter to my Langson story and now this! Not a long chapter but I wanted to get this out to you before the weekend. Enjoy!**

...

 **48\. Connection**

"Melinda, can I ask you a very personal question?"

Melinda smiled as she stirred her cup of Cappuccino and glanced at Olivia across the small table at the restaurant where they had met up.

"Let me guess. This is about you and Elliot?"

Olivia bit her lip and nodded, staring into her own cup of coffee. Even after all these years, it still wasn't easy for her to talk about such personal issues. But if she couldn't talk to Melinda about it, then who? Melinda was turning 70 soon and had been seeing a new man for a while now after her husband had died four years ago. Olivia took a deep breath and then forged ahead without looking at her friend.

"So you and Harvey … are you uhm … intimate with him yet?"

After a brief silence, she heard Melinda chuckle softly and she looked up from her coffee to meet Melinda's eyes.

"Olivia, are you actually going to ask me for advice about sex?"

Olivia realized how stupid that sounded but the truth was, she really was. She wasn't lacking experience but it had been a long time and her body had changed so much. Fortunately, Melinda knew what she was getting at without needing any further explanation.

"He knows you're older, Liv. He won't expect a thin model with firm boobs and a tight tummy."

Olivia let out a huff and smiled, looking around the restaurant as if their surroundings were suddenly very interesting.

"You know," Melinda continued. "to be honest, I'm surprised you haven't jumped him yet."

"What?"

Melinda grinned and picked up her cup of Cappuccino. She winked at Olivia before taking a small sip.

"You heard me."

Olivia was at a loss for words, and that hadn't happened to her in a long time. Melinda rescued her again. After setting her cup down, she reached across the table and put her hand over Olivia's.

"Honey, it's not gonna matter to him what you look like. He loves you for who you are. Always has, if you ask me."

Olivia nodded, looking at their joined hands on the table.

"I know. It's just … I never thought about how I looked before … you know."

Melinda knew.

"Those scars aren't very prominent anymore, are they?" she asked her kindly.

"No," Olivia admitted. "But my skin … it's not smooth you know. It's wrinkled in places I hadn't expected it to be."

"Well, so is mine!" Melinda exclaimed, a little too loudly for Olivia's taste. "And to answer your first question, yes. Harvey and I have been intimate and it was very new for me to have another man touch me after my husband. But I love Harvey and he loves me, and we figured it out together, wrinkles and all."

"So how is it?"

Melinda leaned back in her chair and smiled at her.

"It's good. We fumbled a bit at first but we laughed together and in the end, it was just good to be that close to someone again. I feel safe with him and he feels safe with me, and once we got the hang of it again, it really is like riding a bike. Your body doesn't forget."

That was something Olivia could relate to. Her body hadn't forgotten either and she had rediscovered feelings that had been buried for a long time. When Elliot kissed her, even if it was just a little kiss on the cheek, her body responded to him. She'd felt a throb deep inside her a few times and it was as if things were starting up again, slowly but surely.

"I feel like an old diesel engine," she joked, and Melinda nodded immediately.

"The engine is firing up again, huh?"

"Yeah."

Talking to her friend like this made memories come back to her of how Elliot had held her and touched her recently. It was as if all her nerves were waking up and becoming more and more sensitive to his touch.

"You didn't know you could still feel this way," Melinda said, and it wasn't a question.

"Right."

"And you want more."

Olivia leaned back in her chair and couldn't suppress a grin.

"I was really disappointed when he just dropped me off last night after our date."

Melinda raised an eyebrow and nodded slowly.

"How many dates have you been on since he's been back in your life?"

"Last night was our first real date, ever."

"Wow."

"Yeah. I told him we'd had years of foreplay but he says he wants to do right by me."

"Good for him. Maybe he has gotten wiser with age after all."

Both women chuckled again.

"I'm glad you were able to forgive him," Melinda said, suddenly serious again.

"Me too," Olivia said softly. "I tried not to, but I knew I'd only hurt myself more if I didn't give us a go."

"You never stopped loving him."

Olivia nodded, looking down at her hands and swallowing hard.

"I tried."

"I know. But he's always been in there."

Melinda put a hand over her heart and Olivia mimicked her gesture, putting a hand over her own heart.

"Bastard just wouldn't move out."

Her chin was trembling despite her attempt at a joke. It was such an enormous truth in her life. No matter how many other men she'd dated and how many years had gone by, Elliot had always occupied a part of her heart. And now she had opened the rest of her heart to him, simply because it would hurt more to refuse him than to allow him in.

"You're giving him the key now?" Melinda asked, her voice gentle and understanding.

Olivia bit her lip to try and keep her chin from trembling and admitted softly,

"He's always had it."

…

Elliot had slept in and he couldn't believe it was past 10 already when he woke up. He'd thought he would be awake for most of the night, but he'd slept like a log. His body had been a little frustrated the night before, especially when he'd seen the same frustration in Olivia's eyes. But he wanted to treat Olivia like the lady she was. She'd been short changed a lot in her life and she was still such an amazing, kind and generous soul. She deserved the royal treatment.

He wanted her though. She was as beautiful as ever to him, and while he knew her body had aged, he knew they would still be incredible together. It wasn't just about a physical satisfaction with Olivia. Maybe that would have been a big part of it when they were younger, but if life and time had taught him anything, it was that no physical relationship could compete with true love and a connection of the hearts.

He'd made a few brave attempts at relationships over the years after the divorce, but he had stopped trying some time ago. In the end he'd never find with those women what he was looking for. He had cared about them, but his heart had never belonged to them. He'd never felt like they truly knew him. Maybe that was because he wouldn't let them get close enough to know him. Or maybe he just wanted them to know him like Olivia knew him.

He hadn't heard Catherine and Noah leave for college that morning but he knew the young man had spent the night again. He could see the love between the two young people and he wished he'd had that kind of love at that age. But on the other hand, when he looked at Olivia now, he wouldn't change a thing about their relationship. Age was just a number. It was the depth of the connection that counted. Catherine wasn't too young and he wasn't too old to find it.

Elliot took a shower and had some breakfast and coffee, and then decided to send Olivia a text. It was almost time for lunch and he wondered what she was doing.

 _Hey Liv, did you sleep well? Would love to see you again today. El. xxx_

Her reply came within a few minutes.

 _In the city with Mel. Ordering lunch soon. Could come by after? O ;)_

The wink threw him off a little. Was there a hidden meaning behind it? Did she have plans with him? He decided to just ask her.

 _What is the wink for? Should I be worried? ;)_

He could picture her grinning while typing her reply, and Melinda was probably laughing along with her.

 _Well, you ARE three years older than me …_

He loved how their relationship was developing now. They were relaxed and playful and he felt rejuvenated. When he stood up to clean up a little before Olivia would get there, his body reminded him that he wasn't actually a young man anymore, and he groaned. He stretched his back by raising his arms above his head, and moved his arms and legs for a minute to get his muscles warmed up. Just two more years and he'd be seventy! Better not think too long about it and just make the most of today. Maybe his winking Olivia had the right idea ….

…

 **So ... are we ready for them yet? Are they ready? Not promising any heavy M rated stuff but I do promise it will be beautiful.**  
 **And in case you were wondering, we will get back to Sarah soon.**


	49. Nervous

**49\. Nervous**

Olivia felt a little nervous when she walked up to Elliot's floor. Talking with Melinda had helped, but she was still a little apprehensive about showing Elliot her body. She wasn't sure if Elliot had picked up on the innuendo in her text messages and so she wasn't sure what to expect from him now. He'd been intent on holding off, wanting to give her the royal treatment, and she loved him for it. But despite her hesitation, her body seemed to be getting ready. It had been too long since a man had touched her.

Elliot welcomed her with a warm smile and she breathed out, trying to relax, when she sank into his embrace. Elliot kissed the side of her head and asked her,

"Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah, I did. I'm not used to staying up so late anymore."

"And the dancing," Elliot added with a grin as he created a little distance between them so he could look at her.

"My calves are actually killing me," Olivia admitted.

"You know, I happen to be an expert in massage, so I could fix that for you," he told her, wiggling his eyebrows.

Olivia laughed out loud and shoved him playfully.

"You wish," she joked.

"I do," Elliot said immediately, and she looked into his eyes again.

He registered her slight shock and cupped her cheek with one hand.

"Just sit on the couch and I'll rub your legs. I'm not asking you to get naked."

Olivia scoffed, trying to mask her discomfort. Until now, she had been the one prodding him to take things further but he seemed to sense that she was getting cold feet. She let him lead her to the couch and she sat down sideways so he could put her legs in his lap after sitting down next to her.

"Just relax," he told her, and she studied his profile as he took off her shoes and then started kneading her calves one by one. He was really good at it, she had to admit.

"Did you eat already?" she asked him after a few minutes.

The muscles in her calves were getting warm and relaxed by now, thanks to his strong hands.

"Yup. And it's not time for coffee yet, so just stay put. You'll feel much better after we're done."

"That was the plan, wasn't it?" Olivia muttered, and Elliot's eyes flicked up to hers.

The corners of his mouth tugged up a bit and his hands stilled on her legs.

"You _do_ have plans with me."

"Maybe …"

Olivia felt her heartbeat quicken and wished Elliot didn't make her feel like a teenager who was nervous for her first time.

"I thought we could go out one more time. You know, that second date?"

Olivia smiled. She remembered what Elliot had said the night before.

"'Doesn't this qualify as a date?" she asked him, gesturing at both of them on the couch.

Elliot raised an eyebrow and tried not to smile when he asked her,

"You're really that cheap?"

...

Olivia sighed and Elliot regretted his remark instantly. He leaned over to her and kissed her on the cheek.

"You know what I mean baby. You deserve the world," he told her, and he meant it.

She smiled and caressed his cheek, and then kissed him softly on the lips.

"Thank you, El."

"It's true," he maintained. "And now that we have all the time in the world and no worries about money, I want to see the world with you."

It was an idea that had formed while he'd been cleaning up earlier and he was beginning to get excited about the idea.

"Maybe we could go to a tropical island, or to Europe," he suggested.

"Just like Cragen did," Olivia said, tilting her head while looking in the distance. "He really had the time of his life when he and Eileen went on those cruises."

"He earned it," Elliot said sincerely. "And so do you."

"And you," Olivia told him equally sincerely.

"So let's do it."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

That was easy. He could hardly believe it. Was she really the same Olivia he'd known all those years? Thinking about it, he realized once more that she wasn't. She wasn't the same woman. She had grown into a balanced, mature and happy version of herself and he was so proud of her. Her beautiful smile was the same though. It still lit up her entire face, and he couldn't help smiling back at her.

"Yeah, okay," she confirmed. "Why not? The kids are all grown up. Sarah is doing well with her counseling and she has Noah and Jen to look after her. Maybe it's time I did something for myself for a change."

Elliot's smile turned into a grin and he pulled her into his lap completely.

"I love you, Olivia Benson," he said, almost choking up.

Olivia hugged him and then kissed him softly once more.

"I love you, Elliot Stabler."

"So when do we leave?"

"After Mel's birthday party. She'd kill me if we didn't show up together."

"Well, that would be a real waste, wouldn't it?"

Olivia chuckled and kissed him again, and Elliot felt the urge to touch her and let his hands roam her body. When she deepened the kiss, he groaned softly and let his hand glide up underneath her jacket but over her shirt from her hip to her chest.

Olivia moaned when he covered her breast with his hand, and kissed him even more passionately. Was she trying to kill him? He'd been serious about a second date but at this rate, they'd be on their way to his bedroom within ten minutes. He managed to break off the kiss and had to take a deep breath before he could ask her,

"Are you trying to kill me, woman?"

Olivia didn't answer him but moved off his lap for a moment so she could straddle him.

"Oh God, you are," Elliot sighed.

She could definitely feel the effect she was having on him now, pushing her body into his. Olivia shrugged off her jacket, leaving her in a loose-fitting t-shirt, and he knew it would be so easy to slide his hands underneath the thin fabric. Despite her actions, he could still see hesitation in her eyes though, and he managed to keep his hands outside her shirt when he ran them up her back.

"There's no rush Liv, honestly," he told her.

Olivia didn't say anything and kissed him again while moving her hands to his lower back. She seemed intent on creating as much contact between their bodies as possible and he knew he could only resist so much. And he really did want her, in every way possible. One of his hands slipped underneath her shirt after all and the feeling of all that soft, bare skin beneath his fingertips was weakening him. Olivia moved her mouth from his lips to his neck and he could hear her breathing becoming more erratic. He kissed her neck too and closed his eyes, succumbing to the feeling of her lips on his skin and her warm body against his. His fingers danced across her back and his other hand joined the first.

"Liv," he whispered and Olivia shivered.

"It's been too long," she whispered back and he held her a little tighter.

"How long?"

He'd asked the question without thinking it through, and he stiffened slightly, bracing himself for her reaction. Olivia sat up and stared down at him, placing her hands on his shoulders. She smiled a little then and he breathed out slowly.

"Are you asking me about my sexlife now?" she said with a sly smile.

He shrugged, relieved that his question hadn't upset her, and he rubbed her hips gently with his hands, no longer touching her skin because that was way too distracting.

"Let me think," Olivia said, and he could see the wheels turning inside her head.

He didn't really want to think about all the men she'd been with over the years and could only hope it was a short list after he'd left.

"Noah had just turned 9 when I sent the last one packing," she told him. "So that's about twelve years ago now."

Elliot tried to picture Olivia 12 years younger and he knew for a fact that she'd still been stunning at 53. She was stunning now, just with a little more wrinkles, but he still envied the man that had been with her last. He wasn't going to ask if he knew the guy, he just didn't want to know.

"How about you?" she asked, and he should have known that question was coming.

He frowned, trying to remember when he and his last girlfriend had broken up. He remembered arguing with her after a birthday party. It had been Kathleen's twins if he remembered correctly.

"I think it was when the twins turned three, so that's thirteen years ago," he said pensively.

…

Thirteen years ago. Elliot had been 55 then and she was sure he'd still been ridiculously handsome then. Hell, he still was. She didn't really want to know about his relationships after his divorce but it was good to know it had been a while for him too.

"No one-night stands since?" she asked, just to be sure.

Elliot shook his head.

"Never been into those. You?"

"I had a few when I was younger, but never again after I got the kids."

His hands moved from her hips to her back again and his thumbs grazed her bare skin. She tried to process that this was the same Elliot she'd worked with all those years, and he was finally touching her. Loving her. Wanting to be with her.

"Didn't you miss it?" he asked her honestly, and she knew they weren't joking anymore. They were just getting to know each other even better. "I mean, there are ways to take care of things."

She smiled and leaned down until her forehead was touching his.

"Of course. But it's not the same. Being with a man isn't just about getting off. It's about trusting him, and entrusting yourself with him. Letting him in, both literally and figuratively. I stopped even wanting that for a long time."

"How come?"

"They kept disappointing me."

"I'm sorry," Elliot said, and she lifted her head to kiss his forehead.

"That's not your fault."

"Maybe not. Maybe it is, partly. I know I didn't make it easier for you to trust people, leaving the way I did."

"No, you didn't."

She heard Elliot swallow hard and didn't want him to hurt because of that decision anymore. They were here now.

"You can trust me now, Liv. I won't hurt you," he said, his voice trembling slightly.

She closed her eyes and pressed her lips to his forehead again. She knew he wasn't talking about physical pain. She felt Elliot tilt his head, and when she pulled back, he leaned forward to kiss her collarbone. His lips on her skin made her entire body respond and she wished he would kiss and touch more of her. The fear and uncertainty was beginning to leave her system, being replaced with want. If she couldn't trust Elliot, who could she trust? Elliot's lips skimmed the collar of her shirt and before she could change her mind, she whispered in his ear,

"Take it off."

…

 **Dun dun ...**

...

 **Couldn't resist using M's real age here to prove that she does indeed still look stunning as she gets older. Same goes for C, obviously, who is now 56 and still hot ... *sizzle***

 **Guest reviewer KRH (who I love!): as you can see, I don't always go along with your thoughts but sometimes your reviews help me to fine-tune my story. I hope you notice ;)**


	50. Lovers

**So, where were we? Tried to keep it T rated. Let me know if it should have been M after all ...**

...

 **50\. Lovers**

 _Elliot's lips skimmed the collar of her shirt and before she could change her mind, she whispered in his ear,_

 _"Take it off."_

…

Her heart was beating wildly in her chest when Elliot stared into her eyes and then reached for the hem of her shirt slowly. He would see her eventually so it might as well be now, she kept telling herself. She wasn't afraid of Elliot. Not at all. It was something inside her that wanted to hide how her body had changed, due to age as well as what she'd endured.

She'd been injured several times on the job and had been tortured. Her life story was written all over her body and she would be revealing herself to him in more than one way. But despite her hesitation, she knew deep down that she'd been waiting for him. Maybe not for him literally, but for what she had shared with him, and was now starting to share with him again. She hadn't found it with anyone else. It had always just been Elliot.

She closed her eyes when Elliot pulled her shirt up carefully, and raised her arms so he could take it off of her body. She breathed out when she felt his hands on her skin again, on her waist to be exact, his thumbs rubbing her gently.

"Liv, look at me," he said with a raspy voice.

She did. She looked into two oceans of blue, that gazed into her eyes. He wasn't looking at her body. Not yet.

"I love you," he repeated and she could feel the emotion behind his words once more. "I'm not in love with your body or what you look like. I'm in love with _you_."

Olivia nodded, pursing her lips. She knew what he was telling her and she believed him. She just didn't want to disappoint him in any way now that they could finally be together.

"The fact that you are almost as amazingly beautiful on the outside as you are on the inside, is just a huge bonus," Elliot continued, and his words were like a warm blanket around her exposed body.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him, and his arms were warm around her. He stroked her back and she felt hot and cold shivers at the same time.

"You're such a charmer," she whispered in his ear, trying to swallow back her emotions, and Elliot kissed her bare shoulder.

"I mean every word, Liv," he told her seriously.

"I know."

They turned their heads and their lips found each other in a tender kiss once more and then Elliot created some distance between them so he could really look at her. She felt her stomach tremble but she sat perfectly still while his eyes roamed her upper body.

…

Elliot couldn't believe that this was his strong, fierce, fearless Olivia. She was trembling as if she was afraid he would leave her once he saw her body. He knew she'd been through a lot and it was painful to see how deep her trauma still was, even after decades. When he finally looked at her body, all he could see was her. His Olivia, truly his at last. She had full breasts, still covered with a brack bra for now, but he could already tell they were beautiful. She had kept her figure and although she was obviously older, he couldn't find anything wrong with how she looked. The blotches and faded scars that made her skin irregular in unexpected places, did not draw his attention at all. He saw them, but they weren't what made up his image of Olivia.

Their eyes met again and he could see that part of her insecurity was fading. She was smiling now, caressing his cheek.

"You're so, _so_ beautiful Liv. Never doubt that," he said, his breath almost catching in his throat.

"Thank you," she said softly.

Elliot pulled her closer to him until he could kiss her cleavage, and Olivia sighed. He saw her body respond to him, even through the fabric of her bra, and he smiled against her skin. She was intoxicating and he inhaled her scent. He kissed her skin again and felt Olivia's hands on his back, moving down until she found the hem of _his_ shirt.

He sat back and smiled at her.

"Your turn," he said, raising his arms like she had done so she could pull his shirt off.

Olivia whipped his shirt off a lot faster than he had pulled hers up and he bit his lip when she grinned down at him.

"My turn indeed," she said, placing her hands on her shoulders again and then letting them glide down his arms.

He had never stopped working out and he knew he still looked good for his age, but it was something else to have Olivia peruse his body at last. Her hands moved up his arms again, and then across his pecs, and he thought he was allowed to touch now too.

Olivia breathed in sharply when he moved his hands up her sides but she didn't stop him when he cupped her breasts. Instead, her nimble fingers found his nipples and she ran her thumbs across them, almost daring him to do the same to her. He followed her lead and they looked into each others' eyes, making the moment even more intimate that way.

"I want you, Liv," Elliot blurted out, never breaking eye-contact with her.

"I want you too, El," she told him, not looking away either.

"Did you really think I wouldn't love your body?"

...

Olivia smiled almost shyly and shrugged, trying to keep her thoughts straight while Elliot was touching her so intimately, even if it was over her bra. His body was amazing, just like she remembered it. The white chest hair was new though and it reminded her that he'd gotten older too. But she could feel that his libido was still very much intact, and the quiet thrum inside her body told her, everything was still in working order for her as well. Her calves were starting to burn though, from sitting the way she was, and she wondered if they shouldn't relocate if they wanted to take things further. Elliot didn't live here alone after all.

She felt less insecure about her scars now. There were more to uncover but it would be alright. And so she moved out of Elliot's lap as elegantly as she could manage and took his hand. He grabbed it and she pulled him up. Elliot groaned a little and then they both chuckled.

"We're no spring chickens anymore, are we?" Elliot joked, but when he pulled her against his bare chest and kissed her, she felt years younger.

They held each other for a long minute and then Elliot took Olivia's hand again and led her to his bedroom. He watched her carefully when he locked the door behind them and Olivia bit her lip. He was so thoughtful, checking with her first to see if it was alright to lock them in together. It was alright. It was Elliot, after all. She would never be afraid to be alone with Elliot.

…

Making love to Olivia was better than he had ever imagined, even this late in life. Maybe they weren't as agile as they used to be. Maybe it took their bodies a little longer. But the way she trusted him, let him in both literally and figuratively like she'd said, moved him deeper than he could ever have dreamed up. It wasn't about sex. It wasn't about living out some unbridled fantasy. It was about their love, that had withstood the tests of time and hardship and decades apart.

Making love to Elliot was something she had fantasized about when they were partners, and she'd even wondered what would happen if they ran into each other again after he left, but all her fantasies paled to the real thing. Not because they were throwing each other around, pushing each other up against walls or bending each other over tables. It didn't matter that they were now too old for those things because it wasn't what they were about in the end. They were passionate in a different way. They were deeply connected, much more deeply than their bodies could ever be.

Olivia was soft and willing, overcoming her hesitation one inch at a time as he discovered her body.

Elliot was tender and loving, in awe of her, finally in his arms and in his bed. Her reaction to his touch was incredible to watch and he felt tears forming unexpectedly.

When their bodies became one at last and Olivia saw Elliot gaze up at her, she raised his arms above his head on the pillow and intertwined her fingers with his while kissing him deeply, needing as much contact with him as humanly possible.

They held on to each other like that until Olivia gasped, her forehead on the pillow next to his head, and he whispered words of love and encouragement as her body trembled on top of his. It didn't take him long to follow and she kissed his cheek while he wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her tightly as his body shook beneath her, inside her, overwhelmed by her.

Olivia relaxed then and was heavy on top of him, but he never wanted her to move. They kissed languidly and he managed to pull the sheets over them without changing their positions. They were quiet, both aware of how far they had come and of what had just changed between them forever. They were no longer just former co-workers, if they had ever been just that. They were no longer dating. They were no longer looking behind them.

They were lovers.

They were finally where they were always meant to be.

…

...

 **TBC**


	51. Spending the night

**51\. Spending the night**

Olivia was lying on her back, staring up at the ceiling. Elliot was next to her, sleeping on his right side, his left arm slung protectively - or was it possessively? - over her stomach. It didn't really matter. He could be protective as well as possessive of her. It made her feel young and desirable again. Her drive to be independent had mellowed over the years and she wasn't afraid to acknowledge anymore that she enjoyed belonging with someone.

They were both still naked. She couldn't remember the last time she'd slept naked and smiled in the dark. They had napped a little that afternoon after their first time, and when they had gotten hungry, they had gone out to get some takeout and had gone to her place. She had wanted to be alone with him a little longer, and Catherine would come home eventually. Elliot was the first man she had let stay over for as long as she'd had this apartment. And it felt right.

She turned her head to look at him. She couldn't see him clearly in the dark but it was as if she could sense him without seeing. She knew what he looked like when he was asleep. She'd seen him sleep countless times, either sitting up in a car, hanging in a chair or when they'd crash in the cribs. They had both changed in a lot of ways, but in some ways they hadn't. He was still the same man. Strong. Responsible. Dependable. Handsome. She grinned at herself. Yeah, he was still handsome at 68. It wasn't fair how men just got more attractive over time while women had to go to extreme lengths to slow down the decay for as long as possible. She had always taken good care of her skin and still dyed her hair but time had been good to her too. Elliot had told her that several times that day.

Making love to Elliot was almost indescribable. It was totally new and at the same time, they knew each other completely. Everything clicked, even when they were clumsy or cramped up and needed to change positions. She loved to laugh with him and laugh at themselves. It made her feel even closer to him. She chuckled softly, not wanting to wake Elliot just yet. It would be light soon but she wanted to enjoy the quiet for a little while longer. To process and wallow a bit in their newfound happiness.

She had wondered what would be left between them without the rush of the job. She was still adjusting to retirement even after several years, but just breathing and living in the moment was becoming a lot easier now that she and Elliot had made up at last. The biggest thing that they had left between them, was that they truly knew each other. They knew the parts of each other that nobody else knew. She had longed for someone knowing her like that. Knowing her like Elliot had. And no one else had come close. She knew she hadn't let them get closer. She had had several suitors. She thought of Ed Tucker, who she knew would have wanted to marry her. But she had freaked out at the thought of retirement at the time. She and Ed had never wanted the same things in life at the same time and in the end, she'd only hooked up with him because he was familiar; not because they fit. She had been done looking for a new man in her life and had responded to the advances of someone she'd already known. It had been doomed from the start and she regretted hurting Ed the way she had. He'd taken it well though and she appreciated that he'd kept in touch. She actually missed him a little now that he was gone.

Elliot stirred beside her and she held her breath. Was he waking up?

He moved his arm and it was as if he suddenly realized he wasn't alone. His breath hitched and she knew he was waking up.

"Hey you," she whispered and she heard Elliot breathe out.

"Hey you," Elliot whispered back.

"Fancy meeting you here," she joked and she knew he was grinning now.

"I need to use the bathroom. Old man's issues," Elliot replied unromantically and Olivia chuckled.

"Go, old man. Before you wet my bed."

Elliot huffed and hoisted himself up into a sitting position. He groaned and supported his back as he stood. Olivia could make out his naked form in the dark, because it was getting lighter outside already, and bit her lip. Even at his age, the man's butt was a vision. She turned on her side and pulled the blanket over her shoulder, knowing she'd need her own trip to the bathroom as soon as he'd return.

…

Elliot had brushed his teeth after using the bathroom and smiled when he smelled toothpaste on Olivia's breath as well when she got back into bed. He'd slept like a baby in her bed and he felt happy and light and young again. Olivia's skin had cooled off and he wrapped her up in his arms, warming her with his body. Olivia moved her right hand to his back and started drawing invisible patterns on his skin, her lips skimming the nook of his neck. On of her legs was resting between his legs and she rubbed her thigh against his. He felt his body starting to respond to her again. He couldn't remember a time where he'd gone three rounds within 24 hours and it was even more incredible that it was happening now, while they were in their sixties. But on the other hand, it made complete sense because this was Olivia. He wondered how old they would need to get to ever _not_ respond to each other. They had been gentle and tentative the first time at his place, but when they had rolled into her bed that evening, Olivia had been more confident already. He'd seen a determined passion in her eyes that had reminded him of when she'd been his partner on the job. And now, she seemed to be taking the lead, tapping into her seductive side. He wondered what would happen if he took over from her, and before he could worry about any old reflexes kicking in, he propped himself up on one elbow and rolled Olivia on her back. The early morning light was beginning to chase away the darkness in the room, but he still couldn't make out the look in her eyes when Olivia looked up at him. He moved one hand over her chest and felt her taking a few deep breaths. When he leaned in to kiss her, she wrapped a hand around his neck instantly and pulled him down. He groaned and moved a hand over her breast. Olivia moaned too and deepened the kiss while arching her back a little. Elliot moved again and felt her make room for him between her legs as he moved over her. He broke off their kiss and whispered,

"You're so amazing."

He grinned when she wrapped her arms around his neck, wiggled her hips and told him,

"Stop talking."

She didn't need to tell him twice and he leaned down to kiss her deeply again while her hands roamed his body and her movements spurred him on. He wasn't going to wonder who was really in charge. They had always been equals and they wouldn't be any different in their sex life. He closed his eyes as he let his lips travel across more of her body and the realization hit him again that he and Olivia now actually had a sex life. Sometimes he didn't know whether to laugh out loud or cry softly that he'd been blessed with this second chance after all these years. He channeled all his emotions into their lovemaking and when he looked into Olivia's eyes, he knew that she was feeling the same things as they expressed their love for each other with their bodies.

They fell asleep contently after making love and didn't wake up until hours later, still wrapped up in each others' arms.

…

Sarah felt like she was starting to adjust again. She'd been sleeping better and had had a few nights without any nightmares or disturbing dreams already. Having Jen by her side at all times was a huge help. Jen had crawled into bed with her a few times after she had woken up in a cold sweat and she knew she was blessed to have her best friend as a roommate. Jen and Tyler had really hit it off, but Jen always made sure Sarah would be okay before making time for her new boyfriend. They studied together for the classes they shared and Sarah was managing to focus on school again for the most part.

After waking up that Wednesday morning, her thoughts had drifted to Melinda's birthday party and she was actually looking forward to it. She had gotten up to go through her clothes, trying to decide what to wear to her first party after the assault. She knew there would be a lot of old people there, but she always wanted to look nice in a crowd. She looked all over for a specific colorful dress and frowned when she found it near the bottom of her laundry basket. It smelled of dirty socks.

Jen had already left, having an early class. Sarah didn't have to be in class for another few hours and so she decided to head over to her mom's place to ask her if she'd wash her dress for her. The party was in two days so there was just enough time to wash and dry the it. Her mom was an expert at washing delicate fabrics by hand. She'd told her once that it had been therapeutic for her and that washing by hand had actually helped her channel her emotions and learn how to control them again, so she wouldn't cause any damage by letting herself go at the wrong time. Sarah was always too rough and knew she'd destroy the dress if she tried it herself. She sent her mother a quick text and then stuffed the dress into a plastic bag and left the dorm.

The sun was out already and Sarah sighed once she was outside. She wanted to feel like her old self again and tried to enjoy the moment when the sun warmed her face. When an older man grinned at her, she walked a little faster. She still felt a little threatened sometimes, knowing first hand now how nice and innocent-looking men could turn out to be violent after all. Maybe she should spend some of her savings on a motorscooter so she wouldn't be dependent on public transport anymore. She pulled her long grey cardigan a little tighter around herself and forged ahead. She could do this.

When she arrived home and opened the door with her key, she was surprised not to find her mother in the living area or the kitchen.

"Mom?" she called out, and then she spotted some of her mother's clothes on the floor in front of the sofa.

She frowned and picked up a few pieces of clothing to throw them into the laundry bin in the bathroom. She grabbed what she thought was a blouse, but when she held it up, she realized it was a dress shirt. A man's dress shirt …

"Mom?!" she called out a little louder. "Are you home?"

…

"It's Sarah!"

Olivia had shot up in bed, clutching the sheet to her chest. She looked at Elliot with wide eyes and punched him in the shoulder when he just grinned triumphantly at her.

"What?" he said innocently. "It's gonna come out anyway."

"I don't want my daughter to know we … shit."

"She's gonna know Liv," Elliot said. "Better get it over with right away."

He got out of bed to find his boxer shorts and jeans, and Olivia bit her lip when she watched his muscles move. She snapped out of it when Elliot chuckled and jumped out of bed as well, to grab her robe.

Sarah called out again and she hurried to the bedroom door while tying the sash of her robe.

"I'm here honey!" she called out, just to make sure Sarah wouldn't come into her room.

She gave Elliot a warning glare before opening the door just far enough so she could slip out, and closed it behind her.

"Mom, you scared me," her daughter sighed. "Are you sick?"

Olivia swallowed when she saw that Sarah was carrying the shirt she'd pulled off of Elliot's body the night before.

She met Sarah's eyes then but Sarah was looking at something behind her, her eyebrows raised in surprise. She didn't need to look behind her to know what her daughter was looking at. Or rather, who. She should have known better than to think Elliot would let her hide him in her bedroom and she hung her head.

...

 **Uh oh … busted!**


	52. Timeless

**52\. Timeless**

"Good morning Sarah," Elliot said and Olivia knew that he was grinning proudly. The cocky bastard.

"Good morning, Mr Stabler," Sarah said, and Olivia knew her daugher was smirking without looking at her.

She felt mortified but when Elliot came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, she couldn't suppress a smile. She could sense his pride, not only of getting into her bed but also of her, and it was a little contagious. She finally looked at her daughter, who was watching them with a broad smile.

"Isn't this a lovely picture," Sarah sighed. "I'm happy for you mom."

She gave her mother a hug, forcing Elliot to let go of Olivia for the moment and Olivia closed her eyes. She didn't want her daughter to feel uncomfortable but she had to admit she felt awkward herself. Sarah had been just a little girl the last time she'd had a boyfriend so she hadn't really seen her mother with a man before, and most definitely not like this, coming out of her bedroom flustered and in a robe, with said man in tow.

"I'm happy for me, too," Elliot rumbled behind her and Sarah giggled.

She turned to Elliot and then gave him a modest hug too.

"I'm happy for you too, Mr Stabler. My mom is quite a catch."

Olivia shook her head, seeing her daughter interact so freely with Elliot, but couldn't stop smiling. She was glad that Sarah wasn't freaking out over the idea of her mother having sex. The young woman handed Elliot's shirt to him with a smirk and giggled again when Elliot pretended to be shocked, putting a hand over his heart. Olivia saw that he'd grabbed one of her oversized shirts and appreciated how his muscles strained against the tight fabric. It wasn't an oversized shirt when he wore it …

Olivia ran a hand through her hair and looked at her daughter again, wondering why she was here so early in the morning. Just when she thought the embarrassing moment had passed, her daughter suddenly heaved a sigh and threw her hands in the air, being her typical dramatic self.

"So now I am the only one in this family who is not getting laid! I'm pathetic!"

…

Sarah saw her mother and Elliot exchange a look and wondered if she'd said too much. She knew her mom was embarrassed to be caught with a man but she was genuinely happy for her and she really _was_ the only one not having sex now. And despite what had happened to her recently, she was still hoping to find the right guy to be her first. But he would have to be a sweet guy, just like her brother. And like this Mr. Stabler. She would just have to wait a little longer, she'd decided. Boys her own age were either immature or total jerks. Usually both, she thought with a grim smile.

"So, what brings you over in the middle of the week," her mother inquired, and she could tell that her mother was getting over her initial shock of being caught. Elliot had disappeared into the bedroom again with his shirt and would no doubt soon reappear fully dressed.

"It's my dress," Sarah told her mother, holding up her paper shopping bag. "I want to wear it to aunt Melinda's party. Would you wash it for me?"

"Of course," Olivia said and Sarah handed the bag to her. "I'm glad you're coming, Sarah."

Sarah smiled.

"Me too. I'm going to have to get out there eventually. And you guys will all be there with me. He's coming too, right?"

Sarah nodded in the direction of her mother's bedroom and Olivia nodded, pursing her lips.

"It's cool mom," she reassured her mother. "I'm glad you have someone. You deserve it."

"Thank you baby," her mother said, and she could tell the older woman was a little emotional.

Sarah could imagine it had taken some courage for her mother to go for a relationship this late in life. She was still a very beautiful woman, but it had to be different at their age.

"Who's up for some breakfast?" Mr. Stabler asked as he came back into the room, interrupting her thoughts.

"I could eat again," she replied.

"I'm starving actually," Olivia admitted, and Sarah grinned at her, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Oh stop it!" her mother muttered, giving her a gentle punch in the arm. "I'm going to get dressed now."

Mr. Stabler watched her leave and Sarah thought it was lovely to see the man appreciate her mother so much. It was true love and in the end, that was what she wanted too.

…

Elliot thought Olivia had never looked more stunning than tonight, wearing a deep brown gown that spilled all the way down to her ankles. It accentuated her curves just right and made her look classy. They were all dressed up and ready to go to Melinda Warner's party. Sarah and Noah were anxious to meet aunt Melinda's new boyfriend and Elliot had to admit he was getting curious too. He'd always had a special love-annoyance relationship with Melinda and hadn't seen her in ages.

"Is Barba going to be there too?" Noah asked his mother.

"Of course he is. He never misses a party," Olivia said with a wide smile.

He loved her smile and she smiled much more often now than he remembered. He knew it wasn't just because of him, but he liked to think he had at least something to do with it. She had overcome her initial embarrassment, and after both Noah and Catherine had congratulated them warmly that they were now officially 'together', she had relaxed into the new family dynamic.

Her kids would never call him dad and he was fine with that. Olivia would always be Liv to his kids as well. They had all grown so much and although he still wished he hadn't wasted so much time before finding Olivia again, he knew that the time was right for them now. And the best part was, he was spending most nights at her place now. He suspected that Noah and Catherine were taking advantage of that particular development in their own way but it was fine with him. He couldn't have wished for a better grandson-in-law and he trusted Noah not to hurt his little Cathy.

"Everyone ready to go?" Sarah asked.

The young woman looked radiant in her colorful dress and with her long dark locks pinned up loosely. Noah and Catherine both stood next to her and each looped an arm through one of Sarah's.

"We are," they both said and he felt Olivia's arm wrap around his waist.

He looked at her as she was looking at the children, a little teary-eyed. They all looked out for each other, and Olivia was clearly moved. She had done an amazing job raising her children on her own. He put his arm around her shoulders and they all walked out of Olivia's apartment together.

…

Laughter filled the room, which was already buzzing with people, when Melinda and Elliot saw each other for the first time in many years. Olivia stood back and enjoyed their playful banter. After they had gone back and forth a few times, Melinda introduced the man standing next to her.

"Everyone, this is my dear friend John Thompson. John, this is my dear friend Olivia, whom I have told you about. Her children, Sarah and Noah. Her partner, Elliot and his granddaughter. Catherine, isn't it?"

Catherine nodded, smiling, and shook hands with the elderly couple.

"Very pleased to meet you and happy birthday," she said politely.

After all the necessary pleasantries had been exchanged and gifts had been handed over, Noah dashed off, dragging Catherine along with him, because he had spotted Rafael Barba and his Kayla. He wanted to introduce Catherine to his old friend and mentor. Elliot and John had struck up a conversation about basketball, although John assured him that to his knowledge, he wasn't related to the well-known coach by the same name. Olivia stayed close to her daughter, who was excited to be at the party but a little jittery at the same time.

"Let's see who else are here, shall we?" she asked her daughter while offering her arm.

Sarah smiled warmly at her and looped her arm through hers.

They toured the room together, greeting familiar and less familiar faces. Ruben Morales was there with his husband. They had two adopted daughters who were living their own lives by now. Ruben was thrilled to see Olivia again and couldn't believe he was looking at the same Sarah he'd seen last when she was only nine years old. He was even more surprised when he spotted Elliot and Sarah giggled.

"Yeah. That's mom's new beau. Lucky guy."

"Oh no," Rubed said solemnly. "Elliot is the lucky one. I can't believe you took him back, girl!"

Olivia smiled and shrugged.

"Why stay alone out of some sense of wounded pride when you can be happy together?"

"Wise words, my friend. Wise words," Ruben agreed.

They continued their tour of the room until they ran into Peter, Melinda's youngest grandson.

"Peter, look at you!" Olivia said, giving him a hug.

The young man grinned and straightened up so he seemed even taller. He looked at Sarah then and asked Olivia,

"And who is this? Your younger sister?"

…

Sarah rolled her eyes. Of all the cheesy lines … But when Peter laughed, she couldn't stop staring at him. There was something joyous about him that was completely disarming.

"I'm just kidding you," he admitted rather superfluously. "I'm Peter."

"Sarah."

They shook hands and Sarah saw her mother retreat in the corner of her eye. She turned towards her but Olivia mouthed at her that she'd be right there. Sarah nodded and took a deep breath. She could do this. She wasn't alone here. Peter wasn't some stranger. Her mom was friends with his grandma. Peter offered to get her a drink and find some more young people, and she followed him to the drinks tables.

…

"They're getting along nicely, aren't they?" Melinda asked Olivia, pointing her wine glass at the group of young people on the modest dance floor. Catherine, Sarah, Noah and Peter were dancing with several other people of different ages, and were laughing having fun.

"Yeah. Looks like it. I think Sarah likes Peter."

Melinda nodded.

"I'm sure he likes her too. I've never seen him dance before."

"Well, he's got the moves," Elliot chimed in from behind Olivia.

He had moved behind her and Olivia leaned her back against his chest. Melinda gave her a warm smile and Olivia grinned back at her.

"Speaking of which," Melinda said, turning towards her own man. "John, you promised me a dance tonight."

John muttered something about the song being too upbeat for his old bones, and Melinda strode straight to the DJ who was playing CD's for them. And sure enough, after the upbeat song ended, a slower song started and the dynamic on the small dance floor changed. Olivia kept an eye on Sarah. Peter smiled at her daughter and then made a little bow. Catherine and Noah were already in each others' arms and swaying to the music but Peter hadn't touched Sarah with a single finger yet. Sarah smiled up at the tall young man then, and held out her hand. He took it and kissed it before pulling her closer to him. Holding her hand, he put his other hand on her waist and Sarah placed her free hand on his shoulder. It was like a scene from an old movie but Olivia knew that this was the exact approach her daughter needed right now. Peter was completely respectful of her.

She felt Elliot's arms wrap around her from behind and she tilted her head when he kissed her neck softly.

"You wanna dance too, baby?"

"Hmmm. I'd love to."

They saw Barba dancing with his Kayla and John turned out to be quite the slow dancer, whirling his new love around like a professional ballroom dancer. When Elliot and Olivia passed Sarah and Peter again, they were dancing closer than before and Sarah's eyes were shining like they used to before the incident with Dave. Olivia knew that her trauma wouldn't melt away overnight, but she did know that experiences like this would definitely help her heal and start to trust people again. Sarah wouldn't take as long as she had to trust again. She had her whole life ahead of her.

Olivia looked up at her own dance partner, who was now her partner in a completely new way. She had finally started to trust again as well. She had lived an entire life without Elliot, and it had been a good life for the most part. Getting him back after all felt like coming full circle. They had never forgotten each other and never stopped loving each other. And now they were old enough to let go of the past and enjoy the time they were given together. They didn't know how much time they had left, and so they had decided to live life to the fullest from now on. Without looking back. Without regrets. With each other and with their families. They were living proof that true love is truly Timeless.

…

...

 **Only an epilogue left after this chapter! Maybe two … Please review.**


	53. Traveling the world

**Dear readers. I never really know how many words it's going to take to finish a chapter. This one? Everything I still have to say about this story will never fit into one chapter so I decided to keep this one short and sweet so the next one will be the last one (I think...). So the good news is, this isn't the end yet! Enjoy.**

...

 **53\. Traveling the world**

Olivia closed her eyes and let the warm sun caress her skin in the soft breeze coming off the ocean. Seagulls were making their presence known in the distance but other than that, all she could hear was the gentle lapping of the waves against the bow of the boat.

Elliot had just thrown out the anchor of the yacht they had rented and that had been there home for almost a week, and had told her was going to make them some coffee. Olivia was leaning against the railing of the boat wearing a light summer dress, and opened her eyes to admire the Amalfi coast. Italy was rapidly becoming her favorite holiday destination. They'd seen a few other countries around the Mediterranean, but the landscape of the Italian coast was truly breathtaking.

New York seemed very far away. She grinned. It _was_ very far away. She missed her children a little bit, but was enjoying their time in Europe thoroughly. It had taken them a few weeks to agree on their travel plans and book everything, but now that they were here, she loved being away with Elliot. They were getting to know each other in a completely new way, that seemed to complement the way they'd known each other all those years ago.

Elliot came back up on deck carrying a tray with their coffee and two portions of Tiramisu. Olivia had fallen in love with the dessert and they had stocked their small fridge with several boxes of the sweet Italian specialty. Her eyes drifted from the sweet treat to the man carrying it. He was a treat himself, dressed in just his colorful swim trunks, which were hanging low on his hips.

"Hmmm, that looks delicious," Olivia said, walking up to Elliot towards the small love seat on the lower deck behind the cabin, where they could sit in the shade underneath the extended roof of the cabin.

"You're not so bad yourself," Elliot said with a wide grin and they both chuckled.

When they sat down, Elliot leaned over and gave her a soft peck on the lips. Olivia smiled and caressed his cheek with one hand. Elliot kissed her again and she grinned.

"Are we going to drink that coffee or did you have other plans?" she asked him playfully.

"I might have other plans with you," Elliot said, wiggling his eyebrows. "But let's have some coffee first."

"And Tiramisu."

"And Tiramisu," he confirmed. "We have to keep our strength up after all."

…

"So. What do you want to do next?" Olivia asked.

Elliot eyed her for a moment. She was a vision in her light sundress, that contrasted beautifully with her tanned skin. She'd pinned her hair up loosely and was wearing simple flipflops, and he thought she looked more beautiful every day. He loved seeing her this relaxed and content and he hoped to spend many more years with her just like this, enjoying their retirement and traveling the world. He pretended to think about her question, already knowing exactly what he wanted to do next, and then replied.

"I thought we could go for a swim to work up an appetite, then shower together," he said wiggling his eyebrows again, "and then take the rubber boat to the coast and have dinner there."

"Sounds like a plan," Olivia said with a smile. "But do we really need to shower?"

Elliot's face fell and Olivia burst out laughing.

"Smartass," Elliot muttered, but when Olivia moved close to him and kissed his neck tenderly, all was forgiven.

They enjoyed their coffee and Tiramisu and then Elliot insisted on helping Olivia put her bathing suit on. She allowed him to come into the only bedroom on the yacht and help her pull her dress up and over her head, but once he started kissing her skin she tried to get away from him so she could put on her suit. Elliot grabbed her around her waist and deposited her on their bed. She didn't try to escape anymore and lay there in her white underwear, looking up at him expectantly.

"What now?" he asked her innocently. "Where's your suit?"

Olivia grinned and then made a 'come-hither' gesture with her index finger.

"My underwear needs to come off too," she explained and Elliot needed no further encouragement to join her on the bed to help her take off her underwear. Somehow, his swim trunks ended up on the floor as well and all thoughts of swimming were forgotten as they made love slowly to the rhythm of the waves.

…

Dinner had been exquisite and Olivia wasn't sure if she had room left for dessert this time. Elliot asked if she would let him choose something. That was new. The old Elliot she'd known and had worked with for so long, wouldn't have asked. He simply would have done it and convinced her afterwards to try whatever he'd chosen. But things were really different now. _They_ were different. They had grown separately and were now growing together. Olivia nodded and smiled at Elliot, who stood up and dashed off to discuss something with their waiter. When he returned, he seemed a little nervous and Olivia wondered how special the dessert could be that he'd ordered. She was surprised when their waiter returned a few minutes later with a tray with two glasses of Champagne on it. Elliot took both glasses and set them down on their table, thanking the waiter, who left them alone at once.

"What are we celebrating?" Olivia asked, but Elliot didn't answer her.

Instead, he stood up again, and before Olivia realized what was happening he dropped down on one knee next to her chair.

"I hope," he started, his voice a little raspy all of a sudden, "that we will be celebrating something very special tonight Liv."

Olivia's mouth fell open and her heart started beating faster. What was this? Could it be?

Elliot pulled something from the pocket of his dress pants and looked into her wide eyes. He put a hand on her thigh, palm up, and Olivia instinctively put her own hand in his. Elliot curled his fingers around hers and then continued,

"Olivia, we've known each other for more than 37 years and for a long time I never thought we'd ever get here. But here we are, together again, and this time, I'm not letting you go ever again. And that's why I want to ask you ... "

Elliot took a deep breath and Olivia's lips quivered. This was really happening and she hadn't known it would mean so much to her until now.

"Will you please do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

Olivia's free hand flew to her mouth and while she couldn't speak for a few moments, she found herself nodding already. Of course she wanted to be his wife! Tears welled up in her eyes and choking up, she forced her answer out of her throat.

"Yes."

"Yes?"

Elliot's eyes shone and were a little moist as well as he looked up to her.

"Yes," she answered a little more clearly.

She stood up then, pulling Elliot up with her by his hand and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Yes, I will be your wife," she whispered against the skin of his cheek and Elliot wrapped his arms tightly around her.

They heard the guests seated at the tables near them applaud and a few cheered for them. They broke apart and Olivia glanced around but Elliot shrugged, making her laugh out loud. He was right. Who cared about an audience? This was their moment. Elliot leaned in to kiss her and she kissed him back convincingly, sealing the deal. Their audience applauded again and the both had a silly grin on their faces when they broke apart again.

Elliot held out the black box he'd been clutching. He had totally forgotten to open it for her, and when he did, Olivia teared up once more. The ring was perfect, a simple silver band with two small diamonds, set closely together in tiny silver leaves, as if the diamonds were the hearts of two little flowers.

"El. It's beautiful," she sighed.

"Look inside," Elliot whispered.

She looked up at him, then sighed and turned away to grab her purse. She was lost without her glasses.

"Blind as a bat," she joked and Elliot chuckled.

Once she'd put her glasses on, she inspected the inscription underneath the two diamonds.

"P four L," she read.

It took her a second to realize what it meant and once it hit her, she wanted to cry.

"Partners for life," Elliot said, his voice thick with emotion. "For as long as we both shall live."

They had something to celebrate indeed.

…

"I don't want to leave," Olivia whispered.

They were cuddled up together in bed on their motor yacht, enjoying the sway of the boat on the water and each other's company.

"We have to. They're expecting us," Elliot said, although he felt the same.

They were engaged! He wanted to savor it. Stay in Italy and not return home just yet for his son-in-law's fiftieth birthday. he wanted it to be their little secret for a while. Olivia hadn't even told Sarah when she'd called her tonight. They were living in a bubble of their own for now and he caught Olivia admiring her ring again in the moonlight.

"How does it feel, Mrs. Stabler?" he asked her softly, his lips skimming her ear.

"Mrs. Stabler?" she asked, and for a moment he thought her surprise was genuine.

"Yeah. Or … don't you want to take my name?"

"Oh honey, that's so twentieth century," she teased but he could tell she was joking.

Still, he wasn't sure how she would feel about giving up the only name she'd ever had.

"I've thought about it," Olivia revealed, turning the ring around on her finger.

"And?" he asked her, hopefully.

Olivia turned on her side and kissed his cheek.

"I think I've been Captain Benson long enough. It's time to leave that life behind me. I think it's time for me to be Mrs. Elliot Stabler at last."

Elliot swallowed hard and then turned on his side as well to face his fiancée.

"I love you, Olivia Stabler."

"I love you, Elliot Stabler."

He kissed her and realized, just when he thought he couldn't love her more, that he could. Olivia was his at last. All his. His fiancée and soon to be his wife, Mrs. Stabler.

…

 **All together now: Aaaaw.**


	54. Family

**All the remaining little storylines coming full circle as we come to the end of this interesting look into the future. Thank you for reading this story all the way to the end!**

...

 **54\. Family**

Everyone was going to be there and Olivia was a little nervous. She wasn't insecure but it would be strange to see the entire Stabler family again after all these years. She and Elliot weren't the only ones who had gotten older and the children she had known as kids, teens and young adults, now had children of that age themselves.

Elliot was always gushing about his youngest granddaughter Lily Rose and Olivia had seen her once so far, on screen when Elliot had been video chatting with Kathleen. She knew Kathleen would be her ambassador. Elliot's middle daughter had been ecstatic to learn that her dad was finally with Olivia. Olivia wasn't really worried about how the rest of Elliot's family would react though. She was a little too old to worry about what other people would think of her. She hadn't pursued their father and grandfather during their partnership, and she hadn't exactly gone after him right after his divorce either. Enough time had gone by not to have to worry about these things anymore.

The only one she'd wondered about a few times, was Richard. Of all the children, Richard had been the most wary of her. He'd all but accused her of sleeping with his father, and even if it had been a very long time ago, she couldn't help wondering if he still felt that way about her.

Catherine's father was turning 50 and it would be the first time for Noah to meet her parents and younger brother. They had all come over from Germany for the summer, and it would be the first time in years that the entire family would be together.

"You look fine honey," Catherine assured her boyfriend once more, straightening his tie, and Olivia smiled at Elliot.

It had been ages since they had worried about their appearance like that, but they remembered. The four of them were ready to head out and Elliot grabbed Olivia's hand when they headed out to his car for the short drive to the restaurant where Matthew Taylor was celebrating his birthday.

…

Catherine's parents were so nice. Noah had been a little jittery but he knew now there had been no need. Even after all these years, the mere fact that he was Olivia Benson's son had given him all the credit he'd ever need in this family. Even Catherine's grandmother had given him a very warm welcome, telling him that they all went way back and that they considered both him and his mother family already. He scanned the room for his mother and when they caught each other's eye, she smiled and waved at him.

His mother was a legend. He'd always been proud of her but the way these people spoke of her only added to his pride. Catherine stood next to him and squeezed his hand, her bright eyes sparkling.

"Isn't this great?" she asked him excitedly. "Everybody's here."

She was proudly introducing Noah to everyone and much to her surprise, even her younger brother Alan seemed to take a liking to her boyfriend immediately. She saw her mother give Noah's mother a hug and had to swallow a lump in her throat. Noah's family had been so small compared to her own but they were now merging together so naturally that it moved her. She was certain now, that it was all simply meant to be.

...

Elliot was so proud of her. He watched Olivia greet his family, one by one. His kids were all so happy to see her and were proudly introducing their spouses and children to her. Olivia joked that she'd never be able to remember all their names. Truth was, they had been practicing and she was actually remembering them all just fine. Kathy walked up to him and looped an arm through his.

"Congratulations Elliot," she said warmly. "It was about time you found someone."

"Thanks Kath," he said, smiling at the mother of his children. "I'm just grateful she allowed me back into her life."

"Yeah, she didn't have to do that," Kathy acknowledged. "She's always had a big heart."

"It took those kids over there to drag me back to her," he said, nodding at Catherine and Noah, who were talking to a few of their other grandchildren.

"You would have found each other again without them," Kathy said, and she seemed very sure about it.

"You think so?"

"Definitely. It just may have taken another ten years and wouldn't that have been a waste of time?"

They both chuckled then and while he didn't think it would have taken him ten more years, he knew Kathy was right. He would have found the courage to talk to Olivia eventually. The kids had just given him a much needed kick in the ass, and the rest was history now.

...

Olivia's eyes widened, like they had done several times already that afternoon, when she saw Richard walking up to her, hand in hand with a beautiful dark-haired woman. While his face was distinctively different, everything else about him oozed _Elliot_. The way he walked, his posture, definitely not the slender boy she had known anymore, and his blazing blue eyes. Even the vein near his temple, that betrayed some tension despite the smile on his face when he extended his hand to greet her.

"Richard," she sighed simply.

"Olivia Benson, it's really you," Richard replied.

They shook hands, Richard holding her hand with both of his and shaking it firmly.

"So the Benson clan has come to join the Stabler clan at last," he said jokingly and Olivia laughed out loud.

"There's just two of us here against dozens of you, so I'd say we're simply being swallowed whole by the Stabler clan," she said, grinning.

"True, true," Richard conceded. "There are a lot more of us than the last time we spoke. On that note, my offspring is running around here somewhere but right now, I'd like you to meet my wife, Anna. Or maybe I should say, this beautiful woman here is _my_ Olivia."

Olivia raised an eyebrow and looked at the younger woman while shaking her hand. Anna smiled and seemed to know exactly what her husband meant. Was Richard referring to their appearance? They both had dark hair and brown eyes, but Anna's skin was much darker than hers, and the young woman wasn't nearly as tall as Olivia. It soon became clear that Richard was referring to something else.

"As you may know, Anna is my second wife. Maybe dad told you? Anyway, I talked to dad about my struggles in my first marriage, and he helped me to see that sometimes we need to let go of an imperfect situation, so we will be able to get it right next time. He should have done that much sooner himself, but he stayed because of us kids. He actually helped me to make the right choice at the right time. After my divorce I met Anna and I just knew she was the one. Just like you're the one for dad."

Richard's words moved Olivia deeply. That he would compare his happy second marriage to her and Elliot went far beyond the acceptance she had hoped for from the young man. There was no resentment at all, no blame for the demise of his parents' marriage like there had been when he was a teenager. For once, she was speechless and tears sprang in her eyes. She forced a smile and Richard rubbed her upper arm gently with his hand, sensing her emotions.

"Everything alright here?" Olivia heard Elliot asking as he stood next to her.

She looked up at him and his eyes scanned hers, needing to know she was alright.

"Yeah dad, everything is alright here," Richard told him. "I'm just glad you finally got it right as well. Congratulations."

Olivia saw Elliot's face light up when he realized what Richard was referring to. He pulled his son in his arms and gave him a crushing hug. Richard laughed and then wrapped his arms around his father's waist to lift him up from the ground.

"Careful with your old man," Elliot huffed, but he was grinning widely.

Once he and Richard had broken apart, they each wrapped an arm around the woman they loved and Richard nodded.

"Yep," he said, looking at Olivia and then Anna. "We all got it right this time."

...

…

 **EPILOGUE - 5 YEARS LATER**

…

"What time will they be here again Liv?" Elliot asked his wife, who was sitting on the sofa in Noah and Catherine's apartment, cradling her first grandchild in her arms.

"Do we really have to go?" Olivia asked him, not taking her eyes off of the little boy in her arms for one second.

"You've been looking forward to seeing this show for weeks."

"I know but ... just look at that little nose and those little lips."

Elliot sat down next to his wife on the sofa and draped one arm behind her on the headrest of the sofa while leaning closer to her to admire his sleeping great-grandson. He really was the most beautiful baby he'd ever seen, just like all his children and grandchildren had been. Every new baby was the most beautiful baby in the world.

He had to remind himself that this was Olivia's first grandchild, while he already had ten of them. An eleventh on the way, now that Eli's former partner, now girlfriend, was also pregnant.

And little Matthew Benson _was_ perfect. They had been babysitting for a few hours for Catherine and Noah, who were away on a well-deserved weekend after the first exhausting months after becoming the proud parents of little Matthew. Sarah and Peter were going to come and take over from them soon, so they could go and see a Broadway show with Rafael and Kayla to celebrate the Barbas' first wedding anniversary.

Seeing Olivia with the baby was making his heart flutter and he knew why it was so hard for her to tear herself away from her grandson. He was so happy for her that she was so happy to be a grandmother at last. It may have taken her longer than most, but in the end, she had gotten everything she had dreamed of after all. And she deserved it.

A soft knock on the door announced Sarah and Peter's arrival and Elliot hoisted himself up from the sofa to open the door for the couple.

After meeting at Melinda's birthday party, it had taken Sarah some time to open up to Peter, but that hadn't deterred the young man. After several dates spread out over a few months, Sarah had announced that she was officially in love and the two had been inseparable since. Peter was a DJ on weekends and with him looking out for her, she had started going out to parties again. On the outside, it was as if nothing had happened to her, and that was the way she wanted it to be. She was still the same person and she was going to live her own life, with the help of Peter, Jen and her family.

Sarah and Peter had been living together for two years now, and judging by the looks on their faces when they sank down on the sofa next to Olivia to admire Matthew, Elliot wondered how long it would be before Olivia would be able to hold her second grandchild in her arms.

After Olivia had finally handed the baby off to her daughter, she stood up and smiled at him.

"I'm just going to freshen up and then we'll go," she told him and he nodded.

He watched her walk away and took a deep breath. She still took his breath away after all this time and while he was looking forward to their evening with the Barbas, he was already looking forward to being alone with her afterwards. He had finally found a home for his soul and he was at peace when he was alone with her. They were getting old, there was no denying that. But there was no one else he wanted to grow old with but her. She was more than family to him. She was half of him and without her he hadn't been whole.

When she came back and they had said goodbye to the younger couple, Olivia slipped her hand into his and squeezed it. They walked to the elevator and after stepping in, Olivia chuckled.

"What?" Elliot asked, looking at her.

Olivia bit her lip and looked up at him through her eyelashes. She seemed years younger that way. She squeezed his hand again and told him, just as the elevator doors started to close,

"I'd still give you a kidney."

Remembering, Elliot turned to face her and cupped her face with his hands. Olivia wrapped her arms around his waist and smiled when he mumbled against her lips before kissing her,

"Not if I gave you mine first."

...

 **The End.**


End file.
